Previously on Lost: Sayid came back to life, Claire returned, Sawyer fled to the Barracks and Flocke was very disappointed in everyone.  Then a bunch of altverse stuff happened.

If you’re confused, Flocke is the nickname I’ll be using for Fake Locke, aka the Smoke Monster possessing John Locke’s body on the Island, aka Jacob’s Nemesis.  This has nothing to do with Flockapella, my Flock of Seagulls a cappella tribute group.  Though we are available for weddings, bar mitzvahs and ritualistic drownings

The Locke Box in the Altverse

Once he’s home after his flight, John Locke is greeted by Helen (Katey Sagal), his fiancée!  I’m torn between thinking that Sons of Anarchy‘s Gemma is about to unleash Hell or thinking that a man in a wheelchair with a redhead living in a cul de sac is eerily similar to Orson and Bree on Desperate Housewives.  Locke is happy to be getting married in a month, and when Helen finds Jack’s card, she thinks it’s destiny that Locke met a spinal surgeon on his flight.

The next day Locke goes to work at the box company and gets interrogated about his “business trip” by his lame boss Randy Nations.  Locke gets fired and goes outside to see a giant yellow Hummer preventing him from getting into his car.  The Hummer belongs to none other than Hurley, who tells Locke that he owns the box company.  He also gives Locke a number to a temp agency he owns.

At the temp agency, Locke is annoyed and demands to talk to the lady’s boss.  The boss is…Rose!  Seeing L. Scott Caldwell always cheers me up.  She talks about her cancer and accepting the limitations of her disease.  It’s the kind of anti-hope, anti-faith, demoralizing speech that’s rather out of character.

Locke takes this lesson home.  After his box of knives is delivered, he reveals to Helen that he tried to go on a walkabout and they didn’t let him go, which was the right thing to do because the new altverse Locke likes it when people tell him what he can’t do.  So he refuses to see Jack, the spinal surgeon, instead choosing to accept his wheelchair.

In the end, Locke becomes a substitute teacher.  So why is that so important that it deserves to be the title of the episode?  Maybe because he goes to the teacher’s lounge and meets the European History teacher: Dr. Benjamin Linus!  That reveal was so damn cool I don’t care if it makes no sense, I’m just so excited to finally be in love with the altverse.

In the Shadow of the Statue on the Island

While Flocke is busy, Ben finds Ilana crying in the statue over her fallen friends.  Ben tells her about Smokey killing everyone (he also blames Smokey for Jacob’s death).  Ilana takes some of Jacob’s ashes, puts them in a bag and reveals that Flocke is “recruiting.”

The others have all gone to the Temple, leaving Ilana, Sun, Frank and Ben to bury Locke.  They take him to the Island Cemetery, home of Boone, Shannon, Ana Lucia, Libby and many others.  Ilana reveals that Flocke is now stuck in Locke’s body, for some reason.  Ben eulogizes Locke by saying “I’m very sorry I murdered him.”  Weirdest eulogy ever.

Flocke’s Flock on the Island

There’s a cool new feature, the Smokey Cam.  We travel across the Island from the PoV of the Smoke Monster, through the Barracks, until he reaches Richard Alpert and turns back into Flocke.  It’s time to vaguely refer to answers by revealing that Jacob never told Alpert anything, but we learn John Locke was “a candidate,” which is why Flocke used his body.  Flocke also sees a creepy little boy who looks like an extra from Children of the Corn.

Flocke visits Sawyer in the Barracks and the con man is busy drinking, listening to rock ‘n’ roll and generally wallowing in his own sadness.  Flocke wants to help James, but even drunk as a skunk, Sawyer is wise enough to realize this guy ain’t Locke.  Flocke offers to show Sawyer why he’s on this Island, so after putting some pants on, he agrees.

While walking, Flocke is stopped by the sight of the creepy little boy again.  Only this time, Sawyer sees him too.  Flocke chases the boy, falls, and the kid stands over him saying that Flocke knows the rules and that he can’t kill him.  Don’t worry, I have no idea who those pronouns refer to either.  Flocke channels Locke by screaming “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”  The little boy runs away.

Elsewhere, Alpert scurries out of the woods to warn Sawyer about how Flocke wants to kill everyone.  Sawyer ignores him and continues with Flocke, only he threatens to shoot him.  We learn that Steinbeck was after Flocke’s time and that he used to be human before he became trapped, so he knows what it’s like to lose someone he loves.

They head to some cliffs where they climb down into a cave.  There’s a scale with a white rock on one side and a black rock on the other.  Flocke takes the white stone and tosses it into the ocean as an “inside joke.”  He then shows Sawyer that the inside walls of the cave are covered with the names of the Oceanic 815 survivors, with some names crossed out, indicating that they’re dead.

The six names with the infamous Numbers next to them are “candidates” to replace Jacob.  The list includes James, because these candidates are people who Jacob met off the Island and guided them to come as his eventual replacement.  The big problem I have is that Kate ISN’T on the list despite meeting him.  Other names include Hurley, Jack, Locke and one of the Kwons.

Regardless, Flocke gives Sawyer three options.

1 : Do nothing.
2: Become the new Jacob and protect the Island.
3: Leave the Island with Flocke.

Sawyer chooses the third option, naturally.  But I’m guessing that’s not the right one.

(Image courtesy of ABC)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.