I've been watching True Blood
for seven years now. It's been a long, sometimes frustrating, mostly bizarre, and incredible seven years. The vampire show that transcended vampires and actually turned out to be a comedic, political/social satire, has come to a bloody end, and I couldn't be more simultaneously sad and relieved. It's been so, so (un)real, HBO. Before we say goodbye forever, let's talk about how the series finale, "Thank You," could have been more rewarding.
The Jessica-Hoyt Storyline That Came From Nowhere
True Blood is available on Amazon Prime.
I was okay with the death of Jessica and Hoyt's love affair. Hoyt is adorable and just the kind of guy Jessica would have dated as a human. He's sensitive, kind, and caring. A little bit too much of a mama's boy for my own tastes (pun totally intended), but hey. To each their own, right? Jessica betrayed him with his BFF Jason, and he ended up getting glamored and sent off to Alaska. I guess it makes sense that he would come back for his mom's funeral. And I guess he would have to run into Jessica. But did they have to resuscitate that relationship back to life?
And then FINE, okay. Let them get back together. But then allot a great deal of time to their union when almost no one cares? In reality, Hoyt would not have asked Jessica to marry him. JUST the other day, he found out who she was, and now he's cool with legally binding himself to her? I'm just not that optimistic.
And Jessica? She should not have agreed to marry him like that. I love Jess. She is a wild, free thing. She likes her independence, and she likes to have fun, and be in control. In fact, she slept with Jason just a few nights before even though she very well knew he was involved with the psychotic and possessive Violet. I didn't want to see her settle down with anyone, especially not Wholesome Hoyt. I just didn't buy it.
Jason + Bridget = BORING
Jason finally finds "true love" which, in Jason's book means not sleeping with a girl on the first date and then not cheating on her shortly after. Bridget, who was Hoyt's girlfriend until she wasn't, is totally into Jason because who isn't. He does her a favor by booking her a flight back to Alaska by "sweet talking" the Delta airlines woman. I'm sorry, but...does that actually happen in real life?
When we are given access to everyone's life ~four years later, Jason and Bridget are happily married, and have kids. It's nice. But we all know Jason is not the faithful husband type. Couldn't he have just stayed sweet and idiotic? Not every character has to grow and go through a transformation. Players can stay players.
Where was Lafayette?
Lafayette is everyone's favorite True Blood character. He's funny, soulful, zesty, and on point all the time. He's the best, and to rob him of screen time is a major travesty. I am happy he finally found someone who loves him, even if that someone is kinda one-dimensional and not very interesting. James sure is pretty, though.
Can We Have an Eric and Pam Spinoff?
I will say that I absolutely adored Eric and Pam's fate. Eric, at the very last second, realizes he's faster than humans, and kills off the Yakuza, using a glamored Sarah Newlin as bait. That scene was pretty sloppy and a little too fast, but whatever. That moment after Eric slays all the guys who are marching over to Sookie's house is priceless and very Night at The Roxbury, except Eric is covered in Yakuza blood. I will never forget Eric victoriously rocking out in that car.
Pam and Eric are now billionaires who own New Blood, and they have a very crazy Sarah Newlin chained up in their dungeon. Revenge is sweet, indeed.
Sookie, Sookie, Sookie.
Eh. What can I say. I am happy that Sookie is able to have the life she deserves. I'll be writing a separate piece about what I think about her and Bill (I know, I know, my prediction was completely wrong
), but for now I will say I understand why the writers did what they did. If Sookie stayed with Bill, the two of them would keep running into the same problems, because vampires are trouble, and Bill is especially troubled.
I also like that Sookie's new guy's face wasn't even shown. This is because True Blood is all about Sookie Stackhouse. It's not about the guys Sookie Stackhouse sleeps with. It's important that SHE is happy, and that SHE is enjoying life and her family and her town. I'm also happy that she didn't destroy her light, because that is truly what makes Sookie Sookie.
Overall, True Blood wrapped things up nice-ishly. Not perfectly. But you can't have it all.
(Image courtesy of HBO)