In honor of Supernatural‘s 100th episode, here are the 100 funniest quotes as submitted by BuddyTV fans.
#101 “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.”
-Dean in season 1’s “Pilot”
#100 “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
-Andrea to Dean in season 1’s “Dead in the Water”
#99 “Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap.”
-Dean to Sam in season 1’s “Phantom Traveler”
#98 “Lollipops and candy canes”
Sam: “Why’d you let me fall asleep?”
Dean: “Because I’m an awesome brother. So what did you dream about?”
Sam: “Lollipops and candy canes.”
-from season 1’s “Bloody Mary”
#97 “Your half-caf, double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, Francis.”
-Dean to Sam in season 1’s “Hookman”
#96 “Boy, you put your foot on my coffee table, I’m gonna whack you with a spoon.”
-Missouri to Dean in season 1’s “Home”
#95 “Who do you think is a hotter psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt or you?”
-Dean to Sam in season 1’s “Asylum”
#94 “I had a crappy guidance counselor.”
-Sam, on why his job is being a Hunter in season 1’s “Asylum”
#93 “Dude, you fugly.”
-Dean to the scarecrow in season 1’s “Scarecrow”
#92 “I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it.”
-Dean in season 1’s “Scarecrow”
#91 “Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.”
-Dean, mocking Sam’s earnestness in season 1’s “Scarecrow”
#90 “I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”
-Dean in season 1’s “Faith
#89 “That fabric softener teddy bear? Oh, I’m gonna hunt that little bitch down.”
-Dean in season 1’s “Faith”
#88 “You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”
-Dean to Sam in season 1’s “Faith”
#87 “I miss conversations that didn’t start with ‘this killer truck.'”
-Sam in season 1’s “Route 666”
#86 “Next time you wanna get laid, find a girl that’s not so buckets-of-crazy, huh?”
-Dean to Sam in season 1’s “Shadow”
#85 “You’re a bad person”
Dean: “People believe in Santa Claus. How come I’m not getting hooked up every Christmas?”
Sam: “Because you’re a bad person.”
-from season 1’s “Hell House”
#84 “What kind of a house doesn’t have salt? Low sodium freaks!”
-Sam in season 1’s “Provenance”
#83 “Spent it on ammo.”
-John to Sam about what happened to his college fund in season 1’s “Dead Man’s Blood”
#82 “I think I’ll pass on the seventy two virgins, thanks. I’m not that into prude chicks anyway.”
-Dean in season 2’s “In My Time of Dying”
#81 “My name is Dean Winchester. I ‘m an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone.”
-Dean from season 2’s “The Usual Suspects”
#80 “MySpace, what the hell is that? Seriously, is that like, some sort of porn site?”
-Dean in season 2’s “Crossroad Blues”
#79 “The dumbest thing you’ve ever done”
Sam: “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
Dean: “I don’t know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa?”
-from season 2’s “Croatoan”
#78 “Why do these people assume we’re gay?”
Dean: “Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we’re gay?”
Sam: “Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you’re overcompensating.”
-from season 2’s “Playthings”
#77 “What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You’re not gonna poke her with a stick!”
-Sam to Dean in season 2’s “Playthings”
#76 “We’re not working for the Mandroid!”
-Sam in season 2’s “Nightshifter”
#75 “There’s no such thing as unicorns?”
Sam: “Dean, there’s ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we’ve ever hunted.”
Dean: “Yeah, you know what? There’s a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!”
Sam: “Wait, there’s no such thing as unicorns?”
-from season 2’s “Houses of the Holy”
#74 “I think I learned a valuable lesson: Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year’s, or you might get filleted by a hooker from God.
-Dean in season 2’s “Houses of the Holy”
#73 “Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
-Dean to Sam in season 2’s “Born Under a Bad Sign”
#72 “Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don’t have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah.”
-Sam as described by Dean in season 2’s “Tall Tales”
#71 “They made me slow dance.
-Frat boy talking about his alien abduction in season 2’s “Tall Tales”
#70 “What about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don’t you understand. I mean werewolves are badass, we haven’t seen one since we were kids.”
-Dean in season 2’s “Heart”
#69 “Kind of like a slave”
Dean: “What’s a P.A.?”
Sam: “I think it’s kind of like a slave.”
-from season 2’s “Hollywood Babylon”
#68 “You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.”
-Sam in season 2’s “Hollywood Babylon”
#67 “They’re not love”
Dean: “Save room for dessert, Tiny. Hey, I wanted to ask you, because I couldn’t help but notice you are two tons of fun. Just curious, is it like a thyroid problem? Or is that just some deep-seated self esteem issue? Because you know, they’re just doughnuts. They’re not love.”
-from season 2’s “Folsom Prison Blues”
#66 “Hey, see if they’ve got any pie. Bring me some pie. I love me some pie.”
