You know this season’s Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert, is a dentist right? Just want to make sure that headline gets the full set of LOLs to which it is entitled.

Anyway: The season 7 premiere is upon us this evening (9:01pm. OH-ONE-PEE-EM.), and what better way to celebrate than getting mind-numb on a Monday?

Tonight’s premiere is full of outrageous entrances, mysterious intrigue and the classic stench of desperation you’ve come to crave from The Bachelorette, so do your part and print out this original drinking game, head to the store after work, buy a few bottles of your favorite white zinny* and gather those lady-friends and self-secure man-buddies to watch Ashley’s 25 aspiring suitors put the “idiot” in “idiot box.” It will be a Bachelor blast. A Blastechor.

*Nickname for zinfandel, I don’t know if I made it up but if I did: TRADEMARK.

Drink every time…

Someone says “here for the right/wrong reasons.” Drink 2: If he admits to being there for the wrong reasons. (Beeeentleeeey!)

A guy speaks in a foreign language. Drink 2: When it’s Drunk Tim and he’s speaking blackout-gibberish. (I love you, Tim.)

A guy kisses Ashley. Drink 2: If he picks her up.

Masked Jeff is creepy. Drink 2: When the creepiness multiplies thanks to strategic Phantom of the Opera-esque music and lighting.

A guy calls his mother (normal first date stuff). Drink 2: When his mom talks about sex (almost TOO normal first date stuff).

Dentistry is mentioned. Drink 2: Tools of the dentistry trade (for example, floss) are used as props for romance.

Someone gives Ashley a gift. Drink 2: It’s wine! (Yell “WINE TIME!” when this happens.)

Someone says “journey.” (Extra fun: Sing “Don’t stop, believin’ …”) Drink 2: Someone says “husband.”

Ashley talks about how hot someone/the group is. Drink 2: When you disagree.

I hope to adapt this game as the season progresses, but until then, this is the best, most universal, catch-all Bachelorette drinking game rule you’ll ever need:

Drink every time: Someone says “love,” “imagine,” “connection,” “amazing,” or “rose.”

Have your own favorite Bachelor(ette) drinking game rules? (We’ve played so many over the years, like this one, and this, and this, and this) Share them in the comments so everyone can play. See you back here for the recap. And please, read responsibly.

(Image courtesy of ABC)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.