Articles for The Bachelor Season 15

Welcome to The GBU, a weekly column coming every Monday where I look at the Good, the Bad and the Ugly on TV.It‘s a new year and 2011 is getting off to a fast start with a ton of new and returning shows this January. While my DVR runneth over, I urge you to pick and choose which ones to watch, and hopefully I can help by pointing out what‘s good and what‘s not.  Read more »
To kick things off, I have a confession to make: I did not watch Brad Womack‘s previous season of The Bachelor. Three long years ago (500 million years in Internet time), when Brad was just an unknown bar owner from Texas lookin‘ for luv, I was into other stuff, like books, and being outside, and not spending two hours every week watching plastic-faced people talk about how amazing each other are. (Obviously, since then, things have changed, for me and for Brad. These days I‘ve burned all my books in my indoor fireplace, because I HATE being outside. And Brad hates himself!)And yet, as I sit down to write this recap of Brad‘s Bachelor Adventure Part 2, I truly feel like I watched his first go-round. Like I was right there with you when Brad "shockingly" dumped Deanna Pappas and Jenni Croft (didn‘t watch; still know their names and what they look like when they cry) and became "the most hated man in America." (Take THAT, bin Laden!) Maybe that‘s because every season of The Bachelor is essentially the same. Or maybe that‘s just how pervasive this Bachelor business is in our culture--and how dutifully I always study tabloid covers in the check-out lines. Whatever the case, even though I didn‘t watch Brad the first time, I can tell you this much after watching him tonight: I‘m already sick of him. What a self-loathing robo-drag! Are we really going to have to put up with three months of him apologizing for dumping the first batch of women to the new women who volunteered to get dumped by him? Because if we are, this is going to be me, in writing, every single week. Get ready.Anyway. The premiere. Sad Brad. Looking for love. Lusting after ladiezzz. Lamenting his loserdom. It all happened; let‘s talk about it. TO THE RECAP! Read more »
Oh for the love of ABC. Last night on The Bachelor (or at some point on the Internet in the nail-biting weeks leading up to the premiere), we all witnessed THE SLAP but had no idea that somehow Gloria Allred, Teen Mom Amber Portwood and Mel Gibson would be involved in it this morning.Here‘s a refresher: The first woman out of the limos last night, Chantal O‘Brien gave Bachelor Brad Womack a violent gift on behalf of "every woman in America," delivering a hearty slap to the face. We think the sound of her hand hitting his face is probably fake or enhanced, but whatev. You get the idea. And in the off chance you haven‘t seen it yet, take a quick gander before we get to the ridiculous part of the story: Read more »
In Bachelor-land, at least if these videos and photos are any indication, the answer is YES. Tonight the ladies will film Red Cross PSAs with Brad, and, shockingly, their priorities are not getting the organization‘s message across. See for yourself in this sneak peek from tonight‘s episode, plus two deleted scenes from last week‘s premiere, including another speech from Renee, the sad Barefoot Bandit who kept trying (and failing) to steal Brad away.They‘re each ridiculous in their way, but if you watch just one of these videos, make it the last one. Read more »
In a tragic announcement for all females outside of Eastern Europe, Maksim Chmerkovskiy has announced that he will soon appear on the Ukrainian version of The Bachelor.  Read more »
In this new segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying because it would be inappropriate for them to say it. I will say that something. As inappropriately as possible. Because someone needs* to. This is the first installment. (*I have a different definition of "need" than the rest of the world.)Let‘s tackle Chris Harrison first, because it is just inherently amusing that he writes as though he had a big orchestrating hand in the goings-on of this show. How long was he on screen last night? Two total minutes, maybe? Not saying his job isn‘t important (oh wait, yes I am) but I AM saying that it is a great job. But you know what Chris is not very good at, job-wise? Straight-shootin‘:"We here at The Bachelor are very happy to be partnering up with the American Red Cross to shine an entertaining light on a very serious topic."Oh, you mean trivializing and degrading it with sex and terrible acting? Great job!"I checked, and there really is a Best of Eddie Money album. Who knew?"C‘mon, Chris. I see what you‘re doing here with your bizarre non sequiturs. Let‘s stay on topic. Read more »
Two hours of The Bachelor on Monday night is definitely not enough, am I right? Every time our weekly movie-length episode is over, I find myself involuntarily pounding my fists on my knees and  shattering my empty wine bottle on the hardwood floor while screaming, "MORE! I need MORE!" And I bet I‘m not alone.Thankfully, ABC hears our pleas for more, more, MORE Bachelor. This is their weekly batch of extras for our collective enjoyment. In this batch: Emily prepares to tell Brad about her past, more Raichel and Melissa madness, a "Devil Voice" competition and the Diaries of the Departed. So ... enjoy! Read more »
WOW. The Bachelor was an overflowing bucket of nutjob tonight, wasn‘t it, you guys? Is it seriously only Week 2? I feel like I‘ve already spent months with Brad reliving his childhood traumas and hearing him work through his debilitating "commitment issues." Maybe if I was his therapist getting paid $500 an hour to listen to him reexamine his life, I‘d be fine with that, but as a lowly blogger, I must say: Brad, I‘m SPENT with your problems. Just put on your damn prince crown and play the part. I‘ve got enough on my plate without you getting into the insecurity game!Speaking of which: What about these women, who went from total strangers to total bloodthirsty balls of tears and terror in the course of a week? Did you know they hold Bachelor casting calls at mental outpatient facilities and under fairytale bridges? Is there an expression like "the claws came out," but where you replace "claws" with "staggering delusions"? Somebody call Timothy Olyphant, because THE CRAZIES have taken over! And it‘s only WEEK 2! But that‘s OK. Let‘s just breathe, write, drink, look at funny pictures of these women embarrassing themselves, and get through this together.  Read more »
Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, everybody! Who wants to celebrate by watching the whitest show on television? (You. You do. That is why you are here.) Tonight: Brad and his gaggle of remaining women embark on one awkward adventure after another that tests their (and OUR!) fortitude, patience and tolerance for a variety of tortures, the worst of which is Michelle, who should really have gotten billing in the credits as tonight‘s narrator, since she wouldn‘t SHUT UP and ABC wouldn‘t STOP LETTING HER NOT SHUT UP. It‘s like that famous quote, the one that goes, "All that is required for evil to prevail is for reality TV producers to stand by and let crazy bitches yap on and on all day long." Well, I won‘t stand idly by. I will make fun of her and all the dumb stuff she says to until the bitter (BITTER) end. Such is my joy and my job and my curse and my duty. Let‘s go:  Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying because it would be inappropriate for them to say it. I will say that something. As inappropriately as possible. Because someone needs* to. This is the second installment. (*Put "needs" in sarcastic mental air quotes.)Once again, we begin with Chris Harrison, who set his own obsolescence bar impossibly high this week after being replaced by Brad‘s actual therapist. How will he insist upon his own importance and involvement in The Bachelor this week? Let‘s find out!"I‘d like to start this week by talking about another dramatic show that I hosted, The 90th Annual Miss America Pageant. It was an honor -- as a TV host, there are a few jobs out there that you always look forward to checking off your bucket list, and that is one of them."Oops, that‘s your bucket list. Be careful not to dream too big. Read more »
There is no question that, besides angelic Emily, who is (sorry, excuse me, move OVER Miss Nebraska!) officially America‘s sweetheart, Michelle Money is the breakout star of The Bachelor this season. Michelle is both the narrator and the villain of this story, coyly acting out careful strategies of manipulation and destruction while freely verbalizing her fantasies about murdering her competition every step of the way. She‘s like a female Dexter, but without the moral code. OR IS SHE? Could it all be an act? A way to get a bunch of sensational publicity, not unlike the very sensational publicity I am providing in this very article? Watch this interview in which Michelle talks about her MAJOR MOTION PICTURE career, and you be the judge. Then check out three more short and sweet Bachelor videos from the week. Read more »
I ought to be honest now, since I was so blatantly honest then: I was probably Madison‘s biggest critic when she rolled onto the Bachelor lot with a carefully constructed air of mystery and a pair of vampire fangs. It just seemed too intentionally dishonest and bizarre--even for this show. But in the three weeks she appeared on The Bachelor, Madison transformed--and no, I don‘t mean into a bat. Her facade came down, and--perhaps proving that this show can still surprise us in its 20th season, if you want to think of it that way--Madison became one of the most sincere and likable bachelorettes in the batch. And then, just as quickly, she left, saying the whole thing wasn‘t for her. It goes to show an old adage: First impressions aren‘t always accurate. And it tacks on a new caveat: Even less so when those impressions are cut up and edited for TV.But what about Madison‘s impressions of the other women, and of Brad? Why did she decide to walk out, and who does she hope takes home the final rose? She spoke candidly with the press this morning in a conference call. Here‘s what she had to say: Read more »
Welcome to the newest feature in our ever-expanding Bachelor universe on BuddyTV: Bachelor Bitchin‘! In an effort to get you talking, laughing and, most of all, thinking (because that‘s what The Bachelor is FOR!) each week Carla and I will pose a Bachelor-related question and hash it out. But we don‘t have all the answers. So leave yours in the comments! (Note: Sarcasm is optional.)Carla: What‘s the sexiest thing about Brad?Meghan: Definitely his crippling insecurity.Meghan: And how his facial muscles don‘t convey emotion.Carla: Abandonment issues.Carla: Beady eeeeeyes!Meghan: Spent some time in the clink.Carla: Thinks "making movies" is a good date.Meghan: Once voluntarily changed his last name to "Pickelsimer."  Read more »
The other morning I was putting on my mascara when something occurred to me: With all the crying and swimming they do, there should be a lot more runny mascara on the ladies of The Bachelor. Then I remembered last week, when Sarah P. got dumped and it looked like she was auditioning for the part of the Black Swan. And that‘s when it occurred to me that there is probably a person whose entire job it is to clean up (or NOT clean up, for dramatic reasons) runny mascara on the set of The Bachelor. And it made me really sad. Sad for that person whose job is awful. And sad for the women, always crying and forever alone. But mostly for myself, whose brain has been so completely infiltrated by this show that I think about it even when I‘m not thinking at all, and involuntarily compose theories (I‘ve got more!) about it in my free time. I guess what I‘m saying is that I‘m sort of afraid this is my calling in life. But that‘s appropriate because, according to tonight‘s episode of The Bachelor, dating is all about fear. And torture. Why shouldn‘t writing about it be, too?   But enough about my all-consuming pain-and-joy cycle of recapping The Bachelor (and how that is a fitting metaphor for the show itself ... UGH I CAN‘T STOP, I TOLD YOU!), because did you hear Michelle got a black eye in her SLEEP? "I wish I had given it to her. I want to rip her head off," says Ashley S. Yes, Miss S. We all do. We ALL DO. Let‘s talk about why.HERE COMES THE BRIDE RECAP:  Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying.Aye aye aye, what a Bachelor week! Michelle continued to be the mayor of Lunatic-ville, Ashley H. moved there and ran for city council, and Chantal was basically that woman who mostly keeps to herself but then shows up to PTA meetings and yells obscenities. (What? I don‘t know. I have a Bachelor hangover after last night‘s recap. Please do me a favor and read it. That will help heal my brain.)You know what else will help? Making fun of the words that Chris Harrison and Brad typed up about this week‘s episode. Let‘s see how they equivocate their inside stories this week!First, a fun fact! Did you know Chris Harrison is still ON this show? According to his blog, he is. According to my TV, he‘s not. This ranks up there with the "How‘d Michelle get a black eye?" mystery! Speaking of which ... let‘s see what Chris has to say about that: Read more »
Ready for a hefty serving of Bachelor news, broken up by categories, illustrated by videos and accompanied by a dose of snark? Hope so, because here it comes.Brad and Bettina Bell:Remember Bettina Bell, Brad‘s second runner-up from his first time as The Bachelor? (No? Well, that‘s who Bettina is.) And apparently she‘s in Life & Style this week spilling her guts, saying that Brad was "pursuing her like crazy" before he got the call that his second-go-around was a go. She said they began dating in October 2009 and that he dumped her last summer--around the time he became Bachelor Brad again."Out of nowhere he went MIA," Bell tells Life & Style. And she was shocked to hear of his return to TV: "He said it was a bad experience. He was really negative about it," she said, though the appeal of a comeback is obvious. "The show has 18 million viewers. It can open a lot of doors."Is she telling the truth? Were she and Brad happily together until he dumped her out of the blue (again) like a total jerk (again) just to get paid a bunch of money to date a bunch of other women (again)? Do we care? Will Brad just keep dating and dumping and re-dating the same women until there are no TV shows or no women left, whichever comes first? What is "truth"? Does anything even matter? Can I go home now?No, I can‘t. Not until I share the rest of this vital Bachelor news with you: Read more »
Probably because the three ladies eliminated from The Bachelor this week barely got to speak on TV and the producers weren‘t about to let any of them start yappin‘ now, host Chris Harrison spoke to the media today about his unique perspective on all the drama on and off the show. Guess what: He thinks that The Bachelor is the "ultimate soap opera," because it‘s real. Um. Well that certainly is a unique perspective. (Meaning no one else thinks that. But no one else gets paid to hand out roses, either, so who‘s to say who‘s winning at the game of life, us or Chris? I think it might be Chris.)For more Chris Harrison thoughts on Brad, Michelle, Bettina Bell and that "controversial" NASCAR date, read on:  Read more »
Gather round, my fellow Bachelor armchair psychiatrists, because we now have hard, sneak-peeky proof that something is Very, Very Wrong with Michelle. I mean, more proof. The question is: Why is she such a maniac?Please watch this video of [real life Disney villain?] [real life crazy person?] [fake life actress-faker?] Michelle Money going into full-on tyrant mode, and then join me after the video to assess her symptoms and give our diagnosis. Read more »
I can‘t be the only person here who has bothered to do the math on how many hours I will have spent watching Brad Womack search for love when this season of The Bachelor is over. Counting the Women Tell All and the one-hour After the Final Rose (please, let it be only one hour!), it‘s 23. 23 entire hours, if you count the blissful commercial breaks, of watching this, the 20th edition of the "ultimate soap opera" play out before my eyes. And that‘s just the watching part--I don‘t even want to know how many hours I will have spent recapping the thing. Point being that we have all already far surpassed our Bachelor supersaturation threshold (or should have), and so I submit these Brad Womack interviews to you as a personal challenge of sorts: Can you watch them all, and also watch all two hours of The Bachelor that airs tonight? You‘re going to have to, because Michelle is going full-on Disney villain in this one, and what are you going to do, NOT watch her head explode in tyrannical rage? You‘ve already invested so much. Just see it through. And see these videos. Especially The Soup ones, because at least they make Brad look like a real person (because real people can‘t act, either).Anyone who watches all these videos and all of tonight‘s Bachelor episode earns a special Bachelor Endurance Badge. (In your mind. Just invent what it looks like. Like maybe it‘s a blue ribbon with a gold rose on the top. Stick it up on the wall of your brain. There you go.) YOU DID IT! Read more »
VEGAS! Where prostitution is legal, the sanctity of marriage gets run over at drive-thru wedding chapels, and the cheap vodka runs like rushing waterfalls down the throats of beautiful, sad young people in tube tops desperate for a taste, any taste, of glamor and excitement! Where better for Brad and his remaining 11 women to continue this journey of love and friendship (and bitterness and misery) than the land of unrealistic expectations and shattered dreams? It is there that The Bachelor belongs, in the truest sense.Chris Harrison tells the ladies to pack their bags, because things are about to get "very serious" for them. It‘s cute how the only lines he gets are just blatant lies now!VIVAAA LAS RECAP:  Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying.Hi everybody. So. The Bachelor last night, in its Mecca, where making monumentally bad choices is generally accepted as normal and rational: LAS VEGAS! Kind of a dud of an episode, for all the "controversy" surrounding it. Let‘s take a step back and remember exactly what happened: A woman whose race car-driving fiance died on his way to a racetrack was surprised and forced to go to a racetrack and drive a race car. A funeral director went shopping. Two women with the same name were pitted against each other in a flying dance duel in front of a bunch of underpants. And everyone else sat around and complained about how the rules of the TV show they‘re on are keeping them constantly sad and stressed out, like that isn‘t the entire point. Riveting stuff.But what‘s the INSIDE story of their wacky week in Vegas? For that, we need to consult ghost-host Chris Harrison and The Bachelor himself, Brad Womack. Let‘s see what their blogs are saying and equivocating this week, starting with Chris: Read more »
The question of whether or not Michelle is really crazy has been the subject of controversy among Bachelor fans, thanks to her creepy yearning for Brad, her violent tendencies and countless jabs at other contestants. And that‘s on top of the controversies attached to her name off camera, including her alleged affair with NBA player Carlos Boozer and her so-called acting career! Is she doing this on purpose or is she just plain psycho in real life? Here‘s what our readers think ... Read more »
It‘s time to ask, honestly: Who is really driving this bus? It‘s not Brad. If he had a catchphrase, it would be "Um." It‘s clearly Michelle. Michelle came on looking like just another passenger, but her evil-genius plan to hijack this thing with constant over-the-top crazy-talk and evil-eyes has worked out perfectly, and now she‘s fully in control. And it‘s starting to really piss me off.The Bachelor editors MUST know what is happening here (Michelle is auditioning as a villain for a soap opera and/or Bachelor Pad 2: Bigger, Sluttier and Stupider) but they can‘t pull themselves away, which means neither can we. We have no choice but to watch her play it all up for the cameras, until Brad finally heeds the helpless, frightened look in his eyes when she‘s around, and SENDS. HER. HOME. Which, sadly, in light of this sneak peek from next week‘s episode in Costa Rica, may not happen any time soon.PLUS: Check out three more videos from this week, including the Diaries of the Departed, a deleted scene of The Ashleys, and an uncensored look at the Bachelor ladies‘ toilet. (Seriously.) Read more »
