Articles for Bachelor Pad Season 2

Hah, TV people. Sometimes you‘re good friends, but other times you‘re busy arguing. Or conniving against each other. But unless you‘re a diabolical maniac or a non-human creature (or Santana Lopez), you never end up hurting each other.Not that I condone violence or anything. You know my point, right? Read more »
It‘s here, whether you wanted it or not: another season of Bachelor Pad. And this time around, the Bachelor‘s monstrous bastard child is bigger, crazier, meaner, more dramatic and full of 800% more crying than last season. Can you handle it? Can you handle the heat of actual Hell radiating through your television? I hope so, because it‘s my blessing, my curse, my job, my gift and my cross to bear that I must recap this shiny, shirtless web of sickness and sorrow for your entertainment -- and even I have to admit, as much as I hate to love to love-hate it, there‘s a lot of entertainment here. It‘s a veritable "who‘s who" of top-tier Bachelor drama. Jake and Vienna: Reunited! Michael and Holly: They Used to Be Engaged, But Now They Are Not! Rated R: Hate That Guy! Michelle Money: The Witch Is Back! They‘re all back, they‘ve all got nothing to lose, and they‘re all competing for $250,000. Game, and shame, on.We‘ve got three whole hours to cover (that‘s the longest prime time premiere EVER, you guys) so buckle up, grab your barf bag, and let‘s jump in. Read more »
There‘s no need to be ashamed. Sometimes, too much of a bad thing just isn‘t enough, I know. You watched the three-hour premiere, you read the (hilarious, impressive, novel-sized) recap, but still, so many of your burning Bachelor Pad questions remain, such as:Where is the first place Rated R went after he got eliminated? What did Princess Erica, the sleeper star of this season (because she always looks like she‘s about to pass out), think of the premiere? And what does Chris Harrison think about hosting the longest, trashiest show on TV? The answers, and more Bachelor Pad bits to satiate your bottomless appetite, below: Read more »
Last night‘s Bachelor Pad premiere was a real punisher. Not only was it an unbelievable three hours long, but every single minute was full of over-the-top drama: Broken engagements, psychotic exes, crying fits, bickering couples and despicable mindgames weren‘t the turning points of the episode, they were pretty much the only points. What brief breaks we got from the drama were filled up by an opposite-sex straddle-challenge and a young girl expressing her undying devotion to the show‘s most unstable contestant. So there are lots of reasons you might want to check out the infographic below, which I‘m calling the Bachelor Pad Drama Map. Maybe you just couldn‘t get through the entire three hours. (No one could blame you!) Maybe you couldn‘t keep track of who hates whom, who used to be engaged to whom, who has a crush on whom and who would like to crush whom. (Can‘t blame you there, either!) Or maybe you just want hard evidence that this is the most twisted web of messed up relationships ever to be assembled in one reality show cast. (Real Housewives fans might try to fight you on that one, but you‘d still be right, I think!)YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Somehow, ratings shoot up when guys expose their barreled chests on screen. That‘s not the reason behind today‘s quiz choice though (although if that helps, why not). It‘s simply because the timing is right for the White Collar and Covert Affairs finales. And well, we know how big of a role six-packs play in those shows.  Read more »
Earlier this week, the Rumor Mill was churning overtime as news of an unlikely but adorable couple emerged: Jennifer Love Hewitt and Bachelorette runner-up Ben Flajnik. Today, at least according to Ben, we‘ve learn the story was nothing more than that: a rumor.Last we saw him, Ben was still healing after his rejected proposal to Ashley Hebert by considering a gig as the next Bachelor. But news from the Mill said J-Love swooped in as soon as she saw that Ben was on the market. Here‘s how the connection was made, according to US Weekly: ""Omg! Ben f except my final rose!!! Gotta book a flight to Sonoma !!!:):)" Hewitt Tweeted August 2. And when the pair cozied up at San Francisco‘s Lion‘s Pub four days later, the actress was similarly smitten. Though Flajnik initially stopped by the bar with San Francisco Giants player Cody Ross, he made a beeline for Hewitt after spotting her from across the room."So was it a date or not? Earlier this week, a local San Francisco designer posted on her blog about spotting Ben and Jen getting friendly together at the restaurant, but her post has since been taken down. US Weekly‘s own "eyewitness" said, "It seemed like a first date, but he wasn‘t overly affectionate." And Jennifer‘s own Twitter post the next morning hinted that she‘d had a great night: "Morning lovelys! I got lost in the most amazing sat! Just when you think u can‘t be surprised.... You are and it‘s awesome!" Read more »
He came, we saw ... and he didn‘t quite conquer. Not even close, actually. But even though he didn‘t win the $250,000, during those three hours during the Bachelor Pad season 2 premiere, when we weren‘t rolling our eyes at the Jake/Vienna saga, Justin "Rated R" Rego was entertaining us with his over-the-top, almost cartoonish villainy. And, according to Justin, who spoke with the media the morning after his embarrassing elimination aired (watch it again!), that was his plan and hope all along: To entertain us. Of course, you should probably take that, and everything else "Rated R" said in this interview, with a hefty (boulder-sized?) grain of salt. A hefty, entertaining grain of salt.Highlights from the ABC conference call with Bachelor Pad‘s first eliminated guy, Justin "Rated R" Rego:   Read more »
Welcome to August, or as I‘d like to call it, that awkward moment between summer and fall. It‘s that time of the year when summer shows wrap up (in this week‘s case, So You Think You Can Dance and White Collar), not-so-summer shows start up (Bachelor Pad), and others just go on as usual (Big Brother and True Blood). In other words, it‘s been a busy week. But you knew I‘d say that, yes? Read more »
