At last, we see the Queen Bees of Beverly Hills; they’re squabbling in a Moroccan restaurant, and in front of nubile young belly dancers. The nerve! And it’s all about Adrienne and Paul’s lawsuit against Brandi about that thing-which-she-said-that-we-still-don’t-technically-know (but we do kind of know).
After Brandi vs. Mauricio round one comes to an end with a knock-out “shut the eff up” uttered by Brandi, Kyle attempts to cover an awkward silence with an apology on behalf of her neanderthal husband.
Everyone in the room continues to argue about Brandi as she excuses herself to the ladies room. Is it just me or is this how Brandi ends every dinner party she goes to on this show? Yolanda, a good person to help neutralize Brandi since she doesn’t necessarily have a horse in the race, and Lisa go in after her to comfort her and basically tell her to keep it together.
Back at the Moroccan party from hell, Kim murmurs something about how being a single mom has taught her to keep her mouth shut so she doesn’t put her kids’ welfare in jeopardy. What? And Taylor is busy trying to turn all of the attention in the room back to her by tactlessly talking about all her messy baggage. Taylor’s really become the kind of train wreck that you actually do want to look away from. And on The Real Housewives, especially, unappealing train wrecks are pretty rare.
Before she makes her exit from the party, Mauricio doles out the most insincere non-apology to Brandi. He tries to tell her that his evaluation of her situation is nothing personal against her. She rightfully sees through his BS, but politely acknowledges him anyway.
Hey, remember Adrienne and Paul are on this show? Yeah, I’d forgotten, too. Anyway, the Maloofs show up at Kyle and Mauricio’s after having spent some time far away from, according to Adrienne, “Brandi’s toxicity.” Paul regrets having lost it at Mauricio’s event, and while Adrienne is still pretty PO’d, she says she is willing to move on from the incident if Brandi is. Hmmm.
I’ll believe that when I see it. Kyle laments being caught in the middle, a place where she conveniently seems to find herself lodged in season after season after claiming she doesn’t want to be a part of the drama.
Oh, no. It’s time for another psychic scene. Haven’t we already filled our psychic-quota for one Housewives season? Basically, Kim thinks her house is haunted and her psychic tells her that those are the spirits of her future grandchildren. Then she tells Kim that her living room is a portal to another dimension. And Kim eats it up! Psychics, everyone!
Yolanda goes over to one of the estates her ex-husband, and former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills guest star, Mohammed owns to do some decorating. Not only is she the perfect wife, but she is also the perfect ex-wife, didn’t ya know? Anyway, she talks about the importance of being a family unit and learning English if you are an immigrant. It’s all quite thrilling.
Brandi meets Marisa, her husband, Dean, and her brother, Paul, for dinner. Marisa is pretty rude to her husband. It’s clear that she’s not that into him, which is weird, because that’s her husband. Brandi segues into the awkward trying-to-sound-organic girls trip invitation to Las Vegas. Marisa agrees just to get rid of her bore of a husband. (Fun fact: he’s actually really good looking and probably loaded.)
The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick makes another unfortunate cameo to help Kyle buy mannequins for her Beverly Hills boutique. Faye says you’re either born with style or you’re not. So I guess Faye was born with that stylish cat face?
All the ladies, minus an MIA Kim, meet at a Danny Maltzman art show. Yolanda appreciates fine art because she’s a decorator. She was born with style, a one Faye Resnick might say.
At the show, Brandi invites the rest of the women to Vegas. Marisa continues being cold toward her husband. Mauricio offers Ken a peace offering (without an apology, though) of an expensive bottle of gin. Ken is not buying it and Lisa pretty much brushes off Mauricio completely. You do not mess with the Vanderpumps’ girl!
Then Paris Hilton — she’s Kyle’s niece, haven’t you heard? — shows up because she heard there would be cameras and probably cocaine. What’s even worse about her actual appearance is the octave raise in Kyle’s voice as she tries to pretend that she’s, like, 20 years younger. I didn’t think there was anything Kyle could do to make me like her less, but here she is outdoing herself once again.
Well, after a somewhat lackluster episode, I must say, I am looking forward to the ladies doing a little pole dancing in Las Vegas next weekend.
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(Image courtesy of Bravo)