On the momentous occasion of Bones 206th episode, FOX is celebrating with a rundown of all 206 bones in the human body. Booth is still gambling and lying, Hodgins and Angela are on the verge of becoming millionaires 40 times over, Cam (justifiably) freaks out about Arastoo’s safety in Iran, and Brennan obsesses over creating an accurate preschool anatomy song. Lots going on, Boneheads. 

At the same time, FOX and Bones have challenged us all to play Bones Bingo during the episode using bingo cards covered in an array of bones names. Bones has promised us that all 206 human bones will be mentioned in tonight’s “The Big Beef in the Royal Diner,” so the first to tweet #BonesBingo to @BONESonFOX will get the unnamed prizes. For more details about the FOX frenzy, check out our feature, ‘Celebrate a Bones Milestone by Playing Live Bingo with Fans’. 

So – lots going on in the Bones universe. Let’s see if they can weave all of these strands together without turning it all into a big nasty hairball. Oh, did I mention that Aubrey provides the comic relief this episode? His love affair with food, (I think that makes him a foodie, doesn’t it?), makes an appearance in just about every scene involving my man Aubrey.

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Murder and Pancakes for Breakfast

Booth makes pancakes for Christina and Brennan in the morning, inspiring a conversation featuring the childhood song about all the bones in the body. Brennan is scandalized at the erroneous information being peddled by the suspicious song and vows to write her own accurate bone song. Throughout the episode, Brennan crafts phrases and rhymes, adding to the lightheartedness of the episode. 

Royal Diner waitress, Joanne DeMarco, proves to be well versed in the anatomy of the human skeleton which she said she picked up by serving Brennan all these years. Squintern Dr. Edison is also quite helpful in infusing some rhythm and interesting rap-like verses into the song for Brennan. By the end of the episode, Brennan has revised the entire song and sings it with Christine for Booth at the diner. The portion of the song we hear doesn’t contain all 206 bones, but the episode certainly does. 

Should Slobs Be Allowed to Buy Healthy Body Parts?

Before they can finish their pelvic girdle pancakes, Mr. and Mrs. B get murder calls. The victim’s remains are found in a mud bath at a boot camp fat farm. Chili ‘Both-My-Names-Are-Edible’ Reuben was a celebrity chef, restaurant critic, and television personality who pissed off many a restauranteur. The viscera show that Chili Rueben was a diabetic slob who had had pancreas and kidney transplants, yet he continued to abuse his body by gorging and taking drugs.

The Royal Diner Gets the Royal Treatment

By ‘The Royal Treatment,’ I’m referring to the fact that the people at the Royal Diner getting the opportunity to be interviewed by the king and queen of forensic crime-solving, namely Special Agent Seeley Booth and forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan. I know I’d feel like I was meeting with royalty if I were the one being questioned by these two.

Turns out, Rueben recently gave a scathing review for the Royal Diner. Frankie ‘Cranky’ Cooper, the head cook at the diner, says he refused to pay Chili Rueben $3,000 for a good review. Cranky Frankie is defensive and belligerent while being interrogated by two of his most loyal customers. 

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Reuben Eats His Way Across America 

Reuben traveled around the nation in his Spicemobile while making his show, ‘Gettin’ Spicey with Chili Reuben’. It’s super greasy and super gross. He was also a frequent partaker of drugs and alcohol. And he was an excessive sweater. Yick. 

Cam Freaks All Over the Messenger

Edison gets a private audience with Cam to relay a message from Arastoo. Arastoo is doing fine and he’s safe. Clark tries to tell Cam this, but she gets a little crazy. She imagines Arastoo’s emails have hidden meanings like, “I am being held hostage and tortured with sleep depravation and other heinous devices.” She’s worried sick and gets prickly with Clark on several occasions. Clark assures her she can trust him to be truthful with her about Arastoo’s well-being. Arastoo is worried about her and that is why he sent Clark to reassure her. 

