First, let me clear up an egregious error on my part: The Bachelorette premieres tonight at 9:01pm. That‘s an hour later than usual, thanks to the Dancing with the Stars finale, part one. Sorry to everyone I may have hurt by relying on my 100+ hours of recapping this show (shudder) in saying that it premiered tonight at 8pm. I‘m only human, after all.But back to the important stuff: Like I just said, The Bachelorette premieres TONIGHT! Despite everything I‘ve learned from my aforementioned years of recapping this show, I am totally elated to share the upcoming ups and downs of Ashley‘s journey with you. The drama will flow like so much fine wine (down Drunk Tim‘s throat), beginning with our very first "there for the wrong reasons" contestant, Bentley, a Salt Lake City businessman whose name is almost as obnoxious as his smug attitude/face combo. You guys are going to have so much fun disliking this guy! It‘s a real cut-and-dry case: He deserves it. You should believe me, but go ahead and watch the sneak peek to remove all doubt: Read more »

You know this season‘s Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert, is a dentist right? Just want to make sure that headline gets the full set of LOLs to which it is entitled.Anyway: The season 7 premiere is upon us this evening (9:01pm. OH-ONE-PEE-EM.), and what better way to celebrate than getting mind-numb on a Monday? Tonight‘s premiere is full of outrageous entrances, mysterious intrigue and the classic stench of desperation you‘ve come to crave from The Bachelorette, so do your part and print out this original drinking game, head to the store after work, buy a few bottles of your favorite white zinny* and gather those lady-friends and self-secure man-buddies to watch Ashley‘s 25 aspiring suitors put the "idiot" in "idiot box." It will be a Bachelor blast. A Blastechor.*Nickname for zinfandel, I don‘t know if I made it up but if I did: TRADEMARK. Read more »

WE‘RE BACK-elorette!Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss Ashley, our spunky, second-guessing dentist who broke Brad‘s heart, "badly," when she wouldn‘t "come here, to him, please" emotionally? Actually, scratch that: It‘s not important whether you missed her or not, because Ashley‘s here to stay all season long, and we all know the real reason we watch isn‘t because we like or don‘t like the Bachelor(ette). Brad‘s ratings made that clear enough. It‘s to see the parade of potential suitors who will jump over each other, the boundaries of human dignity and the shark to get that final rose. You probably already watched the episode, but just in case you didn‘t, here‘s the Bachelorette Season 7 Premiere Drinking Game you should play/should have played tonight. "Novocaine for Your Brain," ha! Get it? Ashley‘s a dentist. Well, dental student. Who is taking time off from school to date 25 guys at once so she can get married before she gets her diploma because priorities. (Actually a pretty smart move, if you think about it. I mean, if I were Ashley, part of the reason I‘d agree to do this show is because once it‘s over and I started my dental practice, no matter where I move my patient list will be full up of people who simply want the weird bragging rights of saying "My dentist was The Bachelorette!" to their friends. I bet she‘ll even have a photo booth  in the office and, like, rose-shaped toothbrushes to sell. It‘s called a business model.)The other reason Ashley probably agreed to be the new Bachelorette? A second chance to set things right. LET‘S TAKE A RIDE DOWN THE ROOT CANAL OF LOVE ... TO THE RECAP!  Read more »

Hello, and welcome to the first episode of "The Bachelorette Hangover," in which BuddyTV writers Meghan Carlson and Carla Patton share their thoughts, gripes and passion for America‘s best dating show with you. Like a fine wine, The Bachelorette is a joyful indulgence ... but sometimes it makes our heads (and hearts) hurt. And what a spectacular premiere of The Bachelorette season 7 we saw last night, as Ashley Hebert navigated the treacherous waters of the first cocktail party. So much to love! In today‘s premiere installment of "The Bachelorette Hangover," we discuss what we thought of Ashley‘s debut, the three biggest "weirdos" of the premiere, our love and hate relationships with Drunk Tim and Jeff the Mask, our picks for which men could go all the way, and all sorts of things in between. We hope you enjoy it. As always, if you have any feedback, please share it in the comments. We look forward to a season of wicked fun Bachelorette hangovers with you. And don‘t miss the recap of the episode!  Read more »

Holy Bachelorette goodness, Batman! (And by "Batman," I do NOT mean Jeff the Mask.) First and foremost, last night‘s recap was lengthy but (I like to think) worth the investment. And today is an extra special day, as Carla and I broke the seal on our very first "Bachelorette Hangover" podcast, because there was even MORE to discuss beyond the recap.So we know how those Bachelorette producers feel when they have to cut out essential conversations and interviews on the first night. There‘s just too much to cover in a mere two hours. Thankfully, that‘s what the internet is for. Check out two bonus videos from last night‘s premiere, including the first Diaries of the Departed and a deleted scene with Ashley and Constantine. Read more »

If you‘ve been keeping up with my Bachelorette coverage so far, you know I have only love for "Drunk Tim," aka Tim McCormack, the liquor distributor who made a splash by showing up sloshed to the first cocktail party and fell asleep before the first rose ceremony. He may not have gotten a rose from Ashley, but he was definitely one of the most memorable bachelors of the night.Tim talked to the media in a conference call this morning, and while he maintains a healthy sense of humor about the whole thing, he revealed that he did not watch the full episode on Monday night because he was so disgusted by his own behavior. "I literally had to turn it off. It was nauseating."The details are still understandably hazy for the 35-year-old from Long Beach, New York who maintains he went on The Bachelorette to find love. He said when he woke up the next morning, he was in "a giant fog as to exactly what happened the previous night," and could not entirely account for how he ended up so "uncontrollable."  Read more »

I was a tad skeptical at first that Bentley Williams, the single dad from Colorado whose reputation preceded him when he showed up on The Bachelorette this Monday, was truly as terrible as he seemed. "There for the wrong reasons" is a term that gets thrown around a lot on The Bachelorette, and some of his statements in the premiere, while rude and crass, sounded edited and out of context. But after watching the clip below, the last drop of skepticism has been drained from my well: Bentley is a scumbag! And, sadder still, the worse he reveals himself to be, the harder Ashley seems to fight (or more like beg) for him to stick around. Watch this clip and have your trashcan ready for the ensuing vomit: Read more »

Have you ever wished that you could jump inside the brain of your favorite TV star or writer so that even when the show wasn‘t on, you could witness their brilliance, insight and hilarity at all times?Well, even if you haven‘t wished it, since that‘s sort of a creepy (but understandable) wish, now you can, thanks to Twitter. Getting inside a star‘s head has never been easier! (Or less messy, if we‘re being literal. Which, for the record, we are not.)Here are our picks for 25 people on and involved with TV (both real and fictional!) that you‘ll want to make sure you follow this summer.  Read more »

On The Bachelor, ladies be sobbin‘. But once the show‘s over, the ladies be vloggin‘.Check out what Emily, Michelle and Ashley S. had to say about this week‘s Bachelorette premiere starring their friend Ashley Hebert. The thread that ties them all together? They‘re not Bentley fans, either. Read more »

Of all the perks that come with recapping The Bachelor, probably the coolest aspect is how this year, they managed to schedule episodes on Valentine‘s Day, Memorial Day AND the Fourth of July! Weird that they missed Christmas and my birthday, since it‘s such a GIFT to get to write this on a holiday. In honor of Memorial Day, this recap is dedicated to the troops. Thank you for protecting our American freedoms, like the freedom to act like goons on reality dating shows. Speaking of which...WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN THIS RECAP UNTIL THE END OF THE INTERNET:  Read more »

Last night, ABC ruled. The only network with a full schedule of new primetime shows, ABC is going uncontested -- for the moment -- with The Bachelorette and Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.The Bachelorette saw a dip in ratings versus last week‘s season premiere. Last night‘s episode, which saw a mock wedding and plenty of dancing from our romantic hopefuls, was down 23%, with 7.92 million viewers. Last week‘s episode followed the Dancing with the Stars season finale results show, and likely wrangled quite a few runoff viewers from that. No such luck this week, but it‘s still holding its own.And if you missed it, we‘ve got you covered with our Bachelorette recap! Read more »

Didn‘t get enough Bachelorette during last night‘s episode or the recap? Yeah, me neither, because who ever does? Luckily, we‘ve got three extra videos from last night‘s episode, two of which are sure to entertain you, and one of which will probably just make you want to go to a pool party ASAP. Check them out! Read more »

In lieu of any of Monday night‘s three eliminated Bachelors, ABC decided to put host Chris Harrison on the phone with the media this morning to discuss this season‘s biggest villain, Bentley Williams. ABC‘s press release for next Monday‘s episode reveals that the guy who said he‘d "rather swim in pee" than marry Ashley and only wanted her to "tickle his pickle" will continue his "huge, selfish ruse" on The Bachelorette when he "delivers a knock-out blow to Ashley when he gives her the crushing news that will put an end to her hopes, and has her questioning if she can move on."Next week‘s episode won‘t lack for other drama, as Jeff will finally unmask himself, and William will "go for it" at the group comedy roast with "disastrous results," but Harrison‘s chat today was all about the "emotional juggernaut" about to hit Ashley in the form of Bad News Bentley. Here are the highlights from the conference call:  Read more »

The concept of Bachelor "villains" is a tricky one for me. As much as I enjoy taking these people to task for the rude, obnoxious and stupid things they say and do, I also try to maintain a healthy sense of skepticism that anything that happens on this show is remotely real. How can I call out Bentley for saying all these terrible things while at the same time acknowledging that much of what he said may have been spliced, edited and taken out of context to make him appear worse than he actually is? If I say he‘s a terrible guy, I sound like I don‘t know this show‘s drama is exaggerated and sometimes fabricated. If I say he‘s just getting edited, it sounds like I think his comments in tonight‘s episode are acceptable and not totally disgusting. Which, for the record, THEY ARE. Very disgusting. I just want to hear one soundbite from him that doesn‘t sound like it‘s been chopped into eight pieces. Such are the complex issues that come with this job of recapping "reality" shows as they become increasingly unrealistic.Anyway, that‘s just where my head is at, going into tonight‘s DRAW-muh filled episode that will have everyone screaming, "Did he really just say/do that?" at their TVs tonight. Seriously, this makes that time Frank dumped Ali in Tahiti look like a cake walk at a baby kitten daycare center.  Read more »

Tonight on The Bachelorette, it‘s perhaps the most dramatic episode of the show EVER (imagine that in your best Chris Harrison voice), as Jeff takes off his mask, William roasts Ashley to tears, and Bad News Bentley makes his big, bad, blow-out exit. So much to talk about, let‘s get to it! BENTLEY CAN GO GET BENT, AND YOU CAN ENJOY THIS RECAP: Read more »

ABC reigned supreme again last night, the only network with a full primetime lineup of new shows. The Bachelorette and Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition both performed well, while FOX‘s MasterChef premiere didn‘t do so hot.The Bachelorette was up from last week. Viewers likely tuned in to see Bentley, this season‘s unapologetic villain, cut and run, leaving Ashley with a broken heart and an unsure will. It was up 18% from last week, with 8.51 million viewers. And if you missed all the drama and tears, we‘ve got you covered with our Bachelorette recap! Read more »

Last night Bentley Williams, the contestant deemed by ABC as the "most villainous bachelor in the show‘s history," made his controversial exit, which I covered in careful and colorful detail in my Bachelorette recap, if you‘ve yet to experience that delight yet.Now that the show has aired, here‘s what Ashley, Chris Harrison and more are saying about the big episode, plus sneak peeks at what‘s coming next for Ashley‘s adventures. It turns out Bentley might not be the only guy who isn‘t being honest with the Bachelorette.  Read more »

I‘ve been recapping The Bachelor(ette) long enough to learn the show‘s patterns. Sadly, one of the patterns I‘ve picked up on (besides the increasing number of fear- and helicopter-based dates) is that as soon as the show takes the contestants abroad, we stop getting pre-episode photos of their romantic misadventures. It‘s like they want to save all their vacation photos for a post-show scrapbook! So you‘ll have to survive on these screencaps I got from the the brief preview clip for next weeks‘ episode, and use your imagination, while reading the descriptions for next Monday‘s dates, which take Ashley and her final 12 to Thailand:  Read more »

Bachelor Pad 2 premieres August 8. Did you rip a hole in your calendar yet from circling that date so vigorously? I bet you did, and I can‘t blame you. It‘s just not really summer in America until there‘s a kissing contest on TV.  For those of us who simply cannot wait to find out which washed up former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars will strip down to their skivvies for the chance to win earn uh, get $250,000 for doing very little, it‘s our lucky day: Bachelor Pad 2 began filming this week, and Reality Steve has an updated cast spoiler list to share. Here‘s what‘s changed from the last time we saw a list... Read more »

Anthony Weiner isn‘t the only over-exposed guy having the worst week ever. Bentley Williams, whose dishonest antics led to a brokenhearted Ashley this Monday on The Bachelorette, is still making headlines as the worst contestant in the show‘s history. Bentley himself is probably deep down in an internet-free foxhole, but everyone else associated with The Bachelor has happily offered their comments on his controversial exit. Here‘s the quick and dirty on all the dirt getting thrown Bentley‘s way, and the details about when we‘ll see his mug pop back up on the show. Plus: Rumor has it that Ashley‘s post-Bachelorette life may be less about dental drilling and more about dancing...  Read more »

This morning, Jeff Medolla, a.k.a. "the man in the mask," who was eliminated this week on The Bachelorette, spoke with the media on a conference call. The conversation was as enlightening as it was hilarious. Here, context-free, are the 15 best things Jeff said. They are simply too good to sully with my superfluous commentary. I miss him already.1. "To be honest with you, I thought that having the balls to walk into that house with a mask on, I would have thought that I was potentially going to get maybe a one-on-one date with her sooner than later, you know? I don‘t know."2. "The way I look at it is, ten years from now, there‘s going to be people that will remember that girl that wore the fangs or had fangs because that stands out, and so did the mask. So, if I go in for three episodes and I‘m out, you know, I‘m sure that ten years from now, people will remember some idiot that wore a mask."  Read more »