-Dean in season 2’s “All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1”
#65 “I lost my shoe.”
-Sam in season 3’s “Bad Day at Black Rock”
#64 “I’m Batman!”
-Dean in season 3’s “Bad Day at Black Rock”
#63 “Snow White? I saw that movie. The porn version anyway. There was this wicked Stepmother. Woo, she was wicked.”
-Dean in season 3’s “Bedtime Stories”
#62 “I’m gonna go stop the Big Bad Wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I’ve ever said.”
-Dean in season 3’s “Bedtime Stories”
#61 “Dude, could you be more gay? Don’t answer that.”
-Dean to Sam in season 3’s “Bedtime Stories”
#60 “Not in public”
Dean: “Can I shoot her?”
Sam: “Not in public.”
-talking about Bela in season 3’s “Red Sky at Morning”
#59 “Don’t objectify me”
Bela: “You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”
Dean: “Don’t objectify me.”
-from season 3’s “Red Sky at Morning”
#58 “Rolling naked in money”
Sam: “How do you sleep at night??
Bela: “On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.”
-from season 3’s “Red Sky at Morning”
#57 “A worse Hell”
Dixon: “Can you think of a worse hell?”
Dean: “Well, there’s Hell.”
-from season 3’s “Fresh Blood”
#56 “You fudgin’ touch me again, I’ll fudgin’ kill you!
-Dean in season 3’s “A Very Supernatural Christmas”
#55 “Being really, really childish”
Sam and Dean (in unison): “Yeah right. Nice guess. It wasn’t guess. Right, you’re a mind reader. Cut it out Sam. Sam! You think you’re being funny but you’re being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchesters keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up … OK, enough!”
-from season 3’s “Mystery Spot”
#54 “These tacos taste funny to you?”
-Dean in season 3’s “Mystery Spot”
#53 “I shot the sheriff”
Henriksen: “I shot the sheriff.”
Dean: “But you didn’t shoot the deputy.”
-from season 3’s “Jus in Bello”
#52 “Inside your duffel bag?”
Dean: “Hey, Ed, listen to me. There’s some salt in my duffel. Make a circle and get inside.”
Ed: “Inside your duffel bag??
Dean: “In the salt, you idiot!”
-from season 3’s “Ghostfacers”
#51 “Ed, you’ve got to go be gay for that poor dead intern.”
-Harry in season 3’s “Ghostfacers”
#50 “I’d like to think it’s because of my perky nipples.”
-Dean, explaining why he thinks he got out of Hell in season 4’s “Lazarus Rising”
#49 “What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?”
-Dean to Castiel in season 4’s “Lazarus Rising”
#48 “Sammy, wherever you are, mom is a babe. I’m going to hell … again.
-Dean in season 4’s “In the Beginning”
#47 “Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.”
-Dean in season 4’s “Metamorphosis”
#46 “Brother, I have been re-hymenated and the dude will not abide.”
-Dean in season 4’s “Monster Movie”
#45 “Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.”
-Dracula to the pizza delivery boy in season 4’s “Monster Movie”
#44 “Oh, I’m not carrying that. It could go off. I’ll man the flashlight.”
-Dean, on why he won’t carry a gun in season 4’s “Yellow Fever”
#43 “That was scary!”
-Dean, after seeing a rat in season 4’s “Yellow Fever”
#42 “We hunt monsters”
Dean: “That is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, come on, we hunt monsters! What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster, and they run. But not us, no, no, no, we search out things that want to kill us. Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We are insane! You know, and then there’s the bad diner food and then the skeevy motel rooms and then the truck-stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Seriously? Do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day, every single day? I don’t think so! I mean, I drive too fast. And I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again, and I sing along. I’m annoying, I know that. And you, you’re gassy! You eat half a burrito, and you get toxic! I mean, you know what? You can forget it. Stay away from me Sam, OK? Because I am done with it. I’m done with the monsters and the hellhounds and the ghost sickness and the damn apocalypse. I’m out. I’m done. Quit.”
-from season 4’s “Yellow Fever”
#41 “Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that’s it. I’m torching everybody.”
-Dean in season 4’s “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester”
#40 “On Thursdays, we’re teddy bear doctors.”
-Dean in season 4’s “Wishful Thinking”
#39 “This body is 100 percent socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.”
-Ruby in season 4’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer”
#38 “Confusing reality with porn again”
Sam: “She was convinced that he wasn’t her real daddy.”
Dean: “Who was? The plumber, hmmm? A little snaking the pipes??
Sam: “Dude, you’re confusing reality with porn again.”
-from season 4’s “Heaven and Hell”
#37 “Douchebaggery”
Sam: “He’s famous, kind of.”
Dean: “For what, douchebaggery?”
