Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: The contestants wrestled in gelatin and had a food fight with candy. Samantha (aka Glitter the Stripper) and long-haired Scotty were sent home, narrowing down the field to six.
Bionic Bo had his stitches removed, so he’s free of the chin bandage. The Message in the Bottle is about what the contestants are willing to do for Tila Tequila. They roll up to a tattoo parlor, and Brittany is excited by the prospect of getting another one. Tila says she’s willing to go to their hometowns, so she wants to know how far they’re willing to go for her. The choices are: tattoo, piercing, walking on broken glass or sitting in an electric chair. Yeah, because those four are all equal to going to some podunk town.
Brittany wants a tattoo, but she doesn’t want Tila’s name because that’s a jinx. She wants to think about what tattoo to get, and Tila is disappointed by this. I hate Tila so much right now, because this is permanent and Tila is trying to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to do. Kristy then decides to get a star tattoo similar to Tila’s on the back of her neck. Is that the new tramp stamp, because Heather Chadwell from Rock of Love did the same thing?
George wants to walk on broken glass, which he tries to pretend is as major as a tattoo. He does it and I’m not impressed, nor is anyone else because there’s no blood. To prove that George is a huge wuss, Tila walks on the glass without any problem, then reveals that the glass is fake. HA! On the other hand, it’s not funny at all, because the tattoos aren’t fake.
Bo steps up and gets a tattoo of a shot glass on his calf. Jay then gets the same tattoo on the back of his shoulder. That will be a great story to tell his grandkids.
“Grandpa, why do you have a shot glass on your back?”
“Well sonny, I got matching tattoos with another dude I hated when I was competing on a TV show to date a bisexual Asian chick.”
Lisa doesn’t want anything permanent and since the glass is a sham, she goes into the electric chair and looks kind of aroused the whole time. Brittany finally comes back and somehow says she’s afraid of needles, so to prove her love, she gets her belly button pierced. How are you OK with a tattoo but terrified of a pierced navel?
Tila then decides Kristy gets a sexy date, Bo and Jay get a romantic date and the other three (who didn’t get tattoos) get a dirty date. Kristy and Tila go shopping for lingerie and the result is two pillows shy of an adolescent boy’s fantasy.
The Jay-Bo duo goes on a romantic date featuring a Japanese dinner. The two men both give Tila a massage at the same time, and Jay is a bit weirded out by whatever the clothed equivalent of crossing swords is. I suspect this is not the threesome either guy envisioned when they found out they were going to be on A Shot at Love 2. Jay makes out with her, then Bo gets his “Jersey sloppy seconds.” That’s like regular sloppy seconds, but with more nuclear waste.
The final three put on white bootie shorts and a white training bra (and yes, that includes George). Tila wants them to make a painting using body art, so the result is very messy people rubbing each other. George is happy to have three ladies touching his whole body. Tila makes out with Brittany, then Lisa is disgusted by the prospect of Tila macking on all these other people. Um, that’s the whole premise of the show. Lisa then says she’s not falling in love like everyone else.
The next morning, Lisa and George whine about how little they’re connecting with Tila. The contestants have a barbecue outside, but Tila interrupts it with a challenge. She reveals some hot dogs, and Jay is happy because, as he says, “I love eating wieners.” Bo is disappointed because he’s on a blended diet, but to level the playing field, Tila blends the hot dogs and makes every suck down their hot dog smoothies. Meatwad would be in Heaven. Kristy would rather have pig vagina, so she and Jay give up almost immediately. George and Lisa chug as fast as they can and Lisa wins, as always, so she gets an intimate date in Tila’s bedroom.
Lisa tries to explain herself on the date, and Tila is obvious disappointed because she’d rather be having sex with George before eliminating him. Lisa still won’t say she’s in love with Tila.
Commercial Break: What’s cooler, a new season of America’s Best Dance Crew or those MTV commercials featuring Spencer Pratt acting like a total douchebag (in other words, acting like himself)?
A Shot at Love 2 Elimination Time! Two more are going before Tila goes to visit the hometowns and meet the families of her final four. Jay gets the first key, meaning Tila’s going back to Jersey! Kristy gets the second key. Bo gets the third key because he shaved his soul patch, got a metal plate in his head and got a tattoo. Tila says she was right the first time and sends George home…again. Brittany gets the final key, so Lisa is gone.
Next week on A Shot at Love 2: Tila goes to New York for Kristy, Ohio for Bo, California for Brittany, and some state for Jay, but he’s never made it clear where he’s from. Oh yeah, and Jay’s mom totally flashes Tila her boobs at the dinner table. Seriously.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(image courtesy of MTV)