Articles for Jersey Shore Season 3

Jersey Shore season 3 premieres tonight, as you‘re probably well aware, unless you spend your typical Thursday night reading, gardening, listening to the radio, or doing any number of other BORING and USELESS things for old people who have given up on FUN. The rest of us will be over here, watching our favorite macaroni rascals get drunk, laid, arrested and ridiculous, AKA making the most of these precious lives we‘ve been given.To celebrate Jersey Shore‘s return to the shores of our screens, we‘ve got a fun giveaway today: The Jersey Shore Season Two UNCENSORED DVD. Entering to win this DVD, which is jam-packed with extras like cast interviews and the Reunion Special, is as easy as 1, 2 (It‘s so easy THERE IS NO 3!): Read more »
Listen. It‘s not really fair for me to ask that question in the headline, because I have already come to a conclusion about it, and I‘m guessing you won‘t be able to sway me. Still, I‘d like to hear from anyone who can argue that Jersey Shore is still as "good" ("good" as in disgusting-guilty-pleasure-horror-tainment) as it used to be. Because it is not--objectively, clearly, un-argue-against-ably, NOT. But you are allowed to have your wrong opinion, because this is America. If anything, the existence of Jersey Shore season 3 proves just how America-y, in the "just be a monster and we‘ll not only allow it but pay you to do it, maybe forever" sense, America has become.Imagine you had a favorite pet as a kid. And then, when that beloved pet died, imagine your parents had it stuffed and forced you to keep playing with it. That is what Jersey Shore season 3 is like. Although, for that analogy to work, you have to have sort of love-hated the pet to begin with. Maybe it was a really cute rattlesnake. Jersey Shore season 1 was our beloved pet rattlesnake, Jersey Shore season 2 was our rattlesnake‘s funeral, and Jersey Shore season 3 is its impossibly-slowly decaying corpse being tossed and carted around Weekend At Bernie‘s-style. It‘s not only disgusting, but also sort of ... disrespectful to the spirit of season 1? And there is really no point recapping it, because the show is recapping itself at this point. By which I mean that it‘s all the same old fights and quotes and ideas and situations (ugh) from all the same old people, rehashed back and forth forever like a dead rattlesnake stuffed into the shape of eating its own tail.And yet last night‘s premiere got 8.5 million viewers, making it MTV‘s biggest telecast EVER? The world: It‘s mind-bottling.So, obviously, for as pointless and aggravating I find Jersey Shore season 3, I still have some very strong opinions about it. Which I will now list, in list-form, because that‘s what lists are.  Read more »
Life is complicated. TV can help. "What Would TV Do?" attempts to explore life‘s mysteries, problems and everyday situations with the assistance of the life lessons offered by television.It‘s cold. It‘s dark. A lot of the time, it‘s wet. Winter sucks. Read more »
Welcome to The GBU, a weekly column coming every Monday where I look at the Good, the Bad and the Ugly on TV.TV ratings aren‘t the best barometer of quality, but they certainly help shape what shows will succeed and which ones will fail. The first week of 2011 had plenty of highs and lows.  Read more »
In this whenever-I-feel-like-it feature, I sift through the haystack that is the constant stream of Jersey Shore-related headlines, and find the 5 most laugh-worthy needles. Enjoy!5. Angelina was fined for skipping a fight.I guess when the fights are scheduled, and they‘re actual boxing matches rather than drunken girl-slapping fights, she can‘t be bothered to show up. If only she hadn‘t quit the job where she got paid to fight whenever she felt like it ... Read more »
In this whenever-I-feel-like-it feature, I sift through the haystack that is the constant stream of Jersey Shore-related headlines, and find the 5 most laugh-worthy needles. Enjoy!BONUS: MTV is already prepping for the next season of Jersey Shore, and apparently they consider this one to be season 2.5. Right. Whatever, MTV. I‘m just going to go ahead and keep calling it season 3, because 2.5 is a made-up stupid thing, and you‘re not fooling anybody. Also, yikes: Another totally necessary spin-off. Now on to the REAL news.5. Vinny finally breaks his legendary silence about his "type."The Jersey Shore star revealed that he is not into "Jersey" girls. So who IS he into? "I like tall, refined girls, with accents." "... Who like short, unrefined guys with no real ambition but lots of money," he probably added, but no one heard it.4. Snooki‘s book, A Shore Thing, is on the New York Times Best Seller List.Time for a little exercise: Visualize the universe. Now, visualize the universe jumping over a bigger-than-the-universe-sized shark. (Oh wait, you say it‘s just the "extended" bestsellers list? Nevermind then. Carry on.) Read more »
