's sixth season draws closer, you may find yourself wondering what the heck else could happen to these characters? It's getting to a
-esk realm, where you think, seriously, how many bad days can Jack Bauer have? So just to catch you up on all the ridiculousness that has transpired during the first five wonderful seasons, we're recapping the astounding journeys taken by nine main characters in a series called "
. Our ninth and final installment is the motherload: Sookie Stackhouse.
As the show's protagonist, Sookie has been involved in more of the action than anyone else, and nearly every character, at least early on, exists through his or her relationship with her. In the beginning, she was your everyday mild-mannered southern belle waitress, except for the fact that she could read people's minds. Yeah, and she never thought to fully investigate why she could do that? Uh huh. Anyway, scientists synthesized human blood, a vampire named Bill stepped foot in a bar called Merlotte's and nothing was ever the same again. Here is her story, from innocent telepath and unknowing faerie to the badass chick who has had sex with nearly every male main character she's not related to.
Much like I tried my best to do with Bill, I'll be stripping out a lot of the details that I would have included in the other profiles, because there's just too much. So buckle up, kids, and make sure you used the bathroom (unless you're reading this IN the bathroom). It's going to be a long-ass ride. And just to make it a bit more bearable: More pictures!
Interview with the Vampire
When Merlotte's gets its first-ever vampire customer, Sookie is intrigued because she can't hear his thoughts and volunteers to wait on him. She overhears the Rattrays plan to drain him, interrupts it, fights them off with a big chain and saves Bill. The next night, the Rattrays beat her until she's coughing up blood, and Bill comes to her rescue, forces her to drink his blood to heal and asks what she is.
Through all this, they get to know each other. They take a moonlit walk and talk about their pasts, him being turned in 1965 and her losing her parents in a flash flood at age 8. She asks if he would speak at Gran's Civil War group meeting, and he says yes. Then he asks if he can call on her again.
Sam, Tara and Jason yell at her and disapprove of vampires, but she says she can take care of herself and tells them to mind their own business.
A Very Strange First Date
Sookie finds out Bill killed the Rattrays and destroyed their trailer. He talks at the meeting and gets anti-vamp prejudice crap from Jason, but he charms Gran. He and Sookie go for another walk, and she asks if he's ever killed anyone. He says only accidentally. Hahahaha. She asks what his blood will do to her, and he says it will heighten her senses, increase her libido and give Bill the ability to sense her, particularly if she's in trouble. She makes him glamour her, but it turns out she is unglamourable. This will come into play later.
They share their first kiss, and he bares his fangs, pushes her away and walks her home.
What the Hell is a Fangbanger?
Since Bill sleeps in the daytime, Sookie agrees to find contractors to help him make home repairs. She brings paperwork to his house, where he is hosting a vampire/fangbanger party. Three troublemaking vampires attempt to glamour and bite her until Bill appears and bellows, "She is mine!" She reads the thoughts of fangbanger Jerry, who has fatal-to-vampires Hep D, and she calls him out. Jerry attacks her, Bill intervenes and breaks his wrist, and the other vampires want to know her secret party trick.
Sookie is visibly distraught and leaves, but Bill beats her home. She says they shouldn't see each other anymore, because he always puts her in danger. He is not a fan of this solution.
Sex Dreams and Corpses
Sookie has a vivid sex dream about Bill, wakes up at dawn and mows the lawn. She chats with Gran about her apprehension of dating a vampire, goes to Bill's house and masturbates on his porch. A phone call from Sam interrupts her dirty deed, and he asks her to check on Dawn, who missed work. Sookie finds her lifeless in bed.
With Jason a suspect, Gran asks Sookie to use her telepathy to find the real murderer. She enlists Bill, who takes her to Fantasia, where she meets Eric and Pam. She senses someone feeding in the bathroom and warns everyone, and they all get out just before the cops arrive.
On the way home, Bill gets pulled over and glamours his way out of a ticket, later admitting he would've fed on the cop had Sookie not been there. They fight and he promises not to call on her anymore.
A Date with Sam
Sam asks Sookie on a date to the Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting, which is where one goes when a serial killer is on the loose. Afterwards, they go for coffee. Things are going well until the topic turns to vampires and Sam insists that Bill is dangerous, no matter how Sookie feels about him.
She walks out, takes a cab home and finds Gran dead on the kitchen floor. Bill tries to comfort her, then Sam shows up and they fight. Sam wraps a blanket around her and they talk on the front porch.
Gram Goes into the Ground, So I Bang a Vampire
Sookie holds a wake, flips out at Maxine Fortenberry, is pulled aside by Tara and Lafayette (who try to calm her down) and gets smacked square in the face by Jason (who blames her for Gran's death). At the funeral, she gets pissed at Jason for inviting Uncle Barlett and can't block out the voices, telling everyone to shut the F up.
Sam takes her home, where she eats the last of the pie while sobbing before rushing to Bill's, where they have sex for the first time and she encourages him to bite her. He obliges.
Bill Can't Die (He's Already Dead)
Later, in the tub, she confesses that Uncle Barlett molested her. His body turns up in a river a few days later.
After hearing another earful from Sam at Merlotte's, the three vampires from Bill's party show up and start making trouble. Bill arrives and stops them, but then he leaves with them and Sookie is heartbroken. Three rednecks set fire to the vampires' house at dawn, and Sookie arrives just in time to see authorities pull four coffins from the rubble.
Assuming Bill is dead, she gets in a huge fight with Tara about the relationship, brings flowers to Bill's grave and gets attacked by a strange figure, who is actually Bill. They have sex in the dirt.
