Six designers remain and this week the Fashion Show finalists go to a psychic to discover their future (or as Merlin calls it, a “Physic,” hence the grammatically incorrect headline). Spoiler alert: the psychic isn’t real, because if she was, she could tell us who wins and save everyone the trouble of stress and designing dresses.
I thought we were in an economic downturn, so how does TRESemme have enough to help shell out $125,00 to the winner of The Fashion Show? At least it’s good to see one industry not in need of a bail out. People can lose their cars and houses, but they will always have hair. Except Reco.
Harper’s Bazaar Mini-Challenge:
Isaac Mizrahi is shocked that there are only six designers left, so he was probably high as a kite during the last elimination. The finalists must design clothes to pair with a nice robe to be sold at Saks. The bitchy Saks lady kind of hates everyone, which makes me love her. Anna wins her second straight mini-challenge.
Isaac makes the most overly dramatic statement ever by telling the designers that this is the most important thing that will ever happen to any of these designers in their entire lives, so he sends them to his special oasis. He sends them to his Physic.
Or his Psychic. But Merlin, aka Hank Azaria from the movie The Birdcage, reads the sign as “Physic.” Isaac introduces one of the greatest psychics of our day. That’s about the same as if I said my unicorn is the prettiest unicorn ever.
They draw some swords, pentacles and cups, and it’s the biggest waste of time ever on TV, and I’m including every American Idol results show in that statement. At the very least, the designers must make a dress based on the card they drew.
Johny and Merlin: Six of Swords
They have the same card, which is about traveling. When Merlin takes a trip, he likes to wear sweat pants. I don’t know anything about fashion, but I do know that sweat pants are never acceptable, nor is this ugly bright yellow mess Merlin is making. Johny has a giant bow belt. On this show, the winner is the one who does the least awful thing.
Reco: Four of Pentacles
This card is about structure, so he makes a pantsuit. I bet he could find a reason to make a pantsuit in any challenge.
Daniella: Six of Pentacles,
She is so bland and not featured in this episode that I almost forgot she existed. But on The Fashion Show, being forgettable is the best you can hope for.
Anna: Four of Cups
This card is about nature, so Anna uses a floral print. It has a lot of flowery pockets that look like a bunch of vaginas. She’s the Georgia O’Keefe of the fashion world! Just like a box of Cracker Jacks, if you sift through an episode of The Fashion Show you’ll always get a prize, and this week, it’s the Vagina Dress.
James-Paul: The High Priestess
This card is about getting back to basics, so he does a simple dress, but unfortunately his model has a hump. Wow, it’s like they got these models from the bargain bin.
The Fashion Show Elimination Time
Once again, Fern has eaten last week’s eliminated contestant and Kelly talks like a robot.
Top 2: Reco and Anna
It’s the Pantsuit vs. the Vagina Dress, and as always, the vagina wins. Only on The Fashion Show could something nicknamed the Vagina Dress be considered a winner.
Bottom 2: Merlin and James-Paul
It’s the Big Yellow Sweatsuit vs. the Hunchback of Model Dame. When critiquing James-Paul, Isaac has this odd look on his face like Fern just let out a silent but deadly fart. Merlin is full of smiles and absurd statements about how he and teen girls think the same way, but it has too much going on.
The judgments boil down to this: James-Paul is a talented designer who was too clever for his own good, and Merlin is a total hack who made some massive piece of crap, but with pretty colors.
Thankfully, the judges show some common sense and cut Merlin. The magic is gone, and at least the person writing the subtitles can have a break now.
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-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of Bravo)