On the season 4 premiere of America's Got Talent
, viewers were emotionally manipulated into loving Voices of Glory, a trio of siblings whose mom was in a coma after being hit by a drunk driver. If you've seen the Saturday Night Live
skit where Snoop Dogg competes in a rap battle while sitting in a wheelchair, you understand the basic premise of America's Got Talent
- saddest story wins.
It's sad that the theme song for this show is the most entertaining part of it. Also sad is that there seems to be no rhyme or reason for these audition shows, because episode 2 starts back in Seattle with a creepy German hausfrau who talks about how sweet her little kids are. Then she walks out dressed like a dominatrix. And then she yodels. It's the weirdest, silliest thing ever, and I was laughing the whole time, which must be a good thing. The judges loved it too, and the Yodeling Dominatrix is going to Las Vegas.
She's followed by a robot band who look like a cross between Terminator and BSG
Cylons, an old white hip-hop magician and a bunch of creepy little girl rockers called G-Force. All of them make it, and already this episode is 100 times more entertaining than the premiere.
With all the crazy good performances done, it's time for some crazy bad ones, like the fat bouncer dude who sings disco poorly and does a split. He's followed by a pair of 8-year-old dancers. It's cute, and they're not awful, but this is my fundamental problem with the show: they're kids.
This isn't some special kiddie talent show, so when judging these two, I feel we should use the same criteria we'd use if Derek and Julianne Hough were on stage. And based on that standard, these kids are not talented. It's not fair, nor is the fact that these kids are going to Las Vegas.
Things move to the diagonal opposite of the country with the Miami auditions. A girl dressed all in pink wheels out a suitcase, and when she talks about the things that come out of her mind and her body, I'm thinking ping pong balls might be involved. It's nothing that interesting as there's just another pink girl in the suitcase and they dance to Britney Spears' "Circus." Well, that was...stupid.
An illusionist and his wife/assistant are next, and they do a neat little trick. The Hoff nearly jumps out of his skin with excitement. Sorry, but ever since I turned 12, I stopped being impressed by magic acts.
Identical triplet Polish violinists and singers are up next. The Hoff is salivating like these three triplets a cheeseburger on the floor. In spite of their seeming bimbo-sity, they're actually quite good. Piers and Sharon criticize their singing, but I bet if they were 11-year -olds they'd be called great.
A weird woman with a little baby voice does some African dance. This is a whole lotta woman and not a lot of fabric. It's wrong on every conceivable level. Since this is Florida, I think she might be that woman who called 911 because McDonalds was out of McNuggets.
Emotional Manipulation of the Episode: Tonight the final spot goes to a 13-year-old male dancer who gets bullied, probably because his voice sounds like that pimply dweeb from The Simpsons
who's always working at Krusty Burger or the bowling alley. It's essentially Billy Elliot, and he even looks and dances like he's one of those three kids who won the Tony Award for playing Billy on Broadway.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer(Image courtesy of NBC)