Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: 30 people came on this show hoping for either love or fame. Actually, 30 came on looking for fame, and a few didn’t mind if love happened to be there too. After countless disgusting, suggestive (and explicit) sexual challenges, it comes down to sexy Kristy and metal-jawed Bo.
This being the Shot at Love finale, I’m counting on plenty of montages to give me ample opportunity to nap during the episode, such as the extended summary of the entire season that opens this episode. Here’s tonight’s drinking game: take a shot every time they reuse footage from past episodes.
The final two get one last challenge. Two giant blocks of ice are in the foyer, each with a heart in the middle. Kristy and Bo must melt the ice with their bodies. Tila Tequila offers them some assistance in the form of their best friends from home. The winning team gets some extra time with Tila in her private strip club. Kristy rubs her butt all over the block, brilliantly distracting one of Bo’s buddies. The other Bo friend isn’t so easily distracted, breathing on the ice right behind Bo’s rear end to help the melting process.
Bo wins and in the club, Tila Tequila asks for some dirt on her Bo Bear, but they give none. The three guys then start grinding on Tila, but the ladies bust in and take over. Kristy’s friends are just as reluctant to say anything bad about their best gal pal. The friends then immediately go back home.
On the last day before the final elimination ceremony, each of the finalists go on a date with Tila. She takes him to some room in the mansion made up to look like a sports bar. Bo is that frat dude from college that you hated, because he always got the girl you secretly pined for. We see Bo is still wearing his hospital bracelet from his surgery and will take it off and give it to Tila when she chooses him. Bo struggles a bit, then says, “I love Tila Tequila.” Saying it in the third person is extremely weird, but it makes sense: he loves her fake persona, not the real person behind the Tila mask.
Tila and Kristy hang out and Kristy expresses her fears that she’s never had a serious relationship with another woman and she doesn’t want to disappoint Tila. The two share an incredibly sappy emotional moment that would make a Hallmark card vomit.
Finally it’s the last day and Kristy wakes Bo up by jumping on him. It’s time for the obligatory spa treatment for the two finalists, giving the producers a chance to show montages of their respective journeys on A Shot at Love. This finale could realistically be done in about 15 minutes if they cut the pointless montages.
Fifteen minutes, three montages and two cigarettes (for me) later, Tila stands by the pool and pretends that this decision is for keeps, whereas we all know the relationship will crash and burn in a few weeks to set the stage for A Shot at Love 3 with Tila Tequila. On the limo ride to the pool, Kristy gets extremely nervous and begins to question whether she wants a man or a woman. Ha!
A Shot at Love 2 Elimination Time! Somehow there are still 20 minutes left in the episode. Bo makes the slow walk to Tila. After a long speech, she informs him that his shot at love has ended. Wow, that happened much earlier than I thought. He makes the sad, slow walk away, back to obscurity. He takes off his medical bracelet and drops it on the floor.
Now there are 15 minutes left, so prepare for some wacky shenanigans. Kristy arrives and makes her own walk to Tila. She’s incredibly nervous and tense. Tila gets emotional about having her heart broken before. Tila Tequila gives Kristy a shot at love and asks if she’s interested. However, Kristy cries as she says she’s not ready for this, so she turns the key down!
Tila chose Kristy, and Kristy turned her down! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tila cries asking why she would do this to her, and Kristy says she’s confused and accepting the key would make her not true to herself. Tila feels humiliated and walks off, crying the whole way. She doesn’t understand what she’s doing wrong and why she keeps getting her heart broken.
Best. Ending. Ever!
Next week on A Shot at Love 2: Tila Tequila, Bo and Kristy gather for a reunion. That should be interesting.
Should Tila Tequila Return for A Shot at Love 3?
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)