For the third blind auditions episode of The Voice
season 4, we get singers named Beckham, Iglesias and Julie Roberts,
none of whom are related to their famous namesakes. More importantly,
Adam Levine finally makes good on his promise to steal a country artist
from Blake Shelton. It's kind of like the end of There Will Be Blood
, which I'll explain later. It involves a straw.
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In this episode we also get our third duo making a team, which is the most in any season of The Voice
. In the past we've had two duos in every season but only one (season 1's The Thompson Sisters) survived the battle rounds. Maybe this could be the season where duos finally find some success.The Swon Brothers ("American Girl" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers)
These are two Southern gospel brothers. One is a super sexy dude who looks like a model (his name is Colton, and he could give Josiah Hawley a run for his money as the resident hottie of season 4), and the other brother looks like the lead singer of Smash Mouth. They refer to themselves as "the Face" and "the Talent," so at least they get it. They rock pretty hard and make me want to have a beer, which is weird because I hate beer.Coaches
: Blake Shelton, Shakira and Usher all turn around. The Swons are from Oklahoma, just like Blake, which gives him an edge. But Blake loses major cool points by making awful puns about their name ("You can say you s'won The Voice
. You're s'winners.") In spite of this, they join Team Blake
Taylor Beckham ("I'm Goin' Down" by Mary J Blige, originally by Rose Royce)
She's a 17-year-old who used to train to be an Olympic gymnast. I assume, since she's from Dallas, she's not related to David. She has a very young-sounding voice, like early Michael Jackson from the Jackson 5. I'm not very impressed.Coaches
: Shakira and Usher turn around. I'm always wary when only the newbies turn around, because it means the veteran coaches know the singer can't win, and I typically agree with them. The playful battle between Shakira and Usher is adorable as he plays the R&B card and she plays the female card. She joins Team Usher
Sam Alves ("Feeling Good" by Multiple Artists)
He's from Brazil and when he was two days old he was abandoned on a doorstep and raised by the people living inside. His biological parents even left a note that he still has. Um, is he a character in a fairy tale? Like, is his biological mother a magical creature from another realm who wanted to keep her son safe because an evil witch was trying to take him? I'm not sure since I don't watch it, but his life story may have been stolen by the creators of Once Upon a Time
: No one turns around
. It's pretty much because of the song choice. It's such a standard that it's hard to make it special and great. No one should ever sing it because I've heard it so many times on every singing competition show imaginable.Karina Iglesias ("I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge)
She's a vocal teacher for kids who is hip, but no relation to Enrique and Julio. She brings her grandma, who had a stroke and is in a wheelchair. Her voice has this weird quivering thing I don't totally like, but she does the chorus in Spanish, which is cool.Coaches
: Adam Levine and Blake Shelton play a game of button chicken, waiting until the very last second to turn around. Shakira feels muy malo for not pressing her button, and the show milks a lot of humor out of Blake being lost in translation. She joins Team Adam
. After the choice, Blake plays a game of gay chicken with Adam, hugging him tightly and giving all those Adam/Blake fan fic 'shippers a new GIF to watch over and over again.
Garrett Gardner ("Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes)
He got passed over in the blind auditions last season
. It's a bad sign that I recapped season 3 and I still don't remember him, or his weird poodle haircut. He has a very weird rasp.Coaches
: Shakira turns around at the very last minute. I'm happy, not because he deserves it (I'm not sure he does), but because if he got no one to turn around two seasons in a row, it would be like kicking this poor kid right in the balls. He's on Team Shakira
J'Sun, Duncan Kamakana and Chelsea M.
Next we get out first ever quick run-through of some winners. Soul singer J'Sun joins Team Shakira
, Hawaiian folk singer Duncan Kamakana goes to Team Adam
and pop singer Chelsea M. picks Team Usher
Holly Tucker ("Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks, originally by Bob Dylan)
She plays the sax in the Baylor marching band, but her heart is in country music, so we all know how this story is going to end. She's got a very pretty tone.Coaches
: After about one note, Adam, Shakira and Usher all turn, and after a little prodding, Blake turns too, all within the first 20 seconds of her performance. Once she tells the coaches that she's a country singer, the fight is on to steal her from Blake. Usher bonds with her over singing in the church (Adam adorably tries to get in by claiming he sang in his "Jewish church"). But none of that matters, because she joins Team Blake
. When it comes to country singers, Adam Levine is like Wile E. Coyote, always coming up short.
Landon Medvec ("You Give Me Something" by James Morrison)
He's a professional mover who looks like someone famous from TV, but I can't put my finger on it. It's not quite David Anders and it's not quite Duncan from Veronica Mars
, but it's someone in that realm. This is gonna bug me all week.Coaches
: No one turns around
. Usher and Blake actually thought he was a woman. He vows to come back again. Maybe by season 5 I'll figure out who he looks like.Michelle Chamuel ("I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry)
She introduces herself by saying "I think I represent nerdy people." You had me at "nerdy." I'm super duper in love with this gal already, and everything she says just makes me fall deeper and deeper in love. She plays in a band called Ella Riot (as in Ella Fitzgerald). If 30 Rock
's Liz Lemon was a self-confident 20-something, this is who she'd be.Coaches
: Adam, Shakira and Usher turn around. Michelle is very funny and quirky with them, which is only more endearing. I suspect she's gonna become a big fan fave on the Internet. She joins Team Usher
, which shocks everyone. Even Michelle is confused by her decision. I think there's a decent chance Adam Levine will steal her in the battle rounds.
Julie Roberts ("God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton)
She's from Nashville and already released two records when she got signed to a label and even performed on various TV shows and she's met Blake Shelton. Then she got diagnosed with M.S. and her home was destroyed in a flood. Yikes, that kind of makes the Julia Roberts jokes I was going to make seem excessive.Coaches
: No one turns around
. When Blake sees her, he's instantly embarrassed because he recognizes her. I always feel awkward when people who used to have successful singing careers (and who already have their own Wikipedia pages
) audition for this show and don't make a team.Monique Abbadie ("Loca" by Shakira)
She's Cuban and was on Sabado Gigante
, which seems to be the Spanish-language version of Kids Incorporated
. She also provides my single favorite moment of the entire season, because as soon as she starts singing a Shakira song, the look on Shakira's face is priceless. Here it is for you to enjoy.Coaches
: Blake turns around right away, but the other three coaches turn too. Monique's mom literally falls to her knees backstage. Blake doesn't even waste time campaigning because he knows she's picking Shakira. It reaches the point where all the other coaches tell her to pick Shakira, though Adam offers $100 to go with Blake for the comedic value and Monique has a crush on Usher. But none of that matters, because she joins Team Shakira
Warren Stone ("Colder Weather" by Zac Brown Band)
He's a firefighter from South Carolina. He used to play with a band for 13 years, but he settled down for his kids. The words "wholesome" and "All-American" seem to apply and he's got a sweet, strong voice to back it up.Coaches
: Adam, Blake and Shakira turn around. Once again it's a battle for a country artist where Adam is desperate to take his straw, which reaches all the way across the stage, so he can drink Blake's milkshake
. And against all odds, Warren picks Team Adam
. Adam Levine just drank Blake Shelton's milkshake! He drank it up!
So tonight Adam, Shakira and Usher all added three artists to their rosters while Blake picked up two more. We're halfway done with the blind auditions and exactly half the spots have been taken on the four teams.
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