After watching William and the other guys rip into Ashley during her roast, were you left wondering if the Bachelorette could dish it as well as she could take it? (And she could take it pretty well, at least until William got on stage.)Well, your answer lies in this deleted clip of Ashley taking the mic to poke fun at her suitors. Plus: More videos of Jeff the Mask around the Bachelor mansion (we miss your quotables already, Jeff!) and an extended preview of next week‘s adventures in Phuket, Thailand. Read more »

At this point, I will be watching Bachelor Pad 2 just to confirm my scientific hypothesis that it is the worst show ever made, and to report my findings back to you so you don‘t have to suffer through it alone. It‘s important work we‘re doing here. Together.I had a few meager hopes that the Bachelor Pad brass would tweak the show to make it, if not just a tad enjoyable, at least decent in the "so bad it‘s good" entertainment arena. But here are five signs that Bachelor Pad season 2, which premieres August 8, will be just as bad as the original: Read more »

This morning, ABC revealed to EW which former Bachelor and Bachelorette cast members have moved back into the mansion for the chance to strip, kiss, play and manipulate their way to the $250,000 Bachelor Pad cash prize. And, along the way, the network promises lots of "fireworks, drama, romance and endless possibilities" from the all-star cast of cast-offs (and one former star of the show!), which, as you can see below, really is full of "those we love and those we love to hate."Here‘s the cast of Bachelor Pad 2, which will see Chris Harrison returning solo as host (no Mellisa Rycroft this time) when the second season premieres on August 8: Read more »

The ghost of Bentley‘s dickishness still haunts The Bachelorette in week four, and probably will for the rest of the season. When we last left Ashley, she was so distraught over his betrayal that she (gasp! put hand to forehead! roll eyes! faint!) canceled the cocktail party. This week, will our fragile dental student be able to extract his evil talons from her tender heart and allow the 12 remaining men even just a chance to stick their tongues in her mouth? Don‘t count on it. A good drinking game for tonight‘s episode (if you want to go to the hospital, to find yourself a hot doc to marry while you‘re getting your stomach pumped, girl-buddies!) is to drink every time you hear "Bentley" or "no regrets." It‘s a really great mantra for people like Ashley, who make bad calls almost constantly. "No regrets! I want to NEVER learn from my mistakes! Let‘s go planking again!"IT‘S NOT A BAD CALL, AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS AFTER READING THIS RECAP: Read more »

ABC once again topped the night with its full lineup of shows. However, its programming slipped slightly in ratings, while FOX regained some footing. The Bachelorette and Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition were both down slightly, while FOX‘s MasterChef saw a slight increase.The Bachelorette went to Thailand in the wake of Bentley‘s departure from the show (which Ashley continued to struggle with). The show was down just 8% versus last week, with 7.86 million. Interesting to note was that viewership actually declined as the episode went on, at one point dropping to 7.71 million. Boring episode, I guess? And if you missed all the orphanage-building and cave-navigating, we‘ve got you covered with our Bachelorette recap! Read more »

Did you notice one crucial conversation missing from last night‘s Bachelorette episode? No, not the one when Ashley accused Mickey of stealing her scarves and vests. The one when Ashley finally forgave William for saying he didn‘t "give a s**t" about her during last week‘s roast! Well, even though it got cut to make room for all that essential stuff about Ashley‘s grief over Bentley, the conversation happened, and now you can watch it happen, along with three more clips: An "uncensored" look inside Ryan‘s brain, West‘s diary of the departed and an extended look at next week‘s dates in Chiang Mai.  Read more »

It‘s never a huge surprise when a Bachelorette ends the season with a ring on her finger. After all, isn‘t that the point of the show? But after four weeks of watching Ashley Hebert fall for, get dumped by and continually cry over America‘s Next Top Scumbag Bentley Williams, it‘s seemed unlikely that this season‘s Bachelorette would leave the experience even remotely happy, let alone engaged.That is, it probably seemed that way if you haven‘t been reading the spoilers and tabloids, the latter of which are finally catching up to the former and reporting that Ashley is, in fact, engaged to the winner of the show. So, while we‘ll have to deal with at least two more weeks of Bentley blues, at least there‘s a happy ending on the horizon!More details from those helpful anonymous "insiders" about the engagement, plus everything else swirling around the Bachelor rumor mill, right here: Read more »

Bachelorette Ashley Hebert stopped by The Tonight Show on Thursday to explain, for probably the millionth time this month, what the "deal" is with "this Bentley" to Jay Leno, who has clearly never seen the show and was clearly just reading questions he didn‘t understand off of index cards.But nevermind that, because Jay‘s other guest that evening was Larry David, who also has clearly never seen The Bachelorette but managed to have better banter and chemistry with Ashley without even trying very hard. Larry also said what all the ladies in the audience really wanted to hear about Bentley: "I‘m going to kill that mo fo! I swear to God, I don‘t know what this guy did, but I really dislike him!" Thank you, Larry. Thanks for actually showing up to the interview last night.  Read more »

Here at BuddyTV Bachelorette Central, we pride ourselves on only bringing you the most entertaining, most essential (imagine that word teetering atop a hefty grain of salt) Bachelorette news out there. That‘s why I sift through the entire Bachelorette conference call transcripts with the eliminated guys and pick out just the good parts for your enjoyment. Like with this conference call that eliminated lawyer and widower West Lee did with the media yesterday. Call me crazy, but it shouldn‘t take you longer to read an interview with a guy (who got about ten total minutes of screen time) than it did for Ashley to get rid of him. So here are just the big highlights from West‘s interview yesterday. If that makes me a curator, a leader, a hero ... so be it.  Read more »

Chris Lambton and Peyton Wright are engaged, Life & Style reports, and both of their Twitter accounts confirm, as well as this shot of Peyton with a lovely engagement ring on her finger.He was the fan favorite and runner-up on The Bachelorette season 6 with Ali Fedotowsky, whose time on the show was so heart-warming that a rainbow literally appeared as he was sent home.  Read more »

Before you watch the clip below, please allow me a mini rant: Tonight The Bachelorette enters week 5, and already it‘s one of the most bizarre seasons of the show to date. The show‘s usual story is about a put-together, confident young woman who‘s only missing one piece, the prince charming, to complete her perfect life-puzzle. Instead, we have Ashley, who doesn‘t seem to believe anyone could really love her, crumbles under the slightest disappointment or shade of rejection, and whose insecurities take over her body, Hulk-style, when she‘s not being constantly praised or reassured by the men vying for her attention. At best, she‘s sympathetic and refreshingly realistic (who hasn‘t gone after the wrong guy and then worried he wasn‘t really that into her?), if increasingly annoying in the way she keeps going back to the one guy who treated her like complete garbage and proclaiming, "There was something there!" We want her to learn her lesson, and her own worth. We want her to be happy with herself, and then become happy with someone else! At best.  Read more »

ABC won the night in terms of viewers last night, but FOX had more to celebrate. The Bachelorette continued to slip in ratings, while Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition remained steady versus last week. FOX‘s MasterChef continued to rise, recovering from its after-premiere slump.  Read more »

This week, Ashley and her final 11 head to Chiang Mai, Thailand. Other than that, not much has changed. Ryan is still too chipper, Ames is still robotic, JP is still hot, and Ashley is still hung up on Bentley. Yep, tonight marks another chapter in Ashley‘s Bentley heartbreak. I‘d be more annoyed if I weren‘t already so numb inside from all the Not Caring Anymore. But hey ... tonight, instead of kisses, we get punches! So at least there‘s that.IT‘S THE EYE OF THE TIGER, IT‘S THE THRILL OF THE RECAP: Read more »

Here are this week‘s batch of Bachelorette deleted scenes. One of them sheds a little more light on how the inside of Ames‘ head is feeling after last night‘s nasty Thai boxing "date." The other two explain why Ashley abruptly sent Ben C. packing on the two-on-one date: Not only was their final conversation too "negative," but the dude never stops playing the piano. Shirtless! It also sounds like maybe William wasn‘t totally making up that stuff about Ben looking forward to the online dating scene back home. Can‘t Bachelorette Ashley ever catch a break? Won‘t just one of these guys give in and fall truly, madly, deeply in love with her? With dates like next week‘s Dragon Boat Races, which will pair the men up into teams of two for the day, it‘s just so impossible* to see why they‘d feel closer to each other than to Ashley.*Sarcasm. And lots of it. Now watch those clips! Read more »

First comes love, then comes marriage, now we follow it up with stars strutting around with their babies in carriages. Yesterday we quizzed you on love triangles that take place on the small screen. Today, we‘ll see how much you know about the actors and actresses who are proud parents and their celebrity babies.Taking How Much Do You Know About Celebrity Babies? will prove if you‘ve been paying attention to who gave birth to whom. With the help of hints and baby pictures, choose the celebrity mom or dad we‘re referring to.  Read more »

DING DONG: It‘s official. Phone salesman/unfunny aspiring comedian/30-year-old boy/known idiot William Holman will bring to fruition all those amazing talents this August on Bachelor Pad. [EW]Attention all freedom-loving Americans: There will be no new episode on Monday, July 4, so we can all celebrate our nation‘s birth the way the founding fathers intended. By getting drunk, eating hotdogs and blowing s*** up. We will return to ABC‘s regularly scheduled programming of The Bentley-orette the following week. [ABC Press Release]"She gets to this happy place and is almost a little arrogant and cocky because of it, but I don‘t think she thought through the effect it was going to have on the guys. It‘s like you walking up to your boyfriend and saying, "For the last couple of months I‘ve been sleeping with another guy, but the good news is I don‘t want to have sex with him anymore.": Chris Harrison just called the Bachelorette "cocky" and accused her of cheating, you guys. Basically. He also admitted that the show has disingenuous editing techniques. He‘s the host with the most (chutzpah)! [TV Guide] Read more »

You‘re reading this on BuddyTV, which means you‘re probably familiar with all the things we do on this site: bring you the latest in the world of television, from which House star is appearing on The Good Wife to who got the shocking boot on last night‘s So You Think You Can Dance. Yeah, I think you‘re quite familiar with that. So, let‘s see how much you learned this week, shall we? Read more »

On Monday‘s episode of The Bachelorette, all of Ashley‘s Bentley crying and whining will finally -- hopefully! -- come to an end, as ABC will bring back the controversial contestant who played her for a fool so they can finally turn his "dot-dot-dot" departure into a definitive period.But Bentley‘s return doesn‘t sit well with the rest of the guys, who wonder if Ashley‘s just wasting their time while she waits around for Bentley. Watch the two dramatic sneak peeks below: Read more »

From the moment I saw William Holman‘s Bachelorette intro package, in which he called himself a romantic "stepping stone" with bad luck in love (and then, to illustrate, he broke an umbrella in the rain), I knew he‘d be one of the most memorable characters of the season. Little did I know that William would turn out to be one of Ashley‘s biggest disappointments, second perhaps only to Bentley. That might sound harsh, but it‘s not really bad "luck" if it‘s your bad decisions -- like fake-marrying her, then publicly shaming her, then crying and running away from her -- that turn a girl from smitten to sickened in a matter of weeks. He didn‘t earn the nickname "Ding Dong" for nothing.ABC‘s newest Bachelor Pad contestant spoke to the media on a conference call yesterday about his disastrous roast of Ashley, why he threw Ben C. under the bus, his "Peter Pan complex" and what‘s next in his comedy career. Ha! Oh, William. Read more »

They say, "When God closes a door, he opens a window." But in the case of William Holman and Blake Julian‘s Bachelorette to Bachelor Pad transitions, I think it‘s more like "When God closes an infinity pool he reopens the same infinity pool, but this time with more hot chicks inside."Not that the Big Guy Upstairs would have anything to do with the overflowing lechery that is Bachelor Pad 2, which premieres August 8. But William and Blake (right, taking time off from his busy dentist‘s schedule) look happy and healthy enough in these cast photos that have been revealed now that we know Bachelorette Ashley sent them both packing this season. Both of them made Ashley cry, but now they‘re all smiles. Here‘s William, aka "Ding Dong" (oh, how I hope that nickname transfers over!): Read more »

Tonight on The Bachelorette: Ashley is still being that "friend" we all have whom we warned not to get involved with a douchebag, and then she got her heart broken, and now she expects endless listening and sympathy from us, like we didn‘t warn her in the first place. It makes me want to roundhouse kick an ice sculpture of her face. But, finally, tonight Ashley gets closure (even if ABC will NEVER let us have any), as Bentley arrives in Hong Kong to finally put the metaphorical "period" on their grammatically and emotionally disabled relationship. Oh, and Ashley will go on a couple dates with some scraps of chopped liver whom we know as "the other guys."Hong Kong? More like Hong DONKEY Kong! Because Bentley‘s an ass, get it? I‘m so tired of talking about this/him, you guys. Sooo tired of it. I‘m at the end of my joke-rope. Please go easy on me, and I‘ll try to go easy on you by only giving you the good stuff in the rest of this recap. (Well, I still have to mention Lucas‘s date, but BESIDES THAT, only good stuff!)THIS IS MY IMPRESSION OF ASHLEY INTRODUCING TONIGHT‘S RECAP: "I‘m sorry but, um, I just wanted to tell you how strongly I feel about how great this recap that Meghan wrote is, and now that I‘ve told you that I feel like we can finally move forward." GOOD GOD ASHLEY, IT‘S JUST A RECAP. GET IT TOGETHER! "I‘m sorry, I didn‘t mean it that way, my words come out wrong!" You‘re a mess, so I‘m taking over. RECAP STARTS NOW: Read more »

As you likely know by now, next Monday is the Fourth of July, so there will be no new Bachelorette episode. THANKS, UNCLE SAM! Which means you‘ve got almost two weeks to watch these deleted scenes from last night‘s episode. To watch them now, or wait and savor them later? That‘s your choice as a free American. (To my international readers: Hi! I love you, too. Please know that not all of us look and act like the people on this show.) When you‘re ready, here are this week‘s clips: Read more »

After weeks of slipping ratings, The Bachelorette finally regained some ground. Viewers likely tuned in to see the return of Bentley, who might actually be gone for good now! Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition saw a nice boost this week, while FOX‘s MasterChef dipped after enjoying a few weeks of ascension.  Read more »