After watching all the (emotional) ugliness of last week‘s Bachelor Pad premiere, I wouldn‘t blame you if you wanted to throw an egg or two at some of this season‘s more obnoxious Pad residents, especially a certain pair of insufferable ex-lovebirds whose crocodile tears took up a lot of the episode. (Their names rhyme with Snake and Sienna.) If they don‘t deserve a couple eggs thrown at them, then who does?Well ... nobody, as it turns out. At least that‘s the conclusion I came to after watching this preview for tonight‘s episode of Bachelor Pad, which gave me such a bad case of the heart heeby-jeebies that I had to cover my eyes like it was a horror movie. In a call-back to last season‘s disastrous quiz challenge, which asked all the Padders to answer questions about each other like, "Who‘s the least attractive?", tonight‘s challenge raises the stakes and the risk of trauma, as the contestants must line up half-naked, blind-folded and with bull‘s eyes painted on their backs so the members of the opposite sex can throw paint-filled eggs at their answers. It‘s hard to watch. It‘s hurtful in more ways than one. And yet it‘s par for the Bachelor Pad course, really. Watch the punishments keep on coming in this preview:  Read more »
No, ABC confirms tonight, it wasn‘t a bad three-hour dream you had last Monday: Bachelor Pad season 2 is real, and really THAT trashy. In fact, the drama and games are just getting more extreme as we go.  Tonight: Words aren‘t the only thing stabbing our scantily clad contestants in their backs. (No, actual knives aren‘t involved either. Hope you‘re not TOO disappointed.) First, a cruel quiz challenge has them literally throwing eggs at the people they think are ugliest, inside and out. Then two dates, two formerly engaged couples, a hundred million hushed conversations and a seemingly infinite amount of tears lead to two SHOCKING voluntary eliminations -- and one expected, non-voluntary one. Also: GHOSTS. (Kind of but not really. I wish.) Read more »
As you can see, as the show goes on and the monsters are given the time they need to really spread their (scaly, spiky) wings and lay their eggs of evil in the Bachelor Pad, our map of their dalliances and disagreements gets more complex and elaborate. ...Complexly FUN and elaborately AWESOME, that is!As you can also see, a few new additions have been made to this week‘s map to reflect new PADevelopments: Suitcases indicate contestants who were intelligent enough to opt out of the mental abuse cycle before reaching insanity; roses indicate those who won roses, whether by winning a competition or seducing a competition winner on a date; and our most exciting addition is the brand new "D-Bag of the Week!" award, which goes to the ... well, it goes to the person (male or female, d-baggery doesn‘t discriminate!) who went above and beyond the call of douchiness this week. Extra points are awarded for creativity, surprise and the use of sexual manipulation in the awarding of this high honor.Watching this week‘s episode and reading this week‘s recap before viewing this map is recommended by 4 of 5 medical professionals. (Dr. Blake is probably the one dissenter, but don‘t listen to him. He‘s a Douchie Howser, MD. OOPS! Now I‘m giving things away...) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »
Bad news, Bachelor Pad-watching romantics, if the show hasn‘t beaten that spirit out of you already: Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon, who left together and in love on last night‘s episode, are no longer together. "It was wonderful while it lasted," though it lasted only a couple weeks, said Ames today in their post-show conference call, adding that he does not regret leaving the show with Jackie, who was eliminated. As Bachelor fans, of course we‘re used to things not working out, but still! It seemed like those two were smitten enough to last for at least a couple months, not weeks!And we weren‘t the only ones saddened to learn directly from the source that the Pad‘s cutest lovebirds called it quits shortly after declaring in their exit interview that they‘d "won" the show by finding love. Gia Allemand, who chose to exit the show after she became fed up with the betrayals and mindgames, was also on the call, and the breakup came as shocking news to her, too: "You two just, like, told me there‘s no Santa Claus! If it was wonderful while it lasted, what the heck?" she demanded of her former castmates, adding, "There‘s no reason for you not to be together!"Jackie and Ames went on to discuss other Bachelor Pad elements than their breakup -- though they talked a lot about that, too -- and Gia had lots to say about this season‘s drama, including what she thinks of the people who made her life hardest in the Pad: Graham Bunn, Jake Pavelka, Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »
Here‘s everything you need to know to stay in the know about ABC‘s summer reality smash about a bunch of people who don‘t know what they‘re doing. It‘s this week‘s Bachelor Pad roundup!DELETED SCENE: "We like you, and we‘re in the same boat as you ... the Love Boat!" Oh, Ames. Sweet, sensitive, naive (Wall Street banker?!) Ames. Trusting Kasey and Vienna was your first and only move, and your first and last mistake. But at least you accomplished something before you left.  Read more »
Another rumor has surfaced about season 13 casting for Dancing with the Stars. Sources at the show have hinted that Elisabetta Canalis, an Italian model much better-known for being George Clooney‘s ex-girlfriend, will make her dancing debut this fall. Meanwhile, the subjects of previous rumors have started to deny everything.Who do we believe? Read more »
To our continued disappointment, anxiety and horror, we don‘t yet know who will be the next Bachelor. And if you believe what the network‘s mouthpieces say, neither does ABC. But we do know a couple things about the man who would be king of sex mountain based on historical trends and just plain common sense (both of which, funnily enough, one would need to ignore altogether in order to convince oneself that becoming the next Bachelor is a good idea):- He will be a contestant from Ashley Hebert‘s season of The Bachelorette.- He will have appeared in at least one of the final three episodes of that season.- He will need to possess if not a majority, at least a fair sampling of the following traits: Handsomeness, business and/or financial success, positive attitude, charm, 6-pack abs, the ability to talk about his feelings ad nauseum and ad infinitum, photogenicity, and (this last one is not to be discounted or underestimated!) willingness. Willingness to date lots of women; to broadcast his polyamorous exploits in the public domain; to do and say anything that ABC wants him to do/say about said exploits; and so forth.Now, before you go hole-poking, I can already poke my own hole in that set of criteria, as one particularly devastating rumor says that Jake Pavelka might be asked to hand out thorn-sticks (if he‘s at the business end of it, I wouldn‘t call it a "rose") again next season. That seems worse than a last resort. And Reality Steve is saying that Michael Stagliano is an option, though a long-shot for the slot. But let‘s do what ABC is probably doing right now, and weigh the pros and cons of their three best options who (mostly) fit the criteria I just laid out: Ben Flajnik, Ames Brown and Ryan Park.  Read more »