Helping Eric and Sleeping with a Shifter
Eric summons Sookie to Fantasia, where he needs help identifying an employee who is stealing from him. It's bartender Longshadow, who attacks Sookie at being outed, and Bill stakes him with a bar tap. Eric offers to take Sookie as Bill's punishment for killing a vampire in front of a human. but he declines.
They get back to Sookie's house to find her cat hanging dead from the ceiling fan. Bill says he'll protect her because all her troubles are his fault, but she says it was her choice. He backs up his promise by leaving town to stand trial, with the usual sentence for his crime being five years silvered in a coffin.
She takes out her frustration on Andy, telling him to hurry up and find the killer, then makes up with Tara and goes to sleep at Bill's because no one will look for her there.
She meets a dog at Bill's front door and invites it inside. It sleeps on the bed with her, and then she wakes up next to a naked Sam. He explains that he is a shapeshifter and that Bill asked to him protect her while he's gone.
Tracking a Killer
Sookie and Sam are still fighting later at Arlene and Rene's engagement party, and Sookie runs into the killer while getting ice. She escapes, runs out the front door and ends up in Sam's arms. She read killer's thoughts, but didn't get much other than a waitress named Cindy and a restaurant with "pie" in the name.
Sam knows it, of course, so they drive to Bunkie and end up at Big Patty's Pie House. Cindy was carrying on with vamps and was murdered, but no one knows who dunnit. After her death, her brother, Drew Marshall, disappeared. After Sookie catches a police officer thinking about his mistress, he agrees to fax a picture of Drew to the Bon Temps PD.
Sam and Sookie bond on the drive home, talking about love. He likes Tara but doesn't love her. She loves Bill but has no idea where he's vanished to. They watch TV and snuggle, and Sam says the best day of his life was when Sookie came in and applied for a job. They kiss, until Bill bursts in, pulls Sam off Sookie and chokes him. She breaks it up, berating Bill for abandoning her while a killer is on the loose and then fighting the man protecting her. She rescinds his invitation, and Sam asks how it is she can't see what Bill is really like. She says she has too much going on to be with anyone right now.
Oh Crap, Rene is Drew Marshall!
Sookie pays Jason a visit in the slammer and tells him to shut his piehole and stop confessing to murders he didn't commit, because Drew Marshall is the killer. She inexplicably goes to work amidst all this madness, but then freaks out and leaves. Her car won't start (the wires were cut), and Rene unsuccessfully tries to fix it (because he's the one who cut the wires). He offers to hang out with her until Sam gets done with work, then she think-hears him telling himself not to think anything, suddenly without his Cajun accent.
They go to Sookie's, where Rene slips up and Sookie sees a vision of him murdering Gran. She runs from the house and he gives chase into a graveyard, where Sookie hides in an open grave (nightmare alert!). He catches her and chokes her until she's unconscious. While dog Sam and flesh-burning Bill try and save her, she regains consciousness, picks up a shovel and kills a distracted Rene. Sookie and Sam bury a badly injured Bill in the grave.
Serial Killer Dead, Yet Another Corpse Surfaces
Sookie wakes up on her couch surrounded by Tara, Sam and Lafayette. Arlene rushes in with flowers. A now exonnerated Jason vows to quit drinking and womanizing, and a healed Bill shows up having obviously fed on a human. He and Sookie make up, and she refuses his blood to recover faster because she's so grateful he was willing to sacrifice himself to save her.
Later, Sookie, Tara and Andy discover Miss Jeanette's severed leg sticking out from the back seat of Andy's police cruiser.
Jessica and Other Obstacles
Bill and Sookie's relationship gets put to the test over the impetulance of new vampire Jessica, and she tries to bond with the teenager. Sook is also pissed when Bill admits he killed Uncle Bartlett, but he apologizes and they make passionate love. Sookie urges him to go easier on Jessica, so he reluctantly buys her some new clothes.
After Jessica convinces Sookie to take her to her old home, she attacks her father and Bill has to glamour the family to clean up Sookie's mess. They argue on the ride home, she storms out of the car and is attacked by a mysterious clawed creature with the head of a bull and the body of a human.
Bill rushes her to Eric for help, and a goblin woman named Dr. Ludwig is able to save her. Sookie drinks Bill's blood, then agrees to travel to Dallas with Eric to find Godric in exchange for Lafayette's release (He is being kept hostage in the bar's basement). Bill and Sookie walk in on Jessica making out with Hoyt, then agree to bring her to Dallas with them so they can keep an eye on her.
Sookie Does Dallas
With Sookie and Sam on shaky terms, the trio flies to Texas, where limo driver Leon attempts to abduct Sookie before Bill thwarts it and glamours him to find out he is following orders from the Fellowship of the Sun cult.
They check in to a lavish hotel for vampires, where Sookie encounters a bellhop named Barry who can also read minds. She tries to teach him to control his abilities, but he is ashamed and tells her to leave him alone. He later quits.
Sookie volunteers to infiltrate the cult, posing as a convert, to see if they are the ones holding Godric. Bill disapproves of the plan, and their lovemaking is interrupted by a surprise appearance from Bill's maker Lorena.
What's So Important You Can't Join the Religious Cult with Me?
Godric's minion Isabel checks into the hotel with her human boyfriend Hugo, who bonds with Sookie about their human-vampire relationships as they prepare to infiltrate the cult together. They are greeted by Steve and Sarah Newlin, and Sookie quickly learns they are holding a vampire captive. Someone tips off the Newlins about their mission, and they are taken captive.
