The long national nightmare is over, because finally Daisy de la Hoya has her own reality dating show. I know the entire world has been desperately hoping for this since she was the runner-up on season 2 of Rock of Love, and now it’s a reality. In the history of the world, no television series has ever been this important.
Or not. Daisy of Love turns out to be just another enjoyable trashy VH1 dating show with a house full of primo douchebags lusting after a chick with large fake breasts. God bless America.
Before Daisy shows up, host Riki Rachtman arrives to be a “boner killer” for the 20 dudes. He warns them that he doesn’t care about their stupid bands and this isn’t a place to be if you only want TV time. That position is reserved for Daisy, who first shows up singing one of her songs. I’m pretty sure this entire show is just an out-of-control marketing campaign.
There are a lot of major tools in this ensemble of men, so let’s go over the important ones:
-84, 85 and 86: This set of Swedish death metal triplets all look like girls, and as soon as they get into the house they appear to be eating raw hot dogs dipped in salsa. Then Riki gets them to admit they don’t like dating and are only here for the free food and booze.
-12 Pack: A former contestant on I Love New York and I Love Money, he claims to be here because Daisy is one of the hottest women on the planet and he made a real connection with her when she interviewed him on I Love Money. Daisy still doubts his intentions since he hooked up with her rival Heather, but 12 Pack vows he’s here for her, unlike I Love New York, as he now admits he thought she was a dude for the first five episodes of that show.
-Weasel: I’m from New Jersey, so I can spot a Jersey douchebag when I see one, and this is some Grade-A Jersey douche. Daisy also thinks he looks like Bret Michaels (he doesn’t) and that it’s a good thing (it isn’t).
-6 Gauge: Perhaps the most disturbing nickname ever, it has nothing to do with guns, but the size of his Prince Albert piercing. If you don’t know what that is, you probably shouldn’t be watching this show, and I urge you not to do a Google search. Now you probably will, so just know that I warned you.
-Sinister and Chi Chi: These two are best friends and roommates, which is the only thing that makes them remotely interesting.
-Fox: He’s really, really hot and Daisy wants to have sex with him right away. In reality, he’s not that hot, and it says a lot about Daisy’s disturbing taste in men.
-Tool Box: He gets off to a bad start when he gets drunk and tells everyone that he wants some bitches.
-Cage: A professional MMA fighter, he has a tattoo on his neck that says “Fight or Die.”
-Flipper: This man (who wears a thong) climbs the lighting scaffolding outside and does a huge flip into the pool. It’s actually kind of awesome and makes me love him more than the rest of the guys.
-London: He gets drunk, pukes all over the bathroom and passes out on the floor.
-Torch, Cable Guy, Professor, Big Rig, Flex, Brooklyn, Drpout: None of these dudes are especially interesting.
Daisy of Love Elimination Time! Before the official elimination, Daisy sends 84, 85 and 86 home. At least they take some free food and booze with them.
For the real ceremony, Dropout is the first one sent home because…well, his name kind of says it all. Torch is also eliminated for being an incomprehensible Canadian. So the lesson here is that if you’re hot, it’s OK if you pass out and puke all over the place.
Pick who will be sent home every week by playing:
Daisy of Love Fantasy TV>>
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)