To paraphrase SpongeBob SquarePants, "another week, another seven nickels!" And sure, while last week saw a bunch of finales -- and this week, too -- there was still a lot going on our televisions. Life at the Big Brother house continued while werewolves killed each other on Teen Wolf. Twelve talents got another shot on America‘s Got Talent, while Emma (or Sutton, who?) got into some new trouble on The Lying Game. You get the idea. Read more »
In light of Real Housewives husband Russell Armstrong‘s suicide, on Wednesday Dr. Drew turned his attention to the dangers of being a reality show participant, and asked former Housewives star Jeana Keough and former Bachelor/current Bachelor Pad villainess Vienna Girardi to give their takes on the unreal risks that come with reality stardom.Normally, I‘d be the first to laugh or roll my eyes at what Vienna says in this interview: Essentially that her contract with ABC was as lengthy as it was exploitative, that she didn‘t realize what she was "putting [herself] into," and that, through editing, she was portrayed to be evil when she "never did or said anything mean."But it just so happens that I came to watch this interview immediately after reading this terrific piece by Slate TV critic Matt Zoller Steiz, tellingly titled "Reality TV: A blood sport that must change," which both corroborates and better articulates much of what Vienna says about how she was manipulated before and after filming. It‘s a fascinating read with lots for any reality TV fan to ponder -- and after reading it, even considering my ample and well-documented distaste for all things Vienna, I found myself sympathizing with, if not the specific details, the general sentiment of her story.I recommend you click that link above and read Zoller Steiz‘s entire piece first, then watch this brief clip from Dr. Drew, and THEN join me below the jump for some thoughts on how these pieces fit together so eerily: Read more »
Last week, Ames and Jackie left, the only two human beings to ever escape the Bachelor Pad happily, with dignity and completely in love. Then the next day, we learned that he surprise-dumped her a couple weeks later with little or no explanation. Aaaaames! How could you?!Maybe I‘m being crazy, but it‘s almost like these people don‘t actually care about each other as much as they say they do when they‘re on TV, you know? Now that we‘ve had our one slim shred of hope on this show stomped into the ground, let‘s catch up with the horror beings who are still left in the game:  Read more »
In the timeless words of Bret Michaels, "every rose has its thorn." Or, iIn the case of Bachelor Pad, it‘s more like "every mountain of thorns has its lone rose petal hidden inside like the proverbial needle in a haystack."And what is that lone rose petal in the pile of thorns that is Bachelor Pad, you ask? Why, it‘s our weekly Drama Map, of course! When we get to look at all the complex "human" drama of the week and distill it down to its most basic ingredients: Love, hate, lust, stupidity, and even loneliness. (William knows what I‘m talking about with that last one.) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Last night‘s Bachelor Pad had a quick moment of mistaken identity at the end and, thinking it was Lost, cut the episode short right after the  resident lightening rod Jake Pavelka (whose speedo revealed more than we wanted to know about his rod) was eliminated after his attempted coup to overthrow "power couple" Kasey and Vienna failed.And we didn‘t even get to see his reaction! Presumably, that‘s so ABC can milk the whole house‘s sadness (Erica), jubilation (Vienna) and smug satisfaction (Kasey) about Jake‘s expulsion when Bachelor Pad returns next Monday. That‘s my second theory, anyway.But today, we CAN see Jake‘s reaction to getting the Bachelor Pad boot, plus his final thoughts on Vienna and all the great friends he made (one or more of whom just stabbed him in the back). PLUS: Two more gems from the deleted scene archive. First, watch two adorable couples (Michelle and Graham, and Kasey and Blake) embrace the sexiness of grape-stomping on their date, and then check out a montage of all the housemates mocking Kasey‘s terrible singing voice. It‘s like Christmas in August! If you usually get gifts that you only kind of wanted and only enjoy for two minutes for Christmas. Read more »
Sorry, BuddyTV voters: You‘ve been overruled, according to spoiler king Reality Steve, who reports that Ben Flajnik IS, for sure and for certain, ABC‘s 16th Bachelor.How does Steve know? First he heard from "very good sources" that "Ben was already going around telling friends he was the next Bachelor and that he‘d be taking off work for a while come September." Plus, Ben flat-out denied a fling with Jennifer Love Hewitt. What single man in America would do that, if he weren‘t already in a committed relationship (with a TV show)?Then -- and this is when Steve says he knew for sure -- earlier this week, his sources witnessed Ben engaging in some suspicious on-camera activity in San Francisco. From Steve‘s blog post yesterday: Read more »
Here are your latest Bachelor Pad updates, links and other odd bits:"Vienna is a bit of a sadist." The relationship expert in this Good Morning America piece about Bachelor Pad is a bit of a bitch... and I LOVE IT. (Wait for the end of the video for an "exclusive" clip of Michael watching Blake kiss Holly in next week‘s episode. Sadism all around!)Did you hear? Ben is going to be the next Bachelor. But please, hold off on organizing any sort of parade until the news gets a Dancing with the Stars announcement, which is ABC‘s version of an official seal of authenticity.  Read more »
Finally, after what seems like eons (but is actually more like a couple of months) of waiting, we will learn exactly which celebrities will grace the dance floor in season 13 of Dancing with the Stars. Will the show manage to raise the caliber of "star" this season? Or will we find ourselves watching a familiar crop of reality notables, sports standouts and faded notables of yesteryear?Hopefully, at least one star will shine brightly. Read more »
FINALLY, we find out how everyone, including the Pavelka, reacted to Jake‘s "shocking" elimination. Did Jake let his Dark Passenger take over and turn the Bachelor Pad into Murder Mansion?Unfortunately not. Instead, Jake tries to go out with dignity, and does, kind of (depending on whether you think he‘s a creepy weirdo or not). He looks at the group and says "We had a chance to do something really big and really special, but it didn‘t happen." I don‘t know if I‘d call anything that happens on Bachelor Pad "big" or "special," but point taken, Jake: they SHOULD have taken out the power couple when they had the chance. We‘ve known this forever. But that doesn‘t mean you should have stayed or won, either. Jake ends his little speech with the ultimate revenge: Kindness. "Kasey, amazing meeting you. Vienna, my apologies. My heart, forgiven." Syntax issues aside, a classy(ish?) way to go.  Read more »
