Tonight on Desperate Housewives, there are other women everywhere. Carlos’ hands cheat on Gabi, Lynette suspects Tom of having an affair, Jackson has a new woman and Mrs. McCluskey’s awesome sister shows up.
As always Mrs. McCluskey steals the show on Desperate Housewives, because as a huge fan of The West Wing, it’s a brilliant piece of casting that brings President Bartlet’s two secretaries (Joosten as the dearly departed Mrs. Landingham and Tomlin as the addle-minded Debbie Fiderer) together. Even if you’re not a fan of The West Wing, it’s the chance to see two brilliant older actresses having fun.
Carlos’ magic hands get a bit too magical when he gives an old woman an orgasm during a massage. The old woman is played by Frances Conroy, which instantly makes me hate her because Ruth Fisher on Six Feet Under was one of the most shrill, annoying, needy characters ever on TV.
The old lady wants to take Carlos (Ricardo Antonio Chavira) to urope with her as a personal masseuse, and while Gabi loves the idea of more money, she gets ticked when finding out about the orgasms. She storms to the lady’s house, where Carlos is massaging her. Gabi (Eva Longoria Parker) confronts her and the old lady tells her sob story about being lonely before inviting Gabi along as well to be her personal shopper in Europe.
Tom (Doug Savant) rents a rehearsal space for his band from special guest star Gail O’Grady, and Lynette isn’t too happy because she thinks the two might be having an affair. Tom calls to say he’s rehearsing late, and when Lynette (Felicity Huffman) shows up, it’s worse than cheating: Tom is playing video games in his newly set up bachelor pad.
Lynette freaks out that Tom is leaving her, but he calms her down before she can notice the open condom wrapper on the floor. The awkward truth is that it’s really the Scavo son Porter using the rehearsal space as a sex lair – with Gail O’Grady! Is there a single woman on Wisteria Lane who hasn’t slept with an underage boy? Sadly, Lynette sees her coming out of the space and suspects the worst about her husband.
Things get awkward at the catering company when Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) horns in as co-owner, making Katherine (Dana Delany) feel useless. Orson brings in a big client, and Bree (Marcia Cross) instantly wants to set him up with Katherine, who is considering moving because she’s hit a romantic dry spell.
The set-up works wonders, except the client wasn’t really Orson’s college roommate, but a prison cell mate. Bree calls Katherine to warn that the man she set her up with is an illegally organ trafficker, but Katherine already slept with him. Once she learns the truth, Katherine definitely wants to move, leading to a hilarious crying scene that morphs into a dramatic crying scene about how Katherine and Bree are like sisters.
Wanting Jackson back, Susan (Teri Hatcher) pays him a visit and, hearing the shower running, gets naked for some shower sex. Too bad there’s another woman in the shower, leading to a wacky naked girl fight that involves shampoo to the eyes. Continuing her streak of self-obsession, Susan finds a way to be the one who’s angry despite breaking into Jackson’s house and assaulting his new girlfriend. Sadly, the fight is short-lived and Jackson runs back to Susan, where they agree to start their relationship over.
Mrs. Cluskey lies to Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) about everything being forgotten regarding her vendetta against Dave, but then she calls up her sister Roberta for reinforcements. The sister is a chain-smoking, hard-drinking broad who’s five times as feisty as Karen. The two plot against Dave (Neal McDonough) while drinking beers in Karen’s hospital room. After some snooping, Roberta finds out something about Dave.
At band practice, Mike (James Denton) becomes suspicious of how badly Dave wants to practice. Later, Dave reveals more to Edie about how he had a brother named Steve who went to jail for drugs, but was killed by a fellow inmate. I guess this is why Dave moved to Wisteria Lane, but Mike still seems way too obvious a suspect. After all, Orson also went to prison. I foolishly have more faith in Desperate Housewives than for this to be anything more than a red herring.
Next week on Desperate Housewives: Things get sexy as Bree and Orson do it in the kitchen and Lynette lays the smackdown on Porter’s new, old girlfriend.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)