Get ready to get offended on a whole ‘nother cultural spectrum: Jersey Shore season 4 will ship the cast to Italy this spring. So Italian people and rich people, adjust your travel plans accordingly. Europe, look into continent-sized condoms you can put over your head, just to be safe. The rest of us, get ready for more statements like this:"While the stateside Jersey Shore locales have become iconic for our audience ... Europe is a fresh spin on a show that continues to reach new heights for us," MTV‘s Chris Linn said in a statement. "The cast is headed to the birthplace of the culture they love and live by. We can‘t wait to see what erupts as a result." "The culture they love and live by." HAHAHAHA. Ha. Ha. Haaaa. OK, sure. I guess it would be uncouth for him to say "The culture they appropriate and humiliate ... by."Also: "We can‘t wait to see what erupts as a result." Is that a Vesuvius joke? I think it‘s a Vesuvius joke.Speaking of molten lava quickly and unexpectedly burning a bunch of ancient people to death, here are 10 things that I hope happen to the Jersey Shore cast when they go to Italy! Read more »
A month ago, at the beginning of Jersey Shore season 3 (or is this just a continuation of season 2? You know what, I don‘t even care.) I made this analogy:"Imagine you had a favorite pet as a kid. And then, when that beloved pet died, imagine your parents had it stuffed and forced you to keep playing with it. That is what Jersey Shore season 3 is like."And at the time, that‘s genuinely what it felt like: Like the show was going through the motions, but without any heart. (And it had very little heart to begin with.) As much as it annoys me that MTV has chosen to designate these new episodes in New Jersey as the second-half of season 2, they were right to do so, at least for those first few episodes: Immediately upon returning to Seaside, the cast fell right back into the tiresome drama that made their time in Miami such a fun-sucking waste. With Sammi and Ronni finding a way to drag everyone down no matter the zip code, I worried that the show would never rediscover the silly, ridiculous, at times downright hilarious spirit that made season 1 such a success.  Read more »
Are you loving Jersey Shore season 3? I started out the trip back to Jersey less than thrilled, but the last couple of episodes have me hooked anew. (I wish I could quit you, Snooki.) And from the looks of this midseason trailer for the remaining episodes, everything I‘m loving is going to kick it up a notch in the second half of our third installment of the guido saga: The boys and girls will get into an ever-escalating prank war! JWoww‘s skank ensembles will hit a new high (low?)! Ronnie and Sammi will continue to break up and make up and break up until Ronnie turns into an angry bear and Sammi turns into a screeching monkey! Plus, Snooki smears cheese all over The Situation‘s bed, The Situation becomes DETECTIVE The Situation, and Ronnie invents a new word: "chexting." ("Cheat-texting"!!!) It‘s all so, so bad. And I love it so, so much. Watch: Read more »
Last night, Jimmy Fallon celebrated Late Night‘s second birthday and, generous Jimmy that he is, instead of receiving gifts, he gave them away to us. By "gifts," I mean two spot-on, hilarious video shorts--truly the sort of gifts that keep on giving.First, check out "Winning for Men: By Charlie Sheen," Jimmy‘s parody fragrance ad, and note two essential things: One, that they used about 90% real Charlie Sheen quotes, because they were that crazy to begin with. And two ... who knew Fallon was such a dead-ringer for Sheen? It‘s almost like the first Tina Fey/Sarah Palin parody I ever saw. Eerie.  Read more »
