Yeehaw, yeehaw, the "girls" are going to Texas! Naturally, Alexis wants to find cowgirl boots to wear in San Antonio, but none of them are pink and sparkly and high enough. Having lived in Texas, there is nothing more annoying than an Orange County Housewife shopping for cowboy boots.
In the lives of the Housewives not
going to Texas, Tamra's ex-husband, Simon, is in jail. He threw a retractable leash at Tamra and because Spencer was there he got arrested.
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Alexis, Peggy, and Fernanda meet Gretchen in San Antonio for their girls' weekend. They all have cowboy hats and diamonds on. Worried, Alexis couldn't find a horse to "test drive" before the big trip. Without their cowboy boots, the Housewives take on the river walk but BE CAREFUL THE STONES ARE UNEVEN. San Antonio is just not stiletto friendly.
Talk of Gretchen and Slade leads to a competition of how Peggy knew Micah was the one versus how Alexis knew Jim was the one. They compare lists, and Alexis feels blessed that she doesn't have to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes (that was on Jim's list). Gretchen drops a truth bomb: Peggy and Alexis didn't look for character traits so much as they looked at financial traits.
Back to Leash-Gate: Tamra has to take pictures of the retractable leash for her attorney. It has all the makings of an episode of Judge Judy
. Jeana, former Housewife and friend of Simon, texted Tamra a message that "a night in jail is punishment enough." Oh stay out of it, Jeana Keough! In the end, Simon getting arrested was enough for Tamra and they settled it.
On bull-riding night, the girls are getting smashed, Alexis in particular. They have themselves some Texas barbecue in a big advertisement for "Texas Pride." Alexis is letting loose, and she battles the ghosts of her eating disorder. To keep herself from eating too much food, she puts ketchup on everything, even the stuff the other women wanted to eat. They're all just so glad there's no DRAMA on this trip, though.
Alexis goes off about her marriage to Jim and cheating and how much better they are doing than everyone else. Peggy looked bored. Alexis is really coming out of her shell without Jim there.
As Vicki an Donn's relationship continues to stumble along, Tamra and Eddie meet them for dinner. The whole legal drama is wearing on Eddie. But at least Donn was able to remember that "that thing that cleans the ice at hockey games" is called a Zamboni.
All loaded up, the women hit the dance hall. Fernanda and Alexis danced together and it was not a scandal. There are real bulls there, and Gretchen names them Tamra and Vicki. Comedy, guys. When it comes to bulls of the mechanical nature, Peggy is not allowed to ride because of her boob job. They could burst or fly out or something. Alexis got up there in her teeny tiny denim shorts and the women approve of New Alexis--except Peggy!
Enter Angry Jeana Keough. Well, she just looks angry. Jeana and Tamra meet and pretend to be nice to each other. Upon meeting, Tamra immediately starts crying. Why are they meeting again? Jeana thinks Tamra called the police for attention. Tamra is upset that Jeana's opinions came out in the press. Team Jeana or Team Tamra?
Tamra has a breakdown because things with Simon are crappy and Jeana is mean. Eddie is there for her like a total champ. Eddie is a hero!(Image courtesy of Bravo)