Under interrogation, Hugo reveals that Sookie is Jason's sister. Steve orders drill instructor Gabe to kill Jason, who is quickly rising the ranks of the cult (and banging Sarah).
Sookie reads Hugo's mind and finds out he's the traitor, and she reaches out to Barry telepathically.
He delivers the message to Bill, but Lorena won't let him leave to come to Sookie's aid. But Eric overhears and takes off for the cult.
After Jason escapes him, Gabe beats up Hugo and tries to rape Sookie, when Godric intervenes and breaks Gabe's neck. Eric arrives and an alarm sounds through the compound. Godric orders him to escape with Sookie, but avoid human casualties.
Escape from the Fellowship
They are cornered by an angry mob led by Steve Newlin, and Eric gives himself up in the hopes of saving Sookie and Godric. Eric is bound by silver and lying on an alter when Bill and Jason show up and save the day. Steve tries to take Sookie hostage, but Jason shoots the weapon out of his hand. Godric stops the vampires from killing everyone.
Tricking Sookie into a Drink
Back at Godric's nest, Lorena harasses Sookie and then turns violent. Godric stops her from harming Sookie and kicks her out. After Luke blows himself up in a suicide attack, Eric convinces Sookie he needs to drink her blood to heal himself. This enrages Bill, because he specifically asked Eric to leave her alone, and now she's going to have sex dreams about him.
She is repulsed by his actions, then has a heart to heart with Jason where they talk about how much they mean to each other and how they have no one else left. She falls asleep and has her first sex dream about Eric.
After learning that Godric intends to meet the sun, as he is tired of being a vampire after 2,000 years, Sookie insists on going to him, knowing he's hurting. She affectionately touches Eric's hand and vows to stay with Godric until the end, which she does, while Eric sobs bloody tears.
She has a touching moment with Godric, who asks her about God and if he will be punished. She said God only forgives, which Godric doesn't deserve but hopes for. He tells her he is not afraid, but full of joy. As he burns up, he says he is still surprised that a human would be with him and weep for him. After 2,000 years, he can still be surprised. Then he turns to a puddle of goop.
He actually vanishes in blue-white flames, but my version is better.
Sookie goes to Eric's room to comfort him, they get it on and she wakes up in Jason's car (it was just another erotic dream. The sex part, that is. Not the entire series up to this point).
Chaos in Bon Temps
The group returns to Louisiana to find the townsfolk under the control of Maryann, who is living at Sookie's house with Tara and Eggs. Maryann attacks Sookie and Bill bites her, but her blood is toxic to him. Sookie hits Maryann with a blast of light, and she and Bill flee to
Lafayette's, where they find an entranced Tara.
They use a combination of glamouring and telepathy to break the spell, and they learn that Maryann is an immortal Maenad. Bill seeks the advice of Vampire Queen of Louisiana Sophie-Anne Leclerq, while Tara insists on going back for Eggs. She convinces her mom that God wants her to save him, so Lettie Mae holds Sookie and Lafayette at gunpoint while Tara makes her getaway.
Sookie sneaks into her own house, where she is captured by Maryann and appointed the "maid of honor" of her sacrificial ritual. Bill shows up and offers to trade Sam for Sookie, which Maryann agrees to. Eggs stabs Sam and Maryann rubs the blood on her body. But Sam isn't dead, because he drank Bill's blood, and he think-tells Sookie to destroy the nest and egg and disrupt the ritual. She does, Maryann chases her into the woods, and Sam transforms into a bull and kills Maryann.
Eggs with Bacon, Cheese and Brains
Eggs was deeply disturbed by the recent happenings and begs Sookie to help him uncover his actions during his blackouts. She agrees, and he finds out that he has killed several people. He holds Andy at knifepoint, begging to be arrested, and Jason shoots him in the head.
Shortest Engagement ... Ever
Bill takes Sookie to a fancy dinner and proposes. She is confused at first, but takes a moment to compose herself and realize she wants to marry him. She returns to find the restaurant ransacked and Bill missing. Two seasons down, three to go! Holy hell.
Where the Hell is Bill?
Sookie needs help finding Bill, but Eric is too busy banging Yvetta and Tara is too pissed that she told Eggs all the stuff he did. So she and Jessica find the body of one of Bill's abductors, which has a mysterious tattoo that means he is connected to Operation Werewolf. She plays the Godric card to convince Eric to help her, and he reveals that he and Godric hunted a pack of wolves in 1945 whose master was a vampire and who grew strong off vampire blood.
On Sookie's porch, he warns her that it's not safe, then senses something and pins her to the wall until she invites him inside. There, they find a wolf, waiting and growling.
Sookie shoots the wolf, but Eric dives in front and takes the bullet so they can interrogate it. As soon as it sniffs Eric's V blood, the werewolf shifts back into a person and begins drinking. Eric can't hold back his rage and kills the man, but not before Sookie overhears him think, "Jackson." They bury the body while Sookie makes plans to go to Mississippi. Eric urges her not to.
After This Funeral...We'll Be Riiiggght Back
Sookie and Tara bury the hatchet at Eggs' funeral, which Sookie pays for and they are the only ones who attend.
Now Back to the Show!
Back at Merlotte's, Sam notices Sookie's engagement ring. She tells him she is leaving town to look for Bill and wants him to look after Jessica. He agrees, and then hires her as a hostess.
Sookie is continuing the never-ending job of cleaning her wrecked house after the wolf attack when a large bearded man appears, frightening her until he identifies himself as Alcide, sent by Eric to protect her. He explains that a dangerous gang of werewolves have taken root in Jackson, and his girlfriend Debbie recently left him for its leader, Coot.