In this week‘s Bachelor Pad Drama Map, I struggled with how to visually do justice to just how comprehensive, terrifying and yet somehow classic Melissa‘s meltdown really was. Remember last season on The Bachelor when she got in that massive fight with the Manscaper, flipped out to anyone who would listen and then, in the middle of crying to Brad Womack, kept talking about her pizza breath? The whole reason she said she came on Bachelor Pad was to repair the damage that she did with that freak-out. And then, last night, she did it all again -- just let loose a tornado of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk, physically and emotionally imposed upon everyone until they felt their lives might be in danger, and then was somehow horrified to learn that no one wanted to be around that. Like I said: Classic Melissa. In the end, I opted for a more traditional and easier image than the other ones I considered. (Which were: a gun that shoots knives; a two-headed Tanya Harding/Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction monster; a tornado made of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk and feelings.) And there‘s your weekly look into my fascinating creative process for these silly maps. ENJOY!YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »
Here‘s this week‘s batch of Bachelor Pad news, views, rumors and tumors. (Tumors? What tumors? Well, William was sort of a tumor on Bachelor Pad, if you think about it. Unsightly. Benign. Removable.) Anyway. Here we go:Vienna and Kasey moved in together and say they‘re going to get married. No, I don‘t care! Do you care? You don‘t? Then why are we still talking about this??? [US; Access Hollywood]Natalie Getz thinks the Bachelor Pad season 2 cast was a bunch of sissies about the kissing contest. She thinks it‘s not THAT gross, even though ABC forced her to "re-kiss" everyone and she literally contracted an illness because of that. Logic! [RumorFix]This comparison between Kasey and that other deluded guy with an obnoxious girlfriend on Big Brother is funny. Kasey‘s still worse. [Vulture]One rumor says that Jake only did Bachelor Pad if he was guaranteed to be in four episodes, and that‘s why they Lost-cliffhanger‘d his elimination and showed his goodbye speech in week 4. Rumors! Sometimes they‘re so boring you forget what you were even talking about in the middle of the rumor. [Reality Steve] Read more »
Here‘s an existential question for all aspiring reality TV stars: Is it better to get a whole lot of airtime and come off as completely insane, or get almost no airtime, but in those brief moments come off as likable and normal?Those aspiring for fame (or rather, infamy) would probably choose the first one, though I doubt anybody, no matter their aspirations, would want to be remembered for having a complete meltdown the way Melissa Schrieber did on Bachelor Pad. Then again, I‘m not sure anyone will remember that William Holman was even on Bachelor Pad. (Save those of us who remember him fondly for botching that Bachelorette comedy roast so badly, and enjoyed playing our own Waldo spinoff, "Where‘s William?" during Bachelor Pad.) Personally, I‘d rather be in William‘s position. Which one would YOU choose?In their post-show chat with the media, Melissa and William had their own thoughts about being perceived as crazy versus not being perceived at all, among other Bachelor Pad-related issues. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »
Welcome to a special edition of the Bachelor Pad recap. It‘s special because it‘s late, and picture-less, and Labor Day, so we‘re all just going to be cool about those first two things. Right guys? Let‘s all be non-Viennas about how late and picture-less this recap is. Be cool.So the episode begins with Blake‘s post-Melissa elimination victory dance. Then Chris Harrison tells the group that from here on out, they need to latch on to a member of the opposite sex and never let go. From here on out, the game is COUPLES ONLY! "You might want to get to know them," Chris says as a deliberate hint. Because this show is like The Bachelor in that the goal is to pretend you‘re a solid couple until one day you are. It‘s a terrible system, but sometimes it works. And now they‘re going to put that jello-like couple-solidity to the TEST! Erica and Blake, the most unstable and most hated members of the house, team up together because it‘s each of their last resort, which really bodes well for everyone.  Read more »
Yo Bachelor-heads! I hope you all had a lovely, sunny, warm, delightful Labor Day weekend. Whether you‘re the type who took the chance to turn off the tube and go outside, or you chose to take it easy and get some quality time with your TV, I think you‘ll find something in this Bachelor roundup that tickles your rose-fancy, starting with ABC‘s big announcement today...Ben Flajnik is officially the next Bachelor. He‘ll make his first public appearance under that new title on next Monday‘s Bachelor Pad 2 finale, but ABC made the choice official today with a press release, which says, in part: "A rare, modern Renaissance man, Ben dabbles in a lot of hobbies and crafts, such as crab fishing, sailing, golf, skate boarding, surfing, playing piano, and singing in a tribute band. He is also quite handy with a hammer and saw, and loves fixing and building things, as well as landscaping. The woman who will share his life will also have to share one of his other great loves: his Jack Russell Terrier, Scotch." A rare, modern Renaissance man, ladies! Please try not to fall on top of each other when you swoon-faint all over the place.Don‘t forget to read last night‘s Bachelor Pad recap! Certain smart and highly influential internet commenters have been known to say the BP recap is often better than the real thing. Not a very high bar to clear, if we‘re being honest, but still.   Read more »
As this second season of Bachelor Pad crawls to a close, we begin to get a clearer sense of what the remaining contestants would be like if they were actual locations on an actual map. Holly would be a wind turbine: Tall, thin, easily swayed. Erica would be a building with a Medieval Times, 24-hour pharmacy and plastic surgery offices in it. Michael would be a cute little park with a pit of quicksand in the middle: Fun, fun, fun until all of a sudden, LOOK OUT. Kasey and Vienna would be a couple of strip malls, I guess. OK in small doses, but cheap and ugly and if you spend too much time there, you clearly have problems. Blake would be the garbage dump. Et cetera. But our Bachelor Padders are not places. They‘re people. In the most technical sense, anyway. So let‘s check out this latest map of their EMOTIONS, shall we?YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »
