Without sounding too dramatic, the greatest reality show in the history of television premiered tonight as VH1 launched Viva Hollywood, the search for the next great telenovela star. On a camp level, the Latino culture is miles ahead of America in terms of soaps. Spanish-language soap operas, or telenovelas, or cattier, more over-the-top, and just plain more fun than their American counterparts.

In that tradition, Viva Hollywood succeeds as pure entertainment. Twelve aspiring actors are placed in a house, called the Casa de Locos, and forced to compete in a series of challenges designed to test their ability to thrive in the passionate, sinful world of telenovelas.

In the premiere, we meet all the contestants. There's Berto, who had his first sexual experience at 9, Jainmy, a mother, Gisel, the resident sexpot, Alexcy, the cocky newcomer, and countless other memorable people. The joy of the show could be the absurdity, particularly to American viewers unfamiliar with the massive cultural gaps. Did you ever wonder why Nely Galan was billed as a “celebrity” on The Celebrity Apprentice? Well, on this show, hosts Carlos Ponce and Maria Conchita Alonso are treated like royalty. It's a cultural thing, probably on par in the U.S. if Patrick Dempsey and Jennifer Aniston were hosting a reality show.

They also brought in Walter Mercado, who you would undoubtedly recognize, that weird looking feminine old dude who is billed as the leading Spanish astrologist. He introduces the challenges in a Charlie's Angels sort of way. The first challenge, “Passion,” involved the contestants learning to fight.

They were paired off and each got different scenes. Ranch hands, rich sisters, ‘70s era drug dealers, anything you imagine a Spanish soap could be was there. As far as the performances go, two actors actually stood out as being quite good: the classically trained Enrique and Roseny. As for the worst, Vinci (who looks exactly like a Latin Justin Chambers, Alex from Grey's Anatomy) was wooden and unprofessional and Kalain can't speak English…at all. A scene between Jainmy and Janet proved that both are awful actresses, robotic and painfully awkward.

Carlos Ponce agrees with me, picking Roseny to win (meaning she gets a makeover, immunity, and a meeting with the sexy Sofia Vergara), while Janet is up for elimination, On Viva Hollywood, the person up for elimination will compete in the Duel with another contestant who the others must vote on.

Roseny is wonderfully awkward, pretty much insulting Sofia Vergara's aging (accompanied by genius cat screeching sound effects) while Sofia talks about being cast as the love interest of a younger guy, probably her recent stint on Dirty Sexy Money.

Carlos gives everyone a death card and orders them to go into the Chapel to confess who they think should be eliminated. They vote in Jainmy. At the Duel (or El Duelo), the two contestants must “perform” a final plea to the judges while the other contestants watch on from the balcony. Jainmy delivers a sob story about her kid (and also sucks up to Maria Conchita Alonso), while Janet talks about acting being in her blood. Then the women face each other and explain why they're better than each other. There's a lot of crying, and they're way too nice. I expect this part of El Duelo will be full of awesome fireworks when two contestants who truly hate each other get in there.

In the best elimination sequence ever, the final two contestants filmed a scene earlier in the day in which both died in different takes. They show the scene, and whichever person dies in it is the one being eliminated. It's a hilarious sequence in which the two women fight over a man, then they both fall down the stairs. Janet stands up and walks away. As Maria Conchita Alonso explains, “Jainmy, you are muerta,” which means that she's dead!

This season on Viva Hollywood: special guest judges Cheech Marin, Cristian de la Fuente, Daisy Fuentes, Charo and Perez Hilton. Also, men in speedos, lesbian kisses, and countless tears and fights. It's gonna be awesome.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)