This week CW’s America’s Next Top Model starts off like the last three with an ad nauseam update about Mirjana and Denzel’s on-again-off again relationship before we get anything else done. Wah, wah, wah. Please, somebody poke me in the eye with a stick so I don’t have to see those two on the screen together again!
Before long though, Miss J. Alexander in a flannel onesie and big pink curlers shows up at the party mansion to give private runway lessons to last week’s top photo winner, Lenox, and her two ANTM Tyra Suite roommates, Shei and Raelia. Miss J. asks them all to twerk for him, but Lenox just can’t do it. Raelia is the queen of twerk with a lot of scrumptious jelly in her jam, but we already knew that. Shei must have shaken her bootie, but I don’t even remember it, that’s how good it was, or maybe it’s because of how sick (in a good way) Raelia’s was. But like I said, three time top photo winner Lenox’s twerkability is an epic fail. This girl has a chance to win the whole gig this cycle, but if she can’t get her sexy on, she’s gonna fizzle out in a puff of forgettable smoke.
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The Betsey Johnson Designer Modeling Challenge
The next morning the eight remaining models — four women and four men — show up to be met by Miss J. and Alexis Borges who are in charge of a runway show for four designers. First up for the casting challenge is the colorful and amazing Ms. Betsey Johnson. All the models walk the runway for Betsey first, then for Control Sector, Altaf Maaneshia and Brad Schwartz. Everyone books jobs except Denzel who books a big goose egg. Kelly Cutrone has told Denzel he needs to loose some weight because his muscles are a little too big. What?
Shei takes the prize by booking four designers and then killing the runway.
Mitch Stone Appears for an Essential Hair Products Photo Shoot
The models are paired up for the shoot that’s all about big hair. The men will be lifting the women up. Shei and Denzel, Mirjana and Keith, Realia and Will, Lenox and Adam are the pairings.
Throughout the day Denzel is basically having his own little pity party because he bombed the challenge. He’s basically falling asleep on the set. Shei is the only saving grace for their team shot. Will rocked his shoot with Raelia, but Raelia was like a big heavy suitcase full of cement. When it comes to Mirjana and Keith, Mirjana has a bitchy temper tantrum and the whole crew gets disgusted with her. As for Adam and Lenox, they are a hot mess, but we just know something fantastic will come out of it because, well, it’s Lenox and she was born under a lucky star.
Queen Tyra Hold Court
When the group gets to panel, Mirjana is brought to task for running roughshod all over Keith during their photo shoot. Her explanation is that she and Keith were just conversating. Of course, everyone laughs about it during panel, and Tyra makes a public service announcement that ‘con-ver-sate’ is not a word. Mirjana is also called to task for modeling H2B, which Tyra banks explains is ‘Head-to-Boobs’, instead of ‘Head-to-Toes’ which is the goal. Mirjana escaped being in the bottom three, but didn’t make it into the top three either.
At panel Lenox is teased for having absolutely no toochability what-so-ever. Or was it twerkability? Regardless, baby girl ain’t got no sensuality in that twiggy little body of hers. Lenox seriously needs to spend some time rocking out to George Michaels singing ‘I Want your Sex’, or Rod Stewart performing, ‘Do Ya’ Think I’m Sexy?’
Will – This man booked two runways. The photo shoot reminds Tyra of 1990s Steven Meisel Versace ad. Sounds like that’s a really good thing. Miss J. says Will is eating the shoot and it’s genius. Kelly says he is nice and tall. Tyra says it’s simply amazing. It looks like Raelia is a baby on his hip. He is absolutely gorgeous. You could cut glass with his cheek bones and baby girls should be jealous of his perfectly luscious lips. Miss J. and Tyra give him sores of 10 each.
Raelia – Beautiful girl booked two runways, but blew one of them when she only walked half way down the runway before turning and leaving. She did look stunning in the designer’s clothing, though. Everyone loves her posing and her hair. Tyra actually gives her a score of 10.
Keith – This man booked two runways during the challenge and stole the shot in the Mitch Stone photo shoot with Mirjana, according to Miss J Alexander. Kelly Cutrone says Keith is modeling with attitude and energy. His modeling is what makes the makes the shot, says Kelly. Tyra says that if Keith was her man she’d keep this photo on her phone and pull it out all the time to show him off. By the way, is Tyra married? Just wondering.
Adam – The surprisingly drama-less short male model booked exactly one runway. Kelly and Tyra say his shoot with Lenox looks like a fashon-ice skating image. Tyra says his face is a little stiff but he looks absolutely beautiful and she likes his proud chest.
Denzel – One again Miss J. Alexander mentions the bulkiness of Denzel’s body. Tyra warns him not to embrace anorexia, but to do more cardio. Frankly, those dead bat wings they glue to his face for every single photo shoot have done this man no favors. Don’t even get me started on his crazy sick (and not in a good way) non-relationship with Mirjana.
Lenox – Kelly was super disappointed about the entire shot, only booked one fashion show and her social media scores were lower than they have ever been. Kelly says that if Lenox cannot loosen up at this point then she needs to go home or she’ll end up a hanger for clothes, not a model of clothes.
Denzel is eliminated.
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Went to Panel and a Soul Food Picnic Broke out
After Denzel is sent packing, Tyra announces that she doesn’t like a model who doesn’t eat. she ate her way through her entire career, she says. In come two shirtless waiters with room service carts full of some of Tyra’s favorite soul foods. As everyone mows down, there’s some tension in the air as the models can tell something is up. Low and behold, Tyra says they need more people for this party. Enter all the eliminated models.
Who Gets Voted Back on the Island?
Back into the throne room saunter six of the eliminated models. It would be seven, but Romeo got himself eliminated for physically assaulting Adam. Tyra announces they are about to learn which eliminated female and which eliminated male model has the highest social media score. For the females we have unique Chantelle, icy Kari, and Ivy, whom I don’t even recognize. Male contestants are Keith who just got eliminated two seconds ago, beautiful Matthew, and unremarkable Ben.
The women walk forward and the social media scores start flipping by on the board. Who gets to come back? The three men advance to be judged by social media. Who gets to come back?
Chantelle and Ben have the highest social media scores.
Soul Food Turns Into a Trip to Seoul, Korea.
Tyra announces that there is a magical meaning behind her choice of cuisine for this party. That meaning is … drum roll … that the group is headed to Seoul, Korea! Woot! However, there’s a catch. She only has enough plane tickets for eight models. That means that only Chantelle or Ben will be welcomed back into the fold to take the trip across the world for the final six or seven episodes. Leave it to Tyra to throw in this final twist.
The Model Coming Back Into the Competition Is …
Chantelle and Ben cling to each other as the media scores flip and flip and flip once more. Then, of course, the freaking credits roll and we have to wait for next week. That’s the worst part about America’s Next Top Model: it’s only on once a week. Agggghhhhhhh!
America’s Next Top Model airs Fridays at 9pm on The CW.
(Image courtesy of The CW)