Did you know that ABC has their own special website to post all their own special extra Bachelor content and videos? Mind you, it‘s not even close to as comprehensive and awesome as our Bachelor site, but there is one section that‘s worth checking out: The Bachelor ladies‘ vlogs! (Video blogs. You get it.) Apparently it‘s now part of the ladies‘ contract that they need to watch every episode and record at least a one-minute-long reaction video each week. Normally I would argue that we see enough of their feelings and opinions on the TWO HOUR LONG episodes, but deep-down I love this show enough to admit that I am curious to hear how these women feel about the way they have been portrayed on TV. And, like all humans, some of them have more interesting things to say than others.Below are my three favorite Bachelor ladies‘ vlogs of the week. Follow that link above to see more. (Plus an excruciatingly embarrassing video of Kasey Kahl singing to Brad!)  Read more »
Let the tale of Ashley S. be a lesson to you, aspiring Bachelor contestants: If you show up and there‘s another girl with the same first name as you, don‘t get too attached to her, because you‘ll probably end up pitted against each other in a same-name duel to the death (of your time on TV). In harnesses. And just like in the Thunderdome, the zombie apocalypse, and that one Bryan Adams song, on Bachelor two-on-one dates, only the strong survive.Of course, if you form a better connection with one of your competitors than with the Bachelor himself, why not get buddy-buddy with your name twin? She may not have gotten a rose or a husband, but at least sweet Ashley S. got a friend out of the deal. But after her tearful journey home, how does she feel about her elimination, Brad, and his remaining wife-applicants? Ashley S. spoke about all this and more in a conference call this morning, and here‘s what she had to say: Read more »
Happy Monday, Bachelor-heads! Tonight, Brad and his final eight head to Costa Rica, and Brad is ready to fall in love some more! Just fall, fall, fall. Keep falling, forever, like love is a bottomless pit or a black hole or some sort of eternal vacuum-shaped purgatory-tube. At least that‘s how it feels sometimes during these two-hour episodes. Eternal.It‘s been six weeks since any of these women have seen another living man (or gotten any) so, needless to say, they‘re in heat, and Costa Rica is only making it worse. "I‘m ready to get down and dirty in the jungle with Brad," says Ashley. Maybe she‘s on to something: If there was exotic mud wrestling on this show, maybe more men would tune in! And maybe I would have to write less about feelings!FLY AWAAAAY, FLY AWAY TO OUR EXOTIC RECAP:  Read more »
Last night on The Bachelor, we watched as Michelle sunk her claws deeper and deeper into Brad‘s confused brain stem. And next Monday (Which is also Valentine‘s Day! WHO‘S EXCITED TO SPEND V-DAY WATCHING THE BACHELOR???) we‘ll get to watch as she climbs on top of him and takes off her top!Enough chatter from me. I know you want to see the video sneak peek of the girls‘ Sports Illustrated swimsuit shoot. Plus: This week‘s deleted scenes and Diaries of the Departed. Enjoy/try not to barf! Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying.Costa Rica! The land of pura vida, the good life, and that‘s what everyone got a taste of last night on The Bachelor. Between all the ziplining, waterfall-rappelling, horseback-riding and cave-exploring, there was also a whole lot of kissing, crying, screaming, and manipulating! Sounds like the perfect vacation to me.What did Brad and Chris think of their adventure to Central America? And what aren‘t they telling us? To the blogs!First, let‘s say hi to Chris. Hi Chris! Now let‘s pick apart everything he says: Read more »
In an interview a couple weeks ago, Chris Harrison said The Bachelor will be popular forever and outlive us all because it‘s the "ultimate soap opera." But, looking at all the gossip flying around in the tabloids, I think a more accurate metaphor for The Bachelor is the "ultimate high school girls‘ bathroom." Who cheated on whom? Who said what behind whose back? Who proposed to that one but then went running back to that other one? AND FOR GOD‘S SAKE WHO IS KASEY KAHL TAKING TO PROM? Let‘s check in with the perpetual motion Bachelor rumor mill:  Read more »
Even after six weeks on The Bachelor, we as the audience did not get to know 28-year-old artist Jackie Gordon very well. And, according to Jackie during her conference call this morning, Brad didn‘t really either, despite their exciting one-on-one date at the Hollywood Bowl. Still, Jackie was willing to hold out and get to know Brad better, even though he didn‘t seem to fit her idea of her perfect guy. And after a terrifying rappelling date in romantic Costa Rica, in which she faced her biggest fear in front of him, she was shocked to hear two names called out by The Bachelor instead of her own: Michelle, by all accounts this season‘s least-liked contestant, and Britt, whom Jackie thought had a weaker connection with Brad. Check out what else Jackie had to say, including her take on Michelle‘s "crazy" antics and who she thinks is right for Brad: Read more »
Has your Dancing with the Stars withdrawal reached its breaking point yet? Do you feel like you can‘t go on another day without a bedazzling tango performance? Are you missing hot dancers performing with celebrities you may or may not have heard of?If the answer is yes, then your wait is almost over. ABC has announced the premiere date and will soon announce exactly which stars will be dancing for our pleasure. Read more »
Life is complicated. TV can help. "What Would TV Do?" attempts to explore life‘s mysteries, problems and everyday situations with the assistance of the life lessons offered by television. Read more »
In either the cruelest or most brilliant move in the history of women crying alone on the couch next to a two-thirds empty bottle of zinfandel and a half-eaten sleeve of Oreos, there‘s a new episode of The Bachelor tonight! And it‘s Valentine‘s Day! For those who would like a two-hour reminder that love doesn‘t have to be real to be the best thing that ever happened to you, and that being single is the worst curse a woman could ever suffer under, it‘s a must-see. Alongside my fictional flock of cats, I‘ll be recapping tonight‘s episode (thereby winning the Sadness Award at the Day-After Grammys!), which takes the remaining six women and Brad to Anguilla where they will do a topless photo shoot (!), jump off a yacht into crystal clear water (!!) and generally revel in their blossoming emotions until all of us at home are so overcome with cynicism and resentment that our tears actually mix with our barf. If you plan on joining me (NO SHAME!), please consider playing this special Valentine‘s edition of The Bachelor Drinking & Other Activities Game that Carla and I made up. Own your cliched, Cathy-cartoon-esque loneliness. It will be fun. OK, maybe not fun. But it will be funny in a couple months when you tell your new boyfriend about it! Read more »
If you had told me in middle school, back when my ideas about love were mostly informed by the movie Casper ("No, Devon Sawa‘s beautiful cartoon ghost, can I keep YOU?" -- me, then) that at age 25 I would be alone, recapping The Bachelor on Valentine‘s Day, surrounded by a metaphorical army of cats and drinking a non-metaphorical bottle of wine, I would be like, "Nu huh! I‘m gonna be married to Devon Sawa, and on Valentine‘s Day he‘ll take me out to a fancy dinner at the top of the Eiffel tower, where he will have arranged for our seven children to put on a musical revue for our amusement. Also, I will be a famous painter and writer and also a secret princess." (Big, achievable dreams.)As my life and the lives of the broken souls on The Bachelor go to show, things don‘t always work out the way we plan them, but that doesn‘t mean things are so bad, or that we need to turn a stupid candy-sales-based holiday into an excuse to feel lonely and worthless. (Although, if you‘re in the mood to feel pathetic, I hear this game is just the trick.) I may not be married to Devon Sawa, but at least I‘m not engaged to Brad Womack! It may be my job to recap The Bachelor on Valentine‘s Day, but overall my life is awesome, because it‘s my job to make jokes with you all! So, chins up, sisters. Now that the requisite lovey-barfy Valentine‘s Day moaning is out of the way, let‘s get to normal Bachelor stuff, which ALSO HAPPENS TO BE LOVEY-BARFY MOANING!ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, THIS JOKE FORMULA SUCKS BUT MY RECAP DOES NOT:  Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying. If you didn‘t read my recap of last night‘s special Valentine‘s Day Bachelor episode, you‘re probably like, "AHH what is that horrifying picture?" But if you didn‘t read my recap, you aren‘t going to understand what follows here, and you‘re also missing out on more photoshops of Chris Harrison‘s face where that face ought not be! What are you, a self-joy-thief? So HURRY and go read the recap, then come back here real quick and read what Chris and Brad said in their blogs, plus what I said in my blog about what they said in their blogs! SPOILER ALERT: Chris is still insisting upon his indispensability, and Brad is still very much not an "it-getter" when it comes to Michelle. Read more »
While watching Michelle Money engage in lighthearted banter on Ellen this morning, I came to a realization that I have been tiptoeing around all season on The Bachelor: I don‘t think she is crazy or even really a bad person. (First of all, let‘s be clear: I don‘t actually care.) But I immensely, richly enjoyed pretending that Michelle was an evil sea witch, because that made the whole experience of watching and recapping the show so much more fun. This isn‘t new information to any of you, I‘m sure.But here‘s what occurred to me today: I enjoyed that in almost the exact same way that Michelle enjoyed fantasizing about Chantal getting her face ripped off by monkeys, and Britt drowning on a sinking yacht, and Jackie falling down a waterfall to her death. Both of us knew the whole thing wasn‘t real, or at least we enjoyed it more when we thought of it that way! So I guess you could say that Michelle and I are ALMOST TOO SIMILAR. OK, maybe not, but what I‘m trying to say is that my headline was misleading because I don‘t actually think she could turn me into a plant in her soul garden. But I still stand by my recaps that said she was, alternately, a sea witch and hell-spawn and a praying mantis and a rattlesnake and an alien sent to banish all happiness from the world. That‘s the part she played, and she played it almost too well. Good job, Michelle! I hope I see you in ALL OF THE MOVIES later this year!Anyway, let‘s get to these Bachelor videos. First up: Michelle on Ellen! And further down: Diaries of the Departed, a tongue-twister deleted scene, a stupid bikini-party deleted scene and a sneak peek of Brad and Shawntel at her funeral home!  Read more »
Here is what I learned from this new promo for the first-ever season of the Ukrainian Bachelor, starring Dancing with the Stars‘ resident President of Being As Hot As His Name Is Long, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, despite my not being able to understand anything they‘re saying:1. The Ukraine is better at making a dramatic, exciting Bachelor promo than we are, and we‘ve been at it for TWENTY SEASONS.2. They are also better at selecting Bachelors. One time I saw Maksim in perfect (I meant to type "in person," but the typo is actually more accurate!) and my heart stopped. It was AWESOME! 2. Ukrainian has a lot of deep, sexy "ooh" sounds in it. How do you even tell when you‘re being flirted with or complimented? I will probably watch this show even without a translator. It just sounds great!3. Despite the aforementioned language barrier, I still want to marry Maksim!!! Our love transcends mere words.Watch it. You‘ll get what I mean: Read more »
Yesterday I pretty well summed up my final thoughts on The Bachelor‘s resident "villain" of the season, Michelle Money. After her elimination Monday night, my feelings for her, before she so deftly defended herself in this conference call with the media this morning, settled into this order: Cosmic indifference; followed by grateful amusement her explosions of crazy; followed by a disturbing sense of camaraderie that she, too, seems to "get it" that this show isn‘t real so you might as well have wicked fun with it; followed far, far behind by a watered-down form of dislike--the sort you might muster up for a fictional cartoon character, not a real-life person with any bearing on your own life. With that in mind, I think Michelle handled this conference call about as well as a person in her position could. She‘s not filled with vitriol for her negative portrayal on The Bachelor, and she‘s impossibly complimentary of her former competition--including the girl she once hoped (jokingly, she would quickly assure you) would die in a freak jungle monkey attack. Listening to her approach each potentially damning question with sweetness and humor, it wasn‘t hard to see why Brad fell for her act, if it was an "act." She‘s impossible to pin down, and charming despite everything we saw. I‘m not sure if that makes her less or more of a "villain" in the context of the show, but it certainly makes her a more interesting one than we‘ve seen before.If The Bachelor is all just a big game--and it certainly is a game, with elimination ceremonies and all--I can‘t escape the twisted conclusion that, even while the audience ended up despising her and she didn‘t get the guy, Michelle "won" The Bachelor. Because once Brad finally picks a future wife, Michelle is the one we‘ll all remember. And--if, as some suspect, this was her goal all along--I have no doubt the acting opportunities are about to come rolling in.But enough from me. Check out Michelle in her own words, on everything from her mysterious black eye, to her negative portrayal on the show, to who she thinks Brad will choose, to whether she‘d ever come back for Bachelor Pad:  Read more »
Almost every season, The Bachelor throws in a psychotic villain who steals the show by stirring up all sorts of drama and getting on everyone‘s nerves. This season, the monster came in the form of Michelle Money, who already denied this accusation and tried to redeem her tainted reputation in this interview. And while our poll suggests that many fans found Michelle entertaining and hilarious, there‘s no denying that a lot of viewers were glad to see her go in last week‘s episode.  Read more »
Can you believe Brad Womack has settled on his final three potential loves-of-his-life? It feels like ... well, not yesterday, but definitely not two months ago, that he was sifting through 30 desperate, pawing young women in prom dresses at his first (second) opening night cocktail party! And now it‘s down to the cream of the lady-crop: Chantal, the rich one. Ashley, the bubbly one. And Emily, the beautiful inside-and-out one.Brad has openly promised us that, come hell or high drama, one of these women will be his bride. Now it‘s time to weigh in: Who should he choose?We all know there are spoilers out there saying who Brad‘s going to dump next, and whose tiny manicured finger he‘s going to put a ring on at the end of this--but let‘s ignore all that for now. What I want to know is: Regardless of the spoilers, who do you think Brad should pick? Who‘s right for him? Are any of them actually right for him? Who‘s too good for him, and who‘s not good enough? Do you hope he picks the woman you don‘t like, because you don‘t like Brad, either? Do you even care at this point? (Not caring what happens to Brad is a legitimate option not to be ignored.)So: Chantal? Ashley? Emily? Hoping Michelle makes a surprise reappearance at the bottom of the ninth? Who‘s your choice? Take the poll!  Read more »
Tonight on The Bachelor: HOMETOWN DATES! And it‘s Presidents Day. Happy birthday, George Washington! Isn‘t this the America you dreamed of?Last week the show aired on Valentine‘s Day, which was obviously bad enough for those of us unlucky enough to be sitting at home alone that night watching this cliche-ridden, antiquated courting ceremony. Watching The Bachelor on Presidents Day isn‘t quite as blatantly depressing, but it‘s still sad to think about what our nation‘s greatest leaders might say if they found out that this cheesy monstrosity of a TV show is how millions of us choose (thanks to our awesome FREEDOMS!) to spend our Monday nights:  Read more »
In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they‘re really saying. Or what they‘re really not saying.This week, Chris and Brad give us the inside scoop on the hometown dates. But when you imagine a scoop of Chris and Brad‘s insight and wisdom, what do you see? Is it as big as an ice cream cone? Or is it a tiny little pile of dust that you scooped off a windowsill with a thimble? Because when I say "scoop," I mean that second one.Let‘s start with Chris. Hi, Chris. I‘m not in the mood to hear your opinions, nor do I anticipate that you will tell me anything worth knowing. Maybe I‘m just in a grumpy mood after Shawntel repeatedly reminded me of my own mortality, but let‘s see if you can prove me wrong, Chris! Read more »
Haven‘t read this season‘s gossip on whom Bachelor Brad Womack chooses in the end, and don‘t want to be spoiled? Then stop reading now! Read this instead!Reality Steve took to his site today to drop a bomb on those of us who‘d been hoping all season long that Bachelor fan-favorite Emily Maynard would carry the torch next season after Brad Womack lets her go (to instead choose rumored winner Chantal O‘Brien). He now knows with "100%" certainty: Emily will not be the next Bachelorette. Read more »
Haven‘t read this season‘s gossip on whom Bachelor Brad Womack chooses in the end, and don‘t want to be spoiled? Then stop reading now! Read this instead!Yesterday, he told us who it‘s not. Today, Reality Steve reveals (according to his anonymous sources) who the next Bachelorette is ...  Read more »
We‘re almost to the end of Brad‘s second season as The Bachelor, and you know what that means ... Brad‘s second time trying to hit it and quit it in the Fantasy Suites with three women in a row! Bow-chicka-whomp-whomp. How will Brad‘s psychological barriers screw THIS one up?Check out a sneak peek of his awkward invitation for angelic Emily to join him in the private room (where fantasies come true), plus more Bachelor vids: A deleted scene with Brad and Emily, Shawntel‘s Diary of the Departed, and a special message from Michelle Money. It‘s like Christmas for your eye- and earballs! Read more »
Sure, her Bachelor hometown date was one for the weirdo books, but Shawntel Newton, the 25-year-old funeral director from Chico, California, seemed like the ultimate keeper: Smart, beautiful, easygoing and passionate about her job--even though it involved draining the blood of corpses. But when it came time to eliminate one of his final four after the hometown dates, Brad Womack decided his connection was stronger with Chantal, Ashley and Emily, and put a very shocked Shawntel back on a plane to Chico.At least she got a free Vegas shopping spree out of it. How does Shawntel feel about the experience now? Does she regret telling Brad she loved him, or showing him the intimate details of her morbid profession? Shawntel spoke with the media in a conference call this morning, and told us all this and more:  Read more »
Not much longer to wait, Dancing with the Stars fans -- ABC will announce the season 12 contestants tonight, during The Bachelor! Who will it be? Will we love them? Hate them? Love to hate them?Probably. But here is a small taste of Dancing with the Stars news to keep you going until tonight‘s momentous announcement. Read more »
