The Mark of Cain is really putting a damper on Dean Winchester this season on Supernatural. It’s making him a homicidal maniac and he’s struggling to deal with it. But in this week’s episode, Dean faces an equally horrifying experience: puberty.
Yes, Dean gets magically transformed into his 14-year-old self and it results in jokes about Bieber, One Direction, zits and uncontrollable erections. There’s also the story of Hansel and Gretel (which is even darker than the Grimm version), Mrs. Patmore from Downton Abbey and Taylor Swift. Dean can fight demons and witches and angels, but the one thing he can’t fight is Swift’s infectious music.
Dean is still struggling to deal with the Mark of Cain. He’s decided to lock himself in the Bunker, doing nonstop research on everything from Cain to scar removal. Sam finds a case and urges Dean to go out into the world because he believes his brother can fight the Mark. On the bright side, Dean has already given up his no-alcohol, no-burgers diet. I think we all knew egg white omelets and kale smoothies weren’t going to be his only sustenance for the rest of the season.
People in Oregon go missing, leaving only their clothes behind. Dean investigates at a bar, flirts with a woman named Tina, and then both he and Tina face the bad guy, who touches a hex bag and magically transports them to a basement. Oh, and Tina and Dean are both turned into teenagers.
Teen Dean, looking like “a One Direction reject,” is used to this kind of insane crap, so he promises Teen Tina to help them escape. Their captor takes away another man-turned-teen and gives the remaining prisoners cake. Teen Dean, true to form, shoves the pink confection into his cakehole without even considering that it might be poisoned.
When the captor comes back, Teen Dean manages to escape, promising to come back for Teen Tina. He goes directly to the motel to find Sam. “Hiya, Sammy” is all he needs to say for Sam to figure out that this 14-year-old kid is Dean. We’re in season 10 of Supernatural, so I guess we’ve reached the point where Dean being turned into a kid isn’t all that surprising.
They rush back to save Teen Tina, offering a car ride full of hilarious dialogue about how Teen Dean has “no grass on the infield” and loves Taylor Swift. But on the bright side, he also doesn’t have the Mark of Cain. Teen Dean considers taking the win and staying a teenager to avoid ever having the Mark again. Obviously this doesn’t happen, but if Jensen Ackles ever wants to leave Supernatural, I suppose this would be one (shark-jumping) way to continue the story.
The Real Hansel and Gretel
The bad guy who turned Dean is actually Hansel, from the fairy tale. He’s helping the witch now that she killed his sister and made him eat her. Hansel turns the people into kids and the witch cooks them up.
Sam and Teen Dean try to kill the witch, but Hansel stops them. Just as Sam is about to be killed, Teen Dean realizes that the only way to save his brother is to return to his bigger self, so he uses Hansel’s hex bag to turn back into his adult self. He then stabs Hansel and shoves the witch into her oven. Of course he does, because that’s the only way this story could’ve ended.
The witch is a fun character, especially since she’s played by the actress who portrays Mrs. Patmore the cook on Downton Abbey. I guess she’s being typecast as a cook, though glazed children is a tad different from the kind of food the Crawleys eat.
There’s also a great clue about the bigger story of this season. The witch reveals that she was sent to America to take care of a problem for the Grand Coven, and that problem is Rowena. It’s safe to assume that this big, mysterious witch organization will be important later on.
The hex bag was destroyed, so Teen Tina isn’t able to turn back into an adult. But she’s fine with it because she was a crappy adult and is looking forward to a second chance. Dean seems a little bit jealous, because the Mark of Cain is back, but he and Sam believe they can get through it. As Dean gets back behind the wheel of the Impala, he turns on the radio and Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” is playing. He leaves it on, because even gruff, classic rock-loving adult Dean Winchester is a Taylor Swift fan.
Next week on Supernatural: Technology is killing people, so Sam and Dean fight the Internet. I hope there are trolls.
(Image courtesy of the CW)