Admit it America, you are so looking forward to the naked photo shoot on this week's Make Me A Supermodel
. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, I most certainly am looking forward to some supermodel skin, and lots of it. That's right, I'm loud and proud about lusting after supermodel flesh and tonight is my night to revel. You should too. My excitement for almost Supermodel nudity is only dampened by one thing: Amanda. Why oh why did they not send Amanda home last week? Raise your hand if you would rather have seen Colin naked tonight instead of Amanda. All hands up? I thought so.
It's a Colin-less morning in the house and Jonathan and Sandhurst are sad about it. Sandhurst says Colin was "just so lovable that he'll be extremely missed in the house." While the boys are ruing Colin's departure, an email arrives telling the models about their next photo shoot. Cryptically, the email reads: "It's all about the little things." Little things during a naked photo shoot 'eh? Out of the gutter, mind! What the judges really meant was this week's photo shoot is going to be about accessories, and nothing else.
The models arrive at a studio and are told that they have 30 seconds to choose an accessory off a table to pose with for their photo shoot. Of course, none of the models know yet that this is the only thing they'll be posing with, but that's what makes this game so fun. The models rush to the table and choose their accessories. Sandhurst chooses leather driving gloves, Jordan chooses a gigantic handbag, Jonathan goes for a classic grey scarf, Branden bee-lines it for a yellow tie, Salome chooses a pair of chandelier earrings, Mountaha goes straight for the sexy stilettos, and Amanda chooses a shawl befitting of a widow from a telenovela. And that's when Tyson drops the news, these accessories are the only thing you are posing with.
Right about now Sandhurst is sincerely regretting choosing leather gloves and Salome is not so sure earrings were the best choice either. Amanda on the other hand is thrilled she chose the dowdy shawl and hopes to cover her entire body with it. Despite being a stunning girl with a gorgeous body, Amanda is really insecure about her body, especially after the birth of her son. After a few words of wisdom from this week's photographer it is naked time. Hello boobies, butts, pecs, blurred out everything. Seriously, how does Bravo get away with showing this? I mean, thank you Bravo for figuring out how to parade perfect unclothed bodies around during prime time, but just, wow.
Unfortunately with a nude photo shoot comes the inevitable grooming discussion. How awkward. If it wasn't bad enough you have to pose naked on a reality television show, now you have do discuss your pubic hair. While we may want to see supermodels naked I think I can speak for all of us, when I say, I don't want to hear about their pubes, or lack of pubes at all. On the other hand, the grooming issue does allow for some humor this episode, when Branden nicks himself while shaving.
After all the foreplay and build up, it's time for the photo shoot.
Jonathan is up first and wow, do I feel sorry for anyone who has to photograph after him, so basically I feel bad for everyone. Jonathan is freakishly cut and toned and he looks like a Greek god posing with a preppy scarf. The photographer goes crazy for Jonathan's chiseled good looks and Tyson says he wants to go and buy a scarf after watching him pose, so good job Jonathan.
The next nudist up is Mountaha. Mountaha is long and lean, except for some surprisingly in your face curves, which make Mountaha look like a perfectly shaped violin from the backside. Despite looking gorgeous, Mountaha struggles with the shoot, because she has to crouch down on 4 inch stiletto heels to pose. The photographer is furious when Mountaha breaks a pose before he can get the shot, but he feels like he got a decent picture.
It's Salome's turn to pose nude and she's cracking up at the many levels of irony of the shoot. Not only did the "biggest girl choose the smallest accessory," she's also a former Mennonite now posing naked in front of a cast and crew of strangers (and you know, all of America watching MMAS). After all this talk about how Salome is fat and needs to work on her body, she sure looks perfect naked. The photographer is enamored of her backside and Salome delivers the photo shoot with surprising confidence.
To get ready for his photo shoot, Sandhurst is doing ballet moves in his tight whities. Sandhrust is nervous but reminding himself that "My body is a temple and that temple should be visited and photographed often." Right away the photographer asks Sandhurst to go full frontal, which doesn't phase Sandhurst nearly as much as it phases me. Sandhurst declares mid shoot that he is an African God Warrior and that everyone wants to see him naked. And he's right. Leather gloves never looked so good.
Jordan is up next and she's feeling good about the photo shoot and she doesn't seem to have any hang ups about nudity or her body. The only problem Jordan faces is she chose a bag for her accessories that is about six times wider than she is. The leather bag swallows her petite frame. Still, the photographer snaps one frame and declares "got it." Getting the photo on the first frame is pretty amazing, so go Jordan!
Amanda is, as expected, freaking out about her naked photo shoot. Also as expected, Amanda is going way too sexy for the photo shoot. I know, you'd think naked photo shoot, go sexy. But in reality, you're already naked so you don't have to make a sexy face. The photographer spends the entirety of the shoot saying things like "less is more" to Amanda, but she's still giving sexy instead of soft.
Last up is Branden and he seems ready to rock out with his cock out, um, literally. Unfortunately whatever confidence Branden had about the shoot melts as soon as he's on set. Every step of the way and every pose, the photographer has to stop and coach Branden. The photographer even goes as far as pulling Tyson off set to tell him how disappointed he is in Branden's performance. The photographer says if it was a real photo shoot, he'd have to do a whole re-shoot to get the shot. Not good Branden, this is definitely going to raise some questions in Tyson and the judges if you are really ready to be a working model.
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--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of Bravo)