The latest, greatest Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad batch o‘ yore, all spiced up by yours truly, all in one convenient place. Feel free to take to the comments with your thanks.Another One Bites the Bachelor Dust: As she‘ll explain when her sit-down with Bachelor host Chris Harrison airs on next Monday‘s Bachelorette episode (July 11), Emily Maynard and Brad Womack have officially called it quits. Brad says it‘s his fault. Emily says, "just because we love each other doesn‘t mean we‘re right for each other."Sad, but that‘s life, and better things will come along. As Dan Savage says, "Every relationship ends. Until the one that doesn‘t." [People]  Read more »

Happy Bachelorette Monday! Tonight, it‘s the return of Bentley (boooo!) and, if my wish gets granted, the end of Ashley talking about Bentley ever again (never gonna happen). Before we get to the dragon boat races, though, let‘s take a look around the rest of Bachelor Land. Reality Steve came out with a bounty of spoilers late last week, and over the weekend a bunch of other non-exciting but still amusing not-really-stuff sort-of-happened. Let‘s talk about it!  And then let‘s try to be anti-Ashleys (no crying, whining or over-reacting!) about it. Read more »

It‘s Friday again, which means it‘s time to look back (again!) on another crazy week of television. We learned of a blast-from-the-past twist on Big Brother this year. We had a winner on The Voice. And weird things happened on the So You Think You Can Dance stage. Oh, and yes, you‘re right, there is a challenge coming -- this week‘s What Happened on TV? quiz! Read more »

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I‘ll say this: celebrities are humans, too. They get hurt, they work hard, and they fall in love. They date around. Some of them, a lot. Difference is, they get noticed for it more than we do. And by that, I mean news reports devoted to who‘s dating who. Column inches speculating whether they‘re together or not. Hours spent in the water cooler doing all the same. So maybe what I said earlier isn‘t entirely true, after all... Read more »

No Bachelorette recap this week. But never fear, my rosy comrades. There‘s still plenty of Bachelor and Bachelorette "news" to tide us over until the next chapter of Ashley‘s magical journey down the root canal of love continues... JEFF THE MASK STATUS UPDATE: Still wearing the mask. Still doing what he wants. Still "eating the crap out of popcorn"? (Pointless video. Do not watch.)How Much Did Ashley Get Paid?: $30,000? $100,000? Maybe everyone is wrong and the answer is actually, "A lifetime supply of mid-riff bearing tops and booty shorts from Cheerleader Outfits Wholesalers USA." Also: Poor Ashley. Like she didn‘t feel cheap enough already. Read more »

If you‘re not in the mood to read all the reasons (it‘s Friday, after all), let me just answer my own question upfront: Yes. Yes, I believe that this is the worst season of The Bachelorette (or The Bachelor!) ever. And from all the comments, water cooler talk and actual conversations I‘ve seen since Ashley Hebert started her Bachelorette adventure six weeks ago, I get the strong sense that I‘m not alone. "Ashley is so annoying!" seems to be the most common complaint. Just last night, a friend who knows that I blog about the show wrote on my Facebook wall that "this Bachelorette has to be the most desperate of them all ... and that is saying something."  Read more »

... Just like every wedding, amirite?Just kidding. Weddings are supposed to be full of beauty, love and togetherness -- unless those weddings are not real, and are happening on The Bachelorette, on a group date, thus making them super-double-fake and super-triple-uncomfortable. Just the way we like ‘em!Below, check out a sneak peek of next Monday‘s one-on-three date between Ashley, Ames, JP and Lucas. Now in Taiwan, Ashley "decides" to take her trio of suitors to Taipei‘s "world famous photography district" to dress up in traditional wedding attire and take "customary Taiwanese wedding photos" with her. (Note: Unless "dating" is supposed to be presumptuous, tacky, non-fun, cruel and terrible, THAT IS NOT A DATE!)Obviously the entire "date" is a set-up to freak out the men about commitment, monogamy, eternity, ugly outfits and watching each other kiss the girl. And obviously it works. Watch Ames, JP (who gets off easy and looks hot in his tux!) and Lucas get weird about weddings (and kissing), and then watch a sensational teaser for next Monday‘s interview with Emily Maynard:  Read more »

Agreed, the point of reality TV competitions is to give the spotlight to a bunch of unknowns who are hoping to make it big in Hollywood. But they wouldn‘t really get anywhere without the guidance of professionals. We‘re dedicating this to the hosts and judges of reality television, who have given their support to dreamers all over the country. There‘s Big Brother‘s Julie Chen, the judging panel of America‘s Next Top Model, probably not Idol‘s Simon Cowell, and more.   Read more »

Bachelor host Chris Harrison recently sat down with former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and her chosen one, fiance Roberto Martinez, for a conversation on the world‘s most pressing issues, from this season of The Bachelorette starring Ashley Hebert to their own post-show wedding plans. The interview is being posted as a video series on The Bachelor‘s companion website, and the first segment, released today and available for your viewing pleasure right here, covers Ali and Roberto‘s take on the whole Bentley situation. Ali brings her unique experience to bear on Ashley‘s tough role as this year‘s rose-giver, and actually succeeds in making me feel pretty bad for declaring Ashley‘s the worst Bachelorette season ever. (Not saying I don‘t still think that; I just feel bad for saying so.) Roberto, meanwhile, plays the role of the handsome, diplomatic gentleman, to whose empathy and genuine smoothness -- as opposed to Bentley‘s disingenuous sort -- all other gentlemen should aspire. Between her spunkiness and his solid-as-a-rock-ness, I think these two crazy kids just might make it. Watch and love:  Read more »

Even though she‘s repeatedly claimed she doesn‘t want the gig -- or all this attention -- the big rumor in Bachelor Land today is that Emily Maynard, Brad Womack‘s ex-fiance and the unquestionable fan favorite of his season, will be the next Bachelorette. This is terrible news. Not because I don‘t love Emily. Quite the opposite. Because there are so many things to love about Emily -- and every one is a reason she‘d make a terrible Bachelorette:1. She‘s too nice. She wouldn‘t be able to pull the plug on her potential suitors, especially in those stressful one-on-one date scenarios, without a whole lot of hand-wringing, apology-making and sad-hugging. She‘d smile at every dumb thing the guys said, feel uncomfortable judging anyone for anything even though that would be her job, and she‘d feel guilty almost constantly. She‘s a sweet, angelic doll -- but sweet, angelic dolls don‘t make good reality TV. The "process of elimination" process just wasn‘t made for people like Emily. (Probably time to do some soul-searching if you think it was made for you.) Read more »

In just over two years, Jake Pavelka went from being a no-name, hokey commercial airline pilot to being a reality TV pond-jumper and sh*t-stirrer of the trashiest sort. But that isn‘t keeping him from talking like the transition never happened!He wouldn‘t take no for an answer on The Bachelorette, and returned to stir up drama, shed crocodile tears over a balcony and get more airtime. This display helped him land his gig as The Bachelor, a role at which he excelled, for all his cheesy charms, until an awkward (in every sense of the word) stint on Dancing with the Stars followed by an explosive breakup interview with his ex-fiance Vienna on national TV caused his precarious star to plummet, and the word "psycho" to be frequently associated with his name. At one point, he spilled the details of their (non-)sex life to a tabloid. This summer, Jake is back on two competition reality shows that are themselves competing to appeal to the lowest common denominator: Famous Food, VH1‘s vision for what the 8th circle of celebrity hell would like if they served fries there, and Bachelor Pad season 2, which will again include classy element like a kissing contest, and a game where the contestants literally throw eggs at whomever they find least attractive.We review all of this information, of course, to set the stage for how hilariously hypocritical Jake‘s comments to Zap2It were today. You see, Jake would love to be The Bachelor again (YOU DON‘T SAY) but he claims he never begged for a second chance, Womack-style, because he‘s worried that the experience would "celebrify" his relationship, and open him up to "haters." This guy just doesn‘t quit! Quoth the Pavelka:  Read more »

It‘s been two long weeks since we saw a new Bachelorette episode, but we‘ve been anything but lacking in sneak peeks, teasers and other tantalizing tidbits about tonight‘s double-the-drama episode.If you really took the week off, allow me to help you catch up before The Bachelorette this evening: We saw a sneak peek of tonight‘s wedding-themed group date; Chris Harrison accused the media of sabotaging Emily and Brad‘s love, and in return the tabloids were all like "Who?" because they‘re too busy going after Ashley‘s fresh meat; there were rumors that JP is a player but we still love him; Jake Pavelka said some silly, hypocritical stuff for attention; there were rumors that Emily will be the next Bachelorette but I think it‘s a bad idea; though maybe not as bad as this whole season has been; and Ali and Roberto defended Ashley and were super-cute about it.Wow! That‘s a lot. And now, right here, there‘s more. First, check out Chris Harrison on Good Morning America today, doing his part to bolster ratings inform the public of the truth about Emily and Brad‘s breakup, which we will learn more about in his interview with Emily, which will air at the tail-end of tonight‘s Bachelorette episode. Then, check out part two of Chris‘s interview with Ali and Roberto. Spoiler alert: They are still in love!  Read more »

Thanks to my long history of watching him on The Bachelorette, and The Bachelor, and Dancing with the Stars, and the Internet, I am fascinated by, and terrified of, Jake Pavelka. He is like a tiger in the zoo. Nice to look at, not much going on upstairs, and most of the time, he‘s tame. (And even then he‘s enthralling to watch.) But now and then, when his true nature takes hold, he‘ll snap, terrifying and sometimes destroying the lives of those around him. And if I ever saw him in person without a thick plate of glass between us, I‘d probably scream and pee myself.Thus the question of A) whether to watch Famous Food, and B) whether to document everything Jake Pavelka does on Famous Food, is a double-decker no-brainer. Everything his unpredictable brain does and says, or doesn‘t do and doesn‘t say, is of automatic interest to me. The show premiered last night, so let‘s check in with our well-meanin‘, no-thinkin‘, good-lookin‘ "Bachelor 14," as fellow contestant Vincent Pastore has taken to referring to him. As it turns out, last night Jake managed the impossible: He was the least crazy/offensive member of the cast (holy crap, Danielle Staub! That lady just never quits.) and yet his face made some of the dumbest looks/noises during the hour.  Read more »

Throughout her time on The Bachelor, Emily Maynard came across as the impossibly perfect woman: Beautiful, kind, sweet, gentle. Whereas The Bachelor is best known for its more desperate, outgoing contestants, Emily was all politeness and reservation. The only time she really ever got riled up was to protect her 5-year-old daughter, Rickey, or the memory of her late fiance, whom we were constantly being reminded died tragically the week before Emily discovered she was pregnant. Her tragic backstory only made her more appealing, to Brad and to us. "This itsy bitsy Barbie with the soul of Mother Teresa," one of her fellow contestants dubbed her.After Brad Womack proposed to Emily Maynard at the end of The Bachelor season 15, there was a distinctly different tone to this engagement than most that happen on the show. Even though they claimed to be happy, engaged and in love, the couple‘s After the Final Rose ceremony was decidedly more somber as Emily recounted how difficult it was to watch Brad kiss other women, and how she was unsure how their engagement would play out, especially given her daughter. After that -- and I can really only speak for myself here -- it seemed particularly foolish to think or expect or really even dare to hope that Brad and Emily‘s engagement would lead to a wedding. It is one of The Bachelor‘s consistent ironies that it is a special couple indeed who actually makes it down the aisle. But it‘s an even more special couple who, despite all show‘s inherent obstacles and the breakup warning signs, can still surprise us with our own sense of sadness when they officially break it off.  Read more »

After airing repeats on July Fourth, ABC aired a new episode of The Bachelorette, complete with an interview with brokenhearted former Bachelor fiance Emily Maynard. They followed this up with a brand-new Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. Both programs were slightly down, but ABC still won the night easily. On FOX, MasterChef was up slightly.Let‘s take a look at the numbers.  Read more »

Tonight: It‘s the seventh episode of the seventh season of The Bachelorette, and the date is 7/11, so it should come as no surprise that someone in tonight‘s episode got LUCKY! Someone besides you, who have this delicious, nutritious and apparently superstitious recap to devour. Who got lucky? Who got dumped? Who got jealous? Who‘s going to Hometown Dates? All that and more awaits you... MY LOVE LANTERN WISH IS FOR YOU TO READ AND ENJOY THIS RECAP: Read more »

Fans of The Bachelor have been following the relationship of Brad Womack and Emily Maynard, and recent news of their break-up broke their hearts. Chris Harrison sat down with Emily recently and discussed the details of what happened. Meanwhile, the world watched, along with several contestants of The Bachelor who took to their Twitter accounts to respond to the travesty. Most of Emily‘s castmates shared the same sad sentiment about the split. After what they‘ve all gone through together, it‘s no surprise that they sympathized with her.  Read more »

Did you notice the absence of a certain name that starts with a "B" and ends with an "entley" last night on The Bachelorette? Never have I heard a more beautiful absence in my whole life.And speaking of absence ... last night‘s episode in Taiwan was largely lacking in most of the other Bachelorette mainstays (crying, unnecessary drama, fear-based dates) except for Ashley‘s final date of the evening with "solar energy" man (that describing his occupation and his life philosophy) Ryan. After his lecture about tankless water heaters forced Ashley to cut him loose early, Ryan let loose some waterworks of his own as he wallowed in the unexpected rejection. It was one of the most dramatic exits we‘ve seen this season, because Ryan is just that sort of guy: One of high highs, and low (looooow) lows. Clearly ABC knows that his exit was the most interesting part of the episode, as all three of today‘s Bachelorette videos are all about Ryan. Watch as Mr. Sunshine gives us his three-part swan song, below: Read more »