Alcide and Sookie head to Jackson, to a werewolf bar called Lou Pine's, where she manages to pick up a lead on Bill from the thoughts of a biker named Gus. But when Gus tries to rape Sookie (seriously, EVERYONE wants to bang this chick), Alcide jumps in and rescues her.
She tends to his wounds and asks about Debbie, and he says his sister Janice still hears from her. They are interrupted when Bill calls Sookie and dumps her over the phone, because he's just had sex with Lorena. Alcide suggests that perhaps she doesn't know Bill as well as she thought she did, and the first sparks of romance between them are born (seriously, Everyone).
If You Can't Find Bill, Bill Will Find You
Sookie insists they keep looking for Bill so she can get dumped face to face, and she asks Alcide to take her to Debbie and Coot's engagement party back at the bar. Sookie calls Janice and has her come over for a trampy Lou Pine makeover, and she reads Janice's thoughts to learn that Debbie is actually being initiated into the pack that night and is addicted to V.
Alcide returns home to find Sookie dressed like a biker chick. After she shares what she's learned, Alcide agrees to join Sookie at the bar. Sookie starts pounding shots before being accosted by Debbie, and Alcide again comes to her aid.
Russell Edgington appears and gives the wolves shots of his blood, sparking a howling feeding frenzy with everyone transforming into werewolves. Alcide yells at Sookie that it's time to leave.
Coot pays Bill a visit to say Sookie is having sex with Alcide, which enrages him to the point where he's able to overpower Coot and his guard and escape (Because Bill is being held captive at Russell's). He goes right to Sookie and tells her she's in danger, and Russell and crew immediately show up and capture them both. But not before Sookie fires a blue orb of light at Coot, astounding Russell.
They are brought back to the mansion, where Tara is also being held prisoner by the vampire Franklin, and Bill is sent to the slave quarters to be killed by Lorena.
Russell interrogates Sookie about what she is (she speculates an alien), and he delights in telling her that Bill was keeping a file on her.
Escape from Mississippi
Tara gets all hopped up on V, bashes Franklin with a mace and frees Sookie. They fight their way out, but Sookie insists on going back for Bill. She finds him barely alive and being tortured by a sobbing Lorena.
Sookie is about to free him when Lorena attacks her, and the distraction of her unusually delicious blood allows Bill to use his last bit of energy to throw his silver chains around Lorena. Sookie stakes her, and Alcide and Tara are helping wrap Bill for daytime transport when Debbie bursts in with a gun. Tara think-tells Sookie to create a distraction and tackles Debbie, while Alcide recovers the gun and fatally shoots a charging Coot.
They lock up Debbie and the entire gang makes the escape. In the back of Alcide's van, Bill attacks Sookie and nearly drains all of her blood. Tara kicks him into the sunlight, where he just smokes a bit instead of bursting into flames.
Welcome to Faerieland
At the hospital, doctors cannot identify Sookie's blood type and say her system rejects transfusions. She remains comatose, entering a dreamlike state with Claudine as her guide. She urges Sookie to join her and her kind in their home, but that she must swim to get there. Sookie says she can't because her parents died in a flood, and Claudine says that's a lie. Just then, a large shadow falls over the land, and Claudine begs Sookie not to give her light to the darkness.
Back in the waking world, Bill gives Sookie his blood to heal her (they're just trading it back and forth at this point), and she wakes up screaming, as her last memory is Bill attacking her. She calms down and they make peace with the fact that they'll never have a normal relationship. He pledges his eternal love for her and goes home.
Everyone Hates Bill
Jason and Andy urge Sookie to press charges against Bill, but she tells them it's over and that it wasn't his fault. Jason says if Bill goes near her, he'll kill him. And Tara tries to convince her that Bill is just as dangerous and Franklin.
Alcide learns that Debbie and her pack torched his sister's salon, so he has to leave. He asks Sookie to go with him, but she says if she's in trouble, Bill will come. They share a tender moment, saying that if they knew what was good for them, they'd just have fallen in love with someone like the other.
A Warning from Hadley
Queen Sophie-Anne's human lover is Hadley, Sookie's cousin. She brings a warning from Eric that Russell is searching for her and that she shouldn't trust Bill. She leaves in a hurry, saying she hopes Sookie can forgive her. Sookie hears wolves howling nearby, and Debbie and two wolves bust into the house.
Reunited and it Feels So Good
Bill and Jessica come to Sookie's aid, killing the two companion wolves while Sookie fights off Debbie. They wrestle over a shotgun, and Sookie slashes her face with scissors. She gets the gun and fires a shot into the wall, saying she won't miss twice. Russell and Bill fight until Eric stakes Talbot, then Russell wails in despair and runs off. Bill rushes inside and apologizes, Sookie says she loves him and they have wild makeup sex and get back together.
Sookie confronts him about having a file on her, and he says he was trying to figure out why Eric has shown such an interest in her. He has a dream-state encounter with Claudine, who tells him Sookie is a faerie. He breaks the news, as well as the fact that the fae were nearly eradicated by vampires, who find faerie blood intoxicating. He assures her that he loves her and isn't with her just for her blood.
A Pointless Sidestory with Hadley
Sookie meets Hadley at the aquarium, as well as her son Hunter. Hadley begs Sookie to find out if he's telepathic, which she confirms after a brief convo of the mind. Hunter is never mentioned again.
