Welcome back, fangbangers! True Blood
returned tonight, which means
more hot vampire action, more crazy shapeshifting dog men and more
flimsy excuses for Ryan Kwanten to take his shirt off. So take a hit
of V and sit back, because I want to do bad things with you.
Season 2 of True Blood
picks up right where season 1 left off with
Tara, Sookie and Andy finding a dead body in his car. All they see is
an African-American foot with painted toenails, so it has to be
Lafayette. Tara thinks it's Lafayette. Anyone who's read the books
knows that it has to be Lafayette. But guess what? It's NOT Lafayette.
Instead the dead body is that of Miss Jeanette, the pharmacist/exorcist who conned Tara's mom. Also, her heart was torn out. Tara freaks out before denying any knowledge of who this person is. That's not the smartest move when your best friend the telepath is standing right next to you.
Sookie gets her to change her story and Tara heads down to the police station to file a report where drunk-ass Andy Bellefleur is even more blustery than ever. Tara's mom arrives for more of her insane religious rambling, defending the goodness of Miss Jeanette. They leave, but creepy social worker Maryann is there to pick up Tara. Maryann moves up in my favor by reading Lettie Mae the riot act for being a terrible mother who never loved her daughter.
At Compton Manor, Bill lays down the ground rules for his new charge, Jessica. She has a bed time and in between using words like "whilst" and "slattern" he mentions the importance of recycling. It's good to know vampires are eco-friendly.
Sookie comes over for some vampire love, but that gets interrupted by Jessica. Bill is forced to explain how she came to live with him, and when Sookie asks if the two vampires had sex, they both deny it, with Jessica complaining that Bill is too old.
The next day, Sam pays a visit to Maryann to settle their unfinished business. A statue sends him to a flashback of Sam as an adorable little puppy dog, literally. He sneaks into a house and returns to his human form, becoming a naked 17-year-old boy. He begins eating all the food and stealing all the valuables when the owner of the house shows up. It's Maryann, and her cougar instincts kick in as she seductively ogles the naked 17-year-old Sam.
That leads to Maryann riding the naked 17-year-old boy like a mechanical bull, and during their lovemaking, she begins twitching and shaking, getting a little blurry. I don't know what she is, but it's not good. After having sex, Maryann takes a shower and naked 17-year-old Sam steals some clothes, jewelry and a whole lot of money he finds in a drawer.
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(Image courtesy of HBO)