Why do you watch The Bachelorette? Is it for the romance? The drama? The beautiful, desperate idiots? The fashion? The ridiculously unrealistic dates? The travel? Chris Harrison’s understated but irresistible charisma? All of the above?

Well, ABC thinks they know why you’ll be tuning in when The Bachelorette premieres next Monday, May 23. Three syllables, two words, six packs: SHIRT. LESS. MEN.

Yeah, that’s right, girl. (Or boy.) They got your number and they’re dialing it, hard. Watch this soft-core promo and try not to sweat (out of desire or shame, your choice):

Little known fact: “Oh la la!” is actually French for “Hey LADIES! Free porn! Just the way you like it … with feelings.” (Not saying I did not enjoy that promo. Not saying that at ALL. Just saying it’s not making me proud this is “my show.”) (Also not saying I was ever “proud” about that fact before.)

BONUS! You have to watch this clip from the premiere of Drunk Tim. I don’t even know Drunk Tim yet, and I already love Drunk Tim. Oh, Drunk Tim! So drunk you can’t even form words? That is TOO DRUNK, Drunk Tim! Get it together, Drunk Tim. Try being Buzzed Tim when you’re on TV, maybe?

Oh no, Tiiiiiiiim!

Double Bonus! Here’s Drunk Tim asleep, along with a couple more of this season’s throwaway goons. “I wet the bed!” guy should CALL ME!*

*So I can ask why he hates himself so much that he’d say that on TV, maybe aid him in getting some help.

I’m so already hooked on this season it’s not even funny. But you can bet your sweet little snark-loving heart the recaps will be! Starting May 23 at 8pm on ABC. Don’t miss out.

(Image courtesy of ABC)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.