Eric again tells Sookie not to trust Bill, which she later questions at Fangtasia. He makes out with her (because his biggest regret would be to meet the true death without doing so), then kidnaps her, drags her to the basement and puts her in a neck shackle. But it's all part of Eric's grand plan.
Bill storms into Fangtasia demanding to know where Sookie is, but Pam sprays him with silver and they fight. Sookie gets free and helps bind Pam, but Eric and Russell capture them as they flee.
Russell isn't buying Eric's claims that Sookie is a faerie and that her blood will allow him to walk in the sun, so he tells Eric to go first. Bill is chained while Eric and Russell drink from Sookie.
Once outside, Eric handcuffs himself to Russell as they slowly begin to burn. At Russell's badgering, Sookie uses a burst of light to break the handcuffs and another to slam Russell into a wall. She drags Eric inside and gives him blood to heal, and he insists they save Russell because Godric commanded it. Instead of killing him, they bury him in concrete at one of Alcide's construction sites, but not before Sookie puts Talbot's remains in the garbage disposal and laughs maniacally.
As the cement pours over Russell, Bill silvers Eric and tosses him into another pit. He then orders a hit on Pam.
Finding out the Truth
Bill goes to Sookie and tells her he took care of Russell and Eric, because both had tasted her and it wasn't safe. He plans to kill any vampire who knows that Sookie is a faerie, including the queen, even if it means not being in her life. She's about to stop him from leaving, but then the door blasts open and a concrete-covered Eric walks in after being saved by Pam (who killed the vampire sent to kill her).
He asks Sookie if she knows Bill was initially sent by the queen to find her because of what she is, and that he let the Rattrays beat her up before stepping in so that they could form a bond with his blood. She demands Bill get out and never speak to her again. She tells Eric to leave, too, before rushing to Gran's grave and sobbing that she's never felt so alone. Claudine and a bunch of faeries show up and tell Sookie she is not alone and to come with them. She holds out a glowing hand and disappears with the fae.
Back to Faerieland
Claudine introduces Sookie around the faerie realm, where she finds Barry and her grandfather, who claims he's been there only a few hours when in reality he's been missing for 20 years. She refuses to eat the glowing Lumiere fruit, enraging the queen, who tries to force feed it to her.
Queen Mab blames her for letting a vampire taste faerie blood and declares they are now harvesting humans. Sookie hits her with a light shot, and the realm is revealed to be a barren wasteland and the faeries ugly decaying creatures.
Aided by another faerie who claims there is a faction that doesn't agree with the crown, Sookie and her grandfather flee and land in a cemetery, where he ages rapidly and turns to dust before her eyes.
Sweet Home Louisiana
Sookie returns home to find it being remodeled by contractors who call the cops when she declares it to be her house. Jason, now a full-fledged cop, is the responding officer, and he informs her the 10 minutes she was gone was actually a year and that everyone thought Bill killed her. So he put her house up for sale, and Eric bought it and installed a coffin cubby basement.
A very relieved Bill, now the vampire king of Louisiana, arrives and tells everyone she was on official vampire business to help her avoid questions. She goes along with the lie. Because he owns Sookie's house, Eric believes he owns her and her "sunshine in a pretty blond bottle" faerie blood as well. She rebukes him, but he urges her to embrace her faeriehood and let go of her feelings that she is merely human.
Bill, then Barhopping
Sookie pays a visit to Bill, asks him to get Eric to stop trying to own her and asks how he became king. When he balks, she says something snotty that leaves him looking heartbroken. She goes to Merlotte's, meets Arlene and Terry's baby Mikey and then reunites with Tara, who is more anti-vampire than ever.
Sookie goes to Fantasia and works on Pam, who urges her to accept Eric's offer. She finds Jessica drinking some dude in a bathroom stall and stepmoms her, but Jess says she can feed on whoever she wants and goes back to slurping Matt.
Eric Loses His Damn Mind
On her drive home, Sookie finds Eric shirtless and child-like, wandering the streets (because Marnie has cast a spell wiping his memory). He doesn't recognize her and just wonders why she smells so good. She brings him home, hiding from him the fact that he owns the place, but the truth comes out when she mistakenly calls Pam for help.
She travels to Schreveport, where she finds Alcide living with a sober and now-blond Debbie. She returns home late at night to find Claudine waiting for her. The Faerie Godmother insists she has saved Sookie's life several times and begs her to join the fae. Before she can respond, Eric bites, drains and kills Claudine, then frolics in the sunlight in a swamp.
As the blood wears off, he begins to smolder, but still refuses to come out until Alcide and Sookie force him. Bill comes by looking for Eric, and Sookie lies and says he's not there. He has bad dreams, and Sookie comforts him, stroking his hair while he lays his head in her lap.
Enter the Coven
Sookie confronts Holly about the witch group, then reads her mind to learn about Marnie and the Moon Goddess Emporium. She heads there after work and asks for a reading, and Gran comes through and tells her to stay away from Marnie and leave immediately. She heeds the advice.
Tara and Sookie are eating ice cream in the living room when Eric wakes. Tara, startled, goes after him with a fire poker and yells all the atrocious things he has done, none of which he remembers. He is remorseful and says he would never want to do anything to snuff out Sookie's light. He leaves the house, but she asks him to stay, and they kiss. Then Bill barges in and arrests him for treason.
Bill requests that Eric meet the true death, but then decides to let him go because the "new" Eric seems to love Sookie. Eric and Sookie reunite in the woods and make sweet, sweet lovin.
