Dancing with the Stars returns in March and between now and then there will surely be a litany of speculation regarding who will be cast. The show is coming off its highest rated season yet, and has firmly established itself as a ratings giant, a force to be reckoned with in the realm of reality TV. As a result, the casting rumors will have the show’s producers striving for bigger names, now blessed with the extra clout that massive success brings. Who will be cast?

Reggie Miller and Jennifer Aniston have both turned down offers to appear. The fact that the producers even asked a big name like Aniston proves that they are indeed aiming high this time around. However, my theory is this: they will assume that the diversity and the cast dynamic of last season is what propelled the show into the troposphere and the producers will, therefore, attempt to cast a veritable clone of last season’s cast.

Would Dancing with the Stars really have the audacity to do such a thing? I wouldn’t put it past ABC. I’m going to put together what I would consider to be a clone of last year’s cast, using each member of last season and implanting a new celebrity with a similar social stigma. Why not? We still have a few months till the premiere. Here’s my proposed cast:

Emmitt Smith = Charles Barkley – Elite, immensely likable, Hall of Fame athletes. It would be hysterically funny to see Charles out on the dance floor.

Mario Lopez = Alfonso Ribeiro – Both are minority teen stars who played silly characters on TV shows I watched when I was 12.

Joey Lawrence = Kirk Cameron – Teen heartthrobs both, and who didn’t like Growing Pains more than Blossom?

Monique Coleman = Anybody from the Disney Channel – Um, I don’t consider Monique all that famous, so choosing someone I’ve never heard of in her spot would work just fine.

Jerry Springer = Regis Philbin – Old talk show hosts. The only problem is that Regis is about 130 years old.

Sarah Evans = Shania Twain – It’s not like she’s doing anything of note these days. If you’re going to get a female country singer, you may as well get a really hot one.

Willa Ford = Britney Spears A former teen pop singer who fell onto hard times and wants to make a comeback? Sounds about right.

Vivica A. Fox = Nia Long – Like Vivica, Nia has had a long and overlooked career.

Harry Hamlin = Corbin Bernsen – Both were on L.A. Law, but Corbin is way cooler. Less tan, though.

Shanna Moakler = Ali Landry – Ex-Beauty Queens. No one will complain about the inclusion of Beauty Queens.

Tucker Carlson = Sean Hannity – The show could always use an idiot political pundit to get voted off in the first week. Doesn’t really matter who.

And that’s my list. What’s yours?

-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer

Oscar Dahl

Senior Writer, BuddyTV