Thanks to all your comments about how my tiny thumbnail-sized, cartoonized avatar looks like Ashley (maybe because SHE is thumbnail-sized and cartoonized IRL?) last night I had a dream that I was the Bachelorette. Actually,it was more like a nightmare. There was a tireless army of high-pitched producers attacking me at all times, curling my hair, gluing fake eyelashes to my face, forcing me into dresses in which I couldn‘t breathe and asking me, "How do you feel? HOW do you feel? How do you FEEL?" over and over and over. Strangely, it felt like the dream went on for several hours, and yet I never saw any of the men, or a hot tub, or a helicopter.In the end, my teeth fell out (that happens a lot in my dreams, but in this one it happened from being forced to smile all the time) and then Ed Helms drove me away in an escape car, and we talked about the Women‘s World Cup? I don‘t know, that part isn‘t important. It‘s a dream, and dreams make no sense! I also know that listening to other people‘s dreams is the very definition of "zzzzzzz," but the point IS: Emily Maynard announced today on Twitter (LOL, 2011) that she does NOT want to be The Bachelorette. And now I can literally say, "I don‘t blame her, that sounds like a nightmare," because it does. It sounds like a real nightmare that I had! So you go, Emily. Achieve your dreams, not your (my) nightmares. Also, I vow to go a little easier on Ashley. She is living in a Cosmo-topian Planet Terror Nightmare Hellscape, and they only paid her $30,000 to do it. If I were her, I‘d be so depressed that I‘d cry all the time and never bother putting on whole shirts, either. So thanks to all you commenters for scaring my subconscious into such a revelatory experience.Now, on to the rest of today‘s news, which I promise is 100% Bachelorette Analysis and 0% Meghan‘s Dream Analysis: Read more »

Just when I thought my expectations couldn‘t get lower.Rose/Puppet-master Mike Fleiss, the creator of The Bachelor, the show that spawned a million unlikable reality stars, has signed on to produce H8R, the CW‘s new Mario Lopez-hosted series about celebrities confronting the outspoken regular folks who hate them. Obviously, the concept for H8R is right up Fleiss‘s (dark, scary) alley. Where loathsomeness, stardom, drama and normal people intersect -- Fleiss doesn‘t just "go there" on a regular basis. He lives there. But in a press release announcing his involvement today, Fleiss says he‘s excited about helping with H8R for a different reason:"This is an exciting show for a number of reasons. But to me, what gives H8R legitimate breakout potential is that it is truly original. So much reality TV is completely derivative. Not H8R. I guess you can say I‘m a ‘h8r‘ of lame, derivative programming."  Read more »

Sometimes, opposites attract. And other times, as seems to have happened between Lucas Daniels, the 30-year-old oilfield equipment distributor from Odessa, Texas, and Ashley Hebert, the 26-year-old dental student Bachelorette, opposites enjoy each other enough to hang out for a while before eventually admitting that they aren‘t that attracted after all.But Lucas, who made his mark as the guy who proclaimed, "She‘s wasting my f***ing time!" when Ashley revealed she was still hung up on a certain He Who Shall Not Be Named, had nothing bad to say about Ashley, his time on The Bachelorette or the guys who made it into Ashley‘s final four. Even a true Southern gentleman can blow his lid under pressure, especially when he feels like he‘s been forced to play second (or more like fourth) fiddle to a jerk.Read on to find out what Lucas thinks of Ben, Ryan, Bentley (oh no, I named him after all!), why he was shocked that Ashley eliminated him, but not that shocked, and who he thinks should be the next Bachelor: Read more »

Whew -- that was one crazy week, yes? Someone broke up with someone. Someone joined CSI. Someone joined Castle. Someone sang on America‘s Got Talent. Someone returned to So You Think You Can Dance. And I have yet to talk about the Emmy nominations... Read more »

This Monday, Bachelorette Ashley ends her Asian Adventure and returns stateside for the pivotal cross-country tour of her final four‘s hometowns. Along the way, she‘ll visit fancy-pants Ames in Pennsylvania, city boy JP in Long Island and wine-country kid Ben in Sonoma, California. Read more about all the dates here.But the first stop on her tour may be the most memorable, as Ashley will go to Atlanta to visit restaurateur Constantine, whose big Greek family will fulfill Ashley‘s expectations of big Greek families in just the best way. They‘re warm, they‘re welcoming, they‘re dance-loving and money-throwing, and there‘s just about a million of them! What‘s not to love?Watch a sneak peek of Ashley‘s visit to Atlanta, and the welcome home party that Constantine‘s family throws for them. I wish I‘d gotten an invite!  Read more »

You worked hard this year, and so did your brain. Summer is the perfect time for both of you to kick back and take it easy. Thankfully, the networks take the same approach to their summer programming, filling the primetime hours with delightfully fluffy fodder, like carnival cotton candy for your mind and soul. Light, delicious, undeniably good for you. So don‘t feel embarrassed. Instead, embrace the fun, let your brain take a breather and tune in (then tune out) with these five ridiculous reality shows coming our way this summer: Read more »

Look, I‘m as excited (no, wait, that‘s the wrong word -- terrified is better) as the next gal to watch Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi reunite on Bachelor Pad season 2, both of them riding in on giant waves of self-righteousness and delusion that are destined to crash together in a glorious seastorm of fire and hate and death threats. That‘s "must-see TV," if you can keep from scratching out your eyeballs! But this news from EW is still hard to swallow:"ABC has decided that the second-season premiere of Bachelor Pad on Monday, Aug. 8 is full of too much awesome to be contained in a mere 120 minutes, so they‘re devoting three hours to the episode. "It‘s like the Schindler‘s List of the Bachelor franchise," jokes an insider of the extra-long premiere."Three hours long? Are you kidding me, ABC? That‘s longer than the final Harry Potter movie. That is ludicrous! ABC, you‘re on my list, and it‘s not the nice kind like Schindler‘s. (Also, let‘s maybe refrain from the "comparing beautiful, artistic Oscar-winning films about the Holocaust to horrifying, garbage reality TV shows about privileged do-nothings who pretend to have sex for money and attention," ABC insiders. You‘ve done enough damage already.) Read more »

Taxidermy dungeons. The Parent Trap moments. Dove funerals. Actual funerals. All these and more have happened on Bachelor(ette) hometown dates, when the dysfunction of real families meets the unreality of reality television romance. What horrors await Ashley as she visits the homes of her final four? Nothing even close, as it turns out! But we‘ll still have fun with it.HOME IS WHEREVER I‘M WITH YOU, RECAP-READERS: Read more »

We‘re getting down to the wire, lovebirds. As Bachelorette Ashley inches ever closer to picking a Forever Man, the time it takes to sift through all this Bachelorette news starts to take forever, man. But it also gets juicier than ever. Here‘s everything you need to know after last night‘s hometown tour:That Bachelor Pad 2 Promo I Mentioned In Which Jake Wishes That Vienna Would Fall Three Thousand Feet to Her Death: Jake may or may not be an expert on aviation-related murder.  Read more »

Last night, Gordon Ramsay returned to TV (er, for the second time this summer) with an all-new season of Hell‘s Kitchen. The kitchen competition is nothing if not consistent for FOX, and it premiered with a hefty 2.5 Nielsen rating for adults 18-49. Ramsay‘s other show on FOX, MasterChef, was steady versus last week. Elsewhere, The Bachelorette was hitting a season low, and Extreme Makeover: Weight-Loss Edition was inching up.Let‘s take a look at the numbers. Read more »

Bachelorette Ashley‘s favorite word to use to describe bachelor Ames Brown, the 31-year-old portfolio manager from New York City, was "unique." It‘s a mysterious, superlative term, but then again, Ames is a mysterious and often superlative guy, and one whom I absolutely adored watching (and recapping) on the show this season. Ames isn‘t just a unique guy; he‘s a unique Bachelorette contestant -- the type who manages to make great TV, and be completely likable, just by being himself. I enjoyed poking fun at Ames‘ "different"-ness, but not once did I ever find him worthy of real ridicule. Rich guys can be nice guys, too, you know.(Whether he can maintain that likability in the slimy trenches of Bachelor Pad? We‘ll have to wait until August 8 to find out.)The man who has run 39 marathons, visited to 70+ countries, picked out a favorite tree, studied Renaissance philosophy and described his entire Bachelorette experience as ‘poetic‘ spoke to the media in a conference call this morning, and remained the same guy we saw on The Bachelorette: Well-spoken, sweet and honest, even admitting that he may have thrown up after Ashley dumped him. But he had nothing but adoring things to say about the girl who broke his heart. Read on for the highlights of Ames‘ conference call:  Read more »

Now that the end of The Bachelorette is drawing near, there‘s bound to be a horrifying onslaught of speculation regarding who Ashley will choose. To save you from unnecessary wonder, or perhaps cause even more questions to arise, we give you today‘s bundle of news. Cue theme music. Read more »

Hello, Bachelorette buddies! Meghan is on a well-deserved vacation this week, so I‘m filling in with about half the wit and charm (but all of the enthusiasm!) as Ashley chooses to forego her individual room night after night in Fiji. A little bit about me, I took the Which Bachelorette Are You quiz and I‘m totally a Jillian! Did I manipulate my answers to make it that way? MAYBE!This is a crucial week, when three become four again, then three, then two. Also, the contestants are pretty much contractually obligated to tell the Bachelorette that they are "falling in love" with her. The phrasing is crucial, because you aren‘t allowed to admit that you have FALLEN until the final week.  Read more »

Bachelor Pad splashes back on to ABC on August 8. Each week we‘re taking a closer look at three of the former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars crazy enough to subject themselves to this silly battle of the sexes. This week, we take a look at the crazy girls who will go back to the Bachelor mansion for a shot at $250,000 ... and maybe love.  Read more »

I wish I could say that another week has finished, but it‘s been quite crazy here at BuddyTV HQ over the past few days -- thank you, Comic-Con -- that it‘s safe to say we‘re still in a bit of a hangover. And yet there are more things around the corner: Lady Gaga was on SYTYCD, Rachel continues her onslaught on Big Brother, and Ashley was a step closer to finding (really?) her true love on The Bachelorette. Read more »

Whether you adore his optimism (like Ashley) or find his bubbly personality hard to swallow (like Ashley‘s other guys), I think we can all agree on one thing when it comes to Ryan Park: His [ill-advised/uber-romantic] return to ask for another shot with Ashley was the most entertaining part of this week‘s Bachelorette episode. As Carla [perfectly/hilariously] put it, Ryan‘s "blind ambition was the star" of hour(s).And, after reading this media conference call with thhe man called "Mr. Sunshine," we can all (maybe?) agree on something else, even if Ryan himself sounds less than sure: This peppy, imperturbable solar power entrepreneur is setting himself up pretty solidly to be the next Bachelor. Read on for the best bits from Ryan‘s conference call, including how and why he popped up in Fiji, his current dating status and the mountain-moving powers of Chris Harrison: Read more »

I‘m back! Well rested from a week of vacation (special thanks again to Carla for recapping this week‘s episode so hilariously!) and just in time for one final Friday push of pre-finale Bachelorette news, rumors, spoilers and sneak peeks. Whether you‘ve taken a break from your Bachelorette reading this week or been watching like an eagle-eyed falcon for all the latest updates, this roundup‘s got something for you. So catch up, brush up and laugh it up before Ashley pushes one of her final guys down on bended knee and begins her "happily forever after" in that furry, feathery flurry of a dress:  Read more »

Much like a night out of heavy drinking, Ashley Hebert‘s Bachelorette journey has been at turns exciting, exhausting, nauseating and sleep-inducing. And tonight, the journey comes to an end, as Ashley must choose between wine-maker Ben Flajnik or cutie "Cupcake" JP Rosenbaum after the men meet her family (which doesn‘t go very well for JP) and go on their "Last Chance Dates" in exotic Fiji. The wine AND the whine will be flowing heavily this evening, so what better way to celebrate than with our final drinking game of the season? Here‘s everything you need (minus the alcohol itself) to enjoy tonight‘s Bachelorette finale as it was intended to be enjoyed: With an ample dosage of artificial euphoria. Read more »

I‘ve never been big on "reunion" episodes. Call me callous, but I just don‘t care enough about reality contestants‘ needs for "closure" and desires to "air it all out!" after the good parts (the actual show parts) have been filmed, cut and aired. By the time the end-of-season reunion happens, I‘ve already moved on, from everything, pretty much the exact second after any of it happened, and the "WHO CARES" factor is just too high.Still, there‘s a special place in my heart for the Bachelor/Bachelorette "Men/Women Tell All" episodes. For one, they have the audacity to continue to promise that not some, or a little, or "it," but ALL will be told. That is at least 89% more telling than ever actually happens! Also, they just try SO hard. Two entire hours‘ worth of trying, of squeezing one last drop of drama out of the decaying storylines of the season -- that‘s more hours than I would care to stay at my own high school reunion, and that‘s impressive. It must be Chris Harrison‘s adept ad-libbing and unbeatable banter skills. Unfortunately, tonight‘s MTA lacked the big, uncomfortable fights and crying fits that have made past specials so dramatic/hilarious.Here are the highlights and my thoughts on tonight‘s Men Tell All special. And since writing about this show sometimes makes me feel like I‘d get more out of life if I was watching Sesame Street instead, this recap is brought to you by the letter ‘B‘: Read more »

The men have told all, the final rose has been ceremonially given, and somebody put a ring on Ashley Hebert! Now, all the key players are back to talk about what we just saw, and what the future holds. If you haven‘t watched tonight‘s bittersweet (emphasis on BITTER) Bachelorette finale, be warned: Spoilers on the conclusion are ahead. So just go watch the episode, read the recap, and then rejoin us here to talk about whether THIS couple is "forever-forever," or just Bachelor "forever."  Read more »

It‘s finally here! The end of the most painful season of The Bachelor(ette) EVER has finally, eventually, mercifully arrived. I‘d feel slightly more relieved if this three-hour conclusion weren‘t to be immediately followed next Monday by the three-hour beginning of Bachelor Pad 2: Attack of the Clones, but let‘s cross that broken down, haunted, collogen-filled bridge when we get to it. If you haven‘t watched tonight‘s finale episode yet, make sure to play the drinking game while you do. If you have watched the episode, watch it again while playing the drinking game! Because when we pay homage to a TV show that turns love into a game by turning drinking into a game, everyone‘s a winner.And now, to the matrimonial matter at hand: Which dude will Ashley (maybe) marry, which dude did she dump on national TV, why is her sister such a stone-cold human coloring book, and how do I, the most IMPORTANT person in this web of love and hate and garbage, feel about all of this? Let‘s find out!AND I CAN‘T FIGHT THIS RECAP ANYMOOOORE, I‘VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I STARTED WRITING FOOOOR...  Read more »

