At some point during the last season of The Bachelor, Jake was serving up so much cheese and whine that I just couldn’t not top it off with some healthy helpings of actual wine: and so The Bachelor: On the Wings of FUN! Drinking Game was born.
Well, it’s that time again. The Bachelorette premieres tonight, which means groups of ladies and sexuality-confident men will gather across the nation to watch as 25 earnest(ly ridiculous) men attempt to woo new Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky, and those dedicated Americans want (nay, NEED!) an interactive game that will keep them in on the action of reality romance while also dulling the requisite brain-ache that comes with two straight hours of second-hand embarrassment.
Want the pre-show scoop? Here’s everything you need to know about The Bachelorette Season 6 Premiere.
I have that game. This IS that game, and it is awesome. So let’s all play it together! (And by “together,” I mean you in your living room with all your friends, and me alone at my computer while I recap. Sniff.) Please, honor my stoic recapping solitude by busting out this game for every episode and making it a true Bachelorette PARTY! every Monday night.
Behold, The Bachelorette: Ali-coholics Anonymous Drinking Game:
Last season’s game was too long and confusing. No mortal could have ever accomplished a full round without then going to the hospital and also probably the cemetery. So this season, we’re simplifying. Five easy rules, and plenty of drinking to be had, anyway.
Rule 1: Know Your Bachelor Vocabulary.
Take 1 drink when you hear the words:
- Cloud Nine
- This season’s extra-special buzz word: Wrestler.
Rule 2: The Right Reasons (to Drink).
Take 2 Drinks when someone says:
- “here for the right reasons”
- “here for the wrong reasons”
- “not here to make friends” or
- “here for his career”
Rule 3: Get to Know Ali’s Ailments.
Take 1 drink when Ali:
- Laughs harder than is natural or necessary
- Mixes up her words
- Gets bleeped by ABC
Rule 4: Cheers to Man Wars!
Take 2 drinks when a man threatens to inflict bodily harm on another guy or himself.
- Example: “I will kill myself if I don’t get that rose.” (Which is technically two drinks. See Rule 1.)
- Take 3 drinks if he follows through with it.
Rule 5: Se-Date Me, Please.
Take 1 Drinks when any of these show up on a date:
- A helicopter
- A harness
- A gratuitous product placement
- A musical guest you have never heard of/thought retired in the 90s
- A speedo
Okay, Bachelorette-oholics! There’s your game. Are you ready to play?
Have your own Bachelorette drinking game rules to add? Please share in the comments!
The Bachelorette premieres tonight, May 24, at 9pm on ABC. Next week it will move to its regular time on Monday nights from 8 to 10pm.
Join me back here for the full episode recap after the premiere, and be sure to follow along with me on Twitter at @BTVBachelorette. And don’t forget to make your Fantasy TV picks to kick off the season!