Spoiler alert! If you like your Bachelorette without a side of spoilers, then stop reading this now! But if you‘re one of the many curious fans who just can‘t resist, then read on. Read more »
Yes, that‘s a euphemistic headline, if you were even a little unsure. Because tonight on The Bachelor, it‘s Fantasy Suite week! Bow-chicka-ugh-woof.It‘s a special week, but Brad starts it off as he does every week: Debilitated by indecision and confusion. "I have no clue what I‘m doing right now." That makes two of us. Let‘s figure it out together, Brad.He‘s in New York City, and once again he‘s packing up for a whirlwind week, this time to South Africa. I imagine him getting prepped for this trip by a producer: "South Africa? Now, is that a different continent than Africa? Like there‘s North America and South America, so there‘s North Africa and South Africa? No? .... My god."Now that Brad‘s all caught up, let‘s go to South Africa and fall in sex I MEAN love! CAAAAN YOU FEEEEEEL THE LOOOOVE FOR THIS EPIC RECAP TONIGHT: Read more »
We‘re down to the final two on The Bachelor, and you know what that means: We‘re already looking ahead to the next season of The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad, and it‘s time once again to question everything we thought we knew (or that Reality Steve knew, rather) about the finale. Plus: next week is the Women Tell All. What are we in for? Now those are some Steve spoilers I think are probably spot-on. Read on for the latest:Despite all my pleas and prayers, ABC has elected to renew Bachelor Pad for a second season. Our pick for the worst show of 2010 will return this August, so on the bright side, I still have a few months to figure out how to cover it without ending up in the fetal position after each two hour session of sexual depravity. According to EW, producers are "open to all suggestions" from fans for which former Bachelor and Bachelorette "stars" ought to appear (KASEY! KAHL! KASEY! KAHL!), so post yours in the comments! Might they also be open to suggestions for rule changes? Because we have some good ideas.Now, to this season of The Bachelor. Finale spoilers discussed below! You‘ve been warned. Read more »
I‘ve already made my feelings clear (more than clear--what‘s clearer than crystal clear? pure diamond clear? outer space clear?) about Bachelor Pad: I hated it with every atom of my being. I hated it so much that I compared it to the BP oil spill when I begged ABC not to renew it. Looking back, maybe that was too harsh, but I definitely stand by my claim that it was the "bastard demon spawn" of The Bachelor, which already possesses its fair share of bastardy, demonic DNA in its original conception. The rules of the show were idiotic, the challenges were sexist and inane, the cast was supremely unlikable, the dates were miserable and unromantic, and it was an excruciating two-hours long just like its forebear. A couple episodes in to Bachelor Pad, it was clear that the only thing worth rooting for was a swift conclusion. Like I said: HATED IT!Fun little sidenote: Bachelor Pad season 1 winner Natalie Getz did not agree with my assessment and said as much on Twitter. What can I say? Agree to disagree.But, like Natalie, ABC doesn‘t care what I think, and Chris Harrison‘s got to feed his kids, and lots more Bachelor and Bachelorette alums need money and attention, and what are they gonna do, go find real jobs? Noooope. Not if they can shed their remaining clothing and dignity on Bachelor Pad 2, which is definitely happening and airing this August. Ugh. OK. And, since they‘re completely clueless devoted to the fans, the producers are now taking suggestions for who should be in this season‘s cast. Now that‘s what I call DEMOCRAZY!Obviously the best course of action would be to not renew the show and pretend the first season never happened. And if the challenges and rules don‘t change, season 2 is still going to monumentally suck. But if it has to happen, here‘s my list of Bachelor alums who might be able to make Bachelor Pad suck a little less:  Read more »
It‘s a Bachelor tradition that the final three lady-suitors leave their man the show‘s version of an e-card: A pre-filmed, scripted video message recapping their love journeys thus far. Because we were just TOO ENTHRALLED watching Chris Harrison and Brad chat it up in South Africa on Monday, those messages got cut from the episode. But you can watch them now!Plus: A graphic deleted scene from Brad and Emily‘s elephant date, Ashley‘s Diary of the Departed, and the preview for the Women Tell All and season finale. Check ‘em out.  Read more »
Much like Americans, reality TV has a serious obesity problem. While reality programs used to take up just one hour each week, the recent trend has been to super-size any reality series in order to fill time.  Read more »
It‘s tempting to think of The Bachelor: The Women Tell All special as a big, fat waste of time. They had more than enough chances (about two hours per week!) to speak their minds about Brad and the show while they were on the show, and most of them did post-show interviews in which they revealed almost nothing, so do we REALLY care what the eliminated Bachelorettes have to say now that a couple more months have passed? Sure, Brad will be there, but it‘s not like he can give anything away about what happens next week. In truth, the only person I‘m actually excited to hear from is Michelle, but from the looks of the preview for tonight‘s special (below), the other women are going to make her cry, and that‘s not the Michelle I know or want to remember. She should be making THEM cry!So it might turn out to be two hours of bickering and mudslinging among people we had almost succeeded in forgetting about. But you‘re going to watch it anyway, so why not think of The Women Tell All as a game? A DRINKING GAME in which you test your retention, endurance and tolerance skills? Now that sounds like fun and not even close to a waste of time. (But it might get you wasted ... *WINK*!)The point is that I made a Women Tell All Drinking Game, and you should play it tonight if you feel like it. It‘s not like your mouth is going to be busy gasping at all the revelatory information you‘re hearing. First, watch the episode preview. The game is below. Read more »
Watching a Bachelor: Women Tell All special is a little like being a fly on the wall of someone else‘s high school reunion. It‘s a lot of "you had to be theres" and "what I realize nows" and "I hated it but I learned a lot and now look who I am todays." Where there are also cameras. And where they are constantly trying to convince you, the fly, that they are good people who did their best and were there "for the right reasons" and would never hurt anybody under normal circumstances. And also there is a host? And a lot of video montages?You know what, scratch that metaphor. A Women Tell All is nothing like a high school reunion. EXCEPT that it centers upon a bunch of grown-up "women" who act like teenagers when they‘re around each other and collectively decide that it‘s only a bad idea to be catty and hostile if it happens "in front of a man." So in that sense, it‘s exactly like one.If you‘re getting the sense that I thought tonight‘s Bachelor: Women Tell All was an uncomfortable, redundant, largely useless and embarrassing mess (but when is it NOT?), it‘s because I do think that. But I don‘t want to be a Debbie Downer about the whole affair! It‘s probably because I just spent two hours watching women I don‘t know call each other spiders and poison and bad moms, and yet no one even crystallized the moment with a bitch-slap. It puts me on edge. But there were high points among the low points, and a lot of middling points as well, and we‘re about to cover them all in this, THE RECAP OF THE RECAP EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR. It‘s like the Inception of Bachelor recaps. (Inception jokes are still totally cool and in, right? Yeah, I think they are, too.) ANYWAY, HERE WE GO:  Read more »
With the CBS comedies in repeats and The Bachelor airing a reunion special, last night should‘ve been a good night for NBC‘s The Event to return. However, when the dust settled, it turns out people weren‘t that interested.  Read more »
Last night‘s Bachelor: The Women Tell All had its share of surprises, like Ashley H.‘s brunette makeover and Michelle‘s teary breakdown, but we also didn‘t get the chance to hear from a few of the women on stage--namely Shawntel N., one of Brad‘s final four, and one of the most memorable women of the season. What gives?According to People, there was just that much drama to cover in two hours, and some of the night‘s most intense insults didn‘t even make it to air. Not only did Raichel and Melissa throw down even harder than we saw (Melissa got called "OCD," and Raichel‘s breast implants were mocked), but the women‘s critiques of Michelle were also longer and harsher. Read their "What You Didn‘t See" piece for more behind-the-scenes tidbits from the taping. Then check out these backstage videos with the women (including silent Shawntel!) after the show, answering fan questions and looking forward to the next Bachelorette: Read more »
Only one week left until we finally find out if Bachelor Brad asked Chantal O‘Brien or Emily Maynard to marry him. As we all clearly saw at last night‘s Women Tell All, walking away from the final rose ceremony is not an option this time. Brad is leaving with a bride.Maybe you know what the spoilers say. And maybe you don‘t. Maybe you believe them, and maybe you don‘t. As I say at the end of every season (as this is my FOURTH season covering The Bachelor/ette, so feel free to call me Professor Bachelor, I don‘t mind) part of the fun is declaring a loyalty to one of the final two, regardless of whether we "know" who Brad will pick or not. So: Are you Team Chantal or Team Emily? It‘s the final countdown, which means it‘s time to vote!  Read more »
Before you give me flack for that headline: C‘mon. You know it‘s my job to give Brad a hard time. Also, you know Brad has not exactly been the warmest, quirkiest, most lifelike tour guide on this journey of love we call The Bachelor. At certain points he has seemed less like a human man and more like a human-shaped robot programmed to say "badly" and "My God" when things didn‘t compute.But now that this journey is almost at an end, I‘m warming up to ol‘ Womack Daddy. He may be kind of a goon, but he‘s our goon. He‘s still battling his demons and undergoing that intense psychotherapy, but at least we know he‘s not a manipulative liar. That‘s a little beyond his programming, if you know what I mean. And in this clip from the finale, in which Brad breaks down when his family arrives in South Africa, we actually get a glimpse of the real Brad, and it‘s sweet. Very sweet. Just in time for next Monday‘s finale, in which lovestruck Brad will pop the question to "White Swan" Emily or "Black Swan" Chantal, I‘m starting to see his real/lovable side. WATCH:  Read more »
It‘s no secret that a lot of Bachelor fans are rooting for Emily Maynard, the single mother who caught Brad Womack‘s attention with her angelic looks and personality on The Bachelor season 15. However, there are also some viewers who can‘t help but think that there may be more to Emily than meets the eye. Is she really the perfect woman for Brad? Here‘s what some of our readers and Facebook fans think: Read more »
Tonight Brad Womack will propose to one of two remaining women he met on TV and wooed over the course of three months in front of cameras at a handful of highly orchestrated and regimented hang-out sessions, and we will all pretend that that is a completely normal and logical and romaaaantic thing to do. Fun!But not fun enough on its own. Despite Chris Harrison‘s usual exclamations that it‘s going to be "the MOST DRAMATIC BLAH BLAH BLAH" ever, I predict that tonight‘s two-hour Bachelor finale will be mostly banal feelings-focused filler cut with recaps of we‘ve already seen this season, followed by the ten minutes we‘re all actually tuning in to see: The dumping of the runner-up and the proposal to the winner in the final showdown of the two female archetypes: Emily and Chantal. White Swan vs. Black Swan. Betty vs. Veronica. Barbie vs. Barbie‘s brunette friend whose name no one remembers. (Was it Midge?) OH MY GOD WHO WILL HE CHOOOOSE? So for those looking to enhance their viewing experience tonight, now‘s the perfect time to bone up on the latest Bachelor news, revisit some of our best coverage of the season and adjust your Bachelor drinking game to suit tonight‘s finale. And this is the perfect place to find all of those things:  Read more »
It‘s Ashley Hebert, peppy dentist and Brad Womack‘s second runner up from this season of The Bachelor 15, which aired its finale tonight. (Read our hilarious recap here!)And so, as they cast another rollover reject and revealed her identity the same evening as Brad‘s engagement aired, ABC reminded us of one reason The Bachelor remains an institution of reality television: As soon as they close one chapter, they entice us back with another. Ashley, whose season as the seventh Bachelorette will likely air this May, appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight to announce the news that wasn‘t quite news thanks to the spoilers of Reality Steve (and news at tonight‘s After the Final Rose that this season‘s runner-up, Chantal O‘Brien, is currently in a relationship), and chat about putting her dental career on hold in the hopes of hooking a husband.  Read more »
What a Monday! We watched the Bachelor finale, the After the Final Rose and the Bachelorette announcement on Jimmy Kimmel. Oddly enough, it seemed as though the season‘s final dumpees, Chantal and Ashley, were faring better than Brad and his bride-to-be Emily, who sure looked happy at the proposal, but decidedly less certain three months later. Can Emily and Brad make it work? How does Chantal feel about the elimination? How about our new Bachelorette? And what‘s Chris‘s take on all this? Here‘s what they‘re all saying in the cold light of Tuesday morning:  Read more »
The day is finally here. The DRAMATIC FINALE of this, the 250th season of The Bachelor. Will Brad choose Emily or Chantal? Will he propose? Will we all then just die of joy overdose?OMG WHO WILL IT BEEEEE? THE RECAP TELLS ALL!But first, make sure to check out this treasure trove of delights from this season: Everything You Should Read/See/Know for the Bachelor finale.  Read more »
We just watched the dramatic finale and the magical proposal, but it turns out The Bachelor isn‘t actually fairy tale, you guys. I know, I was shocked too. So now it‘s time to get REAL with Bachelor Brad, his bride-to-be, the one he dumped and the three couples who have actually survived from the 20 seasons that this show has (inexplicably?) been on the air. And by real, I mean AWKWARD. The Bachelor Season 15 Finale Recap: Brad Picks His Bride.  Read more »
Fourth-year dental student Ashley Hebert is officially over Brad Womack and ready to start her own polyamorous adventure on The Bachelorette in May. And while we would have preferred Shawntel Newton based on the capacity for dead guy jokes alone, dentist jokes can be pretty fun, too. A lot more fun than going to the dentist, anyway.ABC loves to add corny subtitles to their Bachelor seasons when the guy has a defining characteristic that drives the girls wild. On The Bachelor: London Calling, it was Matt Grant‘s Britishness, which the women treated like an impressive talent rather than an inherent aspect of his personality. All Andy Baldwin needed to do on The Bachelor: An Officer and A Gentleman was even mention his Navy uniform, and the ladies totally lost their s***. And who could forget Jake Pavelka, who turned his ho-hum commercial pilot‘s career into a reason for the women of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love to swoon about the possibility of flying away with him? (They didn‘t realize they‘d be in coach.)But why should the boys have all the fun? It‘s high time ABC let a Bachelorette in on the subtitle action, and Ashley‘s the one. What guy wouldn‘t want to get drilled by a sexy dentist? Don‘t even worrying about brainstorming, ABC. We‘ve got LOTS of ideas for this one: Read more »
As the dust settles on Brad Womack‘s second Bachelor finale and the announcement that Ashley Hebert will take up the Bachelorette torch this May, creator Mike Fleiss spoke to EW about the big issues (yes, that‘s tinged with a tiny bit sarcasm) affecting his franchise, including the lack of diversity in the cast, Reality Steve‘s spoilers, why Ashley is the new Bachelorette and whether they‘ll ever go back to casting an unknown Bachelor.Some of this is ground we‘ve covered before, but I appreciate that Fleiss is never dull in his answers and he seems to appreciate that, even though it‘s his show, it‘s not high art or rocket science. He also doesn‘t shy away from the bold and salty statements, like calling Reality Steve "the Michele Bachmann of reality TV facts." The man knows how to make drama. Check out the highlights of Fleiss‘ interview below, with commentary from yours truly. (Fleiss in italics.) Read more »
The Bachelor season 15 may be over but that doesn‘t mean that gossip will stop churning in the world of reality TV. Right now, fans are left wondering if Brad Womack, who got engaged to Emily Maynard in the finale, made the right decision, especially after watching the very awkward After the Final Rose special, not to mention the circulating rumors about the rocky status of their relationship. Did Brad pick the right woman? And is marriage still in the cards for the latest Bachelor couple? Here‘s what our readers think: Read more »
UPDATE: TV Guide reports that the TMZ story (below) about Brad getting hospitalized is untrue. An ABC spokesperson says Womack called 911 to assist a man "having a panic attack in the park near Brad. [...] The incident has nothing to do directly with Brad. He just made the call." Maybe Brad is a prince after all!Brad in the hospital? TMZ reported today that Brad was "was rushed to a hospital in Texas earlier today for a non-life threatening medical issue" according to a "law enforcement official." No word yet (or possibly ever) on what that issue was, but their source says Brad was later seen walking around the hospital with his twin Chad, and a rep at The Bachelor said, "Everybody is fine." Emily says, "Don‘t believe everything you read." The Bachelor breakup headlines are still all over the tabloids (at least at my grocery store!) but Ms. Maynard took to her new Twitter account (@RickisMommy) on March 17 to show her fans that she and Brad are together and happy, despite rumors and doubts that surfaced after their awkward After the Final Rose. The couple is still shying away from the press to work on their relationship, but US Weekly published two photos--one of Brad and Emily in Austin at the South by Southwest festival last week and one of Emily in Charlotte, NC today--both of which show Emily still sporting her engagement ring. I hate to contribute to invading their privacy even further by reposting these photos, but I hope fans are happy to see they‘re still going strong! Read more »
If you thought The Bachelor was over when the finale aired, then boy oh boy, you must be new around here. The news (if we can call it that) about what‘s up with Brad, Emily and Ashley just keeps going. If you want all the scoop but none of the calories, this bite-sized Bachelor roundup is for you: Read more »
Stories from Bachelor land never stop. Here‘s what‘s new with the TV love crew:Bachelor Pad 2 gets its premiere date: ABC‘s summer smutfest will return Monday, August 8, and once again be an excruciating two hours long. This photo and open letter illustrate exactly how I feel about this news.Listen to former Bachelor cast members literally beg to get cast on the Pad, if that‘s what you‘re into.Brad joined Twitter last week, and since then he‘s been tweeting up a storm about his great weekend in Charlotte with (still very ON) fiance Emily and her daughter Ricki. Here‘s a picture he posted of his "chauffeur" with the caption "HOT :-)":  Read more »
