It's all come down to this, the final night of Big Brother 12.
The Brigade certainly dominated the season, there's no denying that, but
now that they've made the final tree, the Brigade is irrelevant.
If there's one fatal flaw in their plan, it's that by making it an all-Brigade finale, being a part of the best alliance ever (their words, not mine) doesn't matter. Hayden can't argue to the jury that they should give him the money because he was in the Brigade, because so are the other two.
Still, with one last competition, one last eviction, the interrogation by the jury, the fan favorite results and someone winning $500,000, it's a big night for Big Brother 12.
FYI: If you haven't heard, Britney's house was severely damaged in a fire today. Luckily the Nick and her little dogs are all safe. She doesn't know yet, and while I know it won't happen, part of me hopes Julie Chen brings it up. That would be awesome.
Opening: The Zingbot is in the live studio audience! Best news ever. Then we get about 12 minutes recapping the entire series, which I thought they already did on Sunday. I think Kathy's "I beat you!" to Rachel might be the best line of the season.
Game On: Hayden throws himself under the bus to get Lane to bring him to the end. Enzo has this painfully misguided belief that he deserves to win for forming the Brigade. Naming the alliance isn't an actual accomplishment, and even if Britney "said" Enzo played the best social game ever, I strongly disagree. He might be the most socially likable person ever, but I genuinely believe he was not playing a game at all.
Jury House: Britney arrives and tells everyone about the Brigade by wearing her Brigade shirt. She tosses out Matt's name and this upsets Ragan because he realizes that he was expendable to Matt. Ragan is also bummed that he has to give the win to one of those guys even though they were never in danger. After that bombshell Matt reveals the lie about his wife to Britney and she says it's bad, but she certainly has the most casual reaction because she never had any delusions about him being a good guy.
Jury Debate: First they debate whether the Brigade was brilliant, which is moot since all three people left are in the Brigade. Matt has no idea why Enzo should win. Britney thinks it's his social game, yet no one bothers to point out that Lane and Hayden were also worry-free all season and everyone liked them too. Why does no one see that? Matt is clearly on Team Hayden because he sees that Hayden played the best game, like lying to Matt's face while betraying him.
Rachel, on the other hand, is on Team Lane because he was nice and played smart the whole season. Britney also points out that Lane manipulated her all season long. Basically, the whole debate is over who was the worst person.
As I see it, Rachel and Britney are for Lane, Matt, Ragan and Kathy are for Hayden and Brendon is for ... I have no clue, because he says virtually nothing. These clowns are annoying because, because since all three were in a secret alliance from day 1 and were never a target for anyone, it's impossible to argue that any of them had a better social game than the other two.
As always, the whole season comes down to six random questions about what members of the jury said. This is easily the worst part of every season.
Rachel: They both get a point.
Kathy: They both get a point.
Matt: They both get a point.
Brendon: They both get a point.
Ragan: They both get it wrong.
Britney: They both get it wrong.
Tie Breaker: In part 1 of the final HoH competition, how many times were they slammed against the walls?
Hayden says 91, Lane says 55. The correct answer is 250.
HAYDEN WINS THE FINAL HOH!
So after giving identical answers it all comes down to a random number. Congratulations, Hayden, there is absolutely NO WAY you will lose now. The dull season just got duller.
HAYDEN VOTES TO EVICT ENZO!
It didn't matter, but it's nice for him to bring Lane since it means Lane gets $50,000. He definitely deserves it for all the laughs he gave us. Now I just pray America didn't pick the Meow Meow as their favorite so he gets nothing for doing nothing.
Enzo and Julie: Finally, the meeting we've all been waiting for: the Chenbot meets the Meow Meow. Unlike most HGs, Enzo out of the house is the same as Enzo in the house, proving that he's every bit as stupid as I thought. Lane's goodbye message says that he definitely would've taken Enzo to the end if he won, which could be a brilliant strategy to win Enzo's vote. I really like the way Lane is playing. It's a far more cerebral game than he gets credit for.
The Final Interrogation
Rachel: She wants to know why they should vote for Lane even though he didn't win a lot of competitions. He explains that he waited until the end to win.
Brendon: He wants to know which two non-Brigade members Hayden would want to see in the final two. He sucks up big time by saying Brendon and Britney.
Matt: He wants to know if Lane would've chosen Britney or the Brigade in the final two. He wusses out and gives a non-answer. Julie calls him out and Lane chooses the Brigade, unconvincingly.
