
I remember having a couple of those GI Joe toys as a kid. Of course, I was a kid, and a slightly brutal kid, so either they had their legs ripped off—can’t remember, my apologies—or they’re still up there, in that cabinet in the bedroom I’ve been sleeping in for the past two decades or so, still wrapped up and unopened. Or maybe I got that mixed up. Maybe it was my uncle’s toys I was talking about. He was a collector of sorts, after all.
Fast forward to 2009: I write for a living, I don’t play with toys—err, action figures—and there’s
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It’s Dennis Quaid and Channing Tatum fighting Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Sienna Miller, seeing that elite group of soldiers come out because of a need to stop that green smoke whatever that’s poised to destroy the Eiffel Tower, which is a shame because it’s been there longer than the creators intended to. And maybe it’s because of the fifteen years in between my toys and this film, but I was not excited for it.