On the series finale of Gossip Girl, Chuck and Blair get married to avoid prosecution, Serena doesn’t quite make it out to LA and the identity of Gossip Girl is finally revealed. Spoiler alert: it’s not Veronica Mars!
We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs with Gossip Girl. It might have felt recently like there have been more downs than ups that we were the proverbial Bart Basses hanging off the Empire and there was nowhere to go but splat. But as the retrospective played before this final episode reminded us, there were plenty of great times on Gossip Girl.
The finale, and the final Gossip Girl reveal, will likely be divisive for many fans. In its last chance to shock us, however, Gossip Girl decided to go out with an OMG instead of a whimper.
The reveal of Gossip Girl was one that seemed both insane and also almost too obvious. Of course it was Dan, the ultimate outsider who always searched for his way into the elite realm of the Upper East Side. In hindsight, last season’s Dan book storyline could be subtitled, “I am Gossip Girl: The Novel.”
Does Dan being Gossip Girl make 100% sense, like going back and watching The Sixth Sense and noticing how no one talks to Bruce Willis? Well, no. But does Dan being GG himself make Gossip Girl-sense, where you can get from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side faster than getting Starbucks in midtown? Well, in that case, it does.
As a series finale, the episode was ultimately as big, fun, emotional and nonsensical as the show itself. The show made a great many missteps in its final season, none more so than choosing to stuff in more guest stars and open more plot avenues with only 10 episodes to close out the show.
So therefore, a lot of storylines were rushed in the finale, but generally speaking, they were the ones we didn’t care much about anyway. (Anyone care about Ivy and William? Anyone? Bueller?)
As usual with Gossip Girl, it wasn’t about the plot as much as it was about the characters. And we got some emotional moments and one final, big OMG in our final hour with these crazy Upper East Siders.
The episode opens moments after Bart Bass does the full Mufasa and falls to his death. Sadly, his face never appears in the clouds at any point throughout the rest of the episode.
Chuck and Blair are upset about watching a man die right in front of their eyes for approximately five seconds, and then they are more or less unperturbed for the rest of the episode. This is maybe the most realistic thing that happens all episode. Like they both basically just shrug like, “Well, a little light murder and now it’s time for tea!”
Both are smart enough to realize they might be in some semi-hot water for just watching a man dangle off a building for three hours until he finally falls off. So Blair calls the only person insane enough to help them out: Georgina.
I’m not sure I would call Georgina because she’s taken to dressing like a gigantic disco ball this season, so I’m pretty sure she’s visible from outer space. Also, she wears so many gigantic necklaces, I don’t imagine she gets around very fast with all that metal weighing her down.
Georgie packs them into the trunk of a limo, but no one makes any inappropriate sex puns, so you know it’s super serious business. In case you hadn’t gotten that, they are on the run from the law, the song playing over this grim scene keeps reminding you they are Bonnie and Clyde. It’s actually a really neat scene, the way it’s scored and cut together and the way it sort of reads like film noir.
The next day, Chuck and Blair wake up in a hotel to the creepy breakfast service of Jack Bass. Hey, anyone call for some eggs with a side of coke? It must be noted that it looks like Jack Bass could maybe lay off some of the coke and eat a few more Egg McMuffins instead.
They soon have a conversation about how no one saw Chuck and Blair just stare at Bart until he fell off a roof. There were no cameras on because Bart was in the mood for murder and Blair was the only one who saw the whole thing go down. This is when Jack is like, “Hey, would you two like to enact the plot of some wacky Korean drama?” and Blair is like, “Absolutely, I would.”
Chuck, however, is a little more put-out that their fairytale wedding will be motivated by getting out of a murder rap. But Blair explains to him that in the pantheon of their relationship, this is actually rather romantic. “You said you never wanted us to be boring,” Blair points out reasonably, citing his season 2 rant against holding hands and seeing movies. Chuck instead says that life with Blair would never be boring. He then proposes in a scene that is rather sweet and which Meester and Westwick really hit out of the park.
At the last minute, Chuck decides that Blair really should have a real wedding with all her family and friends and whatever sociopaths happen to be handy. So the whole gang gathers at the Met, where the mini-Gossip Girls of bygone seasons see them heading in and send in a tip to the site. But once Gossip Girl doesn’t post their tip, they decide to just call the police, which is a thing no one has ever once done in the whole history of this show.
