Life is complicated. TV can help. “What Would TV Do?” attempts to explore life’s mysteries, problems and everyday situations with the assistance of the life lessons offered by television.
Thanksgiving is coming!
Television teaches us that Thanksgiving is an extremely important holiday, ranking only behind Christmas and Halloween. We must therefore commemorate this day with the proper celebrations!
But how do we do it? What makes Thanksgiving truly special?
What would TV do?
Gather with family
Thanksgiving is when we spend time with family. This is easy if you are already following TV’s rules, since your family will most likely live across the street or next door.
The day will be filled with squabbling and miscommunications. But TV tells us that we will all come together in the realization of our love at the end of 22 minutes. That’s not long to wait, right?
But beware of rejecting your family on this most loving of days! On Gossip Girl, Serena could have stayed with her family and friends/enemies. But no! She had to run off with her married Congressman boyfriend. Thanks to TV, we know that behavior of this sort is rewarded with a car crash.
Forget family — friends are what matter
Yes, family is important. But TV understands that sometimes you really, really don’t want to spend time with those people. That’s why you have friends.
Spend your Thanksgiving with those friends, creating traditions that of course will stay with you for the rest of your life. After all, How I Met Your Mother‘s “Slapsgiving” and “Slapsgiving 2” episodes show us that the friends will be together (with Barney will still be waiting for Marshall’s final slap) in 2030.
Help those less fortunate
Not everyone has a loving family (or comparable substitute) and not everybody has enough turkey. TV teaches us that we must help those poor souls who are going without.
Whether it’s genetically-modified killer turkeys to help the starving (South Park) or a lap dance to help a stranger in need (How I Met Your Mother), sharing is an integral part of the TV Thanksgiving experience.
Remember the historical significance of the day
Several decades ago, The Brady Bunch taught us the true meaning of Thanksgiving by staging a reenactment of the First Thanksgiving, complete with friendly Indians, blonde pilgrims and Alice in a beard.
More recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer taught us the even truer meaning of Thanksgiving with native genocide, ritual sacrifice and pie.
Food is important
TV mocks your food. Your Thanksgiving dinner is rarely, if ever good enough. How many pies do you have? Does your turkey shimmer in the soft candlelight that adorns your table? How is your centerpiece coming?
You do not have enough food. And your food is not good enough. Be like TV and make the necessary improvements.
Shopping is more important
Thanks to TV, we can always remember that, however important Thanksgiving may be, there is still another important day to come: Black Friday.
When Chuck aired its Thanksgiving episode in “Chuck Versus the Gravitron,” Morgan, Jeff and Lester had to spend the holiday guarding the Buy More against Black Holiday shoppers. Yes, they eventually got their dinner. But the first priority was the shopping.
As it should be.
(Images courtesy of NBC, The CW, CBS, Comedy Central, ABC and The WB)