Tonight's the night. After five long months of the Seacrest and Cowell Variety Hour, an American Idol champion will finally be crowned tonight in front of a live national audience. Kris Allen, the singer/songwriter/instrumentalist, hailing from the metropolis of Conway, Arkansas, takes on the glamorously banshee-voiced rocker/theater veteran Adam Lambert in what may end up being the closest final vote in American Idol history. Given their diverse traits, it's really impossible to compare Adam and Kris. The best we can do is state our preference for one or the other and then root our little faces off (I suppose you could also vote, but who does that?). It's been the Season of Lambert, Adam being the media darling/judge's favorite/most interesting contestant of the year, but Kris is, musically speaking, every bit as noteworthy, blending a good voice with excellent musicianship and laidback charm. It helps that both men are exceedingly likable and on agreeable terms with one another. Although the prospect of millions of as yet gaydarless tweens crying in agony over an Adam Lambert defeat is very appealing (at least for YouTube purposes), I'm still rooting for Adam. But, really, I think both of the dudes are great, and wouldn't be upset if either of them ended up winning.
Strap in, America! I have been your GPS all season, guiding you through the rough terrain of American Idol, helping you machete through the pesky wilderness of Bikini Girls and Tatianas and DioGuardis and Lils and Paulas and Gokeys and Scotty Macs, and tonight we burst out of the forest, the promised land in full view, a champion awaiting their crown. I'll be here all night, live thoughting the finale while pumped full of caffeine and some lingering Vitamin D. Stick around, get comfortable, make some comments, do your thing, have some fun.
Here's a list of the confirmed guest appearances for tonight's show: Rod Stewart (most underrated rock vocalist ever), Steve Martin (who's about to drop some crazy banjo on all our asses), David Cook (who will sing a tribute to his recently deceased brother), Cyndi Lauper, Black Eyed Peas, Lionel Richie, Keith Urban (who will be singing a duet with Kris), Jason Mraz, Queen Latifah (NO!) and Carlos Santana.
Adam Lambert will be singing with an unnamed band. However, there is a strong rumor floating along the interwebs saying that Adam will be performing with Kiss. Which, I mean, might be cool if you are a Kiss fan. You can expect the Top 13 to all get on stage, and according to Paula's Twitter (if I ever write "according to Paula's Twitter again, please find me and Gilooly me) Tatiana del Toro will take the stage. What she will do, I know not.
Also, my goal tonight is to write the longest BuddyTV article of all time. Join me on this fool's quest.
And...here we go.
The intro is appropriately dramatic, featuring scenes from last night and CRAZY visuals, Michael Bay-esque camera work and a scary heartbeat playing in the background.
Kris Allen and Adam Lambert are dressed in all-white cult suits tonight, for reasons that will forever remain unclear. Seacrest walks on stage, all smiles, as a star-studded (read: mid-level FOX personalities) watches on from the Nokia Theater.
Just under one hundred million votes cast last night. Randy once again dipped into the Fonzworth Bentley wardrobe, dropping a suit jacket with a huge red bow tie. Kara DioGuardi is dropping some cleavage on an unsuspecting populace tonight. We get clip packages for each of the judges. Randy's is about his penchant for saying "for me, for you..." and whatnot. Kara's is about her calling people "sweetie." Paula's video showcases her massive vocabulary. Seriously. And, she's going with another prom dress tonight. Simon's video is about him saying "What?" a lot. This is a fine way to randomly waste ten minutes of air time. Clearly, this is why tonight's show has to run over time.
These white suits are ridiculous. Kris's microphone doesn't work, and neither does Adam's. Adam looks like a gay future spaceman. We get a live feed from Conway, Arkansas where we interview a little girl who doesn't know how to talk. The live feed from San Diego is being hosted by Carly Smithson. You remember her? She's like totally Irish.
The Top 13 come on stage, and they're all wearing all-white outfits. I didn't catch the name of this song, but I recognize it, just can't pull it out right now. "I Am a Rock Star," maybe?
Allison Iraheta drops some karate moves in the middle of the song. I found it adorable.(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Read More:
American Idol 8: Final 2 Performance Rankings
American Idol 8: John vs. Oscar Podcast - Finale Predictions
American Idol 8: The Top 118 Performances of the Season
Britney Spears, Final Performances and Other American Idol 8 Finale Rumors
American Idol 8: Top 3 Fashion Rankings
American Idol 8: The Kris Allen/Adam Lambert Showdown
American Idol 8: Disembarking the Anti-Danny Gokey Train
American Idol 8: Season in Review - Danny Gokey
29 Movie Characters Who Could Have Competed on American Idol
American idol 8: Why Adam Lambert Shouldn't Win