Peggy and Micah are hosting their big, exclusive dinner party (you know, the one they hired Susan Feniger for -- but they don't want to do tacos because that's for pool parties). Dinner parties are THE thing for rich people to do, but I feel like they never go well on this show. Peggy is hoping that the Housewives will leave their DRAMA at the DOOR. Not likely, Pegs. I call her Pegs now because I feel like we've really gotten to know her over the last few episodes.
Gretchen is getting her hair done for the party and wonders if Eddie will be there. She thinks that men might as well light themselves on fire if they're going to date Tamra. Her stylist asks if she's going to marry Slade, and she's like, "Uhhhhh ..." because come on, she doesn't want to. Slade can't go to the party.
Eddie IS going to the party, so he has to pass the Vicki test first. Oh, and Donn is there, too. Tamra isn't surprised that Eddie and Donn get along because, "Eddie gets along with everybody." But Vicki is super awkward. You know what will break the ice? Talking smack about Slade. Some press came out that day about Slade and his court appointments and child support issues.
On the way to the party, everyone has a good time at Jim's expense. Nobody knows what he does, apparently. It is a little weird. At the party, Alexis shows up with her assistant instead of Jim. He had something to do because "he's a businessman." Alexis steals away to do important business things with her phone.
Peggy's table looks pretty phenomenal. Tamra, Vicki, Eddie, and Donn arrive and immediately they're like, "Where's Slade? Where's Jim?" Oh, this isn't going to go well. Peggy introduces a singer for the party, and Tamra and Eddie take the performance as an opportunity to prove that, as usual, they'd rather be having sex. Gretchen and Alexis, without their men, are super awkward about it. But seriously, STOP MAKING OUT ALL THE TIME.
Gretchen's assistant (or just gay friend? Gay friend) posits that Eddie is a hired escort. Well, that's kind of bitchy, but it's not Gretchen's fault. You know who doesn't care? Eddie. I like him. Donn asks Gretchen about Slade and laughs when she tells him Slade is with his kids. Basically no one thinks Slade is with his kids.
No sooner did they clink their wine glasses, then Donn notes that Gretchen looks like "the lady from The Munsters
." That's mean, but she totally does. Peggy's pissed because nobody is acting classy at her classy dinner party! Alexis gets all upset because she missed Jim so much. She's upset that she has to excuse herself, which is a little weird. Alexis is gone for 20 minutes, so Gretchen goes to check on her and finds Alexis crying. The party takes the opportunity to gossip about Jim and Alexis a little.
I feel bad for Alexis, even though I don't really understand why she's upset to that extreme. Tamra and Vicki excuse themselves to go eavesdrop at the bathroom door. It's just so rude for all the guests to leave the table for extended periods at a dinner party. Peggy asks if Alexis wants them to start without her and she's like,
"Pegs, you don't even know what's going on right now." As it turns out, Jim didn't want to hang out with all the Housewives and their significant others (go figure!) so Alexis had to lie and it caused her deep inner turmoil. Peggy tells Alexis to get it together or leave.
After the white wine, they toast some red wine, and Tamra makes a pointed comment about Slade and taking care of your kids. Tamra asks Vicki and Donn about kids, and it sparks an argument between them. It ends with Donn calling Vicki a bitch and Eddie smoothing things over because he was listening instead of reacting.
Poor Alexis' gay assistant, he was all alone forever. He leaves to check on Alexis and "powder her up." Vicki is plenty powdered up (liquored up) and makes fun of Alexis some more. I think I get why Jim didn't want to be there. Alexis gets back and makes a speech in front of the table excusing herself for being gone for the last hour or whatever. She maybe shouldn't have done that. It opened the door for even more speculation and criticism.
As the third (fourth? Who knows) wine was served, Alexis chastised Peggy for not being understanding enough. These ladies need the New York Housewives to take care of business and yell about some manners.
"OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Peggy doesn't say. The conversation turns to how Alexis can't make enough time for friends or something, and Alexis just CAN'T because she has kids and a husband and working out to take care of! At least Micah has some magic tricks to ease the tension.
At the end of the night, Alexis has realized that Gretchen is her only true friend, Tamra and Eddie want to make out and Alexis and Gretchen loudly laugh and yell over the poor singer Peggy hired to make it a nice, classy time.
Another successful Housewives dinner party! Whose team are you on?(image courtesy of Bravo)