Wowza, Tyra. Episode 3 of Cycle 22 and you are still smoking hot in the pixie cut and the tailored threads. I am loving this season already. As for the models, we had 21 Kens and Barbies at the beginning of “The Guy Who Gets Shipped Out.” To determine who the 14 finalists will be, the models must tackle their fears by strutting a catwalk suspended high in the air. The final 14 models will be named during this episode and the first of the finalists gets sent home. Can they fit all of that in one episode? Of course they, can. This is America’s Next Top Model after all. 

Joining Tyra Banks, Miss J., Kelly Cutrone, and Yu Tsai are some cray model wannabes (Devin), some princesses (Hadassah), some petite hopefuls (Courtney, Maleesa, Bryant), some crazy-eyed contenders (Bello), a Goldilocks Lothario (Mikey), an occidental god (Justin), a deaf dreamboat (Nyle), and several other beautiful but less prominent figures. All pretty damn gorgeous. “The Guy Who Gets Shipped Out” begins with the above ground fashion show and ends with a mass elimination. Let’s take a look.

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High Heals for the High Wire

Erik “Mister Triple X” Rosete joins Alexis Borges of NEXT Management and Miss J. in the shipyard. The models will be wearing shoes from Miss J.’s own line of footwear. Beautiful boy-next-door, Dustin is first to go. He hits the nearly invisible catwalk and at the end is lifted right off his feet and told to pose suspended in the air. What? Dang! Beautiful curvy Lacey is next and she owns it. Her dress is wicked as are all the women’s dresses. Did they mention the designer of these dreamy designs? I must have missed it. 

Bryant’s threads are killer when he hits the stage. This guy is tots adorbs, but a little over confident for my taste. His face is too perfect — like he was the model for the brunette Ken doll. (He is nice and compact, though, so I wouldn’t mind putting him in my pocket and taking him home for dessert. I digress.)

Unfortunately, Bryant doesn’t bring the fierce and he’s delivered by the high wires to the ground. That means he’s going home. Nyle succeeds, but several of the next models — Larissa, Gage (dreamy, creamy and gorgeous, by the way), Miguel, Maleesa, India, Devin of the awesome man breasts — are dropped into the 9th circle of hell, a.k.a. the dirt floor, while all the expected make it through. 

Devin Runs Off the Runway

Then we have drama queen Devin left to walk the catwalk. We get several panicked face shots surely meant to raise the drama, and then he hits it. I won’t say he rocked it. When he hit the end of the runway he fell into the air like a rag doll. He poses a bit then starts running in the air. Eventually, he’s lifted over to the rest of the continuing group into the arms of the other models, minus Bello, who still hates his guts. Mucho partying ensues back at the house. On the posted ranking list for the week, Mame is first and earns the right to spend the night in the Tyra Suite. At the bottom of the list, despite how hard he ran mid-air, is Devin. 

Nothing Like a Little Bondage to Force Intimacy Between People

Yu Tsai greets the models for their first photo shoot. On deck is Erik Asla as the photographer. Asla announces that he’ll be taking wide shots with the goal of highlighting their beautiful and amazing features. Yu explains that the models will be paired up and bound to each other by various different tiny props — faux barbed wire, skinny belts, strands of hair … that sort of thing.

Some duos are announced: Lacey and Bello, Hadassah and Dustin, Justin and Mame, Courtney and Mikey. But first … a visit from a mega super star … 

Tyra Delivers a Tutorial on the Famous No-Neck Monsters

A no-neck monster is someone who does a selfie wherein their face looks fine, but their neck is non existent. This can be bad, or good. Tyra is here to explain why. 

Bad no-necks are the turtle, the iguana and the gorilla hunch where the neck is swallowed by other body parts. Good necks are the giraffe who shows strength in her length. However, there are still good no-neck poses. It’s okay to have your neck covered by a hand or hair. It’s also okay to have your chin on your shoulder as long as the other side of your neck is long and beautiful.

Let the Bondage Begin

Bello and Lacey are in chains and Bello looks dead, but Lacey is gorgeous. Ashley and Devin are quite editorial in barbed wire, but it looks like it’s two girls rather. Tyra says they rocked the shoot. 

Hadassah and Dustin are bound in skinny white and metallic leather belts. Stefano talked to Hadassah earlier and admits he thinks Hadassah is an idiot for her disdain for Tyra’s tutelage. During Hadassah’s and Dustin’s shoot, Hadassah needs a great deal of coaching. Beautiful skin, but she doesn’t know where the light is. It actually takes brains to understand the physics of light behavior. Hadassah doesn’t seem to have that. 

Mame and Justin are wound in white coaxial cable. They are super sexy together. Nyle and Delanie are bound in white ropes, but come off as bound by an invisible net of awkward. Ava and Stefano are wrapped by white Christmas lights. They are smoking until Stefano gets the turtle neck and his confidence goes down the toilet. 

Courtney Cries for Confidence

Courtney has a tear-fest which ends in a chit chat with her partner, Mikey. Baby girl sees Mikey as her night in shining armor, but he just wants her to perform during their shoot. Afterward, he explains in his video journal that he’s done with propping her up. I keep hoping Tyra will give Courtney braces when it comes to makeover time. 

Mikey and Ava Snipe Over Courtney

Courtney continues bawling at the party pad while Ava and Bello attempt to comfort her. Why has baby girl sprung a leak? Because she was told how Mikey is tired of helping her out. When Mikey comes to talk to Courtney, he and Ava have a pissing contest. Courtney wants nothing to do with Mikey now and he’s looking like a two-faced prick. What ever happened to, “If you have nothing nice to say, button your lip?” Oh, but wait, this is the MODELING INDUSTRY, folks. You need lizard-tough skin to make it in this industry. Courtney needs to toughen up. Mikey, you need to be a little more respectful of others, too.

No More Social Media Input

Thank goodness they’ve done away with the tweets and media voting. (Can I get an “amen” on this decision, my fellow ANTM lovers?) Scores at panel will be a mixture of the judges’ scores and their challenge scores. #PrudentDecision

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‘Bound By Love’ Photo Shoot Panel Evaluations

Bello and Lacey get the kudos from the judges. Dustin and Hadassah do okay, but Hadassah is called out for not following direction. Dustin does better than his partner. Devin and Ashley both gets positive comments. Devin is gorgeous in the shot, but behaves kookie at the panel. Goofball. And not in a good way. 

Delanie and Nyle get the worst review so far. Nyle is a dark Bradley Cooper (Think American Sniper). (Do you see that in his facial architecture?) Mikey and Courtney are up next. The judges love Mikey, but wanted Courtney to study up on her lighting just like Hadassah. Stefano and Ava are next. Their image looks blurred. Tyra calls out Stefano on being only an accessory in their image. 

Justin and Mame are last. Justin looks fantastic and sexy, but the two are not in sync.

Final Results and Delanie Goes Home

Top three in order are Devin, Justin and Lacey. In the middle are Mikey, Ava, Mame, Bello, Ashley, Courtney, Hadassah, Nyle, and Dustin.

The final two contenders are Stefano and Delanie. Delanie gets sent home. Now I cant wait to see what America’s Next Top Model has planned for us next week. Looks like some romance, hot tubbing, and then makeovers. The makeover episode is the most highly anticipated episode outside of the finale, so let’s hope the next six days fly by.

America’s Next Top Model airs Wednesdays at 8pm on The CW. 

(Images Courtesy of The CW)

Catherine Cabanela

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV