Which 'New York Housewife' is the Thug in a Cocktail Dress?
Which 'New York Housewife' is the Thug in a Cocktail Dress?
Sonja arrives from the gym in another silly hat to meet LuAnn, who proposes a girls' trip to Morocco. Did this idea come from Sex and the City 2? LuAnn promises it is sophisticated and she will be speaking to the Minister of Tourism. That's a job!

No one except LuAnn knows what to expect but they all agree that a trip would be fun. Would it? Jill is hesitant because of her fight with Ramona. To help make amends, LuAnn gives Ramona the precious koala bear souvenir. LuAnn tries to teach Ramona some manners but she will not be told to hold in how she FEELS. Ramona agrees to try to talk to Jill.

Sonja is already having a photo shoot for her toaster oven cookbook. For a cookbook, it's pretty weird, gross, and extravagant. But I guess it's supposed to be kitschy and funny? The cookbook may not exist yet, but everyone saw Sonja's vagina.

The brunettes gather in a car for a trip to Canyon Ranch. Cindy didn't invite the blondes because she didn't want to/doesn't like them. In the car, Kelly tells the women about Sonja's vagina and Cindy is like, "I see them every day and I put jewels on them."

Kelly starts talking about being single, but all of a sudden it comes out that she was physically abused. Well, slapped. But you don't slap a lady! Kelly and LuAnn agree that Kelly deserves someone who is not demonic.

Once they arrive at Canyon Ranch, Cindy has gift bags for all the women. Jill opens it in the hotel lobby because she has not read LuAnn's book. The next day, the women go to a drumming class but Jill won't stop talking. The women go around and share something "nobody knows about them" but it's not exactly an open sharing circle. I feel bad for the leader of the class.

The blondes go to visit a cosmetic doctor. Ramona wants to get botox in her neck, Alex gets her face ... shaved? And Sonja gets her stomach sucked. Sonja is getting preposterous. But aren't we all?

After joking about "The Vagina Monocles," Kelly wants to make the conversation more serious and talk about abuse again. Then Kelly drops a bomb: she is not going to Morocco. I wouldn't! I think it's a good move, but LuAnn tells her, "YOU CAN'T MISS THIS TRIP." I typed that in all caps because of the gravitas in LuAnn's voice.

Jill is putting together gift bags for an anti-bullying charity event. Jill is upset that Ramona is coming to the event, and Alex thinks everyone is overreacting. Ramona showed up and she wanted to be calm but I think she was only successful in her mind. She yelled about the pinot grigio that she brought, then she and Jill spoke loudly to each other about how well they wanted to get along.

LuAnn showed up and acted pretty bitchy to Ramona. She was upset that Ramona didn't want her to wear David Meister and Ramona was like, "your signature look is Ungaro!" and I just don't know why they're even having that conversation. Then LuAnn mentioned that a lot of the women were reluctant to go on the trip because of Ramona. Alex and Ramona tell LuAnn that she is bringing negativity into the space.

In the most quotable moment of the season so far, Alex calls LuAnn "a thug in a cocktail dress." That's fair. Then Ramona drank all the wine that she brought for the silent auction.

Kelly has had a change of heart -- she's going on the Morocco trip. She and Ramona kiss and make up. Jill thinks Ramona has a drinking problem, as she has been hitting her signature wine pretty hard and it's early in the day. I feel Ramona though, sometimes things are just more fun with a glass of wine!

At the end, Jill's stepdaughter shares her story and it was the most sensible, eloquent thing that was said at the charity auction. Ramona didn't hear it all because she was wandering around looking for wine. To make Jill feel better, Ramona told her that she didn't even notice that her stepdaughter's face was "deformed." Oh God.

For the next three weeks, the Housewives will be in Morocco and it's going to be MAJOR! Oh my god this season.

(Image and video courtesy of Bravo)