If anyone deserves to be honored for his work in reality television, it must be Mike Fleiss. The executive producer of The Bachelor will be taking the stage this April on the Reality Rocks Expo in Los Angeles to receive the Reality Rocks Humanitarian Award.Mike Fleiss is known as the creator of The Bachelorette, in addition to recently co-directing the documentary God Bless Ozzy Osbourne. Jack Osbourne, who is credited as producer of the film, has been tapped to present the honor at the event.Win a SlideHD Flip Cam at the Reality Rocks Expo!  Read more »
It‘s the heart of Bachelor off-season, which means the news we‘re getting is less than meaty, but that doesn‘t mean it‘s not still kinda sorta fun! Well, we can MAKE it fun, anyway. With our powers of snark combined...Let‘s start with the rumor mill:Rumor One: Emily is pregnant. Verdict: FALSE.Rumor Two: According to a "source" close to them, Emily and Ricki are moving to Austin, where they will live in a condo close to Brad‘s bachelor pad. Verdict: Could be true. One thing is clear from those pictures (click the link) of Emily and Ricki at a Charlotte Bobcats game this weekend: The engagement ring is still very much on.Though that hasn‘t stopped Ryan Sutter from blogging about why he doesn‘t think Brad and Emily will last. Read more »
What do you get when you get together three of Hollywood‘s most famous reality fame-whores and an infamous call girl, take them out to lunch and film it all?Well, we don‘t know yet. But it can‘t be good. And that‘s probably the point. Yesterday afternoon in Los Angeles, disgraced angry Bachelor Jake Pavelka joined former Hills star and 90% plastic Heidi Montag, Real Housewives of New Jersey "prostitution WHORE!" Danielle Staub and Eliot Spitzer‘s favorite call girl Ashley Dupre for an unknown reality project that I can only imagine is something about America‘s most hated pop culture icons. What could it be called? The Four Horsemen of the Popocalypse? Celebrity Rehab: I‘m Addicted to Attention?  But wait: This lunch wasn‘t for a party of four. Who are those two guys next to Jake Pavelka? Let‘s see... Read more »
Many of us predicted this as soon as we saw them on the uncomfortable After the Final Rose special, but it seems -- according to tabloids, anyway -- that Brad Womack and Emily Maynard have called it quits. The intensely private couple have not commented on the matter, but their silence has a way of speaking for itself, given how adamantly they defended their love on Twitter and in the news in the weeks following the Bachelor finale. OK! cites an anonymous source as saying that Emily gave back Brad‘s ring this week, and called Brad to call off their engagement. Apparently, when it came down to making the big decision to move to Texas to be with Brad, the source says, "She finally gave up and refused. She said ‘I want my life back.‘"Life & Style says the split happened a few weeks ago -- April 9, to be exact, though they aren‘t so exact with their source on the matter. Their "insider" says Emily was upset when Brad put an offer on a house without consulting her, and questioned whether Brad really was husband material: "She obviously feels that it isn‘t the behavior of someone who plans to be with her." They also float a rumor about Brad cheating. From their story: Read more »
Amid rumors that they‘ve officially but secretly broken up, People went one degree away from the source and pestered spoke to Emily Maynard‘s mother Susan, who has clearly never met Brad Womack, but said Brad and Emily "have not officially broken up," though "it‘s still kind of on and off." When asked if she thought the relationship would last, Maynard‘s mother said, "I can‘t say one way or the other," Susan says. "I think they both have good intentions."("Good intentions" are soooo romantic, aren‘t they?)  Read more »
Did you know BuddyTV is on Facebook? Did you know we have show specific Facebook Fan Pages too? Well, now is the perfect time to check them out because we‘re currently hosting a big sweepstakes for our old and new fans alike. The prizes: Grand Prize: a 32-inch Flat Screen TVSecond Prize: a $100 iTunes Gift CardThird Prize: 10 lucky winners will receive a $10 Amazon Gift Card  Read more »
The most important day in the history of civilization is upon us, at least that‘s what I assume based on the media coverage. Prince William and Kate Middleton‘s wedding is scheduled for Friday, April 29 at 11am London time (that‘s 6am ET and 3am PT, if you‘re interested in).  Read more »
Here we go again!In anticipation of the Bachelorette May 23 premiere, here‘s the pre-show scoop on Ashley Hebert‘s 25 aspiring suitors, whom she will knock out one by one until crowning Mr. Perfect (or Mr. Perfect for Now).UPDATE: Check out our first photos of all 25 guys right here! Below, check out the guys‘ names, ages, occupations and hometowns, plus ABC‘s first press release about the Bachelorette season 7 premiere, and a super-quick preview for the season.  Read more »
Here are the highlights from new Bachelorette Ashley Hebert‘s conference call yesterday, in which reporters asked her all about her upcoming season, and she answered when she was contractually able to do so. Questions in bold. Ashley‘s answers in non-bold. My commentary in italics.Did you get any advice any of the former Bachelorettes or Bachelors especially Brad?Ashley Hebert: Did I get advice?No, not really, I mean, I didn‘t actually. I think I got advice from my past self.  Read more »
First, let me clear up an egregious error on my part: The Bachelorette premieres tonight at 9:01pm. That‘s an hour later than usual, thanks to the Dancing with the Stars finale, part one. Sorry to everyone I may have hurt by relying on my 100+ hours of recapping this show (shudder) in saying that it premiered tonight at 8pm. I‘m only human, after all.But back to the important stuff: Like I just said, The Bachelorette premieres TONIGHT! Despite everything I‘ve learned from my aforementioned years of recapping this show, I am totally elated to share the upcoming ups and downs of Ashley‘s journey with you. The drama will flow like so much fine wine (down Drunk Tim‘s throat), beginning with our very first "there for the wrong reasons" contestant, Bentley, a Salt Lake City businessman whose name is almost as obnoxious as his smug attitude/face combo. You guys are going to have so much fun disliking this guy! It‘s a real cut-and-dry case: He deserves it. You should believe me, but go ahead and watch the sneak peek to remove all doubt: Read more »
Why do you watch The Bachelorette? Is it for the romance? The drama? The beautiful, desperate idiots? The fashion? The ridiculously unrealistic dates? The travel? Chris Harrison‘s understated but irresistible charisma? All of the above?Well, ABC thinks they know why you‘ll be tuning in when The Bachelorette premieres next Monday, May 23. Three syllables, two words, six packs: SHIRT. LESS. MEN. Yeah, that‘s right, girl. (Or boy.) They got your number and they‘re dialing it, hard. Watch this soft-core promo and try not to sweat (out of desire or shame, your choice):  Read more »
You know this season‘s Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert, is a dentist right? Just want to make sure that headline gets the full set of LOLs to which it is entitled.Anyway: The season 7 premiere is upon us this evening (9:01pm. OH-ONE-PEE-EM.), and what better way to celebrate than getting mind-numb on a Monday? Tonight‘s premiere is full of outrageous entrances, mysterious intrigue and the classic stench of desperation you‘ve come to crave from The Bachelorette, so do your part and print out this original drinking game, head to the store after work, buy a few bottles of your favorite white zinny* and gather those lady-friends and self-secure man-buddies to watch Ashley‘s 25 aspiring suitors put the "idiot" in "idiot box." It will be a Bachelor blast. A Blastechor.*Nickname for zinfandel, I don‘t know if I made it up but if I did: TRADEMARK. Read more »
WE‘RE BACK-elorette!Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss Ashley, our spunky, second-guessing dentist who broke Brad‘s heart, "badly," when she wouldn‘t "come here, to him, please" emotionally? Actually, scratch that: It‘s not important whether you missed her or not, because Ashley‘s here to stay all season long, and we all know the real reason we watch isn‘t because we like or don‘t like the Bachelor(ette). Brad‘s ratings made that clear enough. It‘s to see the parade of potential suitors who will jump over each other, the boundaries of human dignity and the shark to get that final rose. You probably already watched the episode, but just in case you didn‘t, here‘s the Bachelorette Season 7 Premiere Drinking Game you should play/should have played tonight. "Novocaine for Your Brain," ha! Get it? Ashley‘s a dentist. Well, dental student. Who is taking time off from school to date 25 guys at once so she can get married before she gets her diploma because priorities. (Actually a pretty smart move, if you think about it. I mean, if I were Ashley, part of the reason I‘d agree to do this show is because once it‘s over and I started my dental practice, no matter where I move my patient list will be full up of people who simply want the weird bragging rights of saying "My dentist was The Bachelorette!" to their friends. I bet she‘ll even have a photo booth  in the office and, like, rose-shaped toothbrushes to sell. It‘s called a business model.)The other reason Ashley probably agreed to be the new Bachelorette? A second chance to set things right. LET‘S TAKE A RIDE DOWN THE ROOT CANAL OF LOVE ... TO THE RECAP!  Read more »
Hello, and welcome to the first episode of "The Bachelorette Hangover," in which BuddyTV writers Meghan Carlson and Carla Patton share their thoughts, gripes and passion for America‘s best dating show with you. Like a fine wine, The Bachelorette is a joyful indulgence ... but sometimes it makes our heads (and hearts) hurt. And what a spectacular premiere of The Bachelorette season 7 we saw last night, as Ashley Hebert navigated the treacherous waters of the first cocktail party. So much to love! In today‘s premiere installment of "The Bachelorette Hangover," we discuss what we thought of Ashley‘s debut, the three biggest "weirdos" of the premiere, our love and hate relationships with Drunk Tim and Jeff the Mask, our picks for which men could go all the way, and all sorts of things in between. We hope you enjoy it. As always, if you have any feedback, please share it in the comments. We look forward to a season of wicked fun Bachelorette hangovers with you. And don‘t miss the recap of the episode!  Read more »
Holy Bachelorette goodness, Batman! (And by "Batman," I do NOT mean Jeff the Mask.) First and foremost, last night‘s recap was lengthy but (I like to think) worth the investment. And today is an extra special day, as Carla and I broke the seal on our very first "Bachelorette Hangover" podcast, because there was even MORE to discuss beyond the recap.So we know how those Bachelorette producers feel when they have to cut out essential conversations and interviews on the first night. There‘s just too much to cover in a mere two hours. Thankfully, that‘s what the internet is for. Check out two bonus videos from last night‘s premiere, including the first Diaries of the Departed and a deleted scene with Ashley and Constantine. Read more »
If you‘ve been keeping up with my Bachelorette coverage so far, you know I have only love for "Drunk Tim," aka Tim McCormack, the liquor distributor who made a splash by showing up sloshed to the first cocktail party and fell asleep before the first rose ceremony. He may not have gotten a rose from Ashley, but he was definitely one of the most memorable bachelors of the night.Tim talked to the media in a conference call this morning, and while he maintains a healthy sense of humor about the whole thing, he revealed that he did not watch the full episode on Monday night because he was so disgusted by his own behavior. "I literally had to turn it off. It was nauseating."The details are still understandably hazy for the 35-year-old from Long Beach, New York who maintains he went on The Bachelorette to find love. He said when he woke up the next morning, he was in "a giant fog as to exactly what happened the previous night," and could not entirely account for how he ended up so "uncontrollable."  Read more »
I was a tad skeptical at first that Bentley Williams, the single dad from Colorado whose reputation preceded him when he showed up on The Bachelorette this Monday, was truly as terrible as he seemed. "There for the wrong reasons" is a term that gets thrown around a lot on The Bachelorette, and some of his statements in the premiere, while rude and crass, sounded edited and out of context. But after watching the clip below, the last drop of skepticism has been drained from my well: Bentley is a scumbag! And, sadder still, the worse he reveals himself to be, the harder Ashley seems to fight (or more like beg) for him to stick around. Watch this clip and have your trashcan ready for the ensuing vomit: Read more »
Have you ever wished that you could jump inside the brain of your favorite TV star or writer so that even when the show wasn‘t on, you could witness their brilliance, insight and hilarity at all times?Well, even if you haven‘t wished it, since that‘s sort of a creepy (but understandable) wish, now you can, thanks to Twitter. Getting inside a star‘s head has never been easier! (Or less messy, if we‘re being literal. Which, for the record, we are not.)Here are our picks for 25 people on and involved with TV (both real and fictional!) that you‘ll want to make sure you follow this summer.  Read more »
On The Bachelor, ladies be sobbin‘. But once the show‘s over, the ladies be vloggin‘.Check out what Emily, Michelle and Ashley S. had to say about this week‘s Bachelorette premiere starring their friend Ashley Hebert. The thread that ties them all together? They‘re not Bentley fans, either. Read more »
Of all the perks that come with recapping The Bachelor, probably the coolest aspect is how this year, they managed to schedule episodes on Valentine‘s Day, Memorial Day AND the Fourth of July! Weird that they missed Christmas and my birthday, since it‘s such a GIFT to get to write this on a holiday. In honor of Memorial Day, this recap is dedicated to the troops. Thank you for protecting our American freedoms, like the freedom to act like goons on reality dating shows. Speaking of which...WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN THIS RECAP UNTIL THE END OF THE INTERNET:  Read more »
Didn‘t get enough Bachelorette during last night‘s episode or the recap? Yeah, me neither, because who ever does? Luckily, we‘ve got three extra videos from last night‘s episode, two of which are sure to entertain you, and one of which will probably just make you want to go to a pool party ASAP. Check them out! Read more »
In lieu of any of Monday night‘s three eliminated Bachelors, ABC decided to put host Chris Harrison on the phone with the media this morning to discuss this season‘s biggest villain, Bentley Williams. ABC‘s press release for next Monday‘s episode reveals that the guy who said he‘d "rather swim in pee" than marry Ashley and only wanted her to "tickle his pickle" will continue his "huge, selfish ruse" on The Bachelorette when he "delivers a knock-out blow to Ashley when he gives her the crushing news that will put an end to her hopes, and has her questioning if she can move on."Next week‘s episode won‘t lack for other drama, as Jeff will finally unmask himself, and William will "go for it" at the group comedy roast with "disastrous results," but Harrison‘s chat today was all about the "emotional juggernaut" about to hit Ashley in the form of Bad News Bentley. Here are the highlights from the conference call:  Read more »
The concept of Bachelor "villains" is a tricky one for me. As much as I enjoy taking these people to task for the rude, obnoxious and stupid things they say and do, I also try to maintain a healthy sense of skepticism that anything that happens on this show is remotely real. How can I call out Bentley for saying all these terrible things while at the same time acknowledging that much of what he said may have been spliced, edited and taken out of context to make him appear worse than he actually is? If I say he‘s a terrible guy, I sound like I don‘t know this show‘s drama is exaggerated and sometimes fabricated. If I say he‘s just getting edited, it sounds like I think his comments in tonight‘s episode are acceptable and not totally disgusting. Which, for the record, THEY ARE. Very disgusting. I just want to hear one soundbite from him that doesn‘t sound like it‘s been chopped into eight pieces. Such are the complex issues that come with this job of recapping "reality" shows as they become increasingly unrealistic.Anyway, that‘s just where my head is at, going into tonight‘s DRAW-muh filled episode that will have everyone screaming, "Did he really just say/do that?" at their TVs tonight. Seriously, this makes that time Frank dumped Ali in Tahiti look like a cake walk at a baby kitten daycare center.  Read more »
Tonight on The Bachelorette, it‘s perhaps the most dramatic episode of the show EVER (imagine that in your best Chris Harrison voice), as Jeff takes off his mask, William roasts Ashley to tears, and Bad News Bentley makes his big, bad, blow-out exit. So much to talk about, let‘s get to it! BENTLEY CAN GO GET BENT, AND YOU CAN ENJOY THIS RECAP: Read more »
Last night Bentley Williams, the contestant deemed by ABC as the "most villainous bachelor in the show‘s history," made his controversial exit, which I covered in careful and colorful detail in my Bachelorette recap, if you‘ve yet to experience that delight yet.Now that the show has aired, here‘s what Ashley, Chris Harrison and more are saying about the big episode, plus sneak peeks at what‘s coming next for Ashley‘s adventures. It turns out Bentley might not be the only guy who isn‘t being honest with the Bachelorette.  Read more »
I‘ve been recapping The Bachelor(ette) long enough to learn the show‘s patterns. Sadly, one of the patterns I‘ve picked up on (besides the increasing number of fear- and helicopter-based dates) is that as soon as the show takes the contestants abroad, we stop getting pre-episode photos of their romantic misadventures. It‘s like they want to save all their vacation photos for a post-show scrapbook! So you‘ll have to survive on these screencaps I got from the the brief preview clip for next weeks‘ episode, and use your imagination, while reading the descriptions for next Monday‘s dates, which take Ashley and her final 12 to Thailand:  Read more »
Bachelor Pad 2 premieres August 8. Did you rip a hole in your calendar yet from circling that date so vigorously? I bet you did, and I can‘t blame you. It‘s just not really summer in America until there‘s a kissing contest on TV.  For those of us who simply cannot wait to find out which washed up former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars will strip down to their skivvies for the chance to win earn uh, get $250,000 for doing very little, it‘s our lucky day: Bachelor Pad 2 began filming this week, and Reality Steve has an updated cast spoiler list to share. Here‘s what‘s changed from the last time we saw a list... Read more »
Anthony Weiner isn‘t the only over-exposed guy having the worst week ever. Bentley Williams, whose dishonest antics led to a brokenhearted Ashley this Monday on The Bachelorette, is still making headlines as the worst contestant in the show‘s history. Bentley himself is probably deep down in an internet-free foxhole, but everyone else associated with The Bachelor has happily offered their comments on his controversial exit. Here‘s the quick and dirty on all the dirt getting thrown Bentley‘s way, and the details about when we‘ll see his mug pop back up on the show. Plus: Rumor has it that Ashley‘s post-Bachelorette life may be less about dental drilling and more about dancing...  Read more »
This morning, Jeff Medolla, a.k.a. "the man in the mask," who was eliminated this week on The Bachelorette, spoke with the media on a conference call. The conversation was as enlightening as it was hilarious. Here, context-free, are the 15 best things Jeff said. They are simply too good to sully with my superfluous commentary. I miss him already.1. "To be honest with you, I thought that having the balls to walk into that house with a mask on, I would have thought that I was potentially going to get maybe a one-on-one date with her sooner than later, you know? I don‘t know."2. "The way I look at it is, ten years from now, there‘s going to be people that will remember that girl that wore the fangs or had fangs because that stands out, and so did the mask. So, if I go in for three episodes and I‘m out, you know, I‘m sure that ten years from now, people will remember some idiot that wore a mask."  Read more »