-discussing Jeb Dexter in season 4’s “Criss Angel is a Douchebag”
#36 “Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.”
-Dean in season 4’s “After School Special”
#35 “The whistle makes me their god.”
-Dean in season 4’s After School Special”
#34 “Uriel’s the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone”
-Castiel in season 4’s “On the Head of a Pin”
#33 “Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.”
-Dean in season 4’s “It’s a Terrible Life”
#32 “There’s actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.”
-Dean in season 4’s “The Monster at the End of This Book”
#31 “That’s why they’re family”
Bobby: “You stupid, stupid son of a bitch. Well, boo-hoo! I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family’s supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They’re supposed to make you miserable! That’s why they’re family!”
-from season 4’s “Lucifer Rising”
#30 “Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That’s real fun. I think I’ll pass, thanks.”
-Dean in season 5’s “Sympathy for the Devil”
#29 “Then I don’t want to be right”
Becky: “And then Sam touched…” No. “…caressed Dean’s clavicle. ‘This is wrong,’ said Dean. ‘Then I don’t want to be right,’ replied Sam, in a husky voice.”
-writing slash fan fiction in season 5’s “Sympathy for the Devil”
#28 “No, he’s not on any flatbread.”
-Castiel about the location of God in season 5’s “Good God Y’All”
#27 “Last time you zapped me someplace, I didn’t poop for a week.
-Dean to Castiel in season 5’s “Free to Be You and Me””
#26 “You mean to tell me you’ve never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?”
-Dean to Castiel in season 5’s “Free to Be You and Me”
#25 “There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.”
-Dean to Castiel in season 5’s “Free to Be You and Me”
#24 “You were wasted by a teenage mutant ninja angel?”
-Dean to Castiel in season 5’s “Free to Be You and Me”
#23 “Today, you’re my little bitch.”
-Castiel to Raphael in season 5’s “Free to Be You and Me”
#22 “This isn’t funny, Dean. The voice says I’m almost out of minutes!
-Castiel in season 5’s “The End”
#21 “She made us try on her panties. They were pink. And satiny. And you know what? We kind of liked it.”
-Dean to himself in season 5’s “The End”
#20 “Check it out. Four score and seven years ago … I had a funny hat.”
-Dean in season 5’s “Fallen Idols”
#19 “Brains trumps legs, apparently.”
-Bobby in season 5’s “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester”
#18 “I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.”
-Old Dean to Sam in season 5’s “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester”
#17 “Now have we done feeling our feelings? Because I’d like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.”
-Bobby in season 5’s “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester”
#16 “This show has ghosts?”
Dean: “And there’s Johnny Drake. Oh he’s not even alive, he’s a ghost in the mind of her. The sexy, but neurotic doctor over there.”
Sam: “So this show has ghosts? Why?”
Dean: “I don’t know. It is compelling.”
-mocking Grey’s Anatomy from season 5’s “Changing Channels”
#15 “Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels.”
-The game show host in season 5’s “Changing Channels”
#14 “I have genital herpes.”
-Sam in season 5’s “Changing Channels”
#13 “Son of a bitch!”
-Dean’s catchphrase on the sitcom in season 5’s “Changing Channels”
#12 “I hate procedural cop shows”
Dean: “Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags! I hate this game! I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show, and you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows! There’s like three hundred of them on television, they’re all the freakin’ same.”
-from season 5’s “Changing Channels”
#11 “And at 4:30, there is the Homo-erotic subtext of Supernatural.”
-Fan convention organizer describing a panel in season 5’s “The Real Ghostbusters”
#10 “Pudding!
-Dean acting crazy in season 5’s “Sam Interrupted”
#9 “Boop!”
-Sam, high on morphine in “Sam Interrupted”
#8 “I would love to have the sex with you.”
-Sam (whose body is being used by a teenage boy) in season 5’s “Swap Meat”
#7 “One leather jacket, one sasquatch.”
-A hotel clerk describing Dean and Sam in season 5’s “Swap Meat”
#6 “I don’t understand that reference.”
-Castiel responding to Dean’s comment about a Delorean in season 5’s “The Song Remains the Same”
#5 “She’s, uh, Glenn Close.”
-Castiel referring to Anna in season 5’s “The Song Remains the Same”
#4 “I punched a dick”
Sam: “Dude, you punched a cupid.”
Dean: “No, I punched a dick.”
-from season 5’s “My Bloody Valentine”
#3 “In Heaven I have six wings and four faces, one of which is a lion.”
-Zachariah in season 5’s “Dark Side of the Moon”
#2 “I found a liquor store. And I drank it.”
-Castiel in season 5’s “99 Problems”
#1 100 Funniest Supernatural Quotes, Part 2
Check out the 100 funniest quotes from episodes 100-199.
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.
