Previously on Pretty Little Liars, the girls tried to deal with the flashbacks of their time in The Dollhouse. Spencer began her spiral down the rabbit hole, self-medicating with pot brownies, after convincing herself that she killed someone while she was being held captive. Hanna felt smothered by Caleb. Emily took in a feral stray named Sara Harvey. And Aria got a traumatizing Taylor Swift-inspired haircut.
I’m not going to lie, “She’s No Angel” is one of the weirdest Pretty Little Liars episodes I’ve seen. It opens with a Sia “Chandelier”-esque dance number starring none other than Maddie Ziegler of Dance Moms fame, known only in the episode as #CreepyDancer. Her dancing is butted against Spencer’s visions of what she believed happened in The Dollhouse during her “murderous” blackout. The #CreepyDancer then walks on water like she’s some kind of Vanderjesus, and Spencer finds a pair of croc-like slippers with “C. DiLaurentis” written on the side of the sole. Even though this entire sequence is not noir-inspired, it’s still just one of Spencer’s dreams.
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Mona is back! Hey, girl, long time no see! Speaking of not seeing, she’s donning her favorite pair of Jenna-Sunglasses that she clearly borrowed from Sydney. Mona tells Hanna that she is afraid of being prosecuted by the cops for faking her own death. What she doesn’t realize is that means the Rosewood Police Department would actually have to competently do their job.
Speaking of incompetent police officers, Ali is laying on her couch listening to a conversation happening outside. The police have been standing guard outside of her house nonstop. One of them actually says that Ali is a “little skank” and the police should be protecting them from her, not the other way around. I guess he hasn’t heard the news yet that Mona is alive and Ali didn’t kill anyone. Mr. D comes in the room looking angrier than ever. Ali tells him what she overheard the police officer saying about her, and he looks at her and says, “Bad behavior has a way of catching up with you.” And in all of her Ali glory, she stoically replies, “You would know.”
Mona and Hanna are at The Brew. After ordering their non-fat lattes, they turn around and are shocked to see Lisa Loeb! Just kidding; it’s Leslie Stone and she is 20 times more bitter than Andrew could even think about being. She goes off accusing Mona of setting her up to be an accomplice to her non-murder. She screams, “You think I wanted perjury on my resume?!” Hanna looks at her and says, “I don’t know what that means, but I don’t like your tone.” Hanna always has the best lines, but if we’re to believe she’s one of those rare “accepted into every ivy league school” scholars, she’s going to need to know the definition of perjury.
Spencer and Hanna are in the courtyard of Rosewood High. Spencer is shoving cookies in her mouth faster than Lucky Leon’s Cupcakes. Of course, we’re to believe they’re pot cookies. Spencer is a little on edge, and Hanna picks up on it. She asks if Spencer is buzzed and says that she looks just like the girl in her Government class who is always humming and making necklaces out of paperclips. Spencer says, “I thought Aria had Government fifth period,” and then decides that she should probably go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for a reality check. There, she sees Dean. Remember Dean? He was supposed to be Spencer’s sober coach after her adderall-not-heroin addiction, but Mrs. Hastings kicked him to the curb after he was caught sleeping next to Spencer on the couch.
Dean ends up giving Spencer a ride home. She is slowly falling down the rabbit hole. Her self-doubt is out of control. She doesn’t trust anything about herself or her world right now, and I think that’s pretty understandable. She’s been convinced that she has killed someone for five seasons now. He lets her know that baked goods won’t fix her problems and reminds her that she still has his number.
Aria “Nancy Drew” Montgomery
Aria is on a roll this season by actually being a major player in cracking clues. She and Clark are taking pictures at a junkyard when first he inappropriately takes an unsolicited photo of her, then admits he knew who she was from the news and finally inappropriately asks her out. He fits right in with the boys of Rosewood. Clark is snapping away with his camera when Aria spots ‘A’ running into a barn or hangar, or whatever you would call a building in a junkyard. She turns and see that Clark would have had the perfect vantage point to catch ‘A’ in one of his pictures.
They go back to the darkroom to develop only the film and not any future relationship. Aria manages to take the film and stuff it into one of her giant statement bags. She starts analyzing the pictures and realizes that Clark indeed got the money shot. There is a picture of ‘A’ and not only that, but ‘A’ has boobs. She takes an Insta and texts it to the liars with the caption, “‘A’ is a girl…!”
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Saving Sara Harvey
Sara Harvey is still staying at Emily’s house. Somehow, they come up with this idea that Sara should emancipate herself from her parents. They go to Caleb to seek out his advice since he was actually successful in becoming emancipated. He asks Sara where she works. And Sara is, like, dude, I don’t have a job. I don’t even know what an iPhone 4S is. I was kidnapped when I was 14 and then held hostage in a house of horrors for the next four years. Caleb, being the hero he is, reminds her that, yes, she does have a job and it’s with his web design company. She starts Monday!
Apparently, all you need to be emancipated from your parents is a fake job. Sara decides that she and Emily need to celebrate her successful emancipation by getting tattoos. While Emily is contemplating which chinese symbol she is going to go with, the text from Aria comes through. Sara sneaks a peek. When they’re leaving the tattoo parlor, she mentions the text to Emily and says that she has seen her before. Sara puts two and two together and realizes that ‘A’ must still be after her too. She freaks out and twerks her way down the boulevard, Emily chasing after her.
Sara wants to know why Emily kept ‘A’ a secret from her. Emily explains that she was trying to protect her. Sara says that she can protect herself, and the audience laughs because she was the one who was gone the longest.
Radley Never Closes
Hanna and Spencer are in Radley. They make their way to the basement and Spencer sees a mural of #CreepyDancer. She realizes this is the place from her dream. She goes on and on about how she has been here before, and we’re like, yeah, Spence, this is where you and Ali shared your first ghost dance.
They find Charles’ file that says he is dead and was an organ donor. Spencer is like, welp, that solves that mystery. She clearly forgets that autopsy reports can be fabricated; you just need page five. They hear a noise and make a run for it. They turn open a door only to find Mona holding onto a file.
The girls think Mona is being selfish and confiscating her own file. But Mona drops a bombshell and reveals that it’s actually Leslie Stone’s file. They met in Radley, and Leslie had been there so long she knows Charles. Oh, yeah, she was also Bethany’s roommate!
Mona calls Leslie and says, “They know.” Leslie starts screaming and punching her steering wheel, freaking out. It was worse than that time Ezra punched a moving car.
Do you think Leslie, Charles and Sara are working together? It’s all getting a little too crazy for me. Sound off in the comments.
Pretty Little Liars airs Tuesdays at 8pm on ABC Family.
(Image courtesy of ABC Family)
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV