I’ve been deeply devoted to television for more than half of my life and I’ve watched a lot of shows, but tonight is like no other night I can remember. The excitement I have for the final season of Lost to kick off is unparalleled in my TV-viewing lifetime. I have very little idea what the heck is going to happen, but I know this is the real beginning of the end, and by keeping as many secrets from fans as they could, the Lost team has successfully made me more excited for this than I have been for any other episode of television.
So with that in mind, I’ll be here for the next two hours, posting my immediate reactions to the Lost season 6 premiere, “LA X.” I am fully prepared to have my mind blown exactly four times, but anything more than that might kill me.
9:05 – Um, OK, so the bomb worked and Desmond is on Oceanic 815? WTF? I guess with the Island underwater, he never went to the Island either, but still, it’s a little TOO convenient that he would be on that flight. Five minutes in an my mind is already blown once. Also, love the DHARMA Shark cameo.
9:10 – The blast also sent Kate into a tree in the future? How many different timelines did the H-bomb create?
9:15 – I guess the “flashbacks” this season are glimpses at the alternate reality where the Hatch was never built. And in that world, Hurley still wins the lottery, but doesn’t have bad luck? So basically, everything is completely different and confusing in this altverse.
9:17 – Juliet is alive? I’m sure the producers of V will come along to kill her shortly so they get her all to themselves.
9:19 – Jacob, of course. Because this episode wasn’t confusing enough already. Throw me a freaking bone, Lost!
9:23 – Boone! Man, I love me some Boone, but how does the Island exploding mean that Shannon DOESN’T come with him on the flight?
9:25 – Finally, Ben and fake Locke. This is what I want to see, because at least I understand the basic time and place of this scene.
9:33 – I wish Jacob were always as clear and direct in his words as he was with Hurley. Just tell people exactly what to do and where to go, was that so hard?
9:36 – Ha, Charlie choked on a heroin balloon in the airplane bathroom! That probably won’t make his Greatest Hits list, but it should make for a hilarious scene in Drive Shaft’s “Behind the Music.”
9:40 – Once again, Jack saves Charlie’s life. Stop doing that, Jack! Let nature take its course.
9:46 – Smoke Monster Attack! Awesome carnage, complete with new info, namely the fact that standing in a circle can protect you.
9:48 – “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” So Jacob’s Nemesis, aka Fake Locke, is the Smoke Monster! Is that an actual answer? I think it is!!!
9:54 – Sawyer and Juliet share one last kiss, and it’s romantic, minus her being covered in blood and dying. And, naturally, we get another unanswered question: what really important thing did Juliet have to tell James? My guess? She was so pregnant.
9:57 – After more than five seasons, Oceanic 815 lands safely. I guess bombing the Island didn’t help Locke avoid his wheelchair. I was really hoping Locke could walk in this altverse.
10:07 – Christian Shephard’s coffin is missing in the altverse. Oh crap, I smell weird inter-dimensional travel.
10:11 – After a lot of talk, we finally get to see the Temple. I swear, if Lost gets all Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I’m going to personally find Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse and punch them in their faces.
10:19 – Dead Juliet tells Miles “It worked.” Does this mean that dying one their current universe mean they move on to the fixed altverse?
10:22 – As a huge Deadwood fan, I’m excited to see John Hawkes as the weird Temple translator. He’s about the 12th Deadwood star to show up on Lost.
10:23 – So inside the ankh in the guitar case was a piece of paper with their names on it? This is all getting a little freaky, and I’m not sure if that’s in a good way or a bad way.
10:33 – Inside the Temple, a mysterious Asian man has Sayid drowned in a giant dirty day spa for the duration of an hourglass. What show am I watching, because this doesn’t quite feel like the Lost I remember?
10:35 – Sayid is dead. Wait, what? Sayid is dead? That really doesn’t sound right at all.
10:42 – Claire! It looks like Aaron’s two mommies are going to be spending some time together.
10:47 – It’s when they start putting up fences and launching fireworks that I decide I do not like these Temple People.
10:48 – I didn’t think it was possible, but Terry O’Quinn is even better as Fake Locke than he was as regular Locke. He’s creepier than Ben, and he just wants to go home. Where is home? Heaven? Hell? Hope, Arkansas?
10:54 – Jack and Locke meet in the altverse. I’m really hoping there’s an explanation for this stuff, because while I’m amused by it as an exercise in storytelling, it has NOTHING to do with anything we’ve seen. Also, where did Desmond go?
10:57 – Fake Locke finally shows his face and beats the crap out of Richard. Finally, a man of action.
10:59 – Sayid comes back from the dead. See, I knew he couldn’t really die. But if these Temple People are just as confused by what’s going on, then they’re of no use to me.
11:05 – After some contemplation, here’s my final verdict: B-. The stuff with Oceanic 815 landing safely is kind of interesting, but since none of it has any connection to the rest of the story, it serves absolutely no purpose. Maybe Desmond was hopping across dimensions when he showed up in the plane, which might be interesting, but Lost needs to connect those “flashbacks” to the rest of the story soon.
As for the stuff on the Island, Ben, Locke and their group are awesome, the Temple People are kind of lame, and I have no idea what water springs and hourglasses have to do with Lost. I accepted time travel, but all this ancient worship stuff may take some time.
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(Image courtesy of ABC)