Can ghosts get their happy ending? Apparently some on American Horror Story: Hotel can, but others will be trapped in their own personal hell as they navigate the afterlife at the Cortez Hotel. In “Battle Royale,” it seems everyone has their own agenda to kill the Countess, including March, Iris and Liz. Meanwhile, Sally wants to keep her alive to lure John back to the hotel. Meanwhile, John and Alex seem to want to get their life back to normal … whatever that might be.

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Plans Go Awry

Liz and Iris have a great plan to go in guns blazing and kill the Countess. That is until they realize that Donovan is in the penthouse with her and he takes a majority of the hits. As the Countess flees, Iris rushes to Donovan’s side. His last dying wish is to not die in the hotel so he doesn’t have to spend an eternity with the Countess’ ex-lovers. Liz and Iris rush him outside, where he takes his last breath.

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A New Plan

After a brief mourning period, Iris is ready to go after the Countess again with Liz’s help of course. The pair head to the vault to free Romona in the hope that she’s so pissed off she’ll help them. When they enter the vault, they see all of the children, as well as Drake (who Romona fed off of) and she’s very hungry, very pissed and very on edge. Liz manages to talk her down and Iris promises to feed her a fresh human.

As Iris and Liz try to figure out how to bring a victim to Romona, in walks Queenie (Gabourey Sidibie). For those who don’t know, Queenie is from American Horror Story: Coven. She’s the human voodoo doll witch, in that anything that happens to her is transferred onto someone else. So, when Romona attacks her later in her hotel room, it becomes this battle with Queenie injuring herself to injure Romona.

The battle quickly ends when March arrives and stabs Queenie, instantly killing her. Turns out, a ghost can kill a witch. Romona feeds and immediately feels stronger with her new witch blood. March then explains that he wants Romona to kill the Countess so that she will remain in the hotel with him forever.

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Nursing Back to Health

Meanwhile, it’s Sally who is tending to the Countess’ wounds. She was injured pretty badly during the shooting. Sally explains that she needs the Countess to lure John back to the hotel, as Sally wants to kill John so he remains at the hotel forever with her.

In order to speed up her healing process, the Countess explains she needs blood like hers. But when she asks for Donovan, she’s upset to learn that he’s dead. Sally brings her two of her creepy children instead. At first the Countess refuses, as if she drinks their blood, they will die. But Sally basically gives her no choice.

A Normal Vampire Family

Meanwhile in the outside world, Alex and John have picked up Scarlet and have moved back into their home with Holden too. Scarlet obviously has a lot of questions as to what’s up and how they will explain their “new” lifestyle to grandma. Both parents assure her that everything will be okay as long as they take their medicine. But Scarlet is no fool and asks about drinking blood and if they will eat people.

Later on, after John heads out to get “dinner,” he comes home to an empty house and finds just a Cortez room key.

The Rise and Fall of the Countess

Rushing to the hotel, John enters the room to find Sally. And while Sally wants to kill him immediately, she tells him that March wants him to finish his last Commandment: “Thou shall not murder.” With the promise of seeing his family again, John realizes he must find a murderer to add to his wall of trophies.

Meanwhile, Romona has headed to the penthouse to kill the Countess. Of course, the Countess uses her charm on her. The Countess apologizes for hurting Romona and asks her to kill her and set her free. But first, she wants to make love.

The Countess then packs her bags and heads to the elevator to leave. But John is waiting for her and shoots her to death. He puts her head in a jar and adds it to the wall for March.

March, of course, is thrilled that John chose the Countess as his last kill, as now he can be with her forever. When Sally tries to kill John, though, March stops her, explaining he has more plans for John. Obviously annoyed at everything, John runs away to look for his family.

Together for Eternity

At his first dinner with the Countess as fellow ghosts, March couldn’t be happier. However, the dinner is quickly ruined when Miss Evers flips out. She’s hated the Countess for decades and always believed that she should be with March and not the Countess. The Countess explains that it wasn’t her who called the cops on March all those years ago. And when Miss Evers explains that it was her love and devotion for March that drew her to turn him in so they could die together, March banishes her. So much for Miss Evers’ happy ending. It’s just too bad that she’s still bound to the Cortez.

Meanwhile, the Countess is now in her own nightmare as she will be forced to spend her eternity with March.

Almost There

With just one more episode of American Horror Story: Hotel, I’m pleased that storylines are getting wrapped up. As much as I loved to hate the Countess and all her scheming ways, I guess I fell for her charms too because I felt really bad she has to now spend eternity with March. She doesn’t even have Donovan or Valentino to spend ghost eternity with, since they didn’t die at the Cortez. Though maybe Romona will be there. We are never shown what happens after the Countess kisses her. Perhaps the Countess drank Romona’s witch blood to really heal herself. Either way, the Countess is dead, so I guess the joke’s on her.

I have to say, I really don’t care about John and Alex and Sally. In fact, if those storylines don’t get wrapped up, I wouldn’t even care. The whole 10 Commandments killer and turning Alex storylines were the weakest this season, at least in my opinion. While the storyline did have potential, I just don’t think the writers had to time really flesh out the pieces to make it better.

I do hope that Iris and Liz get their happy endings though. Be it at the Cortez or beyond.

American Horror Story: Hotel airs Wednesdays at 10pm on FX.

(Image courtesy of FX)


Contributing Writer, BuddyTV