Before the second season of Bachelor Pad began, Reality Steve posted an episode-by-episode spoiler set including what the challenges were, who won the challenges, who got what roses and a general overview of all the drama that would come to pass. I didn‘t copy and paste all of that information because: A) If you‘ve been coming here long enough, you know where to go for those kind of spoilers, right? Right? Yes, you do. And, B) Those kinds of spoilers are not really the reasons that I (and, I hope, if you‘re here, you) hate-love watching and writing about Bachelor Pad. Can you spoil Vienna‘s eyes crossing whenever she brags about herself? Can you spoil Erica‘s sparkly see-through Britney Spears dress? Can you spoil the bone-shriveling sound of Jake Pavelka‘s "friendly" laugh? No, you cannot.And so, while vaguely what you might call "not that boring," the spoilers just don‘t give us a full look at the horrific display that is Bachelor Pad. They‘re like a paint-by-numbers version of an intricate, detailed painting that a serial killer did during a fit. You‘ll get a solid gist, but you‘ll miss all the most captivating blood spatters! Anyway. What Steve left out of that original batch of Bachelor Pad spoilers were details about the upcoming Monday finale, because it hadn‘t been filmed yet. Well, the first part -- the part where they have to learn a Cirque du Soleil routine in 24 hours because WHY NOT -- had, but the part where two teams of people who did absolutely nothing to earn $250,000 argue about why they deserve $250,000 and one couple wins $250,000 because WHY NOT IT‘S JUST A RECESSION had not yet been filmed.But now the finale has been filmed, and Reality Steve‘s inside eyes and ears and hearts have spilled what they know about what we‘ll see during the reunion/voting/prize-awarding portion of next Monday night‘s Bachelor Pad finale. So let‘s look at them! I‘m sure the asinine soundbites and plastic faces will make these stories even crazier when we watch them play out, but as far as a solid gist goes, this is a great one. Some of this stuff is pretty juicy! Thanks, Steve! As if it wasn‘t clear already, do not keep reading if you don‘t want to be spoiled:  Read more »
10. "But looking back, I don‘t know who I could‘ve been partners with. I mean, people that went home the first night, like Justin or something, could‘ve been a really good partner."Yes, the cheating, egomaniacal former professional wrestler and aspiring cartoon villian would have been a great partner.9. "I never lost my emotions in the game and got overemotional and that‘s just not who I am as a person. So it‘s hard for me to anticipate the actions of people that think with their emotions."  "Think with their emotions." Read more »
Only three more days until the big Bachelor Pad finale! But who can wait that long? Not me, which means not nobody, not no-how. So make sure to grab yourself some Wait Mate for the weekend, but not before reading this latest INSANE batch of Bachelor news bits. Seriously. This franchise is spinning out of control, and ever closer to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.Jake Pavelka is going to get hated on by his #1 hater in the CW‘s H8R premiere. Which is SO WEIRD because I don‘t remember getting any emails about being on that show, nor do I remember filming the episode! I guess that will just be extra-exciting to watch myself on TV! Because there‘s just no other explanation! I wonder if I wore denim-on-denim just to mock him? I bet I did. That‘s something that I would do, as Jake Pavelka‘s #1 hater on this planet, NAY, in this solar system. So be sure to tune in to H8R on Wednesday, September 14 at 8pm to watch ME, in some sort of dream state, hate all over Jake Pavelka!!!! And then never tune in again, because that show looks terrible. Read more »
Here‘s a clip from tonight‘s three-hour Bachelor Pad finale, which will put the final four couples to the actual test for once, challenging them to perform a difficult vertical dance routine while suspended from harnesses like Cirque du Soleil dancers. With no clue what they‘re doing and $250,000 on the line, they‘re scared, freaked out, uncomfortable and miserable. Sucks for them ... but it should be great TV for us!In this clip, Ella puts the whole thing into the perspective that makes the most sense to her: By reminding us once again that she once pushed an entire human being out of her own body, and that was a more pleasant experience than this. Read more »
It‘s the season finale of Bachelor Pad, and this one is supersized again, just to go out with a bang! (Like from a gun. Shooting you in the face.) So buckle in for three hours of idiocy as the four remaining couples -- Michelle & Graham, Kasey & Vienna, Kirk & Ella and Michael & Holly -- attempt to sharpen their last shards of dignity into the shape of a sword so as to stab each other in the back for that final prize of $250,000. But at least they‘ll all walk away with what they really wanted, which was more attention for doing close to nothing. Riveting stuff -- only the week before the real TV shows start could handle it all! (AND it‘s happening at the same time as the latest GOP presidential debate, just so you can decide which group of self-serving blowhards you‘d rather hear lie to each other‘s plastic faces. America: We‘re all about CHOICE!)  Read more »
It didn‘t seem like a lot at the time, because it was so excruciatingly drawn out over three hours, but quite a lot happened during last night‘s Bachelor Pad finale: Michael and Holly won. (YAY!) Holly and Blake got engaged (yay?) but didn‘t tell Michael beforehand so he had to find out when we did. (BOO!) Jake and Vienna and Kasey kind of buried the hatchet and did so not in each other‘s skulls. (Boo, I think?) And Ben talked about how sexcited he is to be the next Bachelor! Dating 25 women? It‘s all so SEXCITING!It happened on TV last night, but in reality it all happened so many weeks ago. So what is everyone saying about all that good and bad stuff today? Let‘s find out! Let‘s make Bachelor Pad last FOREVER! (No. Let‘s not. That was a joke.)  Read more »
Well hello there, young lady. I see you are not wearing a ring. Enchante. Why don‘t you come closer? Yes, that‘s it. You are ... exceptionally beautiful. You truly are exquisite, really. No, seriously. You put this rose in my hand to shame. As soon as you look away, I‘m going to stomp and spit all over this rose. That is how ugly and stupid it looks ... compared to you.Yet, for all your perfection, I can‘t help but notice that you also look exceptionally ... thirsty.  Read more »