Don't Expose the Magwai to Direct Sunlight
Bill gets word that Marnie/Antonia plans to cast a spell that will force all vampires out into the sun, so he brings over some silver chains to keep Eric undead and can tell they've been intimate (which is how you never describe vampire sex). Sookie keeps him company throughout the experience, and he asks her to remove the chains so that her last memory of him to be something better. Also, he believes the spell might be strong enough that the silver won't work anyway. She reminds him that the last time he was silvered, he had sacrificed himself in an effort to save her. But he doesn't want those memories back, because he is happy with what he's become.
Jason shows up, and Sookie tells him about the spell, sending him rushing to save Jessica.
After they survive the day, Sookie takes off the chains, but Eric doesn't heal. She gives him her blood, and then he offers his so they can be one. She drinks and they get it on again.
Sexy Time Ends, Fighting Begins
Eric and Sookie take a break from their sexathon to inform Bill they will fight for him. The witches and vampires face off in the graveyard, and Sookie is nearly staked in the battle. She yells that she's not a vampire and shoots a light beam at her attacker. She gets shot and is lying on the ground, bleeding, when Alcide scoops her up.
Bill intercepts them and they go to Sookie's house, where they try to make her drink Bill's blood. When she wakes up, she immediately asks where Eric is, frustrating Alcide, who just went to all that damn trouble to rescue her. So he storms out of the house, and Sookie dreams of a world where there's enough room in her heart for both Bill and Eric. She says she loves them both, and all three start to have sex. Literal dream. Not the aspirational kind.
Breaking into the Moon Goddess Emporium
Debbie, who is aware that Alcide rescued Sookie, buys V and stops by with flowers, telling Sookie she wants to mend fences and offers to help. Using telepathy, Sookie thinks her genuine. They drive to the Moon Goodess Emporium, and while Debbie creates a distraction, Sookie breaks in through a back window.
She searches for Eric, who she finds in a dazed state. An armed Tara orders Sookie to leave, but not before telling her telepathically that Marnie is holding them hostage and what the next move is. They stage a fight so Tara won't look like a traitor, and Sookie escapes with Debbie.
Out with the New, In with the Old
Sookie arrives at the "Festival of Tolerance" just in time to warn Bill as Marnie/Antonia's contingent of entranced vampires start killing people. Eric attacks Bill, Sookie shoots them with her light beam to break it up and Eric's memory is restored.
Still, he claims the "new" Eric is here to stay and professes his love for Sookie, even though she still loves Bill.
Bill and Eric decide to take out Marnie/Antonia once and for all, and they tell Sookie to stay the hell out of it. She, as usual, does not listen.
The End of Marnie: Part 1
Jason asks if Sookie if he can stay with her for a while, because Hoyt has moved in with him after his breakup with Jessica and is a drag. She tells him Bill wants to blow up the Moon Goddess Emporium with Tara, Marnie and all the other witches inside, and they must rescue Tara.
Lafayette, Sookie, Jason and Jesus try to figure out how to break the protective shield outside the coven, and Jesus uses his demon head to bypass it and enter the building. Tara and Holly use a chant to break the protection spell and rush outside, but Marnie's incantation teleports everyone but Jason back inside.
Marnie agrees to trade Sookie for the lives of Bill and Eric, but that plan goes to hell and she casts a spell causing the vampires to walk towards the shield. As Jason unsuccessfully tries to hold back Bill and Jessica, he think-tells Sookie to stop whatever is going on. She uses her faerie power to break the spell, Jesus and Lafayette break the possession and Antonia breaks the shields. The vampires rush in, and Bill kills Marnie.
The End of Marnie: Part 2
Everyone is celebrating Halloween at Merlotte's when Alcide enters and tells Sookie he has broken up with Debbie. He says he is finally seeing clearly, and she should do the same. She reponds that she can't change who she loves, even though she's tried. He tells her to try harder.
Tara checks up on Lafayette and finds that he has killed Jesus, as he is now possessed by Marnie's spirit. She rushes to Merlotte's to warn Sookie and Holly, who predict "Marfayette" will go after Bill and Eric.
They find her/him trying to burn the vampires at a stake, and the three of them combine to cast a spell that brings the spirits from the graveyard back from the beyond. Gran and Antonia convince Marnie to come rest with them in the afterlife, and everything ends peacefully.
That is, of course, until Debbie breaks into Sookie's house with a shotgun. She points the weapon at Sookie, but Tara pushes her out of the way and takes a shotgun blast to the head. Sookie wrestles the gun away from Debbie and shoots her in the face. She cradles Tara's body in her arms, screaming for help.
And if you mother effing believe it, we've only got one season left! I say that kindly to both readers who have made it this far.
Lafayette convinces Pam to turn Tara into a vampire in exchange for Sookie helping repair Pam's relationship with Eric (who was pissed after Pam fired a rocket into the force field, which could have injured Sookie). Pam feeds her blood to Tara and bites her, and Sookie and Lafayette bury them together.
Lafayette helps clean up Debbie's body, asking why they don't just call the police (cops believe the white girl), and Sookie says it wasn't self-defense and that she wanted to pull the trigger. They go to Lafayette's to dispose of Jesus' body, but it's gone. Sookie takes a shower and remembers when Tara befriended her by beating up a boy that was picking on her.
There's a knock at the door, and it's Alcide warning Sookie the Russell Edgington is back. He says she should go with him, and she's about to tell him about Debbie when Lafayette comes downstairs and tells him to leave.
The next day, Tara emerges from the ground at lightning vampire speed and bites Sookie. Pam pulls her off and puts her in Sookie's house, where she destroys everything in sight. Because that place has been a mess for five seasons and they just cleaned up all the blood.