At the wedding, Blair and Serena have a sweet moment about whether or not Serena should get back together with Dan and their mutual questionable taste in dudes. Then it’s off to the wedding with Cyrus officiating.
The police start closing in, so Blair tells Cyrus, actually, that is enough. “Three words, eight letters,” Chuck says as his I do. “One word, three letters: yes,” Blair responds. Chuck swoops her down into a big romantic kiss, and I should note that neither of them have ever looked better than in their matching wedding clothes.
The police drag them away, but no one really cares because it’s the finale! And Chuck and Blair are married! Aren’t weddings grand? No one is the least bit concerned these two are being dragged away by police, like Serena is actually taking cell phone pictures. If this isn’t the best encapsulation of Gossip Girl I could imagine, I don’t know what is. Sure, your dad just tried to kill you and you watched him slowly fall off a building … but weddings are so fun! I can’t wait until you get out of jail so we can really party it up at the reception!
Which is basically the plot summary of the next scene, where Chuck and Blair pop back up, like “Lawyers are magic! The po-po ain’t got nothing on us, suckers! Lily is bringing a cake, let’s get drunk and look at food we’ll never eat to celebrate!”
The Identity of Gossip Girl
Meanwhile, Serena comes back after reading the article Dan slips into her bag and is desperately trying to figure out which is the real Dan. Is it the sour grapes dude who published all those mean stories about her in public? Or is it this caring stalker who is promising to live in the same building as her until she loves him? Because both of them sound like such catches.
Dan tells Serena a story about the first time he saw her, when he was accidentally invited to Kati’s party and everyone thought he was a lacrosse player named Matt. Dan saw Serena there, and she was adorable and flirty and he was lame and cute and they did the adorable season 1 flirting thing until Blair ran up and pulled Serena away. This was the moment Dan decided to pretend to be Kristen Bell for over six years.
After hearing Blair tell Serena that Dan will never really be part of their world no matter how hard he tries, he gives his final chapter to Nate. Nate, instead of being mad at all the times Dan has called him a man-whore, is like, “Broseph! This is going to save my paper! Chest bump?!” He sends little Sage scurrying off to print the story in the Spectator, because he doesn’t really know how to get the paper into the computer anyway, and that’s blissfully the last we see of Sage.
When the Spectator blast comes out, revealing the identity of Gossip Girl, everyone is shocked. Mayor Bloomberg always thought it was Dorota! Vanessa stops croqueting a pair of Navajo shorts long enough to be shocked. Juliet and Agnes are both like, “We used to be on this show!” Even Kristen Bell and Rachel Bilson, getting ready for their auditions to play the miniaturized versions of Serena and Blair, are shocked.
Basically, this finale is worth its weight in gold just to see Kristen Bell read the Gossip Girl part and wink at the camera.
It turns out that Dan started Gossip Girl to write himself into the Upper East Side he so desperately wanted to be a part of. He got the idea after hearing people talk about Serena’s soaked white dress,and the importance of being talked about.
Jenny had always known that Dan was Gossip Girl, and could veto stories about herself if she wanted to. I guess she just didn’t want to veto that one about her gay boyfriend that effectively ruined her life freshman year? Eh. Stop thinking! Brain on mute, brain on mute!
So then everyone goes around talking about who they thought was Gossip Girl, from Dorota to Nate to Eric. The hands-down least believable thing about this episode, more unbelievable than Chuck and Blair getting out of a murder wrap in time to throw a reception party, is that anyone would think Nate was smart enough to be Gossip Girl. Please, show, that’s one logic leap too far.
Dorota finally gets her revenge by making Jack Bass get her a drink while Serena blithely accepts that Dan has been the one airing all their dirty laundry for years. Blair is a little more upset about it, but everyone else is pretty blase.
Does Gossip Girl’s Identity Make Sense? We Discuss.
Serena and Dan
It makes sense, in a weird way, that Serena would accept Dan’s role as Gossip Girl. Didn’t Serena just essentially marry her own press? What is an IT girl without someone else chronicling their every move? Serena has never been more miserable than the moments Gossip Girl briefly decided she didn’t matter. As much as Serena has tried to escape Gossip Girl and the notoriety it’s brought, she’s enjoyed it all at the same time.