It should surprise no one that Jersey Shore‘s The Situation totally tanked at Comedy Central‘s Roast of Donald Trump last night. What surprises me is that they asked him in the first place. What did they expect? They clearly let him write his own material, judging from these "jokes" TMZ found out got cut from the broadcast, given their insanely racist, offensive (and unfunny) nature:"Yo Snoop, what up dawg ... you know you have so much in common with Donald Trump?Trump‘s ancestors were into real estate ... and your ancestors were considered property." "I‘m not from New Jersey ... I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough ... not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin bl*ws onstage in Tijuana.""Relax, she didn‘t even hear it ... I mean hey, at least her mouth is good for something right? Hey, that was definitely some great work Marlee ... have you ever done anything else actually?"He made more terrible cracks at the expense of Larry King which you can read at the link above, but some of his worst material still made it to air. The only video I‘ve been able to find of his full aired speech is below, and it‘s got all the markings of one that will be taken down very soon. So watch it while you still can, and bask in the unglory of The Situation‘s terrible attempt at standup: Read more »
There‘s nothing quite as wonderfully awful as Syfy‘s ultra-ridiculous Saturday movies. Today they announced an upcoming slate full of craptastic gems like October‘s Zombie Apocalypse (which is exactly what you think it is), November‘s Gretl (an updated version of the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretl starring Shannen Doherty) and December‘s Snowmageddon, about a mystical snow globe that causes real snowtastrophes when its shaken.  Read more »
"The ending of summer has arrived. I‘m going to miss everybody so much. This summer was awesome," said Snooki last night on the season 3 finale of Jersey Shore.But was it? WAS IT the best summer ever, Snooki? Yes, we had some good times, like when you got arrested, and the boys debated what was inside a "real boob," and that one episode when we all thought Sammi wasn‘t ever coming back. But Snooki, let‘s get real. This summer (my winter) with you at the Jersey Shore was underwhelming at best, and insanely irritating at worst. And it all boils down to one reason: Sammi and Ronni. I‘ve now spent more time complaining about how much I don‘t care about their relationship than I ever did actually caring. To all the reasons I (guiltily) elect to tune in to Jersey Shore every Thursday night -- funny quotes, drunken antics, slutty, scantily clad meatballs falling off of dance club stages -- they contribute absolutely nothing. They‘re miserable, they‘re making the rest of their cast mates miserable and they‘re making me miserable. If I have to watch them break up and make up again, if I have to watch them scream "I hate you!" one night and say "I love you" the next morning one more time ...  Read more »
You might think that writing a fake Jersey Shore April Fool‘s Day article would be easy, but you would be wrong. And, upon slightly more thought, it‘s easy to see why: The Jersey Shore cast is already a joke. Like, I would not be surprised if one day MTV revealed they‘d been pulling our legs about these meatballs the whole time, just like, "APRIL FOOL‘S! We got you guys so good these past two years! Long con!" The famous guidos‘ lives are already so preposterous and extreme and foolish (thanks to those of us who pay and encourage them), how do you even top that with an internet prank, you know? Believe me, I tried. I brainstormed. I got nothing.Case in point: Today the news broke that Rutgers University paid Snooki $32,000 (THIRTY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!) to "lecture" students, which was insane enough until students pointed out that that‘s two thousand more dollars than they paid Pulitzer Prize winning author Toni Morrison to speak at their commencement ceremony.Uhhhhhhh. Wait, it gets better: Read more »
We‘ve known these Jersey Shore spinoffs were in the works for a while, but the official press release from MTV still made me involuntarily moan, "Uuuugggghhhhh." Here, allow me to give you the same throat-spasm of pop cultural depression:MTV‘s executive vice president of programming and head of production Chris Linn says the two 12-episode series will "put the spotlight on their lives away from the shore as they pursue their individual passions, careers and relationships," and that "both series are fun, fresh ways for us to evolve what is an already successful brand for us." But I‘m not convinced, Chris! These sound a lot like Jersey Shore to me, especially because season 2 proved that it didn‘t have to take place on the New Jersey shore for you to still call it Jersey Shore.The press release, plus my very important notes: Read more »