'True Blood' Season 3 Premiere Recap: Sex and Blood
'True Blood' Season 3 Premiere Recap: Sex and Blood
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
True Blood returned for its third season sexier and bloodier than ever.  Season 2 left a ton of cliffhangers with Bill's kidnapping, Jason shooting Eggs and Sam heading off to find his birth parents.  Season 3 picked up right where things left off, with one major addition: werewolves.

Bill in Mississippi

Bill wasn't kidnapped by Eric, but by a mysterious group of V addicts who took him to Mississippi.  After wandering around shirtless for most of the episode, Bill finally started to return home before running into a pack of wolves.  Not just any wolves - werewolves!

Sookie's Search and Eric's Butt

Sookie spent the majority of the premiere hopping from one person to another to find Bill, ultimately using Jessica to track down the car the kidnappers used.  More importantly, Sookie's search involved a stop at Fangasia, where Pam let her into the dungeon to find Eric, naked and "initiating" the new dancer with a six hour sex session.  That's right folks, it was some grade-A Eric booty, and, much like Teri Hatcher's breasts on Seinfeld, it was spectacular.

Eric, The Queen and the Magister

After just one episode back in season 1, the beloved Magister, in charge of doling out vampire punishment, returned to investigate the dramatic increase in V sales in Louisiana.  The Queen and Eric covered their own butts and it became very clear that Eric's primary storyline this season will deal with trying to cover up his involvement with Lafayette in selling vampire blood.

The Rise of Pam

The Magister's inquiry about V trafficking may not be good news for Eric, but it's great for Pam, his alluring right-hand woman, as she stepped up big-time in this episode.  Pam stole the show for me thanks to her great attack on Lafayette, demanding that he take her seriously and sell off the rest of the V quickly.

Sam's Homoerotic Dream

It turns out Sookie isn't the only one having inappropriately sexy dreams about a vampire whose blood she drank.  While in Arkansas to find his birth parents, Sam has a dream where a shirtless Bill Compton visits him and asks for a hot shower.  After offering Bill the shirt off his own back, Sam is invited to join Bill in the shower for some "hard" water.  If you're a fan of homoeroticism, this was probably the single hottest scene in the history of television, with tons of breathless anticipation before Sam woke up at just the right time (or wrong time, depending on what you're into).

Jason's Non-Threesome

Still freaking out over shooting Eggs, Andy tries to get Jason to cover it up by returning to his horndog roots.  Jason tries by inviting a pair of veterinary students to his place, but poor dumb Jason can't get it up because he's haunted by visions of bullet holes in their heads.  On the bright side, the show still got Jason naked even when he's not having sex.

Hoyt/Jessica and Terry/Arlene

The season 3 premiere of True Blood was loaded with storylines for everyone.  Hoyt moved in with Jason and tried to get Jessica back, but she's preoccupied by what to do with the trucker she killed.  One way to make this show even better would be adding a lot more Hoyt, because he's probably my favorite underused character.  Meanwhile, Arlene's increased sense of smell told her she's pregnant with Terry's baby, which left her freaking out.

Final Judgment

The premiere was a tad exposition heavy, probably because True Blood had a lot of stories to get to.  But the arrival of the werewolves, the prominence of Pam, and the fact that the episode featured naked Jason and Eric, plus a homoerotic scene between Bill and Sam, are more than enough to make up for all the plot.

True Blood is definitely back and it's getting ready to do very bad things with us this season.

(Image courtesy of HBO)