Episode 1 - Surly Teen 8/17/2009 Edit details Two and a Half Men premieres on Monday, September 21st.

Episode 24 - A Finale Birthing 5/13/2009 Edit details Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.

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Episode 6 - Give Me Your Thumb 11/2/2009 Edit details Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast reduction surgery and Charlie kicks him out on the next episode of Two and a Half men.

Episode 5 - For The Sake Of The Child 10/19/2009 Edit details After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan on the next episode of Two and a Half Men.

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Episode 4 - Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator 10/12/2009 Edit details Alan takes a job working for Evelyn and Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship on the next episode of Two and a Half Men.

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Episode 3 - Mmm, Fish, Yum 10/5/2009 Edit details Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie on the next episode of Two and a Half Men.

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Episode 2 - Party's Over 9/22/2009 Edit details Charlie has trouble getting people out his house on the next episode of Two and a Half Men.

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Episode 1 - Season 7 Sneak Peek 9/16/2009 Edit details When Mia comes back into Charlie's life, Alan tries very hard to keep reminding him about his fiance Chelsea. Watch the season premiere Monday, September 21st on CBS!

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Episode 601 - Kids Are Overrated 9/22/2008 Edit details "Kids Are Overrated"

After hearing about Charlie's situation, Evelyn chimes in that having kids isn't it's cracked up to be

Episode 24 - Close Encounters 5/16/2009 Edit details Alan runs in to an ex-girlfriend of Charlie's

Episode 23 - Dummy Proof 5/8/2009 Edit details Alan continues his downward slide on the next Two and a Half Men

Episode 22 - Moving In 4/28/2009 Edit details When Charlie's new girlfriend moves in, Alan could be left out in the cold

Episode 21 - Blind Date 4/26/2009 Edit details Chelsea wants to set Alan up with one of her friends

Episode 20 - Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau 4/13/2009 Edit details "Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau"

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

Episode 19 - The Two Finger Rule 3/30/2009 Edit details "The Two Finger Rule"

Chelsea's discovery of naked pictures of another woman on Charlie's iPhone leads to his swapping stories of sexual experiences during a drunken night with Alan, Herb, and Jerome.

Episode 18 - My Son's Enormous Head 3/16/2009 Edit details Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.

Episode 17 - The ‘Ocu’ or the ‘Pado’? 3/9/2009 Edit details Charlie declares his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), but he isn't prepared for the response he receives.

Episode 16 - She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime 3/2/2009 Edit details "She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime"

With Chelsea soon to arrive, Charlie must find a way to get a half-naked date out of his bedroom.

Episode 15 - I’d Like to Start With the Cat 2/9/2009 Edit details "I’d Like to Start With the Cat"

Charlie ends up in couples counseling. Dr. Linda Freeman: Jane Lynch. Chelsea: Jennifer Taylor.

Episode 14 - David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie 2/2/2009 Edit details "David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie"

Feeling Alan's underappreciated by his family, Melissa offers him the chance to live with her and her mother.

Episode 13 - I Think You Offended Don 1/19/2009 Edit details " I Think You Offended Don"

Judith is pregnant, and Alan suspects he's the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a foul mood.

Episode 12 - Know Who You're Messing With 1/12/2009 Edit details Alan's night with Melissa is ruined by her mother's frequent appearances and Jake ruins Charlie's chances with Janine

Episode 11 - The Devil’s Lube 12/15/2008 Edit details "The Devil’s Lube"

When Charlie's old friend and fellow womanizer (Emilio Estevez) dies, Charlie takes a hard look at his own lifestyle. James Earl Jones has a cameo.

Episode 10 - He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited 12/8/2008 Edit details "He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited"

Alan considers early retirement when Evelyn offers to foot the bill for Jake's college education.

Episode 9 - The Mooch At The Boo 11/24/2008 Edit details Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

Episode 8 - Pinocchio's Mouth 11/17/2008 Edit details A new girlfriend wants Charlie to sleep over. Meanwhile, Alan has trouble making a punishment stick to Jake.

"Pinocchio's Mouth" Online
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Episode 7 - Best H.O. Money Can Buy 11/10/2008 Edit details Alan tries to get away from Judith. Meanwhile, Charlie and Herb go out on the town.

Best H.O. Money Can Buy ONLINE
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Episode 6 - Jake On Trial 11/3/2008 Edit details By default, Alan and Charlie agree to take custody of Jake for three solid months

Episode 4 - The Flavin’ and the Mavin’ 10/13/2008 Edit details

Episode 3 - Get Lost 10/6/2008 Edit details Alan tries his luck with the other woman, while Charlie and Jake spends some quality time together

Episode 2 - Diaper Time 9/29/2008 Edit details Alan makes himself at home in Judith's house

Episode 1 - Is Charlie A Dad? 9/22/2008 Edit details Alan tries to get Charlie to come to the realization that he may be a father

Episode 17 - Fish in a Drawer 5/5/2008 Edit details .

Episode 16 - Look at Me 4/28/2008 Edit details .

Episode 15 - Rough Night in Hump Junction 4/21/2008 Edit details .

Episode 14 - Winky-Dink Time 4/14/2008 Edit details .

Episode 13 - The Soil is Moist 3/31/2008 Edit details .

Episode 12 - A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh 3/24/2008 Edit details .

Episode 7 - The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room 11/5/2007 Edit details .

Episode 6 - Help Daddy Find His Toenail 10/29/2007 Edit details .

