Admit it America, you are so looking forward to the naked photo shoot on this week’s Make Me A Supermodel. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I most certainly am looking forward to some supermodel skin, and lots of it. That’s right, I’m loud and proud about lusting after supermodel flesh and tonight is my night to revel. You should too. My excitement for almost Supermodel nudity is only dampened by one thing: Amanda. Why oh why did they not send Amanda home last week? Raise your hand if you would rather have seen Colin naked tonight instead of Amanda. All hands up? I thought so.
It’s a Colin-less morning in the house and Jonathan and Sandhurst are sad about it. Sandhurst says Colin was “just so lovable that he’ll be extremely missed in the house.” While the boys are ruing Colin’s departure, an email arrives telling the models about their next photo shoot. Cryptically, the email reads: “It’s all about the little things.” Little things during a naked photo shoot ‘eh? Out of the gutter, mind! What the judges really meant was this week’s photo shoot is going to be about accessories, and nothing else.
The models arrive at a studio and are told that they have 30 seconds to choose an accessory off a table to pose with for their photo shoot. Of course, none of the models know yet that this is the only thing they’ll be posing with, but that’s what makes this game so fun. The models rush to the table and choose their accessories. Sandhurst chooses leather driving gloves, Jordan chooses a gigantic handbag, Jonathan goes for a classic grey scarf, Branden bee-lines it for a yellow tie, Salome chooses a pair of chandelier earrings, Mountaha goes straight for the sexy stilettos, and Amanda chooses a shawl befitting of a widow from a telenovela. And that’s when Tyson drops the news, these accessories are the only thing you are posing with.
Right about now Sandhurst is sincerely regretting choosing leather gloves and Salome is not so sure earrings were the best choice either. Amanda on the other hand is thrilled she chose the dowdy shawl and hopes to cover her entire body with it. Despite being a stunning girl with a gorgeous body, Amanda is really insecure about her body, especially after the birth of her son. After a few words of wisdom from this week’s photographer it is naked time. Hello boobies, butts, pecs, blurred out everything. Seriously, how does Bravo get away with showing this? I mean, thank you Bravo for figuring out how to parade perfect unclothed bodies around during prime time, but just, wow.
Unfortunately with a nude photo shoot comes the inevitable grooming discussion. How awkward. If it wasn’t bad enough you have to pose naked on a reality television show, now you have do discuss your pubic hair. While we may want to see supermodels naked I think I can speak for all of us, when I say, I don’t want to hear about their pubes, or lack of pubes at all. On the other hand, the grooming issue does allow for some humor this episode, when Branden nicks himself while shaving.
After all the foreplay and build up, it’s time for the photo shoot.
Jonathan is up first and wow, do I feel sorry for anyone who has to photograph after him, so basically I feel bad for everyone. Jonathan is freakishly cut and toned and he looks like a Greek god posing with a preppy scarf. The photographer goes crazy for Jonathan’s chiseled good looks and Tyson says he wants to go and buy a scarf after watching him pose, so good job Jonathan.
The next nudist up is Mountaha. Mountaha is long and lean, except for some surprisingly in your face curves, which make Mountaha look like a perfectly shaped violin from the backside. Despite looking gorgeous, Mountaha struggles with the shoot, because she has to crouch down on 4 inch stiletto heels to pose. The photographer is furious when Mountaha breaks a pose before he can get the shot, but he feels like he got a decent picture.
It’s Salome’s turn to pose nude and she’s cracking up at the many levels of irony of the shoot. Not only did the “biggest girl choose the smallest accessory,” she’s also a former Mennonite now posing naked in front of a cast and crew of strangers (and you know, all of America watching MMAS). After all this talk about how Salome is fat and needs to work on her body, she sure looks perfect naked. The photographer is enamored of her backside and Salome delivers the photo shoot with surprising confidence.
To get ready for his photo shoot, Sandhurst is doing ballet moves in his tight whities. Sandhrust is nervous but reminding himself that “My body is a temple and that temple should be visited and photographed often.” Right away the photographer asks Sandhurst to go full frontal, which doesn’t phase Sandhurst nearly as much as it phases me. Sandhurst declares mid shoot that he is an African God Warrior and that everyone wants to see him naked. And he’s right. Leather gloves never looked so good.
Jordan is up next and she’s feeling good about the photo shoot and she doesn’t seem to have any hang ups about nudity or her body. The only problem Jordan faces is she chose a bag for her accessories that is about six times wider than she is. The leather bag swallows her petite frame. Still, the photographer snaps one frame and declares “got it.” Getting the photo on the first frame is pretty amazing, so go Jordan!
Amanda is, as expected, freaking out about her naked photo shoot. Also as expected, Amanda is going way too sexy for the photo shoot. I know, you’d think naked photo shoot, go sexy. But in reality, you’re already naked so you don’t have to make a sexy face. The photographer spends the entirety of the shoot saying things like “less is more” to Amanda, but she’s still giving sexy instead of soft.
Last up is Branden and he seems ready to rock out with his cock out, um, literally. Unfortunately whatever confidence Branden had about the shoot melts as soon as he’s on set. Every step of the way and every pose, the photographer has to stop and coach Branden. The photographer even goes as far as pulling Tyson off set to tell him how disappointed he is in Branden’s performance. The photographer says if it was a real photo shoot, he’d have to do a whole re-shoot to get the shot. Not good Branden, this is definitely going to raise some questions in Tyson and the judges if you are really ready to be a working model.
