In this episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, “Rocky Boat Horror Story,” Kenya throws a party to cheer Cynthia up, but things take an ugly turn after a few shots and a minor misunderstanding. And Kim opens up to Phaedra.
Since Sheree and Kenya made up after their blow-up at Cynthia’s launch party, Kenya now feels fine with showing up at Chateau Sheree completely unannounced. You know Kenya isn’t going over to be neighborly; girlfriend is just dying to get a peek inside.
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Sheree is sweeping off the front porch and isn’t too eager to let Kenya inside. Since the front door is locked, Kenya takes off around back, where she’s impressed at the sheer massiveness of Sheree’s dream home. It is pretty spectacular with tons of windows. Too bad it doesn’t have floors.
Kenya’s real reason for the drop-by is to invite Sheree to a little get-together Kenya’s having on a boat on Lake Lanier. Kenya’s throwing a party for Cynthia as a consolation prize for having a healthy marriage and a faithful husband.
Sheree still believes Kenya is batshit crazy, but she figures that if Kenya can be such a good friend to Cynthia, maybe there’s hope for the former beauty queen after all.
Last time, Porsha and Phaedra got colonics; in this episode, they’ve decided to go lingerie shopping. Porsha’s relationship with Duke is showing a little strain with him off at training camp, so she picks up some appropriately slutty attire to add a little something-something to their video chats.
Phaedra may be a minister’s daughter, but we all know she’s also in touch with her freaky side. According to Porsha, Phaedra must be in touch with several aspects of herself these days, since Apollo’s been away for almost a year. A woman’s got needs, girl.
Porsha settles on a mini-plaid skirt, very Catholic school girl, along with a bedazzled bra. Phaedra doesn’t think Porsha should be making herself quite so available to Duke, but she keeps her thoughts on the matter to herself.
Stand By Your Man
Cynthia and Peter may have decided to give their marriage another go, but Cynthia is as full of gloom and doom as ever. Peter’s back in Charlotte, and she’s flying solo.
Cynthia pays a visit to Kandi, who is taking the doctor’s advice and trying to take it easy. Like Cynthia, Kandi struggles with fibroids, which can cause problems during a pregnancy. And even though Kandi is very much about this pregnancy, she’s also very much about making the Benjamins and keeping her empire afloat.
Kandi shares with Cynthia her and Todd’s plans to open a restaurant, and Cynthia warns her friend about how big a commitment it will be. Kandi’s not big on the timing, but Todd is, and Kandi wants to be supportive.
This topic offers a nice segue into Cynthia and Peter’s marital woes. Cynthia lets Kandi know that the marriage is going on fumes, and even though Cynthia told Peter she’d give it a shot, she seems resigned that the whole union is doomed to fail.
Kandi is a bit surprised to hear that things are as bad as they are between the Baileys, and while she understands not wanting to put up with drama, Kandi warns Cynthia that she doesn’t want to wind up as an old, lonely maid. Kandi, have you looked at Cynthia? The woman won’t be spending too many nights sitting by the phone. And that’s kind of crappy advice anyway. Stay in a crappy marriage or face dying alone. Those are our only options as women over 40?
Will the Real Kimmy Please Stand Up?
After meeting at Kenya’s party, Phaedra sets up a play date between herself and Kim Fields. Oh, and their kids too. Let’s face it, Kim’s a bit of a tight ass. I’m not sure exactly what it’s going to take to loosen her up, but my guess is a crowbar may be involved.
Kim isn’t a girls’ girl. Her whole life is her kids, her man and her work. Phaedra points out how important it is to carve out “me time,” especially when you’re a working wife and mother. Kim breaks down, probably because she realized how boring she is. Kim admits to Phaedra that she’s lost a bit (or all) of herself. Good thing the other women are around to help Tootie get her groove back.
The ladies gather together for Kenya’s little party. One afternoon has worked wonders for Kim because she really opens up to Kandi on the way to the lake. Kim is very interested in Kandi’s sex toy products, and we learn pretty quickly that “Kimmy” doesn’t care for panties, and she gets very, very loud during sex. Thank god, there might be some hope for this one yet.
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The Real Ex-Housewives
Once Porsha boards the party bus, the conversation turns to Cynthia and Peter. Kandi reveals that Cynthia is tossing around the “D” word, and Porsha, who usually doesn’t bring much to the table, has some pretty good advice when it comes to marriage. If there’s even the slightest bit of hope with a marriage, work that shit out because divorce is something she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. If Cynthia and Peter need to get their asses in the car and make that two-hour commute back and forth to Charlotte, then do it.
In another car, Cynthia and Kenya have very different opinions. Cynthia doesn’t view being married as an accomplishment, and if you let your marriage define you, what happens when things don’t work out? Kenya would rather never tie the knot than do it and wind up divorced a few years later.
The two factions finally gather, and you can tell stormy seas lie ahead. For one, it’s a booze cruise. Enough said. Secondly, Porsha has brought Shamea, who threw some serious shade Kenya’s way during her hair experience ridiculousness.
Always the gracious hostess, Kenya makes it known loud and clear that Shamea was not invited. Porsha glides over this slight, stating that Phaedra’s home with a sick baby, so Shamea can just take Miss Park’s place.
As Cynthia puts it, things get off to a “prickly” start. Kenya throws some shade at Kim, calling the 46-year-old out for being 50. That’s not just shade, that’s a damn umbrella.
Kenya makes a little speech, during which she designates herself as one of Cynthia’s best friends. This comes as news to Kandi, who had no idea the two had grown so tight. Kandi’s a bit bitchy, but I’m going to say it’s the pregnancy hormones.
Also contributing to the tension is a woman named Tammy. Tammy is friends with Cynthia, but she also happens to be good friends with Sheree’s ex, Bob. Tammy told Kenya and Cynthia that she wouldn’t call Sheree a gold-digger, but there’s no way she would have married Bob if he hadn’t played for the Falcons. Mmmmmm, hmmmmmm.
Tammy turns out to be a bit of a creeper. She just meant Kandi, and she starts talking about how her son is an aspiring rap artist, and Kandi needs to get him into the studio. Kandi makes it clear that her plate is kind of full. But as if trying to hit Kandi up for a favor the first time they meet isn’t bad enough, when asked about her husband, Tammy says he’s white and equivocates him to a Nazi. It’s about that time the ladies scatter to the far end of the boat, away from Tammy.
The alcohol starts flowing, and that leads to problems. Kenya is still holding a grudge against Shamea for her behavior at the hair care launch party. All Shamea did was point out that the product bottles were full of water, but that’s apparently enough to get on Kenya’s bad side until the end of time.
When Shamea fails to kiss Kenya’s feet and beg for forgiveness, Kenya decides it’s time for Shamea to go. Cynthia decides to play peacemaker but gets sidetracked when Porsha playfully calls her a bitch. Things go from a 2 to a 10 real quick.
Porsha isn’t about to apologize and Kim drags Cynthia away, with the model prattling on about Porsha being a “dumb ass.”
Porsha, with some prodding from Sheree and Kenya, decides to try and make things right. There’s no convincing Cynthia that Porsha was using ‘bitch’ as a term of endearment; soon, fingers are wagging in faces, and the next thing we know, somebody gets bitch slapped.
We’ll have to wait until next time to see how it all plays out and what I’m sure will be the season-long aftermath.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sundays at 8pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)