At the end of the day, the thing that Serena van der Woodsen loves most is mattering, being seen, being visible. She could forgive Dan because, in a strange way, he made her Serena van der Woodsen to begin with. Her ascent into IT girl territory came as a by-product of Gossip Girl and Serena has always enjoyed being talked about.
She could forgive and accept Dan because a part of her always loved being in Gossip Girl’s limelight anyway. Does Serena van der Woodsen exist if no one is talking about her? It was a strangely symbiotic relationship.
Besides, as Serena accurately points out, it’s not as if any one of them is less than a horrible person. (Except Nate, who has never sent in a tip to Gossip Girl, probably because still he doesn’t get how e-mail works. “It’s mail but the mailbox is inside the screen? That’s just straight up crazy talk bra!”) In the realm of the misdeeds committed by all the cast, from Blair and Chuck to Serena and her family, Dan now fits right in. He really has been one of them, morally comprised, after all.
So, yes, apparently Gossip Girl is the touching story of a girl who marries her stalker. And only in the realm of Gossip Girl would that be even remotely romantic.
Five Years Later
In miscellaneous plot bingo: Lily is awesome and ice cold as usual as she talks about how she can just reuse all the old Bart Bass funeral stuff for his newest, more permanent entry into the great beyond. “It’s so funny when you talk about your dead husbands with no emotion at all. I’m glad you are the mother of my children,” William says, so in love.
William’s plan all along was to bang Ivy in order to get back with Lily, which makes no sense, but whatever. Goodbye, Ivy! Instead, Ivy writes a book called Ivy League with Lola and Olivia staring as con artists with a heart of gold. “Two gin glasses up!” — Cece gives it from that great gin bar in the sky.
Gossip Girl loves to jump forward in the future, and since this is the last episode, we get a five-year jump. In five years, Nate is riding around in a Spectator plane and brushing off questions about a run for mayor. “What? That’s the thanks I get for being on your show?!” says an annoyed Mayor Bloomberg, and then he chugs a 40-ounce soda and cries.
Chuck and Blair have a son named Henry, who is adorable and already wearing weird little baby suits with flowers on the label. Blair is a high-powered business woman talking on the phone about samples while smiling at her little family.
Rufus and Lily kiss and then Lily goes over to William, and Rufus puts on his most hipster pair of glasses to cozy up with new lady love Lisa Loeb. That’s right. That is indeed correct. Rufus ends up, for no reason entirely, with Lisa Loeb.
This is why I will miss Gossip Girl so much. Because amazing little things like that will never happen again. Lisa Loeb! Do you think he figured out how to make gluten-free waffles? Do you think they tour the country singing “Stay” together? Do you think she makes him faux leather chokers out of found objects? Man, I want to know so much more about their relationship.
Jenny and Eric show up bearing supplies, and Eric tells Lily she is a wonderful mother because, apparently, he’s gotten to that point in adulthood where you just start lying to be nice. I wish we had gotten a little more Jenny than just her band’s song on the soundtrack and a glimpse of her Medusa weave.
Why are they all gathered together? Because Dan and Serena are getting married. Serena comes down the stairs in a giant gold wedding dress. It’s like if all the outfits from that Studio 54 episode had an orgy, this is what the outcome would look like. I never thought I’d see a gold lame wedding dress, but this is Serena so … sure.
A girl and her stalker, a Lonely Boy and his muse: finally together. As everyone watches Dan and Serena tie the knot, we zoom outside to the new movers and shakers of the NYC prep school scene.
See, as long as there are outsiders and insiders, people from Brooklyn and people from the Upper East Side, there will always be another Gossip Girl waiting to appear just around the horizon.
And is that such a terrible idea, all things considered? Because while Gossip Girl was ridiculous and preposterous, it also brought us great characters and amazing fun. We certainly could have done worse than spend six years getting to know these schemers and social climbers.
No matter what we say, we know we loved Gossip Girl. XOXO
What did you think of the series finale of Gossip Girl? Were you happy with how it ended? Were you glad Dan and Serena ended up together? Did you love the Chuck and Blair wedding? Share your finale thoughts in the comments. It’s the last episode!
(Image courtesy of The CW)