Last night, America watched as the latest Bachelorette season, widely criticized as being fairly down overall, ended on a high note, and it was a relief -- not just that the season was over, but that this couple, despite all the hurdles (none more obnoxious than the man now known as Bad News Bentley), actually seems ridiculously happy and very much in love. Especially compared to last season‘s frigid (and since broken up) pair, Brad Womack and Emily Maynard, Ashley and J.P. are the very picture of newly engaged bliss. Even the evening‘s big scandal -- that Ashley‘s sister did not initially approve of J.P., thinking her sister might be "too much" for him -- is "ancient history," says J.P., who spoke with the media today along with his bride-to-be, in a conference call full of giggles, "babes" and at least one break for a mid-sentence smooch. It‘s easy to be cynical about the future of Bachelor couples, but these two couldn‘t be more confident that they‘ll be among the few who beat the odds. Read more »

There comes a time in every Bachelorette finale when things stop being reality TV and start getting real. And that time usually occurs around when the final men meet the father of their potential fiancee and must ask that awkward question, made even more awkward by the facts that they barely know his daughter, just met him, and are surrounded by a bunch of cameras: "Do I have your permission to propose?" Last night‘s Bachelorette finale was so dominated by the Wrath of Chrystie that we missed both of these awkward, special moments for J.P. and Ben, but that‘s what the Internet is for! So if you‘re ready for a break from basking in the glow of the happy couple, let‘s rewind a bit and compare the boys‘ conversations with Dad when they both still thought they‘d end up Ashley‘s chosen one:  Read more »

...He gets a quiz all to himself. See, Ashley Hebert already has him all to herself - lucky lady - and that‘s hardly fair. That‘s why we‘re giving you more (more! more!) of this sometimes jealous but mostly sweet ol‘ cupcake J.P. Rosenbaum.   Read more »

Their breakup interview is arguably the most infamous, the most uncomfortable and the most entertaining moment in Bachelor history -- so really, it was just a matter of time and opportunity before ABC convinced Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi to reunite and reignite their glorious, glorious hatred for one another on national television. That time has come. That time is this Monday. And that opportunity is Bachelor Pad 2. As the only former Bachelor or Bachelorette in the cast, Jake already had a lot to prove when he stepped into the mansion again. Add to that the fact that his ex-fiancee was in the house (along with at least one other woman he dumped on TV) and that she had been spreading vicious rumors about him -- or so he says -- and it‘s not hard to see why Jake says his reception within the house on Monday‘s Bachelor Pad premiere is "cold." Or to see why he would want to combat those rumors head-on.Still, I find it difficult to believe, as he says in this interview with the media in promotion of Bachelor Pad, that Jake‘s #1 goal in joining the show was to get closure with his ex. He claims she wouldn‘t speak to him otherwise, so he had no choice but to attempt a reconciliation on a gameshow -- a gameshow whose premise demands, as Jake puts it, "manipulation and backstabbing," not apologies and hugs. Instead, there‘s someone else, someone much more important to Jake, with whom he seems to be trying to make amends here: us.  Read more »

Another crazy week has gone past this flat-screen in front of me. (Of all of us, really.) Ashley got tired of the him-or-him? question and settled for a cupcake. The guidos decided to trace their roots and ended up doing more of the same. And we‘re a little (emphasis on little) closer to how Ashton Kutcher will end up with Charlie Sheen‘s shoes on Two and a Half Men. Read more »

Last season, Bachelor Pad began with a children‘s game. But it took almost no time at all for those original Bachelor cast-off contestants to turn an innocent game of Twister into a dirty leer and grope-fest. It was disturbing, yet unsurprising -- inevitable, even. But it was still extra-gross, watching a playtime favorite of our youth turned into a veritable orgy appetizer.Even though I‘m looking forward to watching and documenting this season about as much as I‘d like to be trapped on a desert island with Jake Pavelka, I‘ve got to hand it to Bachelor Pad on one thing: This time around, the producers have done away with any pretense that this show is about anything but sex. Well, sex and lies (mostly regarding sex), and money (which you attempt to win through sexual manipulation), and crying (because the person you want to have sex with wants to have sex with someone else). That kind of honesty is refreshing, if still mostly horrifying. The August 8 Bachelor Pad premiere may be three hours long, but the episode will waste no time putting us all -- contestants and viewers alike -- in uncomfortable positions, thanks to the first challenge, which they‘re calling "The Hookup." The rules are easy: Hang in mid-air with your opposite-sex partner as long as possible. It‘s the set-up that makes it gross: Hang in the missionary position, and hang that way over a bed. That way, your grunts of discomfort and facial expressions of pain will sound and look EXTRA disgusting. Speaking of disgusting: Of course the challenge becomes the first of many stand-offs between Jake and Vienna. Watch the clip, and mentally prepare yourself for three hours of this next Monday: Read more »

Hah, TV people. Sometimes you‘re good friends, but other times you‘re busy arguing. Or conniving against each other. But unless you‘re a diabolical maniac or a non-human creature (or Santana Lopez), you never end up hurting each other.Not that I condone violence or anything. You know my point, right? Read more »

It‘s here, whether you wanted it or not: another season of Bachelor Pad. And this time around, the Bachelor‘s monstrous bastard child is bigger, crazier, meaner, more dramatic and full of 800% more crying than last season. Can you handle it? Can you handle the heat of actual Hell radiating through your television? I hope so, because it‘s my blessing, my curse, my job, my gift and my cross to bear that I must recap this shiny, shirtless web of sickness and sorrow for your entertainment -- and even I have to admit, as much as I hate to love to love-hate it, there‘s a lot of entertainment here. It‘s a veritable "who‘s who" of top-tier Bachelor drama. Jake and Vienna: Reunited! Michael and Holly: They Used to Be Engaged, But Now They Are Not! Rated R: Hate That Guy! Michelle Money: The Witch Is Back! They‘re all back, they‘ve all got nothing to lose, and they‘re all competing for $250,000. Game, and shame, on.We‘ve got three whole hours to cover (that‘s the longest prime time premiere EVER, you guys) so buckle up, grab your barf bag, and let‘s jump in. Read more »

There‘s no need to be ashamed. Sometimes, too much of a bad thing just isn‘t enough, I know. You watched the three-hour premiere, you read the (hilarious, impressive, novel-sized) recap, but still, so many of your burning Bachelor Pad questions remain, such as:Where is the first place Rated R went after he got eliminated? What did Princess Erica, the sleeper star of this season (because she always looks like she‘s about to pass out), think of the premiere? And what does Chris Harrison think about hosting the longest, trashiest show on TV? The answers, and more Bachelor Pad bits to satiate your bottomless appetite, below: Read more »

Last night‘s Bachelor Pad premiere was a real punisher. Not only was it an unbelievable three hours long, but every single minute was full of over-the-top drama: Broken engagements, psychotic exes, crying fits, bickering couples and despicable mindgames weren‘t the turning points of the episode, they were pretty much the only points. What brief breaks we got from the drama were filled up by an opposite-sex straddle-challenge and a young girl expressing her undying devotion to the show‘s most unstable contestant. So there are lots of reasons you might want to check out the infographic below, which I‘m calling the Bachelor Pad Drama Map. Maybe you just couldn‘t get through the entire three hours. (No one could blame you!) Maybe you couldn‘t keep track of who hates whom, who used to be engaged to whom, who has a crush on whom and who would like to crush whom. (Can‘t blame you there, either!) Or maybe you just want hard evidence that this is the most twisted web of messed up relationships ever to be assembled in one reality show cast. (Real Housewives fans might try to fight you on that one, but you‘d still be right, I think!)YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »

Somehow, ratings shoot up when guys expose their barreled chests on screen. That‘s not the reason behind today‘s quiz choice though (although if that helps, why not). It‘s simply because the timing is right for the White Collar and Covert Affairs finales. And well, we know how big of a role six-packs play in those shows.  Read more »

Earlier this week, the Rumor Mill was churning overtime as news of an unlikely but adorable couple emerged: Jennifer Love Hewitt and Bachelorette runner-up Ben Flajnik. Today, at least according to Ben, we‘ve learn the story was nothing more than that: a rumor.Last we saw him, Ben was still healing after his rejected proposal to Ashley Hebert by considering a gig as the next Bachelor. But news from the Mill said J-Love swooped in as soon as she saw that Ben was on the market. Here‘s how the connection was made, according to US Weekly: ""Omg! Ben f except my final rose!!! Gotta book a flight to Sonoma !!!:):)" Hewitt Tweeted August 2. And when the pair cozied up at San Francisco‘s Lion‘s Pub four days later, the actress was similarly smitten. Though Flajnik initially stopped by the bar with San Francisco Giants player Cody Ross, he made a beeline for Hewitt after spotting her from across the room."So was it a date or not? Earlier this week, a local San Francisco designer posted on her blog about spotting Ben and Jen getting friendly together at the restaurant, but her post has since been taken down. US Weekly‘s own "eyewitness" said, "It seemed like a first date, but he wasn‘t overly affectionate." And Jennifer‘s own Twitter post the next morning hinted that she‘d had a great night: "Morning lovelys! I got lost in the most amazing sat! Just when you think u can‘t be surprised.... You are and it‘s awesome!" Read more »

He came, we saw ... and he didn‘t quite conquer. Not even close, actually. But even though he didn‘t win the $250,000, during those three hours during the Bachelor Pad season 2 premiere, when we weren‘t rolling our eyes at the Jake/Vienna saga, Justin "Rated R" Rego was entertaining us with his over-the-top, almost cartoonish villainy. And, according to Justin, who spoke with the media the morning after his embarrassing elimination aired (watch it again!), that was his plan and hope all along: To entertain us. Of course, you should probably take that, and everything else "Rated R" said in this interview, with a hefty (boulder-sized?) grain of salt. A hefty, entertaining grain of salt.Highlights from the ABC conference call with Bachelor Pad‘s first eliminated guy, Justin "Rated R" Rego:   Read more »

Welcome to August, or as I‘d like to call it, that awkward moment between summer and fall. It‘s that time of the year when summer shows wrap up (in this week‘s case, So You Think You Can Dance and White Collar), not-so-summer shows start up (Bachelor Pad), and others just go on as usual (Big Brother and True Blood). In other words, it‘s been a busy week. But you knew I‘d say that, yes? Read more »

After watching all the (emotional) ugliness of last week‘s Bachelor Pad premiere, I wouldn‘t blame you if you wanted to throw an egg or two at some of this season‘s more obnoxious Pad residents, especially a certain pair of insufferable ex-lovebirds whose crocodile tears took up a lot of the episode. (Their names rhyme with Snake and Sienna.) If they don‘t deserve a couple eggs thrown at them, then who does?Well ... nobody, as it turns out. At least that‘s the conclusion I came to after watching this preview for tonight‘s episode of Bachelor Pad, which gave me such a bad case of the heart heeby-jeebies that I had to cover my eyes like it was a horror movie. In a call-back to last season‘s disastrous quiz challenge, which asked all the Padders to answer questions about each other like, "Who‘s the least attractive?", tonight‘s challenge raises the stakes and the risk of trauma, as the contestants must line up half-naked, blind-folded and with bull‘s eyes painted on their backs so the members of the opposite sex can throw paint-filled eggs at their answers. It‘s hard to watch. It‘s hurtful in more ways than one. And yet it‘s par for the Bachelor Pad course, really. Watch the punishments keep on coming in this preview:  Read more »

No, ABC confirms tonight, it wasn‘t a bad three-hour dream you had last Monday: Bachelor Pad season 2 is real, and really THAT trashy. In fact, the drama and games are just getting more extreme as we go.  Tonight: Words aren‘t the only thing stabbing our scantily clad contestants in their backs. (No, actual knives aren‘t involved either. Hope you‘re not TOO disappointed.) First, a cruel quiz challenge has them literally throwing eggs at the people they think are ugliest, inside and out. Then two dates, two formerly engaged couples, a hundred million hushed conversations and a seemingly infinite amount of tears lead to two SHOCKING voluntary eliminations -- and one expected, non-voluntary one. Also: GHOSTS. (Kind of but not really. I wish.) Read more »

As you can see, as the show goes on and the monsters are given the time they need to really spread their (scaly, spiky) wings and lay their eggs of evil in the Bachelor Pad, our map of their dalliances and disagreements gets more complex and elaborate. ...Complexly FUN and elaborately AWESOME, that is!As you can also see, a few new additions have been made to this week‘s map to reflect new PADevelopments: Suitcases indicate contestants who were intelligent enough to opt out of the mental abuse cycle before reaching insanity; roses indicate those who won roses, whether by winning a competition or seducing a competition winner on a date; and our most exciting addition is the brand new "D-Bag of the Week!" award, which goes to the ... well, it goes to the person (male or female, d-baggery doesn‘t discriminate!) who went above and beyond the call of douchiness this week. Extra points are awarded for creativity, surprise and the use of sexual manipulation in the awarding of this high honor.Watching this week‘s episode and reading this week‘s recap before viewing this map is recommended by 4 of 5 medical professionals. (Dr. Blake is probably the one dissenter, but don‘t listen to him. He‘s a Douchie Howser, MD. OOPS! Now I‘m giving things away...) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »

Bad news, Bachelor Pad-watching romantics, if the show hasn‘t beaten that spirit out of you already: Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon, who left together and in love on last night‘s episode, are no longer together. "It was wonderful while it lasted," though it lasted only a couple weeks, said Ames today in their post-show conference call, adding that he does not regret leaving the show with Jackie, who was eliminated. As Bachelor fans, of course we‘re used to things not working out, but still! It seemed like those two were smitten enough to last for at least a couple months, not weeks!And we weren‘t the only ones saddened to learn directly from the source that the Pad‘s cutest lovebirds called it quits shortly after declaring in their exit interview that they‘d "won" the show by finding love. Gia Allemand, who chose to exit the show after she became fed up with the betrayals and mindgames, was also on the call, and the breakup came as shocking news to her, too: "You two just, like, told me there‘s no Santa Claus! If it was wonderful while it lasted, what the heck?" she demanded of her former castmates, adding, "There‘s no reason for you not to be together!"Jackie and Ames went on to discuss other Bachelor Pad elements than their breakup -- though they talked a lot about that, too -- and Gia had lots to say about this season‘s drama, including what she thinks of the people who made her life hardest in the Pad: Graham Bunn, Jake Pavelka, Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »

