The Glee season 2 finale is all about New Directions competing at Nationals in New York. Will they win? That depends on your definition of “winning.” If it’s the dictionary definition, then no. If it’s the Charlie Sheen definition, then yes.
The Glee finale kicks off in New York where the kids have neon signs in their eyes. They’re also disturbingly optimistic about their chances of winning Nationals despite the fact that they haven’t even written their original songs yet.
I’m all for procrastination, but do they really think they can show up at Nationals, write, arrange and choreograph two win-worthy numbers and compete against show choirs that have undoubtedly been rehearsing and fine-tuning their routines all year long? Because that’s called hubris.
But I suppose anything is possible in a fantasy, because on Glee, we learn that Broadway ushers are the nicest people in the world, complimenting Will and letting Kurt and Rachel fulfill their dream of performing “For Good” on the Wicked stage.
There’s also hope for Rachel and Finn as he takes her out on a romantic date and almost kisses her, but she refuses because she doesn’t want to get tied down since she dreams of moving to New York after graduating and she knows Finn won’t want to join her. It’s very Lady and the Tramp, complete with a background version of that movie’s theme song, though I’m having a hard time deciding which one Finn is.
Remember how Quinn had a plan for New York to get back at Finn for breaking up with her? It turns out she doesn’t, and she briefly considers tattling on Kurt and Rachel for leaving, but then Santana talks her into getting a haircut, and everything is better.
Also, remember how Will was gonna try to be a Broadway star in Cross Rhodes: The April Rhodes Story? Well, one conversation with Vocal Adrenaline coach Dustin Goolsby about how much he hates his kids is enough to change Will’s mind.
As for Sunshine, we learn that she hates Vocal Adrenaline because it’s no fun and almost deports herself to avoid performing, but Rachel talks her out of it, on the off chance that anyone cares about Sunshine.
And finally, remember Sue Sylvester? Well, the finale doesn’t, because she’s nowhere to be seen. Maybe she’s off running for Congress.
New Directions’ Nationals Performance
“Let me guess: Finn and Rachel are gonna do a ballad, right?” That’s what Emma said to Will to criticize his predictable Sectionals performance, but she would be dead-on about Nationals, which starts with an emotional duet written by Finn about their feelings and how they never say what they really want to say. But that all changes at the very end of the song when Finn surprises everyone by planting a kiss on Rachel right there on stage, and it’s the longest kiss ever.
After Will tries to start the most awkward clap ever (seriously, are you applauding teen PDA?), the auto-tune fest begins with “Light Up the World,” where the kids have all had auto-tuners surgically implanted into their voice boxes, or at least that’s the only explanation I can think of for this performance.
When it’s done, Finn praises his kiss as the greatest, most wonderful thing that has ever happened in the history of world. Jesse, on the other hand, thinks it was vulgar, too personal and ruined their chances of winning. Who’s right?
I’m going with Jesse, because the rankings are posted and the New Directions don’t even crack the Top 10. See, I told you their confidence was pure hubris, and the look on Kurt’s face drops faster and harder than Icarus.
But it turns out that season 2 isn’t about winning, it’s about acceptance (season 3 will be about winning, because I’m 100% certain next year will end with New Directions winning at Nationals).
Finishing in 12th place leaves everyone kind of happy. Kurt and Blaine say “I love you” to each other, Sam and Mercedes are secretly dating (LONG LIVE SAMCEDES!), Brittany gives a wise speech to Santana about acceptance and Finn and Rachel decide that they can do a lot of making out in a year, and they’ll worry about the future next season.
Yay, everybody wins! Except Quinn. She gets nothing but a new haircut.
“My Cup” by Artie and Brittany: Another brilliantly absurd original song, Brittany sang an ode to cups and the many delicious beverages they can hold. Please, FOX, release an album with just the unused original songs. “My Headband,” “Only Child,” “Trouty Mouth,” “Big Ass Heart,” “Hell to the No” and now “My Cup” are all album-worthy.
“I Love New York” / “New York, New York” (Madonna and Leonard Bernstein) by New Directions: The kids run around the city and sing this mash-up in a routine that would make any real New Yorker want to kick them in the shins.
“Still Got Tonight” (Matthew Morrison) by Will: Shameless self promotion for Matthew Morrison’s new album? Check.
“Bella Notte” (from Lady and the Tramp) by Puck, Sam and Artie: A sweet song, but it was kind of weird that they weren’t really there.
“For Good” (from Wicked) by Rachel and Kurt: It’s like “Defying Gravity: The Sequel.”
“Yeah!” (Usher featuring Lil Jon) by the Crawford County Girls Choir: Now THAT’S a Nationals routine. Privileged, rich-looking white girls singing an Usher jam is my idea of awesome.
“As Long as You’re There” (Charice) by Sunshine: Vocal Adrenaline goes against its traditional style with this slow, Rachel-style ballad. It was neither fun nor entertaining.
“Pretending” by Rachel and Finn: At least the lyrics sounded like they were written by a lovesick teenage boy, which is the nicest thing I can say about this original song.
“Light Up the World” by New Directions: If you like auto-tuned trainwrecks, then this must be your favorite song ever. Otherwise, it’s clear the kiss wasn’t the only reason New Directions finished in 12th.
More “New York”
Discuss: Will Samcedes last?
Discuss: Will Finchel survive the next season?
Discuss: What happened to Quinn’s “big plans”?
Quiz: Ten questions that might have something to do with New York
(Images courtesy of FOX)