Rumors have been swirling for about a week now that Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi had broken up, but I didn‘t post anything about those rumors at the time. No, not because I was consumed by an overwhelming sense of "who cares." Because I didn‘t want to feed into the anti-love machine of LIES and HEARSAY that would dare question the longevity and validity of a love so pure and true and real.But it turns out that even the machine gets it right sometimes. Yes, Kasey and Vienna, King and Queen of the Monsters on Bachelor Pad 2, have ended their relationship. Now I know why I was suddenly woken, terrified and out of breath, from a peaceful slumber approximately five weeks ago. At the time, I thought it was just gas, but no. That was the exact moment that Love died:  Read more »
More pressing matters (the America‘s Next Top Model All-Star cycle, so very pressing) have kept me from posting minute-by-minute Bachelor spoilers in the last few weeks, which is actually great, because now we‘ve got a lot of fascinating/hilarious stuff to cover in this roundup. (Obviously, if you don‘t want to be spoiled, stop reading.)Previously in Bachelor Season 16 Spoilers: Part One, Part Two, Part Three.And we‘ve been hit with biggest, juiciest, hollow-est spoiler yet! So let‘s get right to it. Read more »
Days after reports surfaced about their indefinitely postponed wedding, former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and her chosen groom-to-be Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship entirely. "Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship," their rep said, adding, "As they go through this difficult time, we ask that you respect the couple‘s privacy."Aw. And we really thought this Bachelor couple might actually make it! No, really. Read more »
It‘s been a busy week in Bachelor Land. In between revealing the upcoming season‘s 25 bachelorettes, airing the extended trailer for the season and releasing a press release about the January 2 premiere (more on that below!), the Bachelor producers found the time to crack down on their show‘s biggest online secret-squealer. Read more »
Here we go again. Another revolution around the sun, and a brand new season of The Bachelor that will probably make me want to hurl myself into the sun. Big wheel keep on turnin‘, The Bachelor keep on burnin‘ (as fueled by a million candles and a bottomless tank of lady-on-lady hatred)..Last season, we watched as Ben Flajnik (there he is, sitting on the world‘s most uncomfortable and least sexy chair!), the adorable weirdo with a quasi-lesbian haircut, fell slow and hard for Ashley Hebert (star of the new FOX movie, Chipwrecked!) But when he proposed, she said no, so he said back, "Good things don‘t end, unless they end badly." And sometimes bad things don‘t end at all. Like this show, which has been on for approximately 86 seasons and 10 million years. Read more »
In support of the start of his Bachelor season on Monday, Ben Flajnik has been making the media rounds this week, and yesterday he stopped by Access Hollywood to discuss highlights from the premiere."Granny was a sweetheart," Ben said of Sheryl, contestant Brittney‘s grandmother who tagged along to tell Ben how much she adored him and wanted him as a grandson-in-law. "I like older women," he joked. Sounds like Brittney‘s plan may indeed have backfired: She didn‘t make as much of an impression as her grandma did.PhD student Emily made a good impression when she rapped her feelings to Ben -- which must be why she‘ll be doing it again later this season. Ben teased, "You‘ll see a little bit more of that."  Read more »
Everyone‘s talking about this week‘s Bachelor premiere. Well, the handful of us who watched it, anyway. Two hours with that fiery mop-top Ben Flajnik and his gaggle of self-possessed, enchanting suitresses just wasn‘t enough to contain and answer all our burning questions about the beautiful love story that we all began together on Monday night. Too many feelings to explore! Too many first impressions to ponder! Too many first-night rejects named Amber who enjoy eating fried bovine testicles to ask about the pointless drunken evening she spent with a group of strangers several months ago! Luckily, if there is one thing that everyone on The Bachelor loves more than themselves, it‘s to talk. About themselves. So let‘s take a look at what Ben, Chris Harrison and ABC‘s extra-special dumpee of the week, Amber, have been saying this week about love, loss and that wondrous lunatic named Jenna:  Read more »
Well, that‘s a question I‘m pretty sure has never, in the history of the world, been asked before. Leave it to the vicious ladies of The Bachelor, and their inappropriately exposed breasts, to break new linguistic ground in their attempts to break each other‘s spirits.What am I talking about, you ask? Well, for his first group date of the season, Ben accompanies 12 of his ladies to a park in Sonoma, where they‘re tasked with performing a play written by some local kids. There, each woman auditions for the children, and is then given a role and a ridiculous costume. And one woman elects to bounce around in a tiny, cleavage-baring romper in front of the kiddies, until she‘s thankfully covered up by a cookie.You know what? You‘d better just watch the clip for yourself: Read more »
As you probably know, The Bachelor has major competition tonight, with the BCS Championship game airing at 8:30pm ET. Maybe that‘s why ABC has bestowed upon us no fewer than five sneak peeks of tonight‘s intensely competitive Bachelor episode, wrapping up with the super-bitchy, super-enticing one below. You see, The Bachelor and a college football game aren‘t that different: They‘re both extremely long, insanely competitive and (even though there‘s rarely much non-sexual tackling on The Bachelor) highly dangerous for the players. Especially for anyone who dares to go up against Courtney "I‘m a mahhhhhdull" Robertson, who‘s already rushing to be named this season‘s dirtiest player. Because that is one delicious difference between The Bachelor and football: In football, you get a penalty for playing dirty. On The Bachelor, you get a rose. Watch the sneak peek, plus take a peek at some other news bits before tonight‘s new episode (Monday, 8-10pm on ABC):  Read more »
