Happy Monday, fellow Bachelor-holics!

The Bachelor is the kind of show MADE for a drinking game. Not only because it becomes so much more enjoyable when watched with a big group of girlfriends and a bottle (or seven) of wine, but because it follows an unspoken, but unrelentingly strict, set of rules. It’s like they have the drama-inciting and manipulative-editing down to a science! (Because they do. They totally do.)

So it’s about time that we use those rules to our advantage, and ride high on the wings of FUN!

In other words, let’s all play The Bachelor Drinking Game that I just invented! And you don’t even have to be 21 to play! Drink water or juice. You will be sooooo hydrated!

After the jump, rules for The Bachelor Drinking Game:

Take a drink every time:

  • Jake is referred to as “perfect,” a “prince,” or a type of food you’d want to eat.
  • Jake’s abs are shown or mentioned. (Drink 2 when they are touched by someone else.)
  • You see a helicopter.
  • You hear a pilot pun. (Drink 2 if someone says they want to be Jake’s “co-pilot.”)
  • Jake flies a plane or talks about flying a plane. (Drink 2 if he uses flying as a metaphor for love.)
  • Someone is called a “bitch.” (Drink 2 if it’s to her face.)
  • Someone cries. (Drink 2 if it’s Jake.)
  • Someone says “here for the right reasons” or “not here to make friends.”
  • Someone says they are “on Cloud Nine.”
  • Jake uses a curse-word stand-in. (Examples: shucks, goodness, darn, freaking, holy smokes.)
  • Chris Harrison states the obvious.
  • Anyone sporting mad cleavage is complimented on her “inner beauty.”
  • Someone says “best/worst day of my life.”
  • You hear the words “marry,” “ring,” or “babies.”
  • Jake melodramatically turns over a woman’s photograph.
  • ABC replaces a closed-door sex scene with a suggestive montage of natural phenomenon. (Examples: Volcanoes erupting, bees pollinating a flower, a dolphin doing a flip in front of a sunset.)

If you really want to get drunk, take a drink every time:

  • Jake kisses a girl while other girls are watching.
  • A kiss goes on for so long and is shown so close-up that you want to barf into your glass.
  • The Bachelor joins one or more women in a hot tub, bath tub, or other body of water.
  • Jake says his soulmate/special lady/future wife is “in this room.”
  • Jake leads a champagne toast.
  • Jake rides a motorcycle.
  • Jake wears aviators.
  • Jake picks up one of the women. (Literally.)
  • There is eating and drinking on top of a building.
  • There is a picnic.
  • Someone says “there are no words to describe _______.” (Drink 2 if they go on to try to describe it, anyway.)
  • Jake makes a decision that you don’t agree with.

If you want to go to the hospital and get your stomach pumped (FUN!), take a drink every time:

  • Someone says “love,” “imagine,” “connection,” “amazing,” or “ROSE.”
  • Someone describes a kiss.

Have suggestions for more rules? Shout ’em out in the comments!

And, of course, please be safe when playing the Bachelor Drinking Game, everybody. Bachelor-induced alcohol poisoning is NOT the way you want to go.

And if you play the game correctly, no matter who ends up a loser at the end of each episode, one thing is for sure: YOU WIN!

Let me know if you’re following (and drinking) along with me every Monday night at 8 PM. As usual, I’ll be livetweeting each episode over at @BTV_Bachelor, and posting my recap after the episode! If I can still type. (Just kidding! The game is for YOU, not for me. Lucky you!)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.