Once a Millionaire, Always a Millionaire

Not that Hodgins and Angela were ever pretentious snobs, but isn’t it funny (and by “funny” I mean irritating) how the rich find ways to stay rich or regain wealth in ways that most people would never think of? That’s what happens when you have invaluables like exclusive educations and connections that only money and inheritance can bring. 

Hodgins informs Angela that someone wants to mass produce and market his invention of the lab floor mats that will not allow falling glass to break upon impact. This investor could end up giving the Hodgins family $20 million dollars in royalties from the initial batch of mats. Ange and Jack are excited, but concerned about how Cam will react when she learns that the Jeffersonian could have been the recipient of the millions if she’d only allowed Hodgins to create his invention in the lab. Later, the dollar figure is doubled and held secure with a $2 million down payment of earnest money. When they finally tell Cam, she is deliriously happy for them. Crisis averted, though I never thought Cam would have any problem with it at all. 

Queue the Usual Suspects

The lineup of suspects is compiled. Reuben’s producer, Kurt Fuller, turns out to be a dead end. Cranky Frankie, despite his surliness, isn’t guilty. Kenneth Morton, a member of Chili’s production crew, was caught pawning Chili’s signature studded earring which he swears he was doing in order to score some crank for his boss. So far, there’s no evidence against Morton, who also alibis out by being at a hospital visiting his ailing mother. 

A Heart-Crushing Scene Between Brennan and Booth

At the beginning of the episode, Booth receives a text stating that he’s won $15,000, which his bookie says he will roll over for the next bet. Later, Booth hides the fact that he’s gambling on his phone when Aubrey walks in the door. Then comes a heart-crushing scene where Booth visits Brennan at the Jeffersonian to give her a beautiful necklace. It’s abundantly clear that the gift was purchased with gambling proceeds and Booth is trying to make things right by showing affection for his wife. 

He comments about how he made a good choice in choosing her as his mate. His pain hangs in the silences between them. He says he is lucky, but his face exudes, “I’m afraid of how disappointed you will be when you see this terrible side of me, and I’m afraid of losing you, and I don’t know what to do.” He struggles with wanting to escape through gambling, but needing acceptance and love and a return to happier days before his country betrayed him, he was thrown in jail, and his best friend whom he loved like a brother was brutally murdered on Booth’s watch. 

Booth is as uncomfortable as if he’d rolled around wet in the dry sand before putting his suit on that morning. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, (you can see that in his posture and the face he gives Brennan and Aubrey), but he is powerless. For right now, things haven’t yet come crashing down on him, so his addiction is safe and protected. But soon, very soon, it’s all going to come down like a house of cards. 

Brennan gives Booth his sobriety chip which she found in the laundry. As he sits and they stare at each other, they both know that the gambling is not over, but what is there to say right now that won’t start a fight and end up alienating then from each other? It’s deceptively easy to pretend there is no problem until they are brought face to face with the gambling itself.

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Clark and Hodgins Identify the Murder Weapon

Chili was killed by a bathtub faucet. A bruise on the back of Chili’s skull matches the diameter of the bathtub faucet in the hotel where Chili and his crew had been staying. Chili was drunk, obnoxious and demanding when he powered into Kenneth Morton’s hotel bathroom during Morton’s bath. Chili slipped on the bathroom floor and then started swinging at Morton. Morton shoved Chili’s head into the bathtub water where he also hit his head on the faucet. That’s what killed the guy. What’s the motive? Chili was a disgusting glutton who has had both a pancreas and a kidney transplant while Morton’s ailing mother has been on a list for healthy organs for years without any hope of living long enough to have the operation. Morton resented Chili. Chili was wasted flesh; that’s how Morton saw it. 

The Booth Bone’s Connected to the Brennan Bones

Back at the diner, the whole little Booth family is welcomed to their specially reserved table by the front window. Christine and Brennan sing their song for Booth and insist he joins in. He tries it out, doing his beat box thing and all is well. For the moment. 

Bones airs Thursdays at 8 pm on FOX. 

(Images courtesy of FOX)

Catherine Cabanela

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV