This picture perfectly sums up the Agents of SHIELD mission in “Yes Men.” No matter how front and center and smirking an agent can be, there’s always an Asgardian lingering in the background, taking a page out of Thor’s book and stealing the thunder.

Jaimie Alexander’s badass Lady Sif and Elena Satine’s sexy Lorelei so dominated this one that SHIELD was basically background music and catalyst fodder to keep things moving. It’s even difficult to determine the most valuable agent this time around, because all the contributions are so overshadowed.

They are movie stars on a TV screen, and only the other movie star is even able to keep up. Let’s break it down. 

Agents of SHIELD Recap: Lorelei vs. Lady Sif >>>

Ward Wears Flip Flops

Agent Ward started out strong, compassionately looking after Skye and communicating with maybe-more-than-sex-buddy May. Then he tranquilized some rednecks and kicked Rooster’s ass. 

After that, he took a motorcycle ride to Sin City and got laid by a super hot and sultry alien whose special ability is overpowering men with her touch and voice, so you know she’s really damn good at it. So there’s that. 

But he also commandeered the Bus, sucked Lady Sif out of the roof deck mid-flight and tried to shoot May in the head immediately after she found out he’s been thinking about Skye this whole time. So yeah, not a great week for him.

Coulson KO’s Fitz

Agent Leo Fitz was also entranced by Lorelei, lured Sif into the interrogation room and locked Simmons and Skye in the infirmary, events which overshadowed some legitimate contributions. He developed the advanced ICER night-night guns, tracked the energy signal to Sif’s landing point and, most important, fixed the broken Asgardian collar that turned off Lorelei’s powers.

But when you have to be lured out by your best friend so that your boss can knock you out, yeah, no gold stars for you.

Dr. Simmons on the Case

Agent Jemma Simmons kind of sat out the action this time, focusing instead on nursing Skye back to health while investigating the effects and makeup of GH325. She confronted Coulson over his refusal to allow her to enter the data into the SHIELD database, but followed orders once he explained why it was so important to keep it a secret.

She was also ready to hit Coulson with a fire extinguisher in case he was under Lorelei’s spell, and then she lured Fitz out to play Meet the Fist with Coulson. 

Skye is Gradually Reintegrated 

It was a welcome sight to have Skye back in the swing of things, as we didn’t realize how much of an integral cog she was until she was gone. So you could say she’s our Big Yellow Taxi. Still, her main focus was recovering from her gunshot wounds and intestinal injuries, despite her best efforts to get into the mix.

Coulson brought her back into hack-tion (I’m just going to keep using that) when he needed help tracking Ward and Lorelei, and she eventually chipped in by overriding the Bus’ systems to let Sif back into the plane and then locking her and Lorelei in the interrogation room.

May Shows Her True Colors

Agent May gets the honorable mention this week, curbing her feelings for Ward to do what needed to be done. But it was almost an atypical week for her. I mean, she wasn’t even driving when they went to greet Lady Sif. And that’s what she does. She drives and fistfights. 

I don’t recall her being present at the bar fight; she got her butt handed to her when she tried to attack Lorelei. And despite getting in some solid hits, she’d be dead if she hadn’t pulled the clip from Ward’s gun. And this was after she had to hear that she wasn’t Ward’s “one” before watching him kiss another woman who was way hotter. And I’m not sure if being described as “the beautiful warrior with the heart of ice” is a complement or an insult, but I’m not going to praise it.

And who knows who she was phoning on the secure line to inform that “Coulson knows.” I suspect it’s nothing too sinister and that she is in some way looking out for Coulson, because I just can’t imagine another scenario. 

Philip, Son of Coul

Sif calling him the above was my favorite line of the show, and almost by default, Coulson is the agent of the week. The award should obviously go to Lady Sif, but alas, she is not an agent and is thus ineligible (though in reality I can do whatever I want). 

Coulson did put together a solid mission, namely because he was the only one who was able to keep his wits and avoid Lorelei’s touch. But he’s actively using his connections to try and get answers; he made sound decisions on what SHIELD rules to follow and he orchestrated all the events that led to the villain’s recapture. 

He also came clean with Skye, strengthening their bond and vowing to find the answers to the unknown together. He also unsuccessfully tried to convince May to squash the beef with Ward. It didn’t work, but at least he put in the effort. 

He remains the glue that holds everything together, and I am convinced that the show would have been a flop had they not found a way to revive the character.

Or maybe we should just give it to Sif. Or Lorelei (like Ward did).

You can watch Agents of SHIELD every Tuesday at 8pm on ABC. 

(Image courtesy of ABC)

Bill King

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

Emmy-winning news producer & former BuddyTV blogger. Lover of Philly sports, Ned, Zoe, Liam and Delaine…not in that order