At a post-graduation brunch, Serena pleads to the Mean Girls to help her take down Gossip Girl, but they're too scared. Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Serena will have to take her on by themselves. Nate rushes off to do "damage control," B runs to "gather intel," and Chuck goes to "run some stats." Scooby Gang to the rescue!
Rufus apologizes to Lily, and she asks for which part: the pre-graduation squabble, or the fact that he no longer wants to marry her? He says the problem is that she tried to give him money behind his back (Really? That's the only problem?), but she says they both made mistakes and need to move forward. She leaves.
Nate approaches his grandfather and tells him that he had an affair with an older woman last summer, and she was married at the time. And she paid him. (Ohh, so that's what she meant by "whore"! There were so many options, really.) Granddad promises to protect Nate if it ever comes out. Chuck asks Nate where Blair is, and Nate tells Chuck they broke up.
S asks for D and V's help with "taking down" Gossip Girl. D says high school is over, and they all need to move on. S says they're all still friends, and should defend each other... D hesitantly says they probably won't stay friends after this, actually. Upset, S tells him to "have a good life." D and V decide to head home.
The Scooby Gang hangs out on the brunch steps and try to profile the perp: GG blasts twice as much about Constance and St. Jude's as any other school, meaning she's probably a personal connection of theirs--she either goes to or used to go to Constance. Chuck decides she's probably their age. The blasts all started when they began high school, and an older student wouldn't care. Sherlock Archibald: "So you're saying she's a senior, like us." Serena van der Watson: "Which means she's in the room... RIGHT NOW!" They look around...
They scour Facebook for possibilities, and Chuck submits Nelly Yuki: low profile, good with computers, many grudges. Serena says there's no way. S devises a plan: she sends a tip to Gossip Girl, and Chuck yells to get the room quiet. Someone's phone beeps... it's Jonathan! Chuck grabs the phone and throws it to Serena, revealing her text. JONATHAN IS GOSSIP GIRL?! Eric is shocked! We're all shocked! But wait...
Jonathan is not Gossip Girl, but he IS a huge nerd: one day he "got bored" and hacked GG's server, so now he and Eric have access to every email that gets sent to her. Gay nerds FTW! (But they still don't know how to use this info to find out who she is? Somehow this detective train got derailed.) S, J, and the Hacker Gays peruse all the emails GG gets that she doesn't blast, and their "theory" is that either she can't substantiate some of them (like that's stopped her before) or she likes to wait until the perfect moment for maximum damage. S asks if she can borrow Jonathan to help her "dig deeper." J shows E the perfect piece of dirt that will get her the crown so she can "abolish the monarchy forever." (What could it be? My money goes on the Uncle Jack/Blair New Year's Bed-Rockin' Eve.)
Mopey Sr. and Mopey Jr. sit at home moping, and Sr. tells Jr. he needs to go to that graduation party even though he has no friends and won't have fun, so Dan does what Dad tells him. Rufus calls Lily just as she heads over to his house with a six-pack and some illegal drugs. She felt old (because she is old), and she wanted to do something young and crazy with Rufus. So... Lily and Rufus are gonna drink some beer and take schrooms together while their cumulative five underage children get drunk and have sex at a graduation party! And Rufus will probably propose when he is high as balls, judgment officially inhibited. <<PREV (1) (2) (3) (4) NEXT>>