As daylight approaches, Lafayette cuts his arm to entice Tara, and Sookie nails her with some silver chains as they drag her to the basement. In the cubby, Lafayette tells Tara they made a mistake, and he's about to stake her when Sookie overhears his thoughts, stops him and convinces him that Tara deserves a chance because she is still new. But that's not cool, because Tara HATES vampires.
Tara wakes up after sundown, tells Lafayette and Sookie that she'll never forgive them, then rushes out the door.
Finding Tara (Lots of Tara Early in Season 5)
Sookie goes to Fantasia and begs Pam to track down her progeny, but Pam is disinterested and they flex vampire/faerie nuts before Sookie leaves. Lafayette checks everywhere, and by everywhere, I mean like three or four places. They eventually find her in the walk-in freezer at Merlotte's, where Sam put her after feeding her endless bottles of Tru Blood.
Sam flips out on Sookie for her role in turning Tara, but she says that Tara would've died had she done nothing. Sam mentions that his brother recently died in his arms, and he wonders if he should have done more to give him a second chance, like Sookie did.
Lafayette and Sookie both work that day to make sure no one else finds Tara, but Lafayette is more paranoid about getting caught over Debbie's death after Andy questions Sookie about the disappearance. She tells Lafayette to stay strong, but she is seen trembling with fear.
Alcide stops by the bar to ask if Sookie knows anything about Debbie's whereabouts, and she lies. The truth comes out after Tara throws Lafayette through the freezer door, tells Sookie to stop playing dumb and threatens to kill everyone. An angry Alcide yells that he's had Sookie's back since day one, and yet she lied to his face. She responds by nicely asking if he plans on telling anyone. He's like, for real? and walks away without a word.
Lafayette is pissed Sookie told someone their secret, especially after he covered for her so many times. He tells her that of course she will survive, but she always leaves a trail of bodies behind her, calling her the the angel of death and leaving her crying.
She rushes to Jason's and confesses everything, but he wants to help her, not arrest her. Jessica overhears from the bedroom and is equally shocked by what happened to Tara. So now instead of two people knowing, pretty much everyone does.
Curses, Wolf Sex and Vampires
While Sookie overhears everyone at Merlotte's blaming her for turning Tara, Lafayette goes all demon head, speaks in tongues and levitates and curses her car. She is driving later when her gas pedal floors itself and her brakes don't work. She dive rolls out of the car just before it hits a pole. A bruised and dazed Sookie goes home and starts drinkin'.
After Lafayette finds her wrecked car, he calls to make sure Sookie is okay. He says he's coming over, but then there's a knock at the door, and she tells Lafayette that she's just fine. It's Alcide, who explains that he spoke to Debbie's parents and covered for her, and she invites him in for a drink. She straddles him, they kiss and they're finally about to have sex when she throws up on his shoes.
Tracking Russell (Again)
Bill and Eric show up, ruin the moment further and they all set out to once again find Russell Edgington. Using Sookie to read the mind of a glamoured construction employee, they trace him to an abandoned asylum, where they find a fully recovered Russell wondering what took them so long.
A wolf-vampire battle ensues, with Bill and Eric killing two werewolves while Sookie holds a charging Russell at bay with her faerie light.
As they debate whether to kill Russell or bring him to Roman, an Authority strike team arrives and rounds everyone up.
In order to save their lives, Eric glamours Alcide, tossing in that he'll now be repulsed by Sookie while still protecting her, while Bill works on an un-glamourable Sookie. He tells her it will be like they never met, and she will live her life as she was meant to, in the sun with others like her, as a human.
Alcide drives Sookie home, but has no recollection of how they got there or why Sookie is crying. The next morning, she uses her telepathy to restore his memory. His temper flares up over JD attacking him and the trouble Bill and Eric caused, and he storms off, leaving Sookie to sullenly mutter "bye."
The Faerie Nightclub
Jason tells Sookie about the faerie nightclub Hot Wings, and she demands he take her at once. But he can only find the field, so she senses the entrance and pulls him through. Inside, she finds Hadley with Claude, and they ask him if it's true that a vampire killed their parents (which Hadley accidentally let slip earlier). He only knows what Claudine told him, that mom and dad were killed by a vampire who smelled something in the back of their car -- a Band-Aid with a drop of Sookie's blood on it. She is distraught at the news, but Jason assures her it was not her fault.
After she tries and fails to procure a light beam from her hands, Claude and Claudette tell her that because she is only half-faerie, she has a finite amount of magic. When it's gone, she's no longer fae, so she has to be careful when she uses it. She is intrigued at the thought of being human.
The next day, Jason finds Sookie trying to drain all her faerie power because she's tired of being a freak, but he convinces her that it could help them later on, particularly when it comes to learning about their parents.
What's a Warlow?
The faeries agree to help Sookie figure out which vampire killed her parents, so they all meet on the bridge where the murders happened. They tell Sookie to connect with her mother, and suddenly she is her, watching as a vampire kills her husband and then her. She jumps to the perspective of the vampire and watches as she kills her mother and finds the Band-Aid. Claudine shows up and drives the vampire away.
Back in reality, the fae are upset that Sookie phsysically bonded with the killer, who Claudine called "Warlow." Later, Warlow appears to Sookie in a vision and says he is coming for her and "you are mine."
The Old Person Channel
Lafayette agrees to help Sookie figure out why she is connected to Warlow, and he receives a message from Gran that she is "sleeping on top of it." Sookie finds a box full of mementos under the bed, and one newspaper clipping mentions that Sheriff Bud was the person who found her parents' bodies. She goes to his home and inquires about the case.