It‘s only week 2 of The Bachelor, and already we‘re on the move. We open on the bucolic fields of Sonoma, California, then cut to a home video of teenage Ben Flajnik walking his little dog down the street. Oh, that‘s Ben now? My mistake. But in my defense, he‘s wearing cargo shorts and tinted sunglasses. Ben says he‘s excited to share his hometown with the 18 remaining women, whom we then see drinking champagne in the back of three convertibles as they drive through the countryside on their way to Sonoma. Wait, is that legal? Maybe there‘s a law in Sonoma that says if your passenger is already drunk when she enters the car, she can continue drinking in the car. It really IS paradise!  Read more »
I suppose that we should never be surprised anymore when a Bachelor contestant has a change of heart. But this one does come as a bit of a shock, given that, since she broke it off with twice-Bachelor Brad Womack after season 15, single mom Emily Maynard said over and over that she‘d never want to star on The Bachelorette. Now, according to spoiler king Reality Steve, that‘s exactly what she‘ll be doing come March, when The Bachelorette season 8 begins filming.Why Emily‘s change of heart? Steve speculates it probably has something to do with another early spoiler he got his hands on: In order to accommodate Emily‘s family life (a.k.a. lure her in), ABC has reportedly offered to move the bulk of filming to Emily‘s hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Read more »
You may want to invest in some protective gear before Monday‘s Bachelor episode, because according to Chris Harrison, next week‘s cocktail party is going nuclear. The not-so-mystery guest will cause a "category-five meltdown" with the other women. (For this and so many other reasons, it‘s a good thing already-unstable Jenna got out while she did.)With a teaser like that, I know it‘s extra-tough to wait for Monday. But here are some more Bachelor bits to tide you over until the apocalyptic third episode: Read more »
Today, in one of our embarrassingly plentiful discussions about The Bachelor, my friend/co-worker/inspiration Carla Patton (who also happens to begin her coverage of American Idol on this website this week, and she‘s hilarious so READ IT!) made what I thought is an insightful point about why Ben Flajnik‘s season has, for lack of a better term, stunk so far. She said that while "Ben is nice," he seems to realize that he‘s creating television, so he‘s saying things and making choices because he thinks they will make good TV. And because he is doing that consciously, it no longer makes for good TV. Carla‘s point was that even though The Bachelor isn‘t "real," it‘s entertaining and compelling because the people on it experience real emotions, and it seems like Ben isn‘t letting himself do that. Read more »
Brace yourselves, Bachelor fans. It seems there may have been ulterior motives at play during last night‘s batsh*t Bachelor episode. As you‘ll recall, Shawntel Newton, the mortician from Brad Womack‘s season, showed up out of the blue and declared her vague and undying love for Ben Flajnik. I guess they talked once or twice, and that meant they were destined for each other. Not important. What‘s important is that she was bold/courageous/desperate enough to waltz in and beg for a spot at the rose ceremony with Ben‘s 15 other bride-candidates. And Ben was like, "Well, OK," but then all the other women threatened to kill Shawntel or themselves if he gave her a rose, so he didn‘t. (It‘s called following your heart/your pants/the path of least resistance.) So Shawntel went home to her lonely mortician‘s table, drowning in sadness and shame. And then the girl with the lip tattoo fainted. Twice. NOT IMPORTANT. Read more »
Many Canadians have tried -- and failed -- to make a match on The Bachelor. Now our neighbors to the north won‘t have to cross the border in order to embarrass themselves seek out true love on television, thanks to The Bachelor Canada, which will premiere this fall on Citytv.Hopelessly devoted Bachelor host Chris Harrison was on hand to make the big announcement on Breakfast Television (whatever that is, it sounds delicious) this morning. "The Bachelor has long been a fan favourite on Citytv, and we look forward to putting a Canadian spin on this thriving franchise," Claire Freeland, director of original programming for Rogers Media, and executive producer of The Bachelor Canada, said in a media release. "Canada is brimming with eligible bachelors and bachelorettes, and we‘re excited to offer them the opportunity to embark on their own quest for love through this entertaining series." Read more »
Tonight, Ben and the women who are still successfully hiding their dealbreakers from him traveled to exciting, exotic, alluring ... Park City, Utah, where they will break hearts and liquor laws with equal abandon! This week‘s dates are clearly about experiencing nature. In the most unnatural way possible, as we‘ve established. As Ben flies in on his personal helicopter, he‘s giddy to see Utah‘s landscape has "every color of the rainbow"! Like a real, rugged outdoorsman. Kacie says that Utah is "the perfect place to fall in love." (Everywhere on The Bachelor is the perfect place to fall in love.) But still. Helloooo, new "I‘m a Mormon" campaign! Read more »
Bachelor contestant Monica Spannbauer caused quite a stir with viewers when she appeared to come on to fellow contestant Blakeley the first night -- though, Monica explained in her conference call with the media yesterday, those were strictly "friendship" (and alcohol induced?) feelings and nothing more. Whether you believe that explanation is up to you. Personally, I‘m buying it, if only because Monica went on to be delightfully, hilariously candid in the rest of her answers. The 33-year-old dental consultant sort of faded into the background after her "bisexual" controversy that first week, so we didn‘t get the greatest sense of her personality. But she clearly got a sense of what the other contestants, and Ben, were like -- and she wasn‘t shy about spilling what she knew. Call me crazy, but if Monica felt comfortable calling this season‘s villain Courtney a "manipulative [...] weird duck" who‘s "absolutely wrong" for Ben and had to take four hour naps before every activity, I feel like she‘d probably admit if she had a little one-night crush on a VIP cocktail waitress. Check out what Monica had to say about Ben, Courtney, Kacie B. and the rest of the women on The Bachelor this season. She didn‘t hold back. And for that, I wish I could give her a rose. Read more »
Tonight, Ben and his harem go to beautiful Vieques, Puerto Rico. Everyone‘s excited, except Courtney, who was here two months ago and also doesn‘t have the part of her brain that would enable emotions like "excitement" or "remorse." Puerto Rico is an island of rich culture, beautiful scenery and contentious political status -- aspects that The Bachelor will glaze over, exploit and ignore, respectively, so the women can play baseball in short-shorts and a model can get naked on the beach so a guy will like her the most. Sorry, Puerto Rico. (Hey, remember this fall when The Bachelor showed up and Puerto Ricans thought they were filming a porn? Now we know why.) Read more »