After watching William and the other guys rip into Ashley during her roast, were you left wondering if the Bachelorette could dish it as well as she could take it? (And she could take it pretty well, at least until William got on stage.)Well, your answer lies in this deleted clip of Ashley taking the mic to poke fun at her suitors. Plus: More videos of Jeff the Mask around the Bachelor mansion (we miss your quotables already, Jeff!) and an extended preview of next week‘s adventures in Phuket, Thailand. Read more »
At this point, I will be watching Bachelor Pad 2 just to confirm my scientific hypothesis that it is the worst show ever made, and to report my findings back to you so you don‘t have to suffer through it alone. It‘s important work we‘re doing here. Together.I had a few meager hopes that the Bachelor Pad brass would tweak the show to make it, if not just a tad enjoyable, at least decent in the "so bad it‘s good" entertainment arena. But here are five signs that Bachelor Pad season 2, which premieres August 8, will be just as bad as the original: Read more »
This morning, ABC revealed to EW which former Bachelor and Bachelorette cast members have moved back into the mansion for the chance to strip, kiss, play and manipulate their way to the $250,000 Bachelor Pad cash prize. And, along the way, the network promises lots of "fireworks, drama, romance and endless possibilities" from the all-star cast of cast-offs (and one former star of the show!), which, as you can see below, really is full of "those we love and those we love to hate."Here‘s the cast of Bachelor Pad 2, which will see Chris Harrison returning solo as host (no Mellisa Rycroft this time) when the second season premieres on August 8: Read more »
The ghost of Bentley‘s dickishness still haunts The Bachelorette in week four, and probably will for the rest of the season. When we last left Ashley, she was so distraught over his betrayal that she (gasp! put hand to forehead! roll eyes! faint!) canceled the cocktail party. This week, will our fragile dental student be able to extract his evil talons from her tender heart and allow the 12 remaining men even just a chance to stick their tongues in her mouth? Don‘t count on it. A good drinking game for tonight‘s episode (if you want to go to the hospital, to find yourself a hot doc to marry while you‘re getting your stomach pumped, girl-buddies!) is to drink every time you hear "Bentley" or "no regrets." It‘s a really great mantra for people like Ashley, who make bad calls almost constantly. "No regrets! I want to NEVER learn from my mistakes! Let‘s go planking again!"IT‘S NOT A BAD CALL, AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS AFTER READING THIS RECAP: Read more »
Did you notice one crucial conversation missing from last night‘s Bachelorette episode? No, not the one when Ashley accused Mickey of stealing her scarves and vests. The one when Ashley finally forgave William for saying he didn‘t "give a s**t" about her during last week‘s roast! Well, even though it got cut to make room for all that essential stuff about Ashley‘s grief over Bentley, the conversation happened, and now you can watch it happen, along with three more clips: An "uncensored" look inside Ryan‘s brain, West‘s diary of the departed and an extended look at next week‘s dates in Chiang Mai.  Read more »
It‘s never a huge surprise when a Bachelorette ends the season with a ring on her finger. After all, isn‘t that the point of the show? But after four weeks of watching Ashley Hebert fall for, get dumped by and continually cry over America‘s Next Top Scumbag Bentley Williams, it‘s seemed unlikely that this season‘s Bachelorette would leave the experience even remotely happy, let alone engaged.That is, it probably seemed that way if you haven‘t been reading the spoilers and tabloids, the latter of which are finally catching up to the former and reporting that Ashley is, in fact, engaged to the winner of the show. So, while we‘ll have to deal with at least two more weeks of Bentley blues, at least there‘s a happy ending on the horizon!More details from those helpful anonymous "insiders" about the engagement, plus everything else swirling around the Bachelor rumor mill, right here: Read more »
Bachelorette Ashley Hebert stopped by The Tonight Show on Thursday to explain, for probably the millionth time this month, what the "deal" is with "this Bentley" to Jay Leno, who has clearly never seen the show and was clearly just reading questions he didn‘t understand off of index cards.But nevermind that, because Jay‘s other guest that evening was Larry David, who also has clearly never seen The Bachelorette but managed to have better banter and chemistry with Ashley without even trying very hard. Larry also said what all the ladies in the audience really wanted to hear about Bentley: "I‘m going to kill that mo fo! I swear to God, I don‘t know what this guy did, but I really dislike him!" Thank you, Larry. Thanks for actually showing up to the interview last night.  Read more »
Here at BuddyTV Bachelorette Central, we pride ourselves on only bringing you the most entertaining, most essential (imagine that word teetering atop a hefty grain of salt) Bachelorette news out there. That‘s why I sift through the entire Bachelorette conference call transcripts with the eliminated guys and pick out just the good parts for your enjoyment. Like with this conference call that eliminated lawyer and widower West Lee did with the media yesterday. Call me crazy, but it shouldn‘t take you longer to read an interview with a guy (who got about ten total minutes of screen time) than it did for Ashley to get rid of him. So here are just the big highlights from West‘s interview yesterday. If that makes me a curator, a leader, a hero ... so be it.  Read more »
Chris Lambton and Peyton Wright are engaged, Life & Style reports, and both of their Twitter accounts confirm, as well as this shot of Peyton with a lovely engagement ring on her finger.He was the fan favorite and runner-up on The Bachelorette season 6 with Ali Fedotowsky, whose time on the show was so heart-warming that a rainbow literally appeared as he was sent home.  Read more »
Before you watch the clip below, please allow me a mini rant: Tonight The Bachelorette enters week 5, and already it‘s one of the most bizarre seasons of the show to date. The show‘s usual story is about a put-together, confident young woman who‘s only missing one piece, the prince charming, to complete her perfect life-puzzle. Instead, we have Ashley, who doesn‘t seem to believe anyone could really love her, crumbles under the slightest disappointment or shade of rejection, and whose insecurities take over her body, Hulk-style, when she‘s not being constantly praised or reassured by the men vying for her attention. At best, she‘s sympathetic and refreshingly realistic (who hasn‘t gone after the wrong guy and then worried he wasn‘t really that into her?), if increasingly annoying in the way she keeps going back to the one guy who treated her like complete garbage and proclaiming, "There was something there!" We want her to learn her lesson, and her own worth. We want her to be happy with herself, and then become happy with someone else! At best.  Read more »
This week, Ashley and her final 11 head to Chiang Mai, Thailand. Other than that, not much has changed. Ryan is still too chipper, Ames is still robotic, JP is still hot, and Ashley is still hung up on Bentley. Yep, tonight marks another chapter in Ashley‘s Bentley heartbreak. I‘d be more annoyed if I weren‘t already so numb inside from all the Not Caring Anymore. But hey ... tonight, instead of kisses, we get punches! So at least there‘s that.IT‘S THE EYE OF THE TIGER, IT‘S THE THRILL OF THE RECAP: Read more »
Here are this week‘s batch of Bachelorette deleted scenes. One of them sheds a little more light on how the inside of Ames‘ head is feeling after last night‘s nasty Thai boxing "date." The other two explain why Ashley abruptly sent Ben C. packing on the two-on-one date: Not only was their final conversation too "negative," but the dude never stops playing the piano. Shirtless! It also sounds like maybe William wasn‘t totally making up that stuff about Ben looking forward to the online dating scene back home. Can‘t Bachelorette Ashley ever catch a break? Won‘t just one of these guys give in and fall truly, madly, deeply in love with her? With dates like next week‘s Dragon Boat Races, which will pair the men up into teams of two for the day, it‘s just so impossible* to see why they‘d feel closer to each other than to Ashley.*Sarcasm. And lots of it. Now watch those clips! Read more »
First comes love, then comes marriage, now we follow it up with stars strutting around with their babies in carriages. Yesterday we quizzed you on love triangles that take place on the small screen. Today, we‘ll see how much you know about the actors and actresses who are proud parents and their celebrity babies.Taking How Much Do You Know About Celebrity Babies? will prove if you‘ve been paying attention to who gave birth to whom. With the help of hints and baby pictures, choose the celebrity mom or dad we‘re referring to.  Read more »
DING DONG: It‘s official. Phone salesman/unfunny aspiring comedian/30-year-old boy/known idiot William Holman will bring to fruition all those amazing talents this August on Bachelor Pad. [EW]Attention all freedom-loving Americans: There will be no new episode on Monday, July 4, so we can all celebrate our nation‘s birth the way the founding fathers intended. By getting drunk, eating hotdogs and blowing s*** up. We will return to ABC‘s regularly scheduled programming of The Bentley-orette the following week. [ABC Press Release]"She gets to this happy place and is almost a little arrogant and cocky because of it, but I don‘t think she thought through the effect it was going to have on the guys. It‘s like you walking up to your boyfriend and saying, "For the last couple of months I‘ve been sleeping with another guy, but the good news is I don‘t want to have sex with him anymore.": Chris Harrison just called the Bachelorette "cocky" and accused her of cheating, you guys. Basically. He also admitted that the show has disingenuous editing techniques. He‘s the host with the most (chutzpah)! [TV Guide] Read more »
On Monday‘s episode of The Bachelorette, all of Ashley‘s Bentley crying and whining will finally -- hopefully! -- come to an end, as ABC will bring back the controversial contestant who played her for a fool so they can finally turn his "dot-dot-dot" departure into a definitive period.But Bentley‘s return doesn‘t sit well with the rest of the guys, who wonder if Ashley‘s just wasting their time while she waits around for Bentley. Watch the two dramatic sneak peeks below: Read more »
From the moment I saw William Holman‘s Bachelorette intro package, in which he called himself a romantic "stepping stone" with bad luck in love (and then, to illustrate, he broke an umbrella in the rain), I knew he‘d be one of the most memorable characters of the season. Little did I know that William would turn out to be one of Ashley‘s biggest disappointments, second perhaps only to Bentley. That might sound harsh, but it‘s not really bad "luck" if it‘s your bad decisions -- like fake-marrying her, then publicly shaming her, then crying and running away from her -- that turn a girl from smitten to sickened in a matter of weeks. He didn‘t earn the nickname "Ding Dong" for nothing.ABC‘s newest Bachelor Pad contestant spoke to the media on a conference call yesterday about his disastrous roast of Ashley, why he threw Ben C. under the bus, his "Peter Pan complex" and what‘s next in his comedy career. Ha! Oh, William. Read more »
They say, "When God closes a door, he opens a window." But in the case of William Holman and Blake Julian‘s Bachelorette to Bachelor Pad transitions, I think it‘s more like "When God closes an infinity pool he reopens the same infinity pool, but this time with more hot chicks inside."Not that the Big Guy Upstairs would have anything to do with the overflowing lechery that is Bachelor Pad 2, which premieres August 8. But William and Blake (right, taking time off from his busy dentist‘s schedule) look happy and healthy enough in these cast photos that have been revealed now that we know Bachelorette Ashley sent them both packing this season. Both of them made Ashley cry, but now they‘re all smiles. Here‘s William, aka "Ding Dong" (oh, how I hope that nickname transfers over!): Read more »
Tonight on The Bachelorette: Ashley is still being that "friend" we all have whom we warned not to get involved with a douchebag, and then she got her heart broken, and now she expects endless listening and sympathy from us, like we didn‘t warn her in the first place. It makes me want to roundhouse kick an ice sculpture of her face. But, finally, tonight Ashley gets closure (even if ABC will NEVER let us have any), as Bentley arrives in Hong Kong to finally put the metaphorical "period" on their grammatically and emotionally disabled relationship. Oh, and Ashley will go on a couple dates with some scraps of chopped liver whom we know as "the other guys."Hong Kong? More like Hong DONKEY Kong! Because Bentley‘s an ass, get it? I‘m so tired of talking about this/him, you guys. Sooo tired of it. I‘m at the end of my joke-rope. Please go easy on me, and I‘ll try to go easy on you by only giving you the good stuff in the rest of this recap. (Well, I still have to mention Lucas‘s date, but BESIDES THAT, only good stuff!)THIS IS MY IMPRESSION OF ASHLEY INTRODUCING TONIGHT‘S RECAP: "I‘m sorry but, um, I just wanted to tell you how strongly I feel about how great this recap that Meghan wrote is, and now that I‘ve told you that I feel like we can finally move forward." GOOD GOD ASHLEY, IT‘S JUST A RECAP. GET IT TOGETHER! "I‘m sorry, I didn‘t mean it that way, my words come out wrong!" You‘re a mess, so I‘m taking over. RECAP STARTS NOW: Read more »
As you likely know by now, next Monday is the Fourth of July, so there will be no new Bachelorette episode. THANKS, UNCLE SAM! Which means you‘ve got almost two weeks to watch these deleted scenes from last night‘s episode. To watch them now, or wait and savor them later? That‘s your choice as a free American. (To my international readers: Hi! I love you, too. Please know that not all of us look and act like the people on this show.) When you‘re ready, here are this week‘s clips: Read more »
Today the nominations for the 2011 Teen Choice Awards were announced, and as usual, it‘s a collection of obvious choices. Guess what? Teens still love Twilight, and they also really like Justin Bieber, Glee and Justin Timberlakie (who, at 30 years old, will probably be given a Lifetime Achievement Award next year). Read more »
The latest, greatest Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad batch o‘ yore, all spiced up by yours truly, all in one convenient place. Feel free to take to the comments with your thanks.Another One Bites the Bachelor Dust: As she‘ll explain when her sit-down with Bachelor host Chris Harrison airs on next Monday‘s Bachelorette episode (July 11), Emily Maynard and Brad Womack have officially called it quits. Brad says it‘s his fault. Emily says, "just because we love each other doesn‘t mean we‘re right for each other."Sad, but that‘s life, and better things will come along. As Dan Savage says, "Every relationship ends. Until the one that doesn‘t." [People]  Read more »
Happy Bachelorette Monday! Tonight, it‘s the return of Bentley (boooo!) and, if my wish gets granted, the end of Ashley talking about Bentley ever again (never gonna happen). Before we get to the dragon boat races, though, let‘s take a look around the rest of Bachelor Land. Reality Steve came out with a bounty of spoilers late last week, and over the weekend a bunch of other non-exciting but still amusing not-really-stuff sort-of-happened. Let‘s talk about it!  And then let‘s try to be anti-Ashleys (no crying, whining or over-reacting!) about it. Read more »
So remember how a couple weeks ago we saw photos of former Bachelor Jake Pavelka, former Hills boobs Heidi Montag, former Real Housewives of New Jersey wife Danielle Staub, former Eliot Spitzer doll Ashley Dupre and former rappers with actual cred Three 6 Mafia‘s DJ Paul and Juicy J all having lunch together? (Oh, and Vincent Pastore was there too, because why not?) Now I can finally stop tossing and turning, because we finally know what it‘s all about! The reality show they‘re filming is for VH1 (of course) and it‘s called Famous Food. (More like Famous Barf. Nailed it.) The group of pop culture has-beens will work together to launch a restaurant in West Hollywood. (Cue mental image of Heidi Montag scrubbing toilets. Danielle Staub flipping burgers. Jake Pavelka wearing a sandwich board and getting trash thrown at him by hobos. Meghan Carlson smiling and programming her DVR.) Read more »
Are you ready for the craziest collection of reality stars and tabloid fixtures ever? On Sunday, July 10, VH1 is premiering its newest reality series, Famous Food, where seven celebrities try to open a restaurant in 28 days, and the one who does the best job will become a partner with restaurant investment gurus The Dolce Group.  Read more »
At the risk of sounding cheesy, I‘ll say this: celebrities are humans, too. They get hurt, they work hard, and they fall in love. They date around. Some of them, a lot. Difference is, they get noticed for it more than we do. And by that, I mean news reports devoted to who‘s dating who. Column inches speculating whether they‘re together or not. Hours spent in the water cooler doing all the same. So maybe what I said earlier isn‘t entirely true, after all... Read more »
No Bachelorette recap this week. But never fear, my rosy comrades. There‘s still plenty of Bachelor and Bachelorette "news" to tide us over until the next chapter of Ashley‘s magical journey down the root canal of love continues... JEFF THE MASK STATUS UPDATE: Still wearing the mask. Still doing what he wants. Still "eating the crap out of popcorn"? (Pointless video. Do not watch.)How Much Did Ashley Get Paid?: $30,000? $100,000? Maybe everyone is wrong and the answer is actually, "A lifetime supply of mid-riff bearing tops and booty shorts from Cheerleader Outfits Wholesalers USA." Also: Poor Ashley. Like she didn‘t feel cheap enough already. Read more »
If you‘re not in the mood to read all the reasons (it‘s Friday, after all), let me just answer my own question upfront: Yes. Yes, I believe that this is the worst season of The Bachelorette (or The Bachelor!) ever. And from all the comments, water cooler talk and actual conversations I‘ve seen since Ashley Hebert started her Bachelorette adventure six weeks ago, I get the strong sense that I‘m not alone. "Ashley is so annoying!" seems to be the most common complaint. Just last night, a friend who knows that I blog about the show wrote on my Facebook wall that "this Bachelorette has to be the most desperate of them all ... and that is saying something."  Read more »
... Just like every wedding, amirite?Just kidding. Weddings are supposed to be full of beauty, love and togetherness -- unless those weddings are not real, and are happening on The Bachelorette, on a group date, thus making them super-double-fake and super-triple-uncomfortable. Just the way we like ‘em!Below, check out a sneak peek of next Monday‘s one-on-three date between Ashley, Ames, JP and Lucas. Now in Taiwan, Ashley "decides" to take her trio of suitors to Taipei‘s "world famous photography district" to dress up in traditional wedding attire and take "customary Taiwanese wedding photos" with her. (Note: Unless "dating" is supposed to be presumptuous, tacky, non-fun, cruel and terrible, THAT IS NOT A DATE!)Obviously the entire "date" is a set-up to freak out the men about commitment, monogamy, eternity, ugly outfits and watching each other kiss the girl. And obviously it works. Watch Ames, JP (who gets off easy and looks hot in his tux!) and Lucas get weird about weddings (and kissing), and then watch a sensational teaser for next Monday‘s interview with Emily Maynard:  Read more »
