Oh Canada…

Who knew blatant racism and drunken morons could be so polite? Apparently someone in Canada figured that out. Thanks to this incredible person, we may soon be getting, Lake Shore, Canada’s answer to Jersey Shore.

The Toronto-based Sunrise Multimedia company has found a cast of multi-ethnic twentysomethings to inhabit a house on Toronto’s lakefront. Like Jersey Shore before it, Lake Shore seems like it will feature a lot of partying, screaming matches and glisteningly exposed abs.

Probably not quite as much tanning though. It is Toronto, after all.

And who are these well-mannered Canadians? Let’s introduce them the way Lake Shore does. Honestly. This is how they’re identified. I couldn’t make this up:

Sibel, the Turk
Described as “a sharp-tongued party girl” by the Lake Shore website, Sibel wants everyone to know what Turks are all about. Unfortunately for Turkey.

Downtown D, the Albanian
You liked the self-absorbed men with muscles on Jersey Shore? Meet Arber, aka “Downtown D.”

Karolina, the Pole
Karolina kisses both boys and girls. She’s also probably very racist, based on a certain section of the video.

Salem, the Lebanese
We’re supposed to believe that Salem is not an out homosexual. I have no idea why anybody expects us to believe that.

Robyn, the Jew
Nothing I could say about Robyn compares to what her Lake Shore provides when it comments on “the lack of filter between her brain and her mouth…”

Joey Violin, the Italian
Basically, the Canadian Situation.

Anni Mei, the Vietnamese
Anni Mei’s name comes from the word “anime.” Because she’s like a cartoon character (yes, she thinks that’s the only reason). A cartoon character who walks the streets of Toronto in a shiny bikini.

Tommy Hollywood, the Czech
First words in Tommy’s audition video? “Oh sorry! I was doing my hair.” This pretty much sums up everything you need to know.

In a move that would surely spark race riots in the US (but probably will evoke only mild consternation in Canada), they are all identified by their cultural and/or racial heritage. I guess it just goes to prove that shiny abs and drunken catfights know no race?

Need to know more about the Lake Shore cast? The show’s website has bios and audition videos! Be afraid…

The Lake Shore sizzle reel, posted this week on the show’s website and on YouTube, makes sure you understand every ethnic stereotype both embraced and rejected.

Where can you watch this cultural masterpiece? Alas, nowhere yet. The producers are still in talks about Canadian distribution, and it’s a safe bet that American and international deals will wait until after that. We can only hope and fear that the polite train wreck that is Lake Shore arrives soon.

What do you think of Lake Shore? Just a bizarre Jersey Shore rip-off? The most offensive thing you’ve ever seen? An untarnished gem of cultural brilliance? Let us know in the comments!

(Image and video courtesy of Sunrise Multimedia via YouTube)