Here‘s everything you need to know to stay in the know about ABC‘s summer reality smash about a bunch of people who don‘t know what they‘re doing. It‘s this week‘s Bachelor Pad roundup!DELETED SCENE: "We like you, and we‘re in the same boat as you ... the Love Boat!" Oh, Ames. Sweet, sensitive, naive (Wall Street banker?!) Ames. Trusting Kasey and Vienna was your first and only move, and your first and last mistake. But at least you accomplished something before you left.  Read more »

To our continued disappointment, anxiety and horror, we don‘t yet know who will be the next Bachelor. And if you believe what the network‘s mouthpieces say, neither does ABC. But we do know a couple things about the man who would be king of sex mountain based on historical trends and just plain common sense (both of which, funnily enough, one would need to ignore altogether in order to convince oneself that becoming the next Bachelor is a good idea):- He will be a contestant from Ashley Hebert‘s season of The Bachelorette.- He will have appeared in at least one of the final three episodes of that season.- He will need to possess if not a majority, at least a fair sampling of the following traits: Handsomeness, business and/or financial success, positive attitude, charm, 6-pack abs, the ability to talk about his feelings ad nauseum and ad infinitum, photogenicity, and (this last one is not to be discounted or underestimated!) willingness. Willingness to date lots of women; to broadcast his polyamorous exploits in the public domain; to do and say anything that ABC wants him to do/say about said exploits; and so forth.Now, before you go hole-poking, I can already poke my own hole in that set of criteria, as one particularly devastating rumor says that Jake Pavelka might be asked to hand out thorn-sticks (if he‘s at the business end of it, I wouldn‘t call it a "rose") again next season. That seems worse than a last resort. And Reality Steve is saying that Michael Stagliano is an option, though a long-shot for the slot. But let‘s do what ABC is probably doing right now, and weigh the pros and cons of their three best options who (mostly) fit the criteria I just laid out: Ben Flajnik, Ames Brown and Ryan Park.  Read more »

In light of Real Housewives husband Russell Armstrong‘s suicide, on Wednesday Dr. Drew turned his attention to the dangers of being a reality show participant, and asked former Housewives star Jeana Keough and former Bachelor/current Bachelor Pad villainess Vienna Girardi to give their takes on the unreal risks that come with reality stardom.Normally, I‘d be the first to laugh or roll my eyes at what Vienna says in this interview: Essentially that her contract with ABC was as lengthy as it was exploitative, that she didn‘t realize what she was "putting [herself] into," and that, through editing, she was portrayed to be evil when she "never did or said anything mean."But it just so happens that I came to watch this interview immediately after reading this terrific piece by Slate TV critic Matt Zoller Steiz, tellingly titled "Reality TV: A blood sport that must change," which both corroborates and better articulates much of what Vienna says about how she was manipulated before and after filming. It‘s a fascinating read with lots for any reality TV fan to ponder -- and after reading it, even considering my ample and well-documented distaste for all things Vienna, I found myself sympathizing with, if not the specific details, the general sentiment of her story.I recommend you click that link above and read Zoller Steiz‘s entire piece first, then watch this brief clip from Dr. Drew, and THEN join me below the jump for some thoughts on how these pieces fit together so eerily: Read more »

Last week, Ames and Jackie left, the only two human beings to ever escape the Bachelor Pad happily, with dignity and completely in love. Then the next day, we learned that he surprise-dumped her a couple weeks later with little or no explanation. Aaaaames! How could you?!Maybe I‘m being crazy, but it‘s almost like these people don‘t actually care about each other as much as they say they do when they‘re on TV, you know? Now that we‘ve had our one slim shred of hope on this show stomped into the ground, let‘s catch up with the horror beings who are still left in the game:  Read more »

In the timeless words of Bret Michaels, "every rose has its thorn." Or, iIn the case of Bachelor Pad, it‘s more like "every mountain of thorns has its lone rose petal hidden inside like the proverbial needle in a haystack."And what is that lone rose petal in the pile of thorns that is Bachelor Pad, you ask? Why, it‘s our weekly Drama Map, of course! When we get to look at all the complex "human" drama of the week and distill it down to its most basic ingredients: Love, hate, lust, stupidity, and even loneliness. (William knows what I‘m talking about with that last one.) YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »

Last night‘s Bachelor Pad had a quick moment of mistaken identity at the end and, thinking it was Lost, cut the episode short right after the  resident lightening rod Jake Pavelka (whose speedo revealed more than we wanted to know about his rod) was eliminated after his attempted coup to overthrow "power couple" Kasey and Vienna failed.And we didn‘t even get to see his reaction! Presumably, that‘s so ABC can milk the whole house‘s sadness (Erica), jubilation (Vienna) and smug satisfaction (Kasey) about Jake‘s expulsion when Bachelor Pad returns next Monday. That‘s my second theory, anyway.But today, we CAN see Jake‘s reaction to getting the Bachelor Pad boot, plus his final thoughts on Vienna and all the great friends he made (one or more of whom just stabbed him in the back). PLUS: Two more gems from the deleted scene archive. First, watch two adorable couples (Michelle and Graham, and Kasey and Blake) embrace the sexiness of grape-stomping on their date, and then check out a montage of all the housemates mocking Kasey‘s terrible singing voice. It‘s like Christmas in August! If you usually get gifts that you only kind of wanted and only enjoy for two minutes for Christmas. Read more »

Sorry, BuddyTV voters: You‘ve been overruled, according to spoiler king Reality Steve, who reports that Ben Flajnik IS, for sure and for certain, ABC‘s 16th Bachelor.How does Steve know? First he heard from "very good sources" that "Ben was already going around telling friends he was the next Bachelor and that he‘d be taking off work for a while come September." Plus, Ben flat-out denied a fling with Jennifer Love Hewitt. What single man in America would do that, if he weren‘t already in a committed relationship (with a TV show)?Then -- and this is when Steve says he knew for sure -- earlier this week, his sources witnessed Ben engaging in some suspicious on-camera activity in San Francisco. From Steve‘s blog post yesterday: Read more »

Here are your latest Bachelor Pad updates, links and other odd bits:"Vienna is a bit of a sadist." The relationship expert in this Good Morning America piece about Bachelor Pad is a bit of a bitch... and I LOVE IT. (Wait for the end of the video for an "exclusive" clip of Michael watching Blake kiss Holly in next week‘s episode. Sadism all around!)Did you hear? Ben is going to be the next Bachelor. But please, hold off on organizing any sort of parade until the news gets a Dancing with the Stars announcement, which is ABC‘s version of an official seal of authenticity.  Read more »

UPDATED: Read on for all the latest recaps, photos and more about season 2 of Bachelor Pad.The redheaded stepchild of the Bachelor franchise, Bachelor Pad, is back on ABC! Here‘s everything you need to know about which former Bachelor and Bachelorette stars have returned to the mansion for more skin-grabbing, money-grubbing action.  Read more »

FINALLY, we find out how everyone, including the Pavelka, reacted to Jake‘s "shocking" elimination. Did Jake let his Dark Passenger take over and turn the Bachelor Pad into Murder Mansion?Unfortunately not. Instead, Jake tries to go out with dignity, and does, kind of (depending on whether you think he‘s a creepy weirdo or not). He looks at the group and says "We had a chance to do something really big and really special, but it didn‘t happen." I don‘t know if I‘d call anything that happens on Bachelor Pad "big" or "special," but point taken, Jake: they SHOULD have taken out the power couple when they had the chance. We‘ve known this forever. But that doesn‘t mean you should have stayed or won, either. Jake ends his little speech with the ultimate revenge: Kindness. "Kasey, amazing meeting you. Vienna, my apologies. My heart, forgiven." Syntax issues aside, a classy(ish?) way to go.  Read more »

In this week‘s Bachelor Pad Drama Map, I struggled with how to visually do justice to just how comprehensive, terrifying and yet somehow classic Melissa‘s meltdown really was. Remember last season on The Bachelor when she got in that massive fight with the Manscaper, flipped out to anyone who would listen and then, in the middle of crying to Brad Womack, kept talking about her pizza breath? The whole reason she said she came on Bachelor Pad was to repair the damage that she did with that freak-out. And then, last night, she did it all again -- just let loose a tornado of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk, physically and emotionally imposed upon everyone until they felt their lives might be in danger, and then was somehow horrified to learn that no one wanted to be around that. Like I said: Classic Melissa. In the end, I opted for a more traditional and easier image than the other ones I considered. (Which were: a gun that shoots knives; a two-headed Tanya Harding/Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction monster; a tornado made of tear-duct explosions and crazy talk and feelings.) And there‘s your weekly look into my fascinating creative process for these silly maps. ENJOY!YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA:  Read more »

Here‘s this week‘s batch of Bachelor Pad news, views, rumors and tumors. (Tumors? What tumors? Well, William was sort of a tumor on Bachelor Pad, if you think about it. Unsightly. Benign. Removable.) Anyway. Here we go:Vienna and Kasey moved in together and say they‘re going to get married. No, I don‘t care! Do you care? You don‘t? Then why are we still talking about this??? [US; Access Hollywood]Natalie Getz thinks the Bachelor Pad season 2 cast was a bunch of sissies about the kissing contest. She thinks it‘s not THAT gross, even though ABC forced her to "re-kiss" everyone and she literally contracted an illness because of that. Logic! [RumorFix]This comparison between Kasey and that other deluded guy with an obnoxious girlfriend on Big Brother is funny. Kasey‘s still worse. [Vulture]One rumor says that Jake only did Bachelor Pad if he was guaranteed to be in four episodes, and that‘s why they Lost-cliffhanger‘d his elimination and showed his goodbye speech in week 4. Rumors! Sometimes they‘re so boring you forget what you were even talking about in the middle of the rumor. [Reality Steve] Read more »

Here‘s an existential question for all aspiring reality TV stars: Is it better to get a whole lot of airtime and come off as completely insane, or get almost no airtime, but in those brief moments come off as likable and normal?Those aspiring for fame (or rather, infamy) would probably choose the first one, though I doubt anybody, no matter their aspirations, would want to be remembered for having a complete meltdown the way Melissa Schrieber did on Bachelor Pad. Then again, I‘m not sure anyone will remember that William Holman was even on Bachelor Pad. (Save those of us who remember him fondly for botching that Bachelorette comedy roast so badly, and enjoyed playing our own Waldo spinoff, "Where‘s William?" during Bachelor Pad.) Personally, I‘d rather be in William‘s position. Which one would YOU choose?In their post-show chat with the media, Melissa and William had their own thoughts about being perceived as crazy versus not being perceived at all, among other Bachelor Pad-related issues. Read on for highlights from their conference call: Read more »

Welcome to a special edition of the Bachelor Pad recap. It‘s special because it‘s late, and picture-less, and Labor Day, so we‘re all just going to be cool about those first two things. Right guys? Let‘s all be non-Viennas about how late and picture-less this recap is. Be cool.So the episode begins with Blake‘s post-Melissa elimination victory dance. Then Chris Harrison tells the group that from here on out, they need to latch on to a member of the opposite sex and never let go. From here on out, the game is COUPLES ONLY! "You might want to get to know them," Chris says as a deliberate hint. Because this show is like The Bachelor in that the goal is to pretend you‘re a solid couple until one day you are. It‘s a terrible system, but sometimes it works. And now they‘re going to put that jello-like couple-solidity to the TEST! Erica and Blake, the most unstable and most hated members of the house, team up together because it‘s each of their last resort, which really bodes well for everyone.  Read more »

Yo Bachelor-heads! I hope you all had a lovely, sunny, warm, delightful Labor Day weekend. Whether you‘re the type who took the chance to turn off the tube and go outside, or you chose to take it easy and get some quality time with your TV, I think you‘ll find something in this Bachelor roundup that tickles your rose-fancy, starting with ABC‘s big announcement today...Ben Flajnik is officially the next Bachelor. He‘ll make his first public appearance under that new title on next Monday‘s Bachelor Pad 2 finale, but ABC made the choice official today with a press release, which says, in part: "A rare, modern Renaissance man, Ben dabbles in a lot of hobbies and crafts, such as crab fishing, sailing, golf, skate boarding, surfing, playing piano, and singing in a tribute band. He is also quite handy with a hammer and saw, and loves fixing and building things, as well as landscaping. The woman who will share his life will also have to share one of his other great loves: his Jack Russell Terrier, Scotch." A rare, modern Renaissance man, ladies! Please try not to fall on top of each other when you swoon-faint all over the place.Don‘t forget to read last night‘s Bachelor Pad recap! Certain smart and highly influential internet commenters have been known to say the BP recap is often better than the real thing. Not a very high bar to clear, if we‘re being honest, but still.   Read more »

As this second season of Bachelor Pad crawls to a close, we begin to get a clearer sense of what the remaining contestants would be like if they were actual locations on an actual map. Holly would be a wind turbine: Tall, thin, easily swayed. Erica would be a building with a Medieval Times, 24-hour pharmacy and plastic surgery offices in it. Michael would be a cute little park with a pit of quicksand in the middle: Fun, fun, fun until all of a sudden, LOOK OUT. Kasey and Vienna would be a couple of strip malls, I guess. OK in small doses, but cheap and ugly and if you spend too much time there, you clearly have problems. Blake would be the garbage dump. Et cetera. But our Bachelor Padders are not places. They‘re people. In the most technical sense, anyway. So let‘s check out this latest map of their EMOTIONS, shall we?YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK‘S PAD DRAMA: Read more »

