Previously on That’s Amore! – 15 women entered a mansion to fall in love with Domenico Nesci. After just five episodes, we’re down to Kim and Megan.

Domenico takes the two girls to Italy, but sadly, Ashley McNeely is left behind. Once they arrive at Domenico’s village, the girls are a bit disillusioned to see that he lives in a tiny village out of a bad movie. As Domenico describes the town of Acquaro, if you fart from the East side, the people on the West side will hear it. I know when I think about the most romantic cities on Earth, my decision is based on the volume of strangers’ farts.

He drops Kim off at the hotel and takes Megan on the first solo date. They go to his cousin’s bar, and then it’s off to a meat market to buy some dinner to bring to Domenico’s parents’ house. They arrive, and Domenico’s mom shoves an apron on Megan. Also, no one speaks English, making this the worst idea ever. Domenico has to translate every question they have about her family and how many kids she wants. The Nesci men like her because she’s pretty.

The next day, it’s Kim’s turn to straddle the language barrier. They head to a bakery and Kim is worried about what the Nescis will think of her fake blonde hair and breasts. Next they go to Domenico’s grandfather’s olive garden. Sadly, this one doesn’t have unlimited breadsticks. They meet the grandpa, who is getting some fresh chicken for dinner. Grandpa Nesci grabs a chicken, pulls out a knife, and goes to town, making Kim and Domenico wince in horror. Kim is coerced into holding the chicken upside down to drain the blood from the gaping hole where its head used to be.

At the Nesci house, Kim’s culinary task is making salami, and it’s not that good, but it’s very big. Once they sit down for dinner, Domenico tells his family about the fake boobs. They like it, because their idea of the ideal American girl is Kim. Wow, this whole time I thought That’s Amore! was using Italian stereotypes, but it’s actually about negative stereotypes of American women.

Come morning, Kim and Megan both enjoy breakfast with the Nescis, then go outside for a big surprise. It seems as though the entire town has gathered for a parade. The townspeople are wearing green shirts emblazoned with Domenico’s face. Sadly, this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened in Acquaro, and probably ever will.

With the vacation over, Domenico and the girls return to the United States, and Ashley is stoked. The girls get two more dates, and first up, Kim hangs out with Domenico in the hot tub. He gives her a pearl necklace, the ultimate ironic gift because he talks about the natural beauty of pearls and then he pretends to see the “natural” beauty of Kim.

Megan’s date involves Domenico teaching her how to cook. I’m distracted by my jealousy for their Italian cuisine. All I’m having tonight is a frozen Tombstone pepperoni pizza. They follow up dinner with a nice conversation about how she’s willing to open up with him, though she’s typically reserved in relationships. Her present is an Italian cook book and a gold necklace.

On the final day, the girls stress over who Domenico will pick. First, they get their last pizza delivery which informs them they’re getting a nice spa day to prepare. They reflect on their time, which leads to montages, though they’re shorter than you might expect thanks to only having six episodes of content.

That’s Amore Elimination Time! About a million candles and a string quartet are being wasted for this farce. The girls arrive accompanied by even more montages. After some boring speeches, he asks Megan to be his bambina. Kim walks out surprisingly graciously. Domenico and Megan are in love and share a kiss and a final dance.

And that does it, the failed experiment known as That’s Amore is finally over. To save face, MTV has the second season of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila on tap, premiering Tuesday, April 22 at 10pm. So come back then for my fresh Shot at Love recaps. I’m already boning up on my bisexual puns.

-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.