The ladies are back from paradise and have returned to reality. And nobody needs a taste of reality more than Kenya right now. Kenya and NeNe sit down for lunch to rehash the trip. NeNe gets real and I just love her to pieces for it. She tries to get Kenya to see how her expectations of Walter while on the trip were pushed to an unfair and unrealistic level. Even though from what I’ve seen, the man is misleading, especially since he knows he’s dealing with a woman that wants to get married and have one million babies, like, yesterday.
Yams and Babies
Over to Porsha’s where Cynthia and Kandi are over for some pie and champagne. Porsha talks about her baby-making goals and her hope for twins. Here’s where it gets awesome. Porsha apparently googled ‘twins’ or ‘how to make twins’ or maybe something more hilarious, and she stumbled upon an article about a village in Africa where 80% of the women gave birth to twins after sticking to a diet that consisted mostly of yams. Somebody over at Google deserves a high-five for that one. Kandi immediately points out that since it was just a small village, wouldn’t that mean that the twins would come from genetics? Not yams? Porsha seems confused. Let’s move on…
Donkey Booty Brainstorm
I didn’t pick three random words and put them together just now. That’s actually the name of Phaedra’s workout. She and Apollo meet with Kenya to get her production expertise on making the video. Kenya is all business and knows her stuff. After seeing her as kind of a desperate mess in Anguilla, it’s nice to see her confident, professional side. Phaedra wants it to be a 30-minute “light” workout that focuses on — you guessed it — toning the caboose. Apollo’s not into it. As a trainer, he sees a 30-minute workout as a waste of time that will not create physical results. Back to the drawing board for them.
Strippers and Blogs
Peter and Cynthia are in the grocery store when Peter gets an alert on his phone from FreddyO.com. The post is about marital trouble between Phaedra and Apollo. The post also claims that the two are headed for divorce. Cynthia mentions Apollo’s reputation of being a regular at the local strip clubs. Peter practically talks himself into a corner when he tells Cynthia how recently he was at the strip club (two days ago!) and how naked the girls are when they dance up on the boys. Cynthia plays it cool (as always) and let’s him know that she’s fine with him going as long as it isn’t often.
Walter waits in a deli, visibly sweating (as he should!) for Kenya to meet him for lunch. Kenya shares her feelings about the trip and the communication issues they seem to be having. They talk about her abusive past relationships, and she tries to open up with him again about how his tone of voice on the trip made her feel. She’s clear and honest about her needs and tells him she is hoping for a proposal within six months or so. He laughs, like the idiot that he is, and panics when she asks him why he loves her. He tells her he loves her, but he doesn’t know what to say when she asks why, and he can’t tell her today if he’ll be ready for marriage in six months. Kenya says, “I’ve heard all I need to hear,” and leaves. I’m really hoping this is the last time we have to put up with Walter. Kenya, have you seen you?! Move on, honey. This is not the guy for you.
Phaedra Gets Weird
Phaedra decides to bring her pastor over to Kandi’s house to have it blessed. After that happens, she puts the pressure on Todd to propose to Kandi. Awkward. Then she just opens the flood gates on how often she wants to kill, injure and walk away from Apollo in the course of a day. They all listen and are all visibly uncomfortable with her TMI-outburst. She then offers to give Todd a few jeweler referrals and leaves with the pastor. And we all wish we can shake that scene off.
Date Night with Nudity
Cynthia and Peter head over to The Claremont Lounge for a double date with Phaedra and Apollo. It’s one of the many strip clubs in Atlanta and, apparently, one of the crappier ones. The ladies of Claremont are not who you want to toss your dollar bills at. Cynthia and Peter make the most of it by taking shots and laughing it up. Apollo starts talking about losing himself and coping with timescales (WTF) and Phaedra throws dollar bills at all the ladies willing to shake it. Something is up between them, but Phaedra isn’t interested in discussing it at the strip club.
Moscato Makes the Men Take Shots
Cynthia has an event for the release of her new peach flavored rose. The ladies all show (aside from NeNe, who is currently in LA) and sip elegantly as the boys gather ’round to pound shots of tequila. They talk about Apollo’s time in jail. He recalls his 16 months confined to a cell, and when given the opportunity for trash duty, he took it in a heartbeat to see the sunlight that he had missed for so long. He was working outside and he remembers that it started to rain. He cried as the rain fell around him, and he talks about feeling free, even for just a moment.
Ugh, and Walter is back, apparently. He takes a few shots with the guys and then says hi to Kenya. Dump. Him. Kenya.
The night and the episode end with an extremely graphic makeout session between Phaedra and Apollo in front of all the ladies. Viewer discretion advised, y’all.
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(Image courtesy of Bravo)