Before the second season of Bachelor Pad began, Reality Steve posted an episode-by-episode spoiler set including what the challenges were, who won the challenges, who got what roses and a general overview of all the drama that would come to pass. I didn‘t copy and paste all of that information because: A) If you‘ve been coming here long enough, you know where to go for those kind of spoilers, right? Right? Yes, you do. And, B) Those kinds of spoilers are not really the reasons that I (and, I hope, if you‘re here, you) hate-love watching and writing about Bachelor Pad. Can you spoil Vienna‘s eyes crossing whenever she brags about herself? Can you spoil Erica‘s sparkly see-through Britney Spears dress? Can you spoil the bone-shriveling sound of Jake Pavelka‘s "friendly" laugh? No, you cannot.And so, while vaguely what you might call "not that boring," the spoilers just don‘t give us a full look at the horrific display that is Bachelor Pad. They‘re like a paint-by-numbers version of an intricate, detailed painting that a serial killer did during a fit. You‘ll get a solid gist, but you‘ll miss all the most captivating blood spatters! Anyway. What Steve left out of that original batch of Bachelor Pad spoilers were details about the upcoming Monday finale, because it hadn‘t been filmed yet. Well, the first part -- the part where they have to learn a Cirque du Soleil routine in 24 hours because WHY NOT -- had, but the part where two teams of people who did absolutely nothing to earn $250,000 argue about why they deserve $250,000 and one couple wins $250,000 because WHY NOT IT‘S JUST A RECESSION had not yet been filmed.But now the finale has been filmed, and Reality Steve‘s inside eyes and ears and hearts have spilled what they know about what we‘ll see during the reunion/voting/prize-awarding portion of next Monday night‘s Bachelor Pad finale. So let‘s look at them! I‘m sure the asinine soundbites and plastic faces will make these stories even crazier when we watch them play out, but as far as a solid gist goes, this is a great one. Some of this stuff is pretty juicy! Thanks, Steve! As if it wasn‘t clear already, do not keep reading if you don‘t want to be spoiled:  Read more »

10. "But looking back, I don‘t know who I could‘ve been partners with. I mean, people that went home the first night, like Justin or something, could‘ve been a really good partner."Yes, the cheating, egomaniacal former professional wrestler and aspiring cartoon villian would have been a great partner.9. "I never lost my emotions in the game and got overemotional and that‘s just not who I am as a person. So it‘s hard for me to anticipate the actions of people that think with their emotions."  "Think with their emotions." Read more »

Only three more days until the big Bachelor Pad finale! But who can wait that long? Not me, which means not nobody, not no-how. So make sure to grab yourself some Wait Mate for the weekend, but not before reading this latest INSANE batch of Bachelor news bits. Seriously. This franchise is spinning out of control, and ever closer to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.Jake Pavelka is going to get hated on by his #1 hater in the CW‘s H8R premiere. Which is SO WEIRD because I don‘t remember getting any emails about being on that show, nor do I remember filming the episode! I guess that will just be extra-exciting to watch myself on TV! Because there‘s just no other explanation! I wonder if I wore denim-on-denim just to mock him? I bet I did. That‘s something that I would do, as Jake Pavelka‘s #1 hater on this planet, NAY, in this solar system. So be sure to tune in to H8R on Wednesday, September 14 at 8pm to watch ME, in some sort of dream state, hate all over Jake Pavelka!!!! And then never tune in again, because that show looks terrible. Read more »

Here‘s a clip from tonight‘s three-hour Bachelor Pad finale, which will put the final four couples to the actual test for once, challenging them to perform a difficult vertical dance routine while suspended from harnesses like Cirque du Soleil dancers. With no clue what they‘re doing and $250,000 on the line, they‘re scared, freaked out, uncomfortable and miserable. Sucks for them ... but it should be great TV for us!In this clip, Ella puts the whole thing into the perspective that makes the most sense to her: By reminding us once again that she once pushed an entire human being out of her own body, and that was a more pleasant experience than this. Read more »

It‘s the season finale of Bachelor Pad, and this one is supersized again, just to go out with a bang! (Like from a gun. Shooting you in the face.) So buckle in for three hours of idiocy as the four remaining couples -- Michelle & Graham, Kasey & Vienna, Kirk & Ella and Michael & Holly -- attempt to sharpen their last shards of dignity into the shape of a sword so as to stab each other in the back for that final prize of $250,000. But at least they‘ll all walk away with what they really wanted, which was more attention for doing close to nothing. Riveting stuff -- only the week before the real TV shows start could handle it all! (AND it‘s happening at the same time as the latest GOP presidential debate, just so you can decide which group of self-serving blowhards you‘d rather hear lie to each other‘s plastic faces. America: We‘re all about CHOICE!)  Read more »

It didn‘t seem like a lot at the time, because it was so excruciatingly drawn out over three hours, but quite a lot happened during last night‘s Bachelor Pad finale: Michael and Holly won. (YAY!) Holly and Blake got engaged (yay?) but didn‘t tell Michael beforehand so he had to find out when we did. (BOO!) Jake and Vienna and Kasey kind of buried the hatchet and did so not in each other‘s skulls. (Boo, I think?) And Ben talked about how sexcited he is to be the next Bachelor! Dating 25 women? It‘s all so SEXCITING!It happened on TV last night, but in reality it all happened so many weeks ago. So what is everyone saying about all that good and bad stuff today? Let‘s find out! Let‘s make Bachelor Pad last FOREVER! (No. Let‘s not. That was a joke.)  Read more »

As Ben‘s journey toward everlasting love continues, so does our journey of trying to find out what we can about his season of The Bachelor before his season of The Bachelor actually airs. (Who is having more fun on their journey, Ben or us? It‘s impossible to say! But definitely him.) In other words: OH MY GOD it‘s time for new Bachelor spoilers! But first, let‘s quickly recap what we already know: We know who five of this season‘s 25 pretty, young white women are; that filming started at Bachelor Mansion, then moved to Sonoma, where the producers pissed off the local media something fierce, and then moved to San Francisco; and that Mike Fleiss thinks this is his best cast since More to Love. Read this previous Bachelor spoiler roundup for all the juicy details.Now, on to this week‘s Bachelor spoilers, which will take us from the lush, curvaceous ski slopes of urban San Francisco, to the lush, curvaceous slopes of the scantily-clad women who want to win half of Ben‘s winery in their future divorce settlement I MEAN MARRY HIM AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER:  Read more »

Ben‘s Bachelor filming rolls on, and so does the intel coming from our diligent Bachelor Nation field agents, who leave no contestant un-Googled, no filming location un-Twitpic‘d, and no spoiler unspoiled. Here‘s the latest from the front...Previously in Bachelor Season 16 Spoilers: Part One, Part Two.Obviously, if you don‘t want to be spoiled, stop reading.  Read more »

Well hello there, young lady. I see you are not wearing a ring. Enchante. Why don‘t you come closer? Yes, that‘s it. You are ... exceptionally beautiful. You truly are exquisite, really. No, seriously. You put this rose in my hand to shame. As soon as you look away, I‘m going to stomp and spit all over this rose. That is how ugly and stupid it looks ... compared to you.Yet, for all your perfection, I can‘t help but notice that you also look exceptionally ... thirsty.  Read more »

Rumors have been swirling for about a week now that Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi had broken up, but I didn‘t post anything about those rumors at the time. No, not because I was consumed by an overwhelming sense of "who cares." Because I didn‘t want to feed into the anti-love machine of LIES and HEARSAY that would dare question the longevity and validity of a love so pure and true and real.But it turns out that even the machine gets it right sometimes. Yes, Kasey and Vienna, King and Queen of the Monsters on Bachelor Pad 2, have ended their relationship. Now I know why I was suddenly woken, terrified and out of breath, from a peaceful slumber approximately five weeks ago. At the time, I thought it was just gas, but no. That was the exact moment that Love died:  Read more »

More pressing matters (the America‘s Next Top Model All-Star cycle, so very pressing) have kept me from posting minute-by-minute Bachelor spoilers in the last few weeks, which is actually great, because now we‘ve got a lot of fascinating/hilarious stuff to cover in this roundup. (Obviously, if you don‘t want to be spoiled, stop reading.)Previously in Bachelor Season 16 Spoilers: Part One, Part Two, Part Three.And we‘ve been hit with biggest, juiciest, hollow-est spoiler yet! So let‘s get right to it. Read more »

That‘s a wrap for Bachelor Ben!Tweets from Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss, for whom this upcoming season will mark ten years (!) with the show, confirm that sometime yesterday, Ben Flajnik bestowed his chosen Neil Lane ring upon his chosen bride-to-be."There is no greater high than Mountain High. Just ask Ben and ???..." wrote Fleiss on November 16, in reference to this year‘s dramatic, and dramatically chilly, final rose ceremony location. (Oh, this is a spoiler I‘m sure we all can handle: Apparently it‘s at the Matterhorn.) The day before, Fleiss wrote, "The ring Ben picked out is even more beautiful than my medallion. Well done, Mr. Lane!" Read more »

Days after reports surfaced about their indefinitely postponed wedding, former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and her chosen groom-to-be Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship entirely. "Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship," their rep said, adding, "As they go through this difficult time, we ask that you respect the couple‘s privacy."Aw. And we really thought this Bachelor couple might actually make it! No, really. Read more »

When People magazines hit newsstands on Friday, the main headline will read "Why I Left Him." But these quotes from the corresponding interview with former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky, who recently ended her relationship with Roberto Martinez after 18 months engaged, make it sound like the breakup was (at least partially) mutual. "I wouldn‘t be being truthful if I said this came out of nowhere," Fedotowsky told People (which also made sure to mention that Ali was "tearful" as she said all this)."We definitely had been having problems. But I had always believed that we could work it out." Read more »

Ladies and extra-special gentlemen, sharpen your snark, gird your loins and stock up the chardonnay, because here we go again.The Bachelor premieres its sixteenth season on ABC on Monday, January 2. Yesterday, the network announced the 25 bachelorettes who will compete for sexy winemaker Ben Flajnik‘s affections (with one mysterious older woman throwing her hat into the ring), and today, we get our first solid look at the drama to come.The preview promises that this season will have all the Bachelor mainstays: Girl-on-girl jealousy, crying fits, fake personalities, exclamations of "This is WAR!" and even some over-the-bushes spying on the competition. It seems that a tall, brunette model named Courtney will be our sailor-mouthed, violence-threatening villain this season. AND she seduces Ben with some nighttime skinny dipping. Excellent.Ben will also take his ladies on a world-wide adventure that includes many steamy hot tub makeouts, firework shows, picnics on picturesque mountain tops, trips to ancient ruins and, of course, plenty of helicopter rides. Plus, when a mysterious woman returns to shake up the competition, the claws will come out full-force between the b-words. (Of course, the word I mean is "bachelorettes." What did you think I meant?) If you haven‘t been reading the spoilers, I won‘t spoil her identity here, but you can find out here.Watch the preview, and revel in the juicy real-life soap opera to come:   Read more »

It‘s been a busy week in Bachelor Land. In between revealing the upcoming season‘s 25 bachelorettes, airing the extended trailer for the season and releasing a press release about the January 2 premiere (more on that below!), the Bachelor producers found the time to crack down on their show‘s biggest online secret-squealer. Read more »

We‘re only a couple short weeks away from the premiere of The Bachelor season 16, and the pre-season promotional blitz is in full swing. Today, the show‘s latest star, wine-maker Ben Flajnik, joined reporters on a conference call to discuss his experience of trying to find a wife on television. Again.While he alluded to all the romance and drama to come this season and said that he‘s "happy" with his final decision, in typical Bachelor fashion, Ben stayed tight-lipped about the journey‘s juiciest details. For those, we‘ll just have to watch.Reporters also made sure to ask about all those rumors swirling around this summer about his relationship (or lack thereof) with actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, who professed her love for Ben after watching him on The Bachelorette, and even flew out to his winery for a special visit. But that was the end of that, it seems. Ben clearly wasn‘t too impressed by the famous actress, as he started his answer about their encounter with, "She‘s a nice girl, but..." As anyone who‘s ever been on a first date knows, nothing good ever came after that phrase.Read on for the highlights from Ben‘s Bachelor conference call: Read more »

Ben Flajnik‘s season of The Bachelor is fast approaching. Doesn‘t he look dreamy, holding his crossed leg on that antique folding chair? I wish I could be his wife and sit next to him in an equally uncomfortable stance and seat. Alas, it appears he may have already found his bride.Speaking of which, here are some tidbits to tide you over until Ben‘s adventure begins on January 2. Read more »

Sure, we‘ll be joining the rest of the world when they ring in the new year on Saturday, but for us Bachelor fans (or lovers of Bachelor hate), 2012 doesn‘t really kick in until January 2, when Ben Flajnik‘s journey through hell, to love, or sex, or disaster ... premieres!I‘ll be recapping every ridiculous limo entrance, stranger danger encounter, pedicured-foot-in-glossy-mouth and sobbing first-night dumpee when Bachelor Premiere Night comes around. But here‘s a bouquet of enticements to keep you satisfied until then: Three sneak peeks of the premiere, a montage of some of the girls‘ Bachelor auditions and a link to five "Meet the Girls" segments from the episode over at EW, if you haven‘t seen those already.It‘s almost Bachelor Season Eve! Let‘s party like it‘s 1969! (You know, like, back when a lady needed a husband to provide and validate her existence, and cetera.) Read more »

It‘s almost New Year‘s Eve, which means you were going to hit up the liquor store or wine aisle this weekend anyway, right? Right. Well, don‘t forget to stock up for Monday night, too: The sixteenth (!) season of The Bachelor premieres at 8pm on ABC, and I know that Chris Harrison and I say this every season, but this one is a real doozy. And every good Bachelor fan knows that to fully enjoy this real doozy, you must get real boozy.Despite winemaker Ben Flajnik‘s efforts to wash his colorless conversation skills and general lack of enthusiasm over everything, the group of 25 shiny, buffed reality-Barbies chosen for him are just as needy, cloying, desperate and jealous as ever (maybe more!) and the forms that their insecurities and personality issues take during the premiere are truly magnificent and horrifying. It seems that ABC anticipated that Ben wouldn‘t be able to captain the S.S. Bachelor with much excitement of his own, so they filled the hatch with beautiful monsters, locked the door and pushed him out to sea. Like Odysseus, if he realized the Sirens were in the boat the whole time. Bon voyage, Ben! Scurvy should be the least of your concerns in this deteriorating metaphor.But I digress. As it‘s my favorite tradition every season, here‘s your Bachelor Premiere Drinking Game, specially constructed just for this extra-special episode (so it contains hints at what‘s to come in the episode!), which I have seen and relished and cannot wait to relish with you again on Monday, when I post my recap. Until then, read, drink and be snarky. Happy New Year, and Happy Bachelor Eve! Read more »