He remembered the evidence of the vampire attack, but because no one knew vampires existed yet, authorities assumed they were gator bites. She reads his mind and can tell he's hiding something, but it's also clear he doesn't know anything about any Warlow. Then a fat chick named Sweetie hits Sookie over the head with a frying pan and tells Bud to grab the body.
How Does Sookie Get Caught Up in this Stuff?
Sookie wakes up by a pigpen, bound, next to an unconscious Hoyt. Turns out Bud and Sweetie, who is the Obama Mask Cult's Dragon, are behind all the attacks on supernatural beings. They plan on killing both Sookie (because she's a mind-reading freak) and Hoyt (because he declined to kill Jessica when he had the chance). Bud forces Sookie to drink ginger ale laced with Oxycontin and throws her in the pigpen, but Sam, who had shifted into a pig, shifts back and catches her.
Sam takes out the Obamas, while Luna goes after a fleeing Sweetie. Andy and Jason pull up onto the scene, Andy kills Bud and Sookie points Jason to a very-weak Hoyt. She refuses medical attention and goes home.
File Under Out of Left Field
Sookie is visited by faeries who bring her food and inform her that vampires are the ones destroying the Tru Blood factories, leading to an uptick in reported feedings. There's a knock at the door, and it's coroner Mike Spencer. Fearing for his safety, she invites him in. He bares fangs and bites her leg, and she stakes him with chopsticks from her takeout order while he drinks.
Andy processes the crime scene and assures he she won't be prosecuted. Then they trade creepy stories about Mike.
The First Faerie in 300 Years
Jason picks up Sookie from her home, despondent over Hoyt's departure and the lack of leads into their parents' murder. She tries to console him before a rereading of Gran's message leads them to a metal box located in a compartment under the floorboards. The box Sookie found was just a distraction.
Inside, they find a scroll covered with arcane symbols. A 500-year-old faerie named Maurella is the only one who can read it, and she identifies it as a contract written in 1702 that states Mr. M. Warlow is entitled to John William Stackhouse's first fae-bearing female heir. And no faerie girls were born in the family in three centuries, until Sookie came along.
The Faerie Elder
Maurella and Claude lead Sookie to the Faerie Elder, who says that her's and Warlow's paths are intertwined. Jason interrupts from the field, shouting that Russell is free and hunting for her. Sookie gathers the fae and urges them to fight Russell as opposed to just sitting back and doing nothing. Some disagree, but the Elder sides with Sookie.
After the meeting, Sookie and Jason have a heart to heart, and he vows to fight alongside her. Instead, while keeping lookout, he is glamoured by Russell and leads him and Steve Newlin to the faerie field.
A Showdown with Russell
The Elder tries to fight Russell with her photokinesis, throwing Steve across the field (and also hitting Jason). But Russell is too quick and drains her. Full of faerie blood, he can now see the sanctuary, and he walks towards it as all the other faeries shoot their light beams at him. With her dwindling powers, Sookie is unable to sustain her attack.
Russell continues to push forward, believing the faerie blood makes him immune to the light. Right before he gets to the door, Eric ambushes and stakes him. Sookie rushes to help Jason.
Eric, Nora and Tara ask for Jason and Sookie's help to save Bill, who has become entrenched with the new Vampire Authority and its fanatical belief in the god Lilith. She agrees, and they arm themselves with weapons from the Stake House and infiltrate the Authority compound. Once inside, Eric kills everything that approaches them, while Jason revels in the violence against vampires.
After they free Pam and Jessica, Eric orders the group back to the elevator, while he and Sookie go after Bill. They find him in the sanctuary, where Bill is about to drink Lilith's blood. Sookie urges him to return to his old self, but he is tired of his life and for always apologizing for being a vampire. He claims he has no real feelings for Sookie, drinks the blood, begins to bleed from his eyes and mouth and melts down to a puddle.
Sookie is devastated, and Eric comforts her. But then Bill rises again from the pool of his own remains, bathed in blood like Lilith and baring sharper, longer fangs. Eric yells for Sookie to run while Bill growls demonically.
They join Pam, Nora, Jessica, Tara and Jason in the elevator and prepare to flee the compound, with the vampires' fangs bared and Jason's gun at the ready. Jason shoots one vamp as the doors open, and he runs up the stairs screaming "I'm coming for you Warlow!" Nora asks "What do you know about Warlow?" and the season ends with that.
What's Next For Sookie?
I mean, who knows, really? At this point, what hasn't already happened? Outside of having sex with Warlow, which is entirely possible because she's already slept with everyone else. It's clear that she's not going to end up with Bill at this point, since he's a god-infused demon hell bent on the destruction of humanity, but with friends like Eric, Pam and Tara, she's not going to be able to take an anti-vampire stand, either.
As I said in Bill's profile, the only thing I can see happening is that Bill does terrible things and at the end, faced with destroying Sookie, he'll make a big sacrificial gesture that vindicates all the evil and shows his true bond with her. But God forbid there's a season 7, because then it'll just get ridiculous. That's just my speculation, though. What's yours?
And ooohh hot damn, we did it! Five weeks and approximately 80,000 words later (seriously, this profile alone is more than 9,000), we've traced the individual stories of nine main True Blood characters. It was truly interesting for me to write, but also completely obnoxious, so I hope you enjoyed it. I feel like I'm now qualified to speak as a True Blood expert, or at least I should seek out some sort of bar trivia contest. Now there's only one thing left to do: Watch the True Blood premiere Sunday night at 9pm on HBO!