It’s time to find out who has this week’s winning photo and there are a lot of possible choices. Because, let’s face it, they all looked pretty amazing naked. All I know is that Branden and Amanda won’t be winning this week’s photo shoot, but basically everyone else is in contention for the win. So who is this week’s photo shoot winner? Salome! This sends Salome and me into stitches. “Ahaha, the fat girl wins the naked photo shoot” is the gist of Salome’s feelings. While Salome and I are thrilled, no one else is. I foresee a lot of snipping about how Salome didn’t take a full body shot and lots of photo shop speculation. But eat it haters, Salome looked amazing.
For her winning go-see Salome goes to a modern furniture designer who’s looking for a model for an ad campaign. To accompany her on the go-see Salome chooses Jordan, “because she looks totally different than me and hopefully they want curves.” Bad life choice Salome. Designers don’t seem to want curves at all. While Salome out poses Jordan, the furniture designers are taken with Jordan’s “fashion aesthetic and shape,” which is code words for waif thinness. Ultimately neither girl seems to book the job, but the designers do say they preferred Jordan’s look for the campaign. When the girls get back to the house, everyone is talking shit about Salome and her weight. Though they quiet the conversation before Jordan and Salome hear anything, Jordan knows better. “I have a drama radar and I know when people have been talking trash. So I know there was trash talking going on right before I walked in. I will crush people with drama, little do they know, little do they know.” Are you plotting something Jordan?
It’s catwalk time and Tyson tells the models they will continue with the theme of accessories. On tonight’s catwalk the models will be living art pieces, walking with gigantic glass globes over their head. Because of the glass globe, the judges are looking for a smooth confident straight forward walk from the models. Then Nicole drops the bomb, they won’t be “alone inside the bubble. And don’t even think we’re telling you who’s sharing the bubble with you.” Interesting twist. I’m envisioning bejeweled tarantulas sharing the globe, but instead butterflies will be flying inside the globe as the models attempt the catwalk.
Sandhurst is up first and his runway is smooth, as always, though he is worried because he’s ticklish and the butterflies are making him giggle.
Jordan is next and she delivers possibly her worst walk of the season. Jordan looks like she may topple over on the runway and lacks the grace and sass we’ve come to expect from her. Branden is “scared as hell” about the runway walk, but he looks gorgeous in the mod striped pants. Still, his runway walk is getting worse and not better, which is worrisome. Next is Mountaha and holy wow–she looks like perfection. Mountaha owns the catwalk in a way that no other model has even come close to. Mountaha is really proving herself as stiff competition. Jonathan’s walk is safe and rather dull, but damn, that man is so good looking it doesn’t really matter. I think Salome looks stunning in her bandage dress, but she does an extra pose on the end of the runway that you can tell the judges are horrified by. Amanda looks better than she has in weeks on the runway, but she still over poses.
It’s judging time and we have the full set of original judges in our midst. Both Perou and Catherine Malindrino are back. This week, everyone stays on the runway to hear the judges critiques. Facing the flames first is Sandhurst, the judges loved Sandhurst’s walk and photo, but they want him to bring more sexy. Next is Jonathan, while everyone thinks Jonathan is gorgeous on the runway and on film, he’s starting to be a little too safe, which displeases Perou most of all. Marlon warns Jonathan: remember that Kerryn had two immunities and went home, you have to step it up. The judges love Salome’s picture, but weren’t pleased with her extra pose on the runway or how the hip hugging dress showed her curves.
When it comes to Amanda, the judges say the photo doesn’t do her justice, which sends Amanda into a waterfall of words about her body image. Salome can’t help but laugh at Amanda, and when the judges inquire what is so funny, Salome tells them that Amanda is full of excuses. Meow Mennonite, meow! Catherine Malindrino thought Jordan was the best on the runway (huh?!) but she hates her photo. Even more so, she hates that Jordan loves her photo. The judges tell Jordan she is fading fast and isn’t the model they loved at the start of the competition. The judges aren’t keen on Branden’s runway or photo, and they continue to critique him for loosing too much of the ego they begged him to loose. Lastly it’s time to critique Mountaha. The judges loved Mountaha on the runway, but Perou harshly critiques Mountaha on the photographers report that she changed poses before the shot was snapped.
It’s deliberation time and the judges are non-plussed with the models in general. Jenny Shimizu thinks the group has reached a ceiling and don’t know how to break through. That’s all well and good, but only one person is going home this week and only one person is winning, so who is it? As for the strongest performances of the week, the judges single out Mountaha, Jonathan, and Sandhurst. While I think this is Mountaha’s week to win, she is dismissed off stage, pinning Jonathan and Sandhurst against each other again. Get used to this America, I think this could be our final two. While Jonathan was triumphant last week, this week’s winner is Sandhurst. This is Sandhurst’s first full on win and he’s granted immunity next week. Though the judges weren’t thrilled with their performances, Jordan and Salome are declared safe and sent backstage.
So it’s an all-Oregon elimination: the single mother versus the son of a single mother, this is going to be an emotional elimination. Amanda is already sobbing, she must know that she’s most likely the one going home. Tyson tells Amanda that the judges think she is forgettable and he tells Branden that he needs to regain his confidence. So who goes home this week? Amanda, we’re sorry, we cannot make you into a Supermodel. Branden you are safe. Both Branden and Amanda are sobbing, but backstage Jordan is ready to do a jig over Amanda’s elimination.
So there you have it America, the naked photo shoot is but a sweet, steamy memory and we’re down to our final six on Make Me A Supermodel.
If you have any questions for Amanda, be sure to tweet them to me, I’ll be interviewing her tomorrow morning.
–Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of Bravo)