Episode 5 - Putting Swim Fins on a Cat 10/22/2007 Edit details .

Episode 4 - City of Great Racks 10/15/2007 Edit details .

Episode 3 - Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo 10/8/2007 Edit details .

Episode 2 - Media Room Slash Dungeon 10/1/2007 Edit details .

Episode 1 - Large Birds 9/24/2007 Edit details .

Episode 24 - Prostitutes and Gelato 5/14/2007 Edit details .

Episode 23 - Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin 5/7/2007 Edit details .

Episode 22 - Mr. McGlue's Feedbag 4/30/2007 Edit details .

Episode 21 - Tucked 4/23/2007 Edit details .

Episode 20 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot 4/16/2007 Edit details .

Episode 19 - Smooth as a Ken Doll 4/9/2007 Edit details .

Episode 18 - It Never Rains in Hooterville 3/19/2007 Edit details .

Episode 17 - I Merely Slept with a Commie 2/26/2007 Edit details .

Episode 16 - Young People Have Phlegm Too 2/19/2007 Edit details .

Episode 15 - My Damn Stalker 2/12/2007 Edit details .

Episode 14 - That's Summer Sausage 2/5/2007 Edit details .

Episode 13 - Don't Worry 1/22/2007 Edit details .

Episode 12 - Castrating Sheep in Montana 1/8/2007 Edit details .

Episode 11 - Walnuts and Demerol 12/11/2006 Edit details .

Episode 10 - Kissing Abraham Lincoln 11/27/2006 Edit details .

Episode 9 - Corey's Been Dead for an Hour 11/20/2006 Edit details .

Episode 8 - Release the Dogs 11/13/2006 Edit details .

Episode 7 - Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head 10/30/2006 Edit details .

Episode 6 - Apologies for the Frivolity 10/23/2006 Edit details .

Episode 5 - A Live Woman of Proven Fertility 10/16/2006 Edit details .

Episode 4 - A Pot Smoking Monkey 10/9/2006 Edit details .

Episode 3 - The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress 10/2/2006 Edit details .

Episode 2 - Who's Vod Kanockers 9/25/2006 Edit details .

Episode 1 - Working for Caligula 9/18/2006 Edit details .

Episode 24 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite 5/22/2006 Edit details .

Episode 23 - Arguments for the Quickie 5/15/2006 Edit details .

Episode 22 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie 5/8/2006 Edit details .

Episode 21 - And the Plot Moistens 5/1/2006 Edit details .

Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid 4/24/2006 Edit details .

Episode 19 - Golly Moses 4/10/2006 Edit details .

Episode 18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler 3/20/2006 Edit details .

Episode 17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer 3/13/2006 Edit details .

Episode 16 - Ergo 3/6/2006 Edit details .

Episode 15 - My Tongue Is Meat 2/27/2006 Edit details .

Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind 2/6/2006 Edit details .

Episode 13 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium 1/23/2006 Edit details .

Episode 12 - That Special Tug 1/9/2006 Edit details .

Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned 12/19/2005 Edit details .

Episode 10 - Something Salted and Twisted 11/28/2005 Edit details .

Episode 9 - Madame and Her Special Friend 11/21/2005 Edit details .

Episode 8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do 11/14/2005 Edit details .

Episode 7 - Sleep Tight 11/7/2005 Edit details .

Episode 6 - Hi 10/24/2005 Edit details .

Episode 5 - We Called It Mr. Pinky 10/17/2005 Edit details .

Episode 4 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs 10/10/2005 Edit details .

Episode 3 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark 10/3/2005 Edit details .

Episode 2 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover 9/26/2005 Edit details .

Episode 1 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts 9/19/2005 Edit details .

Episode 24 - Does Something Smell Funny to You 5/23/2005 Edit details .

Episode 23 - Squab 5/16/2005 Edit details .

Episode 22 - That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother 5/9/2005 Edit details .

Episode 21 - A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On 5/2/2005 Edit details .

Episode 20 - I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey 4/18/2005 Edit details .

Episode 19 - A Low 3/21/2005 Edit details .

Episode 18 - It Was Mame 3/7/2005 Edit details .

Episode 17 - Woo-Hoo 2/21/2005 Edit details .

Episode 16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? 2/14/2005 Edit details .

Episode 15 - Smell the Umbrella Stand 2/7/2005 Edit details .

Episode 14 - Those Big Pink Things with Coconut 1/31/2005 Edit details .

Episode 13 - Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow 1/17/2005 Edit details .

Episode 12 - A Lung Full of Alan 1/3/2005 Edit details .

Episode 11 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos 12/13/2004 Edit details .

Episode 10 - The Salmon Under My Sweater 11/29/2004 Edit details .

Episode 9 - Yes 11/22/2004 Edit details .

Episode 8 - Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers 11/15/2004 Edit details .

Episode 7 - A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana 11/8/2004 Edit details .

Episode 6 - The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance 10/25/2004 Edit details .

Episode 5 - Bad News from the Clinic 10/18/2004 Edit details .

Episode 4 - Go Get Mommy's Bra 10/11/2004 Edit details .

Episode 3 - A Bag Full of Jawea 10/4/2004 Edit details .

Episode 2 - Enjoy Those Garlic Balls 9/27/2004 Edit details .

Episode 1 - Back Off Mary Poppins 9/20/2004 Edit details .

Episode 1 - Third Season on DVD 5/5/2008 Edit details Watch this clip from the complete third season on DVD, in stores May 13.