Agreed, the point of reality TV competitions is to give the spotlight to a bunch of unknowns who are hoping to make it big in Hollywood. But they wouldn‘t really get anywhere without the guidance of professionals. We‘re dedicating this to the hosts and judges of reality television, who have given their support to dreamers all over the country. There‘s Big Brother‘s Julie Chen, the judging panel of America‘s Next Top Model, probably not Idol‘s Simon Cowell, and more.   Read more »
Bachelor host Chris Harrison recently sat down with former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and her chosen one, fiance Roberto Martinez, for a conversation on the world‘s most pressing issues, from this season of The Bachelorette starring Ashley Hebert to their own post-show wedding plans. The interview is being posted as a video series on The Bachelor‘s companion website, and the first segment, released today and available for your viewing pleasure right here, covers Ali and Roberto‘s take on the whole Bentley situation. Ali brings her unique experience to bear on Ashley‘s tough role as this year‘s rose-giver, and actually succeeds in making me feel pretty bad for declaring Ashley‘s the worst Bachelorette season ever. (Not saying I don‘t still think that; I just feel bad for saying so.) Roberto, meanwhile, plays the role of the handsome, diplomatic gentleman, to whose empathy and genuine smoothness -- as opposed to Bentley‘s disingenuous sort -- all other gentlemen should aspire. Between her spunkiness and his solid-as-a-rock-ness, I think these two crazy kids just might make it. Watch and love:  Read more »
Even though she‘s repeatedly claimed she doesn‘t want the gig -- or all this attention -- the big rumor in Bachelor Land today is that Emily Maynard, Brad Womack‘s ex-fiance and the unquestionable fan favorite of his season, will be the next Bachelorette. This is terrible news. Not because I don‘t love Emily. Quite the opposite. Because there are so many things to love about Emily -- and every one is a reason she‘d make a terrible Bachelorette:1. She‘s too nice. She wouldn‘t be able to pull the plug on her potential suitors, especially in those stressful one-on-one date scenarios, without a whole lot of hand-wringing, apology-making and sad-hugging. She‘d smile at every dumb thing the guys said, feel uncomfortable judging anyone for anything even though that would be her job, and she‘d feel guilty almost constantly. She‘s a sweet, angelic doll -- but sweet, angelic dolls don‘t make good reality TV. The "process of elimination" process just wasn‘t made for people like Emily. (Probably time to do some soul-searching if you think it was made for you.) Read more »
In just over two years, Jake Pavelka went from being a no-name, hokey commercial airline pilot to being a reality TV pond-jumper and sh*t-stirrer of the trashiest sort. But that isn‘t keeping him from talking like the transition never happened!He wouldn‘t take no for an answer on The Bachelorette, and returned to stir up drama, shed crocodile tears over a balcony and get more airtime. This display helped him land his gig as The Bachelor, a role at which he excelled, for all his cheesy charms, until an awkward (in every sense of the word) stint on Dancing with the Stars followed by an explosive breakup interview with his ex-fiance Vienna on national TV caused his precarious star to plummet, and the word "psycho" to be frequently associated with his name. At one point, he spilled the details of their (non-)sex life to a tabloid. This summer, Jake is back on two competition reality shows that are themselves competing to appeal to the lowest common denominator: Famous Food, VH1‘s vision for what the 8th circle of celebrity hell would like if they served fries there, and Bachelor Pad season 2, which will again include classy element like a kissing contest, and a game where the contestants literally throw eggs at whomever they find least attractive.We review all of this information, of course, to set the stage for how hilariously hypocritical Jake‘s comments to Zap2It were today. You see, Jake would love to be The Bachelor again (YOU DON‘T SAY) but he claims he never begged for a second chance, Womack-style, because he‘s worried that the experience would "celebrify" his relationship, and open him up to "haters." This guy just doesn‘t quit! Quoth the Pavelka:  Read more »
It‘s been two long weeks since we saw a new Bachelorette episode, but we‘ve been anything but lacking in sneak peeks, teasers and other tantalizing tidbits about tonight‘s double-the-drama episode.If you really took the week off, allow me to help you catch up before The Bachelorette this evening: We saw a sneak peek of tonight‘s wedding-themed group date; Chris Harrison accused the media of sabotaging Emily and Brad‘s love, and in return the tabloids were all like "Who?" because they‘re too busy going after Ashley‘s fresh meat; there were rumors that JP is a player but we still love him; Jake Pavelka said some silly, hypocritical stuff for attention; there were rumors that Emily will be the next Bachelorette but I think it‘s a bad idea; though maybe not as bad as this whole season has been; and Ali and Roberto defended Ashley and were super-cute about it.Wow! That‘s a lot. And now, right here, there‘s more. First, check out Chris Harrison on Good Morning America today, doing his part to bolster ratings inform the public of the truth about Emily and Brad‘s breakup, which we will learn more about in his interview with Emily, which will air at the tail-end of tonight‘s Bachelorette episode. Then, check out part two of Chris‘s interview with Ali and Roberto. Spoiler alert: They are still in love!  Read more »
Thanks to my long history of watching him on The Bachelorette, and The Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars, and the Internet, I am fascinated by, and terrified of, Jake Pavelka. He is like a tiger in the zoo. Nice to look at, not much going on upstairs, and most of the time, he‘s tame. (And even then he‘s enthralling to watch.) But now and then, when his true nature takes hold, he‘ll snap, terrifying and sometimes destroying the lives of those around him. And if I ever saw him in person without a thick plate of glass between us, I‘d probably scream and pee myself.Thus the question of A) whether to watch Famous Food, and B) whether to document everything Jake Pavelka does on Famous Food, is a double-decker no-brainer. Everything his unpredictable brain does and says, or doesn‘t do and doesn‘t say, is of automatic interest to me. The show premiered last night, so let‘s check in with our well-meanin‘, no-thinkin‘, good-lookin‘ "Bachelor 14," as fellow contestant Vincent Pastore has taken to referring to him. As it turns out, last night Jake managed the impossible: He was the least crazy/offensive member of the cast (holy crap, Danielle Staub! That lady just never quits.) and yet his face made some of the dumbest looks/noises during the hour.  Read more »
Throughout her time on The Bachelor, Emily Maynard came across as the impossibly perfect woman: Beautiful, kind, sweet, gentle. Whereas The Bachelor is best known for its more desperate, outgoing contestants, Emily was all politeness and reservation. The only time she really ever got riled up was to protect her 5-year-old daughter, Rickey, or the memory of her late fiance, whom we were constantly being reminded died tragically the week before Emily discovered she was pregnant. Her tragic backstory only made her more appealing, to Brad and to us. "This itsy bitsy Barbie with the soul of Mother Teresa," one of her fellow contestants dubbed her.After Brad Womack proposed to Emily Maynard at the end of The Bachelor season 15, there was a distinctly different tone to this engagement than most that happen on the show. Even though they claimed to be happy, engaged and in love, the couple‘s After the Final Rose ceremony was decidedly more somber as Emily recounted how difficult it was to watch Brad kiss other women, and how she was unsure how their engagement would play out, especially given her daughter. After that -- and I can really only speak for myself here -- it seemed particularly foolish to think or expect or really even dare to hope that Brad and Emily‘s engagement would lead to a wedding. It is one of The Bachelor‘s consistent ironies that it is a special couple indeed who actually makes it down the aisle. But it‘s an even more special couple who, despite all show‘s inherent obstacles and the breakup warning signs, can still surprise us with our own sense of sadness when they officially break it off.  Read more »
Tonight: It‘s the seventh episode of the seventh season of The Bachelorette, and the date is 7/11, so it should come as no surprise that someone in tonight‘s episode got LUCKY! Someone besides you, who have this delicious, nutritious and apparently superstitious recap to devour. Who got lucky? Who got dumped? Who got jealous? Who‘s going to Hometown Dates? All that and more awaits you... MY LOVE LANTERN WISH IS FOR YOU TO READ AND ENJOY THIS RECAP: Read more »
Fans of The Bachelor have been following the relationship of Brad Womack and Emily Maynard, and recent news of their break-up broke their hearts. Chris Harrison sat down with Emily recently and discussed the details of what happened. Meanwhile, the world watched, along with several contestants of The Bachelor who took to their Twitter accounts to respond to the travesty. Most of Emily‘s castmates shared the same sad sentiment about the split. After what they‘ve all gone through together, it‘s no surprise that they sympathized with her.  Read more »
Did you notice the absence of a certain name that starts with a "B" and ends with an "entley" last night on The Bachelorette? Never have I heard a more beautiful absence in my whole life.And speaking of absence ... last night‘s episode in Taiwan was largely lacking in most of the other Bachelorette mainstays (crying, unnecessary drama, fear-based dates) except for Ashley‘s final date of the evening with "solar energy" man (that describing his occupation and his life philosophy) Ryan. After his lecture about tankless water heaters forced Ashley to cut him loose early, Ryan let loose some waterworks of his own as he wallowed in the unexpected rejection. It was one of the most dramatic exits we‘ve seen this season, because Ryan is just that sort of guy: One of high highs, and low (looooow) lows. Clearly ABC knows that his exit was the most interesting part of the episode, as all three of today‘s Bachelorette videos are all about Ryan. Watch as Mr. Sunshine gives us his three-part swan song, below: Read more »
Thanks to all your comments about how my tiny thumbnail-sized, cartoonized avatar looks like Ashley (maybe because SHE is thumbnail-sized and cartoonized IRL?) last night I had a dream that I was the Bachelorette. Actually,it was more like a nightmare. There was a tireless army of high-pitched producers attacking me at all times, curling my hair, gluing fake eyelashes to my face, forcing me into dresses in which I couldn‘t breathe and asking me, "How do you feel? HOW do you feel? How do you FEEL?" over and over and over. Strangely, it felt like the dream went on for several hours, and yet I never saw any of the men, or a hot tub, or a helicopter.In the end, my teeth fell out (that happens a lot in my dreams, but in this one it happened from being forced to smile all the time) and then Ed Helms drove me away in an escape car, and we talked about the Women‘s World Cup? I don‘t know, that part isn‘t important. It‘s a dream, and dreams make no sense! I also know that listening to other people‘s dreams is the very definition of "zzzzzzz," but the point IS: Emily Maynard announced today on Twitter (LOL, 2011) that she does NOT want to be The Bachelorette. And now I can literally say, "I don‘t blame her, that sounds like a nightmare," because it does. It sounds like a real nightmare that I had! So you go, Emily. Achieve your dreams, not your (my) nightmares. Also, I vow to go a little easier on Ashley. She is living in a Cosmo-topian Planet Terror Nightmare Hellscape, and they only paid her $30,000 to do it. If I were her, I‘d be so depressed that I‘d cry all the time and never bother putting on whole shirts, either. So thanks to all you commenters for scaring my subconscious into such a revelatory experience.Now, on to the rest of today‘s news, which I promise is 100% Bachelorette Analysis and 0% Meghan‘s Dream Analysis: Read more »
Just when I thought my expectations couldn‘t get lower.Rose/Puppet-master Mike Fleiss, the creator of The Bachelor, the show that spawned a million unlikable reality stars, has signed on to produce H8R, the CW‘s new Mario Lopez-hosted series about celebrities confronting the outspoken regular folks who hate them. Obviously, the concept for H8R is right up Fleiss‘s (dark, scary) alley. Where loathsomeness, stardom, drama and normal people intersect -- Fleiss doesn‘t just "go there" on a regular basis. He lives there. But in a press release announcing his involvement today, Fleiss says he‘s excited about helping with H8R for a different reason:"This is an exciting show for a number of reasons. But to me, what gives H8R legitimate breakout potential is that it is truly original. So much reality TV is completely derivative. Not H8R. I guess you can say I‘m a ‘h8r‘ of lame, derivative programming."  Read more »
Sometimes, opposites attract. And other times, as seems to have happened between Lucas Daniels, the 30-year-old oilfield equipment distributor from Odessa, Texas, and Ashley Hebert, the 26-year-old dental student Bachelorette, opposites enjoy each other enough to hang out for a while before eventually admitting that they aren‘t that attracted after all.But Lucas, who made his mark as the guy who proclaimed, "She‘s wasting my f***ing time!" when Ashley revealed she was still hung up on a certain He Who Shall Not Be Named, had nothing bad to say about Ashley, his time on The Bachelorette or the guys who made it into Ashley‘s final four. Even a true Southern gentleman can blow his lid under pressure, especially when he feels like he‘s been forced to play second (or more like fourth) fiddle to a jerk.Read on to find out what Lucas thinks of Ben, Ryan, Bentley (oh no, I named him after all!), why he was shocked that Ashley eliminated him, but not that shocked, and who he thinks should be the next Bachelor: Read more »
This Monday, Bachelorette Ashley ends her Asian Adventure and returns stateside for the pivotal cross-country tour of her final four‘s hometowns. Along the way, she‘ll visit fancy-pants Ames in Pennsylvania, city boy JP in Long Island and wine-country kid Ben in Sonoma, California. Read more about all the dates here.But the first stop on her tour may be the most memorable, as Ashley will go to Atlanta to visit restaurateur Constantine, whose big Greek family will fulfill Ashley‘s expectations of big Greek families in just the best way. They‘re warm, they‘re welcoming, they‘re dance-loving and money-throwing, and there‘s just about a million of them! What‘s not to love?Watch a sneak peek of Ashley‘s visit to Atlanta, and the welcome home party that Constantine‘s family throws for them. I wish I‘d gotten an invite!  Read more »
You worked hard this year, and so did your brain. Summer is the perfect time for both of you to kick back and take it easy. Thankfully, the networks take the same approach to their summer programming, filling the primetime hours with delightfully fluffy fodder, like carnival cotton candy for your mind and soul. Light, delicious, undeniably good for you. So don‘t feel embarrassed. Instead, embrace the fun, let your brain take a breather and tune in (then tune out) with these five ridiculous reality shows coming our way this summer: Read more »
Look, I‘m as excited (no, wait, that‘s the wrong word -- terrified is better) as the next gal to watch Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi reunite on Bachelor Pad season 2, both of them riding in on giant waves of self-righteousness and delusion that are destined to crash together in a glorious seastorm of fire and hate and death threats. That‘s "must-see TV," if you can keep from scratching out your eyeballs! But this news from EW is still hard to swallow:"ABC has decided that the second-season premiere of Bachelor Pad on Monday, Aug. 8 is full of too much awesome to be contained in a mere 120 minutes, so they‘re devoting three hours to the episode. "It‘s like the Schindler‘s List of the Bachelor franchise," jokes an insider of the extra-long premiere."Three hours long? Are you kidding me, ABC? That‘s longer than the final Harry Potter movie. That is ludicrous! ABC, you‘re on my list, and it‘s not the nice kind like Schindler‘s. (Also, let‘s maybe refrain from the "comparing beautiful, artistic Oscar-winning films about the Holocaust to horrifying, garbage reality TV shows about privileged do-nothings who pretend to have sex for money and attention," ABC insiders. You‘ve done enough damage already.) Read more »
Taxidermy dungeons. The Parent Trap moments. Dove funerals. Actual funerals. All these and more have happened on Bachelor(ette) hometown dates, when the dysfunction of real families meets the unreality of reality television romance. What horrors await Ashley as she visits the homes of her final four? Nothing even close, as it turns out! But we‘ll still have fun with it.HOME IS WHEREVER I‘M WITH YOU, RECAP-READERS: Read more »
We‘re getting down to the wire, lovebirds. As Bachelorette Ashley inches ever closer to picking a Forever Man, the time it takes to sift through all this Bachelorette news starts to take forever, man. But it also gets juicier than ever. Here‘s everything you need to know after last night‘s hometown tour:That Bachelor Pad 2 Promo I Mentioned In Which Jake Wishes That Vienna Would Fall Three Thousand Feet to Her Death: Jake may or may not be an expert on aviation-related murder.  Read more »
Bachelorette Ashley‘s favorite word to use to describe bachelor Ames Brown, the 31-year-old portfolio manager from New York City, was "unique." It‘s a mysterious, superlative term, but then again, Ames is a mysterious and often superlative guy, and one whom I absolutely adored watching (and recapping) on the show this season. Ames isn‘t just a unique guy; he‘s a unique Bachelorette contestant -- the type who manages to make great TV, and be completely likable, just by being himself. I enjoyed poking fun at Ames‘ "different"-ness, but not once did I ever find him worthy of real ridicule. Rich guys can be nice guys, too, you know.(Whether he can maintain that likability in the slimy trenches of Bachelor Pad? We‘ll have to wait until August 8 to find out.)The man who has run 39 marathons, visited to 70+ countries, picked out a favorite tree, studied Renaissance philosophy and described his entire Bachelorette experience as ‘poetic‘ spoke to the media in a conference call this morning, and remained the same guy we saw on The Bachelorette: Well-spoken, sweet and honest, even admitting that he may have thrown up after Ashley dumped him. But he had nothing but adoring things to say about the girl who broke his heart. Read on for the highlights of Ames‘ conference call:  Read more »
Now that the end of The Bachelorette is drawing near, there‘s bound to be a horrifying onslaught of speculation regarding who Ashley will choose. To save you from unnecessary wonder, or perhaps cause even more questions to arise, we give you today‘s bundle of news. Cue theme music. Read more »
Bachelor Pad splashes back on to ABC on August 8. Each week we‘re taking a closer look at three of the former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars crazy enough to subject themselves to this silly battle of the sexes. This week, we take a look at the crazy girls who will go back to the Bachelor mansion for a shot at $250,000 ... and maybe love.  Read more »