Just because Ben and I are on a break right now doesn‘t mean that I‘m on a break from keeping up with his increasingly messy and damp journey toward "love." So let‘s see what‘s new:Why is Casey S. Crying in Next Week‘s Promo? Let‘s put together the clues: Clue #1: Chris Harrison says it‘s something about her "personal life" and that he was "concerned enough" to step in, especially in light of how he handled "the Bentley situation" last season. Clue #2: ABC teased in a tweet last week: "Soon it will be revealed that one bachelorette still has a boyfriend... Who do you think it is?" Clue #3: Reality Steve says that Casey S. has a boyfriend at home and the show/Chris Harrison finds out and kicks her out and that‘s why she‘s crying, because she didn‘t want the show to fiiiiind oooout! Ohhhhh noooooo!Aww, poooor Casey. And yay us! We are great detectives, you guys.  Read more »
It‘s the final countdown ... until Ben asks Courtney to be his bride (you know, allegedly) and slides that ring onto her thin, cold, long-black-glove-sheathed finger in the Bachelor finale. And then we‘ll immediately be whisked from that Swiss mountaintop straight into the present, on an L.A. soundstage turned tealight museum, to find out where their relationship stands now, on the After the Final Rose special. I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT ... for this to be over. (But you know who‘s probably even more anxious for it to be over? Lyndzi.) While it‘s seemed inevitable for weeks now that Ben and Courtney would wind up engaged, last night‘s Women Tell All still stirred the pot before Monday‘s big finish, and plenty of members in Bachelor Nation were more than willing to weigh in on the night‘s biggest question: Was Courtney sincere in her apology to the other women?The episode also planted plenty of other questions in our brains, like: Is ex-Bachelorette Ali really going to be on Bachelor Pad 3: Escape to Bitch Mountain? And now that the sun is setting on Ben‘s season, how long will we have to wait for Emily Maynard‘s Bachelorette season start?Here‘s what we know: Read more »
At this point, we all pretty much know how it‘s going to go down on Monday night‘s Bachelor finale. For two hours Ben will pretend to us, himself and his family that Lyndzi‘s a serious contender for his marriage proposal, but at the end, he‘ll confirm what we‘ve known since they got naked together in the Puerto Rican ocean: It‘s always been Courtney. "Winning"? More like "won."But just because we know (or think we know) the ending doesn‘t mean that we can‘t have fun watching Ben complete his Bachelor journey. Quite the opposite, in fact. Without the burden of suspense, and safe in the knowledge that not even the detached winemaker or his manipulative model bride-to-be are taking this seriously, we‘re free to enjoy Monday‘s episode for the spectacular, superficial, disturbing spectacle that it‘s sure to be.Let go of your worries that Ben‘s making a fatal mistake, or that Courtney‘s pure evil in an evening gown -- he‘s been warned, deep down he knows, and he‘s gonna be just fine -- and instead relish in the perfect conclusion to the beautiful disaster that has been Ben‘s season. Because really, there‘s no more fitting ending to this Bachelor season than the two people most determined not to take this process seriously, making THE most serious commitment imaginable to each other. So let‘s celebrate that! By drinking! Maybe a lot!And so, fellow Bachelor fans, will you accept this ... collection of Bachelor-inspired cocktail recipes and drinking game? Read more »
Like sands through the hourglass, another manufactured Bachelor soap opera comes to an end tonight, and right on time, that old familiar question popped into all of our heads at once: "Why do we care, again?" Well, first of all -- because it‘s shallow and outrageous and fun. And also because this season introduced us to the best reality TV villain who thinks she can model and says insane things on the regular since Jade of America‘s Next Top Model: Courtney! And she‘s taking no prisoners tonight, unless you count Ben‘s Neil Lane engagement ring.As you ready your drinks, loins and remaining brain cells for tonight‘s massacre, take a gander at these interesting pre-finale bits:  Read more »
It‘s here. It‘s finally here! The Bachelor finale, when we get to watch Ben Flajnik fly in the face of, well, everything and everyone -- especially logic -- and propose to the woman we all knew he‘d propose to all along: Courtney Robertson, the breakout star of this season, for better or for worse. (For richer or for poorer...)It‘s been a few years since I was a casual Bachelor fan. As a recapper, I tend to enjoy the controversial seasons, because they give me more -- and new -- things to write about. But as a fan, it‘s been increasingly hard to keep the enthusiasm alive this season. I honestly can‘t remember a Bachelor season that inspired as much disdain, frustration and disgust as this one has.  Read more »
Since the final leg of his Bachelor journey ended in tears and a tense reconciliation between the Bachelor and his bride-to-be Courtney on Monday, Ben Flajnik has stayed relatively quiet -- except to share thoughts like "no more reality TV for me" on Twitter. But Ben did turn in one last blog post to People.com in which he once again defends his engagement amongst "all the speculation and hate." Not your typical post-finale, post-engagement, "I found the love of my life!" blog we‘ve come to expect at the end of the season. But it‘s hard to blame Ben for feeling down at the time when most Bachelor stars are smiling and shouting about their love from the rooftops. The overwhelming public negativity about Ben, his season, his choice and his fiancee have clearly gotten to him, and overshadowed the happiness he feels to finally have his engagement out in the open.  Read more »
Are you the type of Bachelorette fan who likes to watch the romantic magic and muscled male specimens revealed before your very eyes? Well then you best stop reading now, because this article contains three weeks worth of spoilers on Emily Maynard‘s journey from lonely single mom to nationally adored MILF and (maybe?) happy bride-to-be. You‘ve been alerted.You ravenous spoiler hounds have probably already read some of these details -- but not all in one place, and not with my commentary. For the rest of us, let‘s see what we can see about Emily Maynard‘s stint as the newest Bachelorette, starting with the guys who aspire to be the Ken to her Barbie...  Read more »

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