Here we go again. Another revolution around the sun, and a brand new season of The Bachelor that will probably make me want to hurl myself into the sun. Big wheel keep on turnin‘, The Bachelor keep on burnin‘ (as fueled by a million candles and a bottomless tank of lady-on-lady hatred)..Last season, we watched as Ben Flajnik (there he is, sitting on the world‘s most uncomfortable and least sexy chair!), the adorable weirdo with a quasi-lesbian haircut, fell slow and hard for Ashley Hebert (star of the new FOX movie, Chipwrecked!) But when he proposed, she said no, so he said back, "Good things don‘t end, unless they end badly." And sometimes bad things don‘t end at all. Like this show, which has been on for approximately 86 seasons and 10 million years. Read more »

Woof. What a Bachelor premiere, right? Ben is surely one of the most normal human beings, and thus one of the strangest Bachelors, ever to headline the show. He‘s so calm and composed, but instead of laying on the charm, he mostly just sits there and lets his hair do all the work. I know he was low-key on The Bachelorette, but now that the spotlight is on him and he still can‘t emote past "this is pretty cool," he just seems bored.And swarming around Ben‘s cocoon of eerie calmness, those WOMEN. Especially rabid and cloying and off-putting, aren‘t they? I actually can‘t remember a season of The Bachelor that, on first impression, offered up so few genuinely good candidates. Maybe, after a few more episodes, more of the girls will reveal themselves to be more likeable, but for now, Ben‘s best options include the girl who rode in on a horse and the girl who rapped. That doesn‘t bode too well for Ben, but it does for us.What about the ones who didn‘t get roses? And what‘s in store for the 18 women who did? Watch two deleted scenes from last night‘s premiere, plus a sneak peek of next Monday‘s Bachelor episode, which immediately takes the group on the road: Read more »

In support of the start of his Bachelor season on Monday, Ben Flajnik has been making the media rounds this week, and yesterday he stopped by Access Hollywood to discuss highlights from the premiere."Granny was a sweetheart," Ben said of Sheryl, contestant Brittney‘s grandmother who tagged along to tell Ben how much she adored him and wanted him as a grandson-in-law. "I like older women," he joked. Sounds like Brittney‘s plan may indeed have backfired: She didn‘t make as much of an impression as her grandma did.PhD student Emily made a good impression when she rapped her feelings to Ben -- which must be why she‘ll be doing it again later this season. Ben teased, "You‘ll see a little bit more of that."  Read more »

Are you ready for your first wet ‘n‘ wild make-out of the season, Bachelor fans? Yeah, me neither. But it‘s happening anyway. On the next episode, Ben takes his remaining ladies to his hometown of Sonoma (watch another sneak peek here!), where a PG-rated group date does nothing to keep anyone‘s carnal desires in check. All it takes is a pool, a shirtless Bachelor and a swarm of willing and bikini-clad bachelorettes ... to turn this week‘s episode into a nasty, name-calling nightmare.  Read more »

Everyone‘s talking about this week‘s Bachelor premiere. Well, the handful of us who watched it, anyway. Two hours with that fiery mop-top Ben Flajnik and his gaggle of self-possessed, enchanting suitresses just wasn‘t enough to contain and answer all our burning questions about the beautiful love story that we all began together on Monday night. Too many feelings to explore! Too many first impressions to ponder! Too many first-night rejects named Amber who enjoy eating fried bovine testicles to ask about the pointless drunken evening she spent with a group of strangers several months ago! Luckily, if there is one thing that everyone on The Bachelor loves more than themselves, it‘s to talk. About themselves. So let‘s take a look at what Ben, Chris Harrison and ABC‘s extra-special dumpee of the week, Amber, have been saying this week about love, loss and that wondrous lunatic named Jenna:  Read more »

Well, that‘s a question I‘m pretty sure has never, in the history of the world, been asked before. Leave it to the vicious ladies of The Bachelor, and their inappropriately exposed breasts, to break new linguistic ground in their attempts to break each other‘s spirits.What am I talking about, you ask? Well, for his first group date of the season, Ben accompanies 12 of his ladies to a park in Sonoma, where they‘re tasked with performing a play written by some local kids. There, each woman auditions for the children, and is then given a role and a ridiculous costume. And one woman elects to bounce around in a tiny, cleavage-baring romper in front of the kiddies, until she‘s thankfully covered up by a cookie.You know what? You‘d better just watch the clip for yourself: Read more »

As you probably know, The Bachelor has major competition tonight, with the BCS Championship game airing at 8:30pm ET. Maybe that‘s why ABC has bestowed upon us no fewer than five sneak peeks of tonight‘s intensely competitive Bachelor episode, wrapping up with the super-bitchy, super-enticing one below. You see, The Bachelor and a college football game aren‘t that different: They‘re both extremely long, insanely competitive and (even though there‘s rarely much non-sexual tackling on The Bachelor) highly dangerous for the players. Especially for anyone who dares to go up against Courtney "I‘m a mahhhhhdull" Robertson, who‘s already rushing to be named this season‘s dirtiest player. Because that is one delicious difference between The Bachelor and football: In football, you get a penalty for playing dirty. On The Bachelor, you get a rose. Watch the sneak peek, plus take a peek at some other news bits before tonight‘s new episode (Monday, 8-10pm on ABC):  Read more »

It‘s only week 2 of The Bachelor, and already we‘re on the move. We open on the bucolic fields of Sonoma, California, then cut to a home video of teenage Ben Flajnik walking his little dog down the street. Oh, that‘s Ben now? My mistake. But in my defense, he‘s wearing cargo shorts and tinted sunglasses. Ben says he‘s excited to share his hometown with the 18 remaining women, whom we then see drinking champagne in the back of three convertibles as they drive through the countryside on their way to Sonoma. Wait, is that legal? Maybe there‘s a law in Sonoma that says if your passenger is already drunk when she enters the car, she can continue drinking in the car. It really IS paradise!  Read more »

Take heart, fellow heartless Bachelor-heads. When one door to an emotionally unstable woman‘s deepest nightmares closes, another one opens. Some of us worried last night, when Jenna -- unofficially dubbed "Scary Bradshaw" because she‘s a New York-based blogger who collects insecurities instead of shoes -- was eliminated. Would the crazy on this season of The Bachelor die with her?Well, of course it won‘t. First of all, we still have Blakeley the Cocktail Waitress and Evil Courtney to keep the flame alive. And next week, a ghost -- an ACTUAL ghost! except not literally -- will return to the show to spook the rest of the women, including the ones who seemed relatively well-balanced up until now. The ghost takes no prisoners. All will be driven to jealous insanity! I hope that makes Jenna feel a little better as she watches the show next week, chained to a bed in whichever mental institution that limo dropped her off at. She may be alone. But she‘s not alone in her madness.Watch Jenna‘s "diary of the departed," plus two more deleted scenes from last night‘s Bachelor episode and the preview for next week‘s episode which reveals the identity of the scary ghooost: Read more »

I suppose that we should never be surprised anymore when a Bachelor contestant has a change of heart. But this one does come as a bit of a shock, given that, since she broke it off with twice-Bachelor Brad Womack after season 15, single mom Emily Maynard said over and over that she‘d never want to star on The Bachelorette. Now, according to spoiler king Reality Steve, that‘s exactly what she‘ll be doing come March, when The Bachelorette season 8 begins filming.Why Emily‘s change of heart? Steve speculates it probably has something to do with another early spoiler he got his hands on: In order to accommodate Emily‘s family life (a.k.a. lure her in), ABC has reportedly offered to move the bulk of filming to Emily‘s hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Read more »

"When you talk about love 24/7, it‘s not really normal. It kind of makes you a little bit nervous. I started thinking of this as one big therapy session, and I kind of broke down. That‘s how I look at it. I got a lot out."So said New York-based blogger, 27, and self-described "Over-Analyst" Jenna Burke in her conference call with the media this morning, effectively explaining why she became so overemotional during almost every moment we saw her on The Bachelor these past two weeks. Jenna‘s time spent locked in the bathroom and curled up in the fetal position (not to mention her traumatic exit) ought to prove it: The Bachelor is not therapy for its contestants. For the strong ones, The Bachelor is the ultimate test of their stability and stamina. And for the weak, with all its competition and confrontation, The Bachelor is more therapy-inducing than anything else.Now, months after the experience, watching herself sob and shudder on television is an admittedly uncomfortable experience for Burke, but "I look back at those moments and laugh," she says. And she understands now that, "This is a very intense show, and you need to be at a strong point in your life."Why wasn‘t Jenna at a strong point in her life? Why did she break down not once, but twice, at both the Bachelor cocktail parties she attended? Does she still have beef with Monica? And what does she think of all the internet mockery that‘s come her way since The Bachelor began? Read on for highlights from Jenna‘s surprisingly candid and self-effacing interview. The Over-Analyst may have lived up to her name and completely botched the main performance, but at least she stuck the landing. Read more »

You may want to invest in some protective gear before Monday‘s Bachelor episode, because according to Chris Harrison, next week‘s cocktail party is going nuclear. The not-so-mystery guest will cause a "category-five meltdown" with the other women. (For this and so many other reasons, it‘s a good thing already-unstable Jenna got out while she did.)With a teaser like that, I know it‘s extra-tough to wait for Monday. But here are some more Bachelor bits to tide you over until the apocalyptic third episode: Read more »

For East Coasters, only a few short hours separate you and tonight‘s new episode of The Bachelor. You don‘t need no stinking sneak peeks. It‘s almost time for the whole shebang. But, as I fear tonight‘s episode may cause me to perish of a stupidity overdose before I publish my recap, I thought it best to post these sneak peeks anyway. So, if you never hear from me again, you‘ll know it was the returning funeral director‘s fault. You see, as this first video shows, it used to be Shawntel‘s occupation as an undertaker that struck fear in the hearts of men. (Well, if Brad Womack counts as one of those.) Now it‘s her completely unfounded belief that Ben Flajnik, whom I‘m fairly certain she has NEVER met, is her soulmate that may prove deadly. Because it‘s so embarrassing and false that I might die: Read more »

Today, in one of our embarrassingly plentiful discussions about The Bachelor, my friend/co-worker/inspiration Carla Patton (who also happens to begin her coverage of American Idol on this website this week, and she‘s hilarious so READ IT!) made what I thought is an insightful point about why Ben Flajnik‘s season has, for lack of a better term, stunk so far. She said that while "Ben is nice," he seems to realize that he‘s creating television, so he‘s saying things and making choices because he thinks they will make good TV. And because he is doing that consciously, it no longer makes for good TV. Carla‘s point was that even though The Bachelor isn‘t "real," it‘s entertaining and compelling because the people on it experience real emotions, and it seems like Ben isn‘t letting himself do that. Read more »

Brace yourselves, Bachelor fans. It seems there may have been ulterior motives at play during last night‘s batsh*t Bachelor episode. As you‘ll recall, Shawntel Newton, the mortician from Brad Womack‘s season, showed up out of the blue and declared her vague and undying love for Ben Flajnik. I guess they talked once or twice, and that meant they were destined for each other. Not important. What‘s important is that she was bold/courageous/desperate enough to waltz in and beg for a spot at the rose ceremony with Ben‘s 15 other bride-candidates. And Ben was like, "Well, OK," but then all the other women threatened to kill Shawntel or themselves if he gave her a rose, so he didn‘t. (It‘s called following your heart/your pants/the path of least resistance.) So Shawntel went home to her lonely mortician‘s table, drowning in sadness and shame. And then the girl with the lip tattoo fainted. Twice. NOT IMPORTANT. Read more »

Like so many tear-soaked, too-small cocktail dresses, this week‘s Bachelor episode was busting at the seams ... with emotions. And, like the face of poor Jaclyn here, it simply cannot not be contained. (Ben, how could you send this face home, roseless and husband-less? How could you not love this face?) So check out a couple deleted scenes from the episode, as well as the always pathetic "Diaries of the Departed," plus a preview for next week‘s episode, when Courtney the model will open up her tiny ribcage and eat Emily the epidemiologist WHOLE!  Read more »

This week‘s episode of The Bachelor was, by Ben Flajnik‘s own estimation, a "sh*tstorm." Crying, yelling, name-calling, threat-making ... this week‘s cocktail party had them all!But before all that happened, contestant Brittney Schreiner kicked off the night‘s shocking moments by quitting the race for Ben before she‘d even really started. When her first one-on-one date card arrived, Brittney said she felt more "torn and confused" than excited, so she packed her bags and left without even giving the date, or Ben, a shot. And Brittney‘s reasons for quitting didn‘t quite add up. First she said the connection with Ben wasn‘t there. Then she said it was hard "not knowing" what connection there could have been. Then she said she didn‘t "deserve" Ben. Then she said the Bachelor process "wasn‘t for her." Whatever the reason, Brittney up and left so suddenly that she certainly didn‘t seem torn. But confused? Yes, indeed.In a conference call with the media yesterday, Brittney elaborated on her decision to leave the show. She also talked about whether it was her idea or her grandmother‘s (whom she brought to the first cocktail party) to audition, which Bachelor she‘d rather date than Ben, what she thinks of Ben‘s hair and more: Read more »

Chris Harrison has been hosting The Bachelor and its various subsidiaries for ten years now. In that decade, the show has had 25 seasons (including Bachelor Pad, shudder). So, if the average Bachelor season has, say, 10 episodes in it, and the average episode has, say, three dates on it, then by my calculations, Chris Harrison has played host to about 7 million Bachelor dates. Just kidding, that‘s only how many it feels like. It‘s more like 750 Bachelor dates. Still, that is SO many dates to have only led to one real marriage (Trista) and one takesies-backsies marriage (Jason) and one current engagement (Ashley)!It‘s so many dates that I can almost forgive Chris for what he told TV Guide this week, when they asked about Ben Flajnik‘s latest group date, in which a small army of elves shut down an entire San Francisco block and built a ski hill on it so that Ben and his babes could race down it in bikinis. (Oh, and the whole date was sponsored by the Honda "leap list" campaign, because nothing says "achieve your dreams" and "buy a CRV" like "boobs boobs boobs butts boobs butts boobs.") Maybe Chris has been doing this for so long that he‘s forgotten what a real date is like. Maybe he‘s been living inside the unreality of reality TV for so long that he actually doesn‘t know what the word "unrealistic" means anymore.Yet. But. Still. Chris. This quote? You should know better: Read more »