Kathy: Did Hayden play a better social game than Lane? Hayden honestly says that they played the exact same social game, but he also pipes in that his competition wins are what separate them.
Britney: She wants to know what Lane's biggest individual contribution to the Brigade is. His answer is laughter instead of the obvious answer: he brought them Britney.
Ragan: Did Hayden regret things he said behind people's backs? He offers no specifics and offers a general lame answer.
Enzo: Was Lane really going to take Enzo to the finale? He doesn't answer, simply saying that he felt like he'd lose to either of them.
My Opinion: Wow, that was awful. Neither of them gave any good answers, they waffled and gave lame, soft answers designed not to offend anyone. Lane had a great chance to school Hayden and win with brutal honesty, but he chose not to. Based solely on their jury answers, neither of them deserves to win.
Hayden's Final Speech: He hangs his entire argument on winning more competitions, including three in a row at the end. That's all he has: number of wins.
Lane's Final Speech: He compliments the jury and babbles on without providing any reason for keeping him.
My Verdict: This is sad. Lane has a great argument (he had two alliances that he was loyal to for the whole game, and both alliances made the final four). Yet he just gives up and accepts that Hayden deserves to win.
Casting the Votes: Kathy pretty much admits that she's voting for Hayden because she likes his sock monkey puppet, Matt is cockier than ever, voting for the person he thinks is most responsible for evicting him. Rachel and Brendon are the same person, both voting for who they thought played the better social game. Ragan kind of calls out Lane on giving the money to Hayden.
The First Four Evicted HGs
They show Monet calling Rachel skanky and then Julie asks Rachel, who is surprisingly reasonable. Monet doesn't back down either since she and Rachel wouldn't be friends anyway.
Next they show a montage of Kristen and Hayden making out. They're so busted. Kristen is broken up with her old boyfriend and now she's single and ready to mingle. Hayden promises to take Kristen out for pizza.
Andrew was shocked by the Brigade and the fact that Rachel had hair extensions. He then reveals that Matt lied about his wife, which is news to Enzo, Lane and Hayden. Enzo still thinks Matt was the second Saboteur and Hayden says "Good work." Lane is only angry that Matt lied about his wife and not a dog. Matt has no regrets about the lie since he's confident it would've worked and won him the money if he made the finale. Good for you, Matt.
Annie wishes Enzo was in the finale, giving him a lot more credit than he deserves.
They finally show Lane's diary room where he confessed that he wanted Britney in the finale over the Brigade, which means he just lied during the jury interrogation. Lane doesn't even have an answer for why he just lied.
Julie asks about the fate of Brenchel. He's definitely going to UCLA regardless of what she wants. She says she'll move to UCLA and the audience applauds uncomfortably. Britney still doesn't think it will work and she even mocks Brendon a bit. Ragan only says that Rachel will make a beautiful bride.
Annie finally confirms what we all knew, that there were no friends in the house. Julie finally reveals that America voted for the second Saboteur and that the person won $20,000. Everyone is certain it's Kathy, Matt or Enzo. Ragan finally comes clean. It's pretty great how no one suspected him.
The Final Results
After lots of rather dull competition, dull debate, dull revelations and the worst final jury interrogation ever, it's time to reveal the winner of both season 12 and America's Favorite.
Rachel votes for...LANE to win
Kathy votes for...HAYDEN to win
Matt votes for...HAYDEN to win
Brendon votes for...LANE to win
Ragan votes for...HAYDEN to win
Britney votes for...LANE to win
Enzo votes for...HAYDEN to win
HAYDEN IS THE WINNER OF BIG BROTHER 12!
Wow, that was closer than I initially thought, and the odd thing is that I have a lot of respect for Brenchel because they voted the way I would've. As much as Hayden probably deserved to win this season, it was really just a result of everyone letting him win, as Ragan pointed out. Once Lane and Enzo reached the final three, they both gave up and decided that Hayden would win.
And America's Favorite HG is...BRITNEY!
Britney wins $25,000. Ha, suck it Enzo, and suck it Brigade. Sure, the Brigade made the finale, but Enzo was so confident that he'd win the vote, so I love that it's Britney. It will also cushion the blow of finding out that her house burned down.
And with that, Big Brother 12 is over. I suppose Britney's house getting damaged in a fire on the day of the finale is, in many ways, the perfect metaphor for this season, an awful tragedy that will hopefully be fixed in time.
(Image courtesy of CBS)