Whether you adore his optimism (like Ashley) or find his bubbly personality hard to swallow (like Ashley‘s other guys), I think we can all agree on one thing when it comes to Ryan Park: His [ill-advised/uber-romantic] return to ask for another shot with Ashley was the most entertaining part of this week‘s Bachelorette episode. As Carla [perfectly/hilariously] put it, Ryan‘s "blind ambition was the star" of hour(s).And, after reading this media conference call with thhe man called "Mr. Sunshine," we can all (maybe?) agree on something else, even if Ryan himself sounds less than sure: This peppy, imperturbable solar power entrepreneur is setting himself up pretty solidly to be the next Bachelor. Read on for the best bits from Ryan‘s conference call, including how and why he popped up in Fiji, his current dating status and the mountain-moving powers of Chris Harrison: Read more »
I‘m back! Well rested from a week of vacation (special thanks again to Carla for recapping this week‘s episode so hilariously!) and just in time for one final Friday push of pre-finale Bachelorette news, rumors, spoilers and sneak peeks. Whether you‘ve taken a break from your Bachelorette reading this week or been watching like an eagle-eyed falcon for all the latest updates, this roundup‘s got something for you. So catch up, brush up and laugh it up before Ashley pushes one of her final guys down on bended knee and begins her "happily forever after" in that furry, feathery flurry of a dress:  Read more »
Much like a night out of heavy drinking, Ashley Hebert‘s Bachelorette journey has been at turns exciting, exhausting, nauseating and sleep-inducing. And tonight, the journey comes to an end, as Ashley must choose between wine-maker Ben Flajnik or cutie "Cupcake" JP Rosenbaum after the men meet her family (which doesn‘t go very well for JP) and go on their "Last Chance Dates" in exotic Fiji. The wine AND the whine will be flowing heavily this evening, so what better way to celebrate than with our final drinking game of the season? Here‘s everything you need (minus the alcohol itself) to enjoy tonight‘s Bachelorette finale as it was intended to be enjoyed: With an ample dosage of artificial euphoria. Read more »
I‘ve never been big on "reunion" episodes. Call me callous, but I just don‘t care enough about reality contestants‘ needs for "closure" and desires to "air it all out!" after the good parts (the actual show parts) have been filmed, cut and aired. By the time the end-of-season reunion happens, I‘ve already moved on, from everything, pretty much the exact second after any of it happened, and the "WHO CARES" factor is just too high.Still, there‘s a special place in my heart for the Bachelor/Bachelorette "Men/Women Tell All" episodes. For one, they have the audacity to continue to promise that not some, or a little, or "it," but ALL will be told. That is at least 89% more telling than ever actually happens! Also, they just try SO hard. Two entire hours‘ worth of trying, of squeezing one last drop of drama out of the decaying storylines of the season -- that‘s more hours than I would care to stay at my own high school reunion, and that‘s impressive. It must be Chris Harrison‘s adept ad-libbing and unbeatable banter skills. Unfortunately, tonight‘s MTA lacked the big, uncomfortable fights and crying fits that have made past specials so dramatic/hilarious.Here are the highlights and my thoughts on tonight‘s Men Tell All special. And since writing about this show sometimes makes me feel like I‘d get more out of life if I was watching Sesame Street instead, this recap is brought to you by the letter ‘B‘: Read more »
The men have told all, the final rose has been ceremonially given, and somebody put a ring on Ashley Hebert! Now, all the key players are back to talk about what we just saw, and what the future holds. If you haven‘t watched tonight‘s bittersweet (emphasis on BITTER) Bachelorette finale, be warned: Spoilers on the conclusion are ahead. So just go watch the episode, read the recap, and then rejoin us here to talk about whether THIS couple is "forever-forever," or just Bachelor "forever."  Read more »
It‘s finally here! The end of the most painful season of The Bachelor(ette) EVER has finally, eventually, mercifully arrived. I‘d feel slightly more relieved if this three-hour conclusion weren‘t to be immediately followed next Monday by the three-hour beginning of Bachelor Pad 2: Attack of the Clones, but let‘s cross that broken down, haunted, collogen-filled bridge when we get to it. If you haven‘t watched tonight‘s finale episode yet, make sure to play the drinking game while you do. If you have watched the episode, watch it again while playing the drinking game! Because when we pay homage to a TV show that turns love into a game by turning drinking into a game, everyone‘s a winner.And now, to the matrimonial matter at hand: Which dude will Ashley (maybe) marry, which dude did she dump on national TV, why is her sister such a stone-cold human coloring book, and how do I, the most IMPORTANT person in this web of love and hate and garbage, feel about all of this? Let‘s find out!AND I CAN‘T FIGHT THIS RECAP ANYMOOOORE, I‘VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I STARTED WRITING FOOOOR...  Read more »
Last night, America watched as the latest Bachelorette season, widely criticized as being fairly down overall, ended on a high note, and it was a relief -- not just that the season was over, but that this couple, despite all the hurdles (none more obnoxious than the man now known as Bad News Bentley), actually seems ridiculously happy and very much in love. Especially compared to last season‘s frigid (and since broken up) pair, Brad Womack and Emily Maynard, Ashley and J.P. are the very picture of newly engaged bliss. Even the evening‘s big scandal -- that Ashley‘s sister did not initially approve of J.P., thinking her sister might be "too much" for him -- is "ancient history," says J.P., who spoke with the media today along with his bride-to-be, in a conference call full of giggles, "babes" and at least one break for a mid-sentence smooch. It‘s easy to be cynical about the future of Bachelor couples, but these two couldn‘t be more confident that they‘ll be among the few who beat the odds. Read more »
There comes a time in every Bachelorette finale when things stop being reality TV and start getting real. And that time usually occurs around when the final men meet the father of their potential fiancee and must ask that awkward question, made even more awkward by the facts that they barely know his daughter, just met him, and are surrounded by a bunch of cameras: "Do I have your permission to propose?" Last night‘s Bachelorette finale was so dominated by the Wrath of Chrystie that we missed both of these awkward, special moments for J.P. and Ben, but that‘s what the Internet is for! So if you‘re ready for a break from basking in the glow of the happy couple, let‘s rewind a bit and compare the boys‘ conversations with Dad when they both still thought they‘d end up Ashley‘s chosen one:  Read more »
I know, I know, this article‘s title doesn‘t make much sense. "What‘s so real about reality TV?" you might ask. "It‘s fake situations involving not-so-fake people. I don‘t watch that sort of thing!"And yet we still do, which explains why Heidi Montag remains as (supposedly) relevant as ever. It‘s also the reason why we watch the Kardashians make an issue out of birth control. And also the reason why Team Cupcake exists. And why we hate Rachel on Big Brother. And why Paris Hilton survived that sex tape and managed to run for president of the United States. Read more »
Their breakup interview is arguably the most infamous, the most uncomfortable and the most entertaining moment in Bachelor history -- so really, it was just a matter of time and opportunity before ABC convinced Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi to reunite and reignite their glorious, glorious hatred for one another on national television. That time has come. That time is this Monday. And that opportunity is Bachelor Pad 2. As the only former Bachelor or Bachelorette in the cast, Jake already had a lot to prove when he stepped into the mansion again. Add to that the fact that his ex-fiancee was in the house (along with at least one other woman he dumped on TV) and that she had been spreading vicious rumors about him -- or so he says -- and it‘s not hard to see why Jake says his reception within the house on Monday‘s Bachelor Pad premiere is "cold." Or to see why he would want to combat those rumors head-on.Still, I find it difficult to believe, as he says in this interview with the media in promotion of Bachelor Pad, that Jake‘s #1 goal in joining the show was to get closure with his ex. He claims she wouldn‘t speak to him otherwise, so he had no choice but to attempt a reconciliation on a gameshow -- a gameshow whose premise demands, as Jake puts it, "manipulation and backstabbing," not apologies and hugs. Instead, there‘s someone else, someone much more important to Jake, with whom he seems to be trying to make amends here: us.  Read more »
Last season, Bachelor Pad began with a children‘s game. But it took almost no time at all for those original Bachelor cast-off contestants to turn an innocent game of Twister into a dirty leer and grope-fest. It was disturbing, yet unsurprising -- inevitable, even. But it was still extra-gross, watching a playtime favorite of our youth turned into a veritable orgy appetizer.Even though I‘m looking forward to watching and documenting this season about as much as I‘d like to be trapped on a desert island with Jake Pavelka, I‘ve got to hand it to Bachelor Pad on one thing: This time around, the producers have done away with any pretense that this show is about anything but sex. Well, sex and lies (mostly regarding sex), and money (which you attempt to win through sexual manipulation), and crying (because the person you want to have sex with wants to have sex with someone else). That kind of honesty is refreshing, if still mostly horrifying. The August 8 Bachelor Pad premiere may be three hours long, but the episode will waste no time putting us all -- contestants and viewers alike -- in uncomfortable positions, thanks to the first challenge, which they‘re calling "The Hookup." The rules are easy: Hang in mid-air with your opposite-sex partner as long as possible. It‘s the set-up that makes it gross: Hang in the missionary position, and hang that way over a bed. That way, your grunts of discomfort and facial expressions of pain will sound and look EXTRA disgusting. Speaking of disgusting: Of course the challenge becomes the first of many stand-offs between Jake and Vienna. Watch the clip, and mentally prepare yourself for three hours of this next Monday: Read more »
Teens and their teen icons graced the stage last night and the coveted surfboards were given away to those who deserved it. So yes, the honor of being today‘s quiz topic goes to (insert drumroll here) the 2011 Teen Choice Awards.  Read more »
Hah, TV people. Sometimes you‘re good friends, but other times you‘re busy arguing. Or conniving against each other. But unless you‘re a diabolical maniac or a non-human creature (or Santana Lopez), you never end up hurting each other.Not that I condone violence or anything. You know my point, right? Read more »
It‘s here, whether you wanted it or not: another season of Bachelor Pad. And this time around, the Bachelor‘s monstrous bastard child is bigger, crazier, meaner, more dramatic and full of 800% more crying than last season. Can you handle it? Can you handle the heat of actual Hell radiating through your television? I hope so, because it‘s my blessing, my curse, my job, my gift and my cross to bear that I must recap this shiny, shirtless web of sickness and sorrow for your entertainment -- and even I have to admit, as much as I hate to love to love-hate it, there‘s a lot of entertainment here. It‘s a veritable "who‘s who" of top-tier Bachelor drama. Jake and Vienna: Reunited! Michael and Holly: They Used to Be Engaged, But Now They Are Not! Rated R: Hate That Guy! Michelle Money: The Witch Is Back! They‘re all back, they‘ve all got nothing to lose, and they‘re all competing for $250,000. Game, and shame, on.We‘ve got three whole hours to cover (that‘s the longest prime time premiere EVER, you guys) so buckle up, grab your barf bag, and let‘s jump in. Read more »
There‘s no need to be ashamed. Sometimes, too much of a bad thing just isn‘t enough, I know. You watched the three-hour premiere, you read the (hilarious, impressive, novel-sized) recap, but still, so many of your burning Bachelor Pad questions remain, such as:Where is the first place Rated R went after he got eliminated? What did Princess Erica, the sleeper star of this season (because she always looks like she‘s about to pass out), think of the premiere? And what does Chris Harrison think about hosting the longest, trashiest show on TV? The answers, and more Bachelor Pad bits to satiate your bottomless appetite, below: Read more »
Last night‘s Bachelor Pad premiere was a real punisher. Not only was it an unbelievable three hours long, but every single minute was full of over-the-top drama: Broken engagements, psychotic exes, crying fits, bickering couples and despicable mindgames weren‘t the turning points of the episode, they were pretty much the only points. What brief breaks we got from the drama were filled up by an opposite-sex straddle-challenge and a young girl expressing her undying devotion to the show‘s most unstable contestant. So there are lots of reasons you might want to check out the infographic below, which I‘m calling the Bachelor Pad Drama Map. Maybe you just couldn‘t get through the entire three hours. (No one could blame you!) Maybe you couldn‘t keep track of who hates whom, who used to be engaged to whom, who has a crush on whom and who would like to crush whom. (Can‘t blame you there, either!) Or maybe you just want hard evidence that this is the most twisted web of messed up relationships ever to be assembled in one reality show cast. (Real Housewives fans might try to fight you on that one, but you‘d still be right, I think!)YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Earlier this week, the Rumor Mill was churning overtime as news of an unlikely but adorable couple emerged: Jennifer Love Hewitt and Bachelorette runner-up Ben Flajnik. Today, at least according to Ben, we‘ve learn the story was nothing more than that: a rumor.Last we saw him, Ben was still healing after his rejected proposal to Ashley Hebert by considering a gig as the next Bachelor. But news from the Mill said J-Love swooped in as soon as she saw that Ben was on the market. Here‘s how the connection was made, according to US Weekly: ""Omg! Ben f except my final rose!!! Gotta book a flight to Sonoma !!!:):)" Hewitt Tweeted August 2. And when the pair cozied up at San Francisco‘s Lion‘s Pub four days later, the actress was similarly smitten. Though Flajnik initially stopped by the bar with San Francisco Giants player Cody Ross, he made a beeline for Hewitt after spotting her from across the room."So was it a date or not? Earlier this week, a local San Francisco designer posted on her blog about spotting Ben and Jen getting friendly together at the restaurant, but her post has since been taken down. US Weekly‘s own "eyewitness" said, "It seemed like a first date, but he wasn‘t overly affectionate." And Jennifer‘s own Twitter post the next morning hinted that she‘d had a great night: "Morning lovelys! I got lost in the most amazing sat! Just when you think u can‘t be surprised.... You are and it‘s awesome!" Read more »
He came, we saw ... and he didn‘t quite conquer. Not even close, actually. But even though he didn‘t win the $250,000, during those three hours during the Bachelor Pad season 2 premiere, when we weren‘t rolling our eyes at the Jake/Vienna saga, Justin "Rated R" Rego was entertaining us with his over-the-top, almost cartoonish villainy. And, according to Justin, who spoke with the media the morning after his embarrassing elimination aired (watch it again!), that was his plan and hope all along: To entertain us. Of course, you should probably take that, and everything else "Rated R" said in this interview, with a hefty (boulder-sized?) grain of salt. A hefty, entertaining grain of salt.Highlights from the ABC conference call with Bachelor Pad‘s first eliminated guy, Justin "Rated R" Rego:   Read more »
Welcome to August, or as I‘d like to call it, that awkward moment between summer and fall. It‘s that time of the year when summer shows wrap up (in this week‘s case, So You Think You Can Dance and White Collar), not-so-summer shows start up (Bachelor Pad), and others just go on as usual (Big Brother and True Blood). In other words, it‘s been a busy week. But you knew I‘d say that, yes? Read more »
After watching all the (emotional) ugliness of last week‘s Bachelor Pad premiere, I wouldn‘t blame you if you wanted to throw an egg or two at some of this season‘s more obnoxious Pad residents, especially a certain pair of insufferable ex-lovebirds whose crocodile tears took up a lot of the episode. (Their names rhyme with Snake and Sienna.) If they don‘t deserve a couple eggs thrown at them, then who does?Well ... nobody, as it turns out. At least that‘s the conclusion I came to after watching this preview for tonight‘s episode of Bachelor Pad, which gave me such a bad case of the heart heeby-jeebies that I had to cover my eyes like it was a horror movie. In a call-back to last season‘s disastrous quiz challenge, which asked all the Padders to answer questions about each other like, "Who‘s the least attractive?", tonight‘s challenge raises the stakes and the risk of trauma, as the contestants must line up half-naked, blind-folded and with bull‘s eyes painted on their backs so the members of the opposite sex can throw paint-filled eggs at their answers. It‘s hard to watch. It‘s hurtful in more ways than one. And yet it‘s par for the Bachelor Pad course, really. Watch the punishments keep on coming in this preview:  Read more »
No, ABC confirms tonight, it wasn‘t a bad three-hour dream you had last Monday: Bachelor Pad season 2 is real, and really THAT trashy. In fact, the drama and games are just getting more extreme as we go.  Tonight: Words aren‘t the only thing stabbing our scantily clad contestants in their backs. (No, actual knives aren‘t involved either. Hope you‘re not TOO disappointed.) First, a cruel quiz challenge has them literally throwing eggs at the people they think are ugliest, inside and out. Then two dates, two formerly engaged couples, a hundred million hushed conversations and a seemingly infinite amount of tears lead to two SHOCKING voluntary eliminations -- and one expected, non-voluntary one. Also: GHOSTS. (Kind of but not really. I wish.) Read more »
As you can see, as the show goes on and the monsters are given the time they need to really spread their (scaly, spiky) wings and lay their eggs of evil in the Bachelor Pad, our map of their dalliances and disagreements gets more complex and elaborate. ...Complexly FUN and elaborately AWESOME, that is!As you can also see, a few new additions have been made to this week‘s map to reflect new PADevelopments: Suitcases indicate contestants who were intelligent enough to opt out of the mental abuse cycle before reaching insanity; roses indicate those who won roses, whether by winning a competition or seducing a competition winner on a date; and our most exciting addition is the brand new "D-Bag of the Week!" award, which goes to the ... well, it goes to the person (male or female, d-baggery doesn‘t discriminate!) who went above and beyond the call of douchiness this week. Extra points are awarded for creativity, surprise and the use of sexual manipulation in the awarding of this high honor.Watching this week‘s episode and reading this week‘s recap before viewing this map is recommended by 4 of 5 medical professionals. (Dr. Blake is probably the one dissenter, but don‘t listen to him. He‘s a Douchie Howser, MD. OOPS! Now I‘m giving things away...) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »
