getaway where the motto should be "Hope for the best, but expect the worst." The spirituality of their destination, Bali, has Heather and Shannon hoping for an
type experience as opposed to a beat, fight, hate retreat.
Tamra isn't as optimistic. After being called out by Lizzie for missing her birthday party, Tamra has concluded that Lizzie is self-centered, and she's not comfortable being around her.
Lizzie is also harboring hard feelings towards Vicki and Tamra, telling her husband she considers them to be two-faced. Lizzie reveals to her husband that Tamra sent a text to her friend Danielle making fun of her dress. Hold up. How does Tamra know what Lizzie was wearing if she wasn't even there, and isn't the innocuous Danielle Lizzie's bestie? Lizzie swears she's not going to start any drama with Tamra, but then threatens that Mrs. Judge better watch out.
Vicki's primary concern is cell phone service and Wi-Fi access.
You would think if they can survive a 23-hour flight together, these ladies could handle anything. Of course, they didn't travel coach.Kayaking and an Elephant's Penis
Tamra's first impression of Bali isn't favorable. She was expecting a gentrified environment and realizes she'll have to actually interact with the "natives." If every place was like home, Tamra, why would you ever leave?
The girls are a bit jet-lagged and cranky. Vicki is still reeling from flying halfway around the world to a place that she thinks looks like Hawaii. She might want to reserve judgment until after she leaves her plush resort and explores what wonders Bali has to offer.
Shannon and Vicki take a kayak ride and Shannon describes it best: "Cocktails plus kayaks equals crazy." One problem being that these vessels don't come with cup holders. Inevitable hijinks ensue. The rest of the ladies have the good sense to stay on dry land.
The next adventure is an elephant ride, but it turns out the car ride to get there might be more exciting. Vicki, despite her protests, is forced to sit in the back. She then begins to gag and retch and heave, putting the other ladies at peril of vomiting. Is this genuine motion sickness or payback? Either way, Vicki won't have to call shotgun the rest of the trip.
Vicki is the quintessential "ugly American." She complains about the food, she's loud, she's obnoxious, she squeals as she's perched on top of an elephant. Even Shannon is finding Vicki's drama exhausting. Day one, people, day one. Lizzie Finally Snaps
While it is a beautiful day, complete with humongous elephant wieners, a storm is brewing. Lizzie confides in Shannon about her issues with Vicki, which take a backseat to her qualms with Tamra. She picked a good confidant since Shannon is no fan of Tamra's.
After spending the entire day talking about Vicki and Tamra behind their backs, Lizzie finally confronts them. Vicki apologizes, but her remorse doesn't extend much beyond the fact that Lizzie overheard what was in her mind a joke.
Lizzie hones in on her real target: Tamra. She chastises her for ditching her party and not calling the next day to see how it went. I'm pretty sure it isn't mandatory social protocol to get in touch with someone the day after
their birthday. But we all know that Lizzie's really just pissed that Tamra found the time to get in touch with Danielle and make fun of Lizzie's outfit.
Tamra argues that she sent Lizzie some playful texts that night, including comments about her revealing attire, and Lizzie responded in kind. Lizzie denies Tamra's claim, but in the age of social media, proof is just a click away.
Lizzie, backed into a corner, lashes out, complaining that Tamra's behavior surrounding Lizzie's birthday celebration was just plain rude. Lizzie is riding this wagon until the wheels fall off.
Vicki, Heather and Tamra excuse themselves. Lizzie continues to try and conjure up sympathy from Shannon and Danielle, saying how hurt she was by the lackluster treatment she received on her special day.
Bottom line: Lizzie thinks Tamra's a crappy friend. That's right, because she's your castmate, not your bestie. And in Case You Didn't Know...
Tamra's bitching up a hot streak about the whole ordeal when Heather points out that Tamra did make fun of Lizzie's dress. I'd hardly call commenting on the dress being short a big deal. Lizzie loves to show the goods, so why on earth would she be offended? Even Heather thinks the offense is negligible.
Meanwhile, Lizzie informs Shannon that Tamra told all the girls about David's e-mail, not just Heather. But she doesn't stop there. Lizzie tells Shannon every unflattering comment Tamra has ever made about Shannon, and the list isn't short. Misery loves company, and Lizzie has single-handedly started a shit storm.
As if there isn't enough going on, it turns out Tamra's got her own issue with Lizzie regarding a game that was played at Heather's Valentine's Day soiree. Tamra and Lizzie have different accounts of what happened, and it's so convoluted that it really doesn't matter after the fact. Since it wasn't caught on camera, it's all hearsay.
As if Bali isn't steamy enough, Tamra is about to find herself in some serious hot water.
The Real Housewives of Orange County
airs Mondays at 9pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)