Bad news, Bachelor Pad-watching romantics, if the show hasn‘t beaten that spirit out of you already: Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon, who left together and in love on last night‘s episode, are no longer together. "It was wonderful while it lasted," though it lasted only a couple weeks, said Ames today in their post-show conference call, adding that he does not regret leaving the show with Jackie, who was eliminated. As Bachelor fans, of course we‘re used to things not working out, but still! It seemed like those two were smitten enough to last for at least a couple months, not weeks!And we weren‘t the only ones saddened to learn directly from the source that the Pad‘s cutest lovebirds called it quits shortly after declaring in their exit interview that they‘d "won" the show by finding love. Gia Allemand, who chose to exit the show after she became fed up with the betrayals and mindgames, was also on the call, and the breakup came as shocking news to her, too: "You two just, like, told me there‘s no Santa Claus! If it was wonderful while it lasted, what the heck?" she demanded of her former castmates, adding, "There‘s no reason for you not to be together!"Jackie and Ames went on to discuss other Bachelor Pad elements than their breakup -- though they talked a lot about that, too -- and Gia had lots to say about this season‘s drama, including what she thinks of the people who made her life hardest in the Pad: Graham Bunn, Jake Pavelka, Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »
Here‘s everything you need to know to stay in the know about ABC‘s summer reality smash about a bunch of people who don‘t know what they‘re doing. It‘s this week‘s Bachelor Pad roundup!DELETED SCENE: "We like you, and we‘re in the same boat as you ... the Love Boat!" Oh, Ames. Sweet, sensitive, naive (Wall Street banker?!) Ames. Trusting Kasey and Vienna was your first and only move, and your first and last mistake. But at least you accomplished something before you left.  Read more »
To our continued disappointment, anxiety and horror, we don‘t yet know who will be the next Bachelor. And if you believe what the network‘s mouthpieces say, neither does ABC. But we do know a couple things about the man who would be king of sex mountain based on historical trends and just plain common sense (both of which, funnily enough, one would need to ignore altogether in order to convince oneself that becoming the next Bachelor is a good idea):- He will be a contestant from Ashley Hebert‘s season of The Bachelorette.- He will have appeared in at least one of the final three episodes of that season.- He will need to possess if not a majority, at least a fair sampling of the following traits: Handsomeness, business and/or financial success, positive attitude, charm, 6-pack abs, the ability to talk about his feelings ad nauseum and ad infinitum, photogenicity, and (this last one is not to be discounted or underestimated!) willingness. Willingness to date lots of women; to broadcast his polyamorous exploits in the public domain; to do and say anything that ABC wants him to do/say about said exploits; and so forth.Now, before you go hole-poking, I can already poke my own hole in that set of criteria, as one particularly devastating rumor says that Jake Pavelka might be asked to hand out thorn-sticks (if he‘s at the business end of it, I wouldn‘t call it a "rose") again next season. That seems worse than a last resort. And Reality Steve is saying that Michael Stagliano is an option, though a long-shot for the slot. But let‘s do what ABC is probably doing right now, and weigh the pros and cons of their three best options who (mostly) fit the criteria I just laid out: Ben Flajnik, Ames Brown and Ryan Park.  Read more »
In light of Real Housewives husband Russell Armstrong‘s suicide, on Wednesday Dr. Drew turned his attention to the dangers of being a reality show participant, and asked former Housewives star Jeana Keough and former Bachelor/current Bachelor Pad villainess Vienna Girardi to give their takes on the unreal risks that come with reality stardom.Normally, I‘d be the first to laugh or roll my eyes at what Vienna says in this interview: Essentially that her contract with ABC was as lengthy as it was exploitative, that she didn‘t realize what she was "putting [herself] into," and that, through editing, she was portrayed to be evil when she "never did or said anything mean."But it just so happens that I came to watch this interview immediately after reading this terrific piece by Slate TV critic Matt Zoller Steiz, tellingly titled "Reality TV: A blood sport that must change," which both corroborates and better articulates much of what Vienna says about how she was manipulated before and after filming. It‘s a fascinating read with lots for any reality TV fan to ponder -- and after reading it, even considering my ample and well-documented distaste for all things Vienna, I found myself sympathizing with, if not the specific details, the general sentiment of her story.I recommend you click that link above and read Zoller Steiz‘s entire piece first, then watch this brief clip from Dr. Drew, and THEN join me below the jump for some thoughts on how these pieces fit together so eerily: Read more »
Last week, Ames and Jackie left, the only two human beings to ever escape the Bachelor Pad happily, with dignity and completely in love. Then the next day, we learned that he surprise-dumped her a couple weeks later with little or no explanation. Aaaaames! How could you?!Maybe I‘m being crazy, but it‘s almost like these people don‘t actually care about each other as much as they say they do when they‘re on TV, you know? Now that we‘ve had our one slim shred of hope on this show stomped into the ground, let‘s catch up with the horror beings who are still left in the game:  Read more »
In the timeless words of Bret Michaels, "every rose has its thorn." Or, iIn the case of Bachelor Pad, it‘s more like "every mountain of thorns has its lone rose petal hidden inside like the proverbial needle in a haystack."And what is that lone rose petal in the pile of thorns that is Bachelor Pad, you ask? Why, it‘s our weekly Drama Map, of course! When we get to look at all the complex "human" drama of the week and distill it down to its most basic ingredients: Love, hate, lust, stupidity, and even loneliness. (William knows what I‘m talking about with that last one.) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Last night‘s Bachelor Pad had a quick moment of mistaken identity at the end and, thinking it was Lost, cut the episode short right after the  resident lightening rod Jake Pavelka (whose speedo revealed more than we wanted to know about his rod) was eliminated after his attempted coup to overthrow "power couple" Kasey and Vienna failed.And we didn‘t even get to see his reaction! Presumably, that‘s so ABC can milk the whole house‘s sadness (Erica), jubilation (Vienna) and smug satisfaction (Kasey) about Jake‘s expulsion when Bachelor Pad returns next Monday. That‘s my second theory, anyway.But today, we CAN see Jake‘s reaction to getting the Bachelor Pad boot, plus his final thoughts on Vienna and all the great friends he made (one or more of whom just stabbed him in the back). PLUS: Two more gems from the deleted scene archive. First, watch two adorable couples (Michelle and Graham, and Kasey and Blake) embrace the sexiness of grape-stomping on their date, and then check out a montage of all the housemates mocking Kasey‘s terrible singing voice. It‘s like Christmas in August! If you usually get gifts that you only kind of wanted and only enjoy for two minutes for Christmas. Read more »
Sorry, BuddyTV voters: You‘ve been overruled, according to spoiler king Reality Steve, who reports that Ben Flajnik IS, for sure and for certain, ABC‘s 16th Bachelor.How does Steve know? First he heard from "very good sources" that "Ben was already going around telling friends he was the next Bachelor and that he‘d be taking off work for a while come September." Plus, Ben flat-out denied a fling with Jennifer Love Hewitt. What single man in America would do that, if he weren‘t already in a committed relationship (with a TV show)?Then -- and this is when Steve says he knew for sure -- earlier this week, his sources witnessed Ben engaging in some suspicious on-camera activity in San Francisco. From Steve‘s blog post yesterday: Read more »
Here are your latest Bachelor Pad updates, links and other odd bits:"Vienna is a bit of a sadist." The relationship expert in this Good Morning America piece about Bachelor Pad is a bit of a bitch... and I LOVE IT. (Wait for the end of the video for an "exclusive" clip of Michael watching Blake kiss Holly in next week‘s episode. Sadism all around!)Did you hear? Ben is going to be the next Bachelor. But please, hold off on organizing any sort of parade until the news gets a Dancing with the Stars announcement, which is ABC‘s version of an official seal of authenticity.  Read more »
UPDATED: Read on for all the latest recaps, photos and more about season 2 of Bachelor Pad.The redheaded stepchild of the Bachelor franchise, Bachelor Pad, is back on ABC! Here‘s everything you need to know about which former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars have returned to the mansion for more skin-grabbing, money-grubbing action.  Read more »
FINALLY, we find out how everyone, including the Pavelka, reacted to Jake‘s "shocking" elimination. Did Jake let his Dark Passenger take over and turn the Bachelor Pad into Murder Mansion?Unfortunately not. Instead, Jake tries to go out with dignity, and does, kind of (depending on whether you think he‘s a creepy weirdo or not). He looks at the group and says "We had a chance to do something really big and really special, but it didn‘t happen." I don‘t know if I‘d call anything that happens on Bachelor Pad "big" or "special," but point taken, Jake: they SHOULD have taken out the power couple when they had the chance. We‘ve known this forever. But that doesn‘t mean you should have stayed or won, either. Jake ends his little speech with the ultimate revenge: Kindness. "Kasey, amazing meeting you. Vienna, my apologies. My heart, forgiven." Syntax issues aside, a classy(ish?) way to go.  Read more »
In this week‘s Bachelor Pad Drama Map, I struggled with how to visually do justice to just how comprehensive, terrifying and yet somehow classic Melissa‘s meltdown really was. Remember last season on The Bachelor when she got in that massive fight with the Manscaper, flipped out to anyone who would listen and then, in the middle of crying to Brad Womack, kept talking about her pizza breath? The whole reason she said she came on Bachelor Pad was to repair the damage that she did with that freak-out. And then, last night, she did it all again -- just let loose a tornado of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk, physically and emotionally imposed upon everyone until they felt their lives might be in danger, and then was somehow horrified to learn that no one wanted to be around that. Like I said: Classic Melissa. In the end, I opted for a more traditional and easier image than the other ones I considered. (Which were: a gun that shoots knives; a two-headed Tanya Harding/Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction monster; a tornado made of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk and feelings.) And there‘s your weekly look into my fascinating creative process for these silly maps. ENJOY!YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »
Here‘s this week‘s batch of Bachelor Pad news, views, rumors and tumors. (Tumors? What tumors? Well, William was sort of a tumor on Bachelor Pad, if you think about it. Unsightly. Benign. Removable.) Anyway. Here we go:Vienna and Kasey moved in together and say they‘re going to get married. No, I don‘t care! Do you care? You don‘t? Then why are we still talking about this??? [US; Access Hollywood]Natalie Getz thinks the Bachelor Pad season 2 cast was a bunch of sissies about the kissing contest. She thinks it‘s not THAT gross, even though ABC forced her to "re-kiss" everyone and she literally contracted an illness because of that. Logic! [RumorFix]This comparison between Kasey and that other deluded guy with an obnoxious girlfriend on Big Brother is funny. Kasey‘s still worse. [Vulture]One rumor says that Jake only did Bachelor Pad if he was guaranteed to be in four episodes, and that‘s why they Lost-cliffhanger‘d his elimination and showed his goodbye speech in week 4. Rumors! Sometimes they‘re so boring you forget what you were even talking about in the middle of the rumor. [Reality Steve] Read more »
Here‘s an existential question for all aspiring reality TV stars: Is it better to get a whole lot of airtime and come off as completely insane, or get almost no airtime, but in those brief moments come off as likable and normal?Those aspiring for fame (or rather, infamy) would probably choose the first one, though I doubt anybody, no matter their aspirations, would want to be remembered for having a complete meltdown the way Melissa Schrieber did on Bachelor Pad. Then again, I‘m not sure anyone will remember that William Holman was even on Bachelor Pad. (Save those of us who remember him fondly for botching that Bachelorette comedy roast so badly, and enjoyed playing our own Waldo spinoff, "Where‘s William?" during Bachelor Pad.) Personally, I‘d rather be in William‘s position. Which one would YOU choose?In their post-show chat with the media, Melissa and William had their own thoughts about being perceived as crazy versus not being perceived at all, among other Bachelor Pad-related issues. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »
Welcome to a special edition of the Bachelor Pad recap. It‘s special because it‘s late, and picture-less, and Labor Day, so we‘re all just going to be cool about those first two things. Right guys? Let‘s all be non-Viennas about how late and picture-less this recap is. Be cool.So the episode begins with Blake‘s post-Melissa elimination victory dance. Then Chris Harrison tells the group that from here on out, they need to latch on to a member of the opposite sex and never let go. From here on out, the game is COUPLES ONLY! "You might want to get to know them," Chris says as a deliberate hint. Because this show is like The Bachelor in that the goal is to pretend you‘re a solid couple until one day you are. It‘s a terrible system, but sometimes it works. And now they‘re going to put that jello-like couple-solidity to the TEST! Erica and Blake, the most unstable and most hated members of the house, team up together because it‘s each of their last resort, which really bodes well for everyone.  Read more »
Yo Bachelor-heads! I hope you all had a lovely, sunny, warm, delightful Labor Day weekend. Whether you‘re the type who took the chance to turn off the tube and go outside, or you chose to take it easy and get some quality time with your TV, I think you‘ll find something in this Bachelor roundup that tickles your rose-fancy, starting with ABC‘s big announcement today...Ben Flajnik is officially the next Bachelor. He‘ll make his first public appearance under that new title on next Monday‘s Bachelor Pad 2 finale, but ABC made the choice official today with a press release, which says, in part: "A rare, modern Renaissance man, Ben dabbles in a lot of hobbies and crafts, such as crab fishing, sailing, golf, skate boarding, surfing, playing piano, and singing in a tribute band. He is also quite handy with a hammer and saw, and loves fixing and building things, as well as landscaping. The woman who will share his life will also have to share one of his other great loves: his Jack Russell Terrier, Scotch." A rare, modern Renaissance man, ladies! Please try not to fall on top of each other when you swoon-faint all over the place.Don‘t forget to read last night‘s Bachelor Pad recap! Certain smart and highly influential internet commenters have been known to say the BP recap is often better than the real thing. Not a very high bar to clear, if we‘re being honest, but still.   Read more »
As this second season of Bachelor Pad crawls to a close, we begin to get a clearer sense of what the remaining contestants would be like if they were actual locations on an actual map. Holly would be a wind turbine: Tall, thin, easily swayed. Erica would be a building with a Medieval Times, 24-hour pharmacy and plastic surgery offices in it. Michael would be a cute little park with a pit of quicksand in the middle: Fun, fun, fun until all of a sudden, LOOK OUT. Kasey and Vienna would be a couple of strip malls, I guess. OK in small doses, but cheap and ugly and if you spend too much time there, you clearly have problems. Blake would be the garbage dump. Et cetera. But our Bachelor Padders are not places. They‘re people. In the most technical sense, anyway. So let‘s check out this latest map of their EMOTIONS, shall we?YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Before the second season of Bachelor Pad began, Reality Steve posted an episode-by-episode spoiler set including what the challenges were, who won the challenges, who got what roses and a general overview of all the drama that would come to pass. I didn‘t copy and paste all of that information because: A) If you‘ve been coming here long enough, you know where to go for those kind of spoilers, right? Right? Yes, you do. And, B) Those kinds of spoilers are not really the reasons that I (and, I hope, if you‘re here, you) hate-love watching and writing about Bachelor Pad. Can you spoil Vienna‘s eyes crossing whenever she brags about herself? Can you spoil Erica‘s sparkly see-through Britney Spears dress? Can you spoil the bone-shriveling sound of Jake Pavelka‘s "friendly" laugh? No, you cannot.And so, while vaguely what you might call "not that boring," the spoilers just don‘t give us a full look at the horrific display that is Bachelor Pad. They‘re like a paint-by-numbers version of an intricate, detailed painting that a serial killer did during a fit. You‘ll get a solid gist, but you‘ll miss all the most captivating blood spatters! Anyway. What Steve left out of that original batch of Bachelor Pad spoilers were details about the upcoming Monday finale, because it hadn‘t been filmed yet. Well, the first part -- the part where they have to learn a Cirque du Soleil routine in 24 hours because WHY NOT -- had, but the part where two teams of people who did absolutely nothing to earn $250,000 argue about why they deserve $250,000 and one couple wins $250,000 because WHY NOT IT‘S JUST A RECESSION had not yet been filmed.But now the finale has been filmed, and Reality Steve‘s inside eyes and ears and hearts have spilled what they know about what we‘ll see during the reunion/voting/prize-awarding portion of next Monday night‘s Bachelor Pad finale. So let‘s look at them! I‘m sure the asinine soundbites and plastic faces will make these stories even crazier when we watch them play out, but as far as a solid gist goes, this is a great one. Some of this stuff is pretty juicy! Thanks, Steve! As if it wasn‘t clear already, do not keep reading if you don‘t want to be spoiled:  Read more »
10. "But looking back, I don‘t know who I could‘ve been partners with. I mean, people that went home the first night, like Justin or something, could‘ve been a really good partner."Yes, the cheating, egomaniacal former professional wrestler and aspiring cartoon villian would have been a great partner.9. "I never lost my emotions in the game and got overemotional and that‘s just not who I am as a person. So it‘s hard for me to anticipate the actions of people that think with their emotions."  "Think with their emotions." Read more »
Only three more days until the big Bachelor Pad finale! But who can wait that long? Not me, which means not nobody, not no-how. So make sure to grab yourself some Wait Mate for the weekend, but not before reading this latest INSANE batch of Bachelor news bits. Seriously. This franchise is spinning out of control, and ever closer to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.Jake Pavelka is going to get hated on by his #1 hater in the CW‘s H8R premiere. Which is SO WEIRD because I don‘t remember getting any emails about being on that show, nor do I remember filming the episode! I guess that will just be extra-exciting to watch myself on TV! Because there‘s just no other explanation! I wonder if I wore denim-on-denim just to mock him? I bet I did. That‘s something that I would do, as Jake Pavelka‘s #1 hater on this planet, NAY, in this solar system. So be sure to tune in to H8R on Wednesday, September 14 at 8pm to watch ME, in some sort of dream state, hate all over Jake Pavelka